Time marches swiftly on and waits for no one. Hours turn to days, days into months, and months into years. Nights blend to days as the earth travels around the sun, those months turn to seasons and the seasons mark the year. Nothing can bind the hands of time. Like a tightly wound spring our lives slowly wind down as the second hand ticks around the clock. Life has a limited amount of a lotted time. Like a grandfather clock that is wound daily and eventually winds down so does the body wind down. Wrinkles, gray hair and other signs are developed and shows the passage of time.
Days and night blend together with the lack of sleep I achieve, and still the night rushes towards the dawn. My mind clings to the events of the day and I can't seem to relax and let go. Up each night as hours count down, yet sleep eludes me this way. Every passing day my strengths wain and I sit in bed with demons yet to be slain. I don't really know if I am rational and sane, I just know that I can't continue on this way.
I never thought to reach this age, growing old has always frightened me. Now I am facing the end of youth and I see the writing on the wall. Though my days seem to speed up and my ending is coming soon. I never thought that my body would hold together for as long as it has. I have passed through the Spring and Summer of my life and now I am entering the Fall, before I know it it will be the winter of my life and I will see you no more.
When I was younger I could put so many things into a day, now I barely have time for mundane things. My days and night blend in motion and month pass so quickly. Years have seemed to pass in a blink of an eye, and what have I accomplished? What is the mark that I leave upon this world?
It is you my fellow friends those whose lives I have touched and made a difference in. You will be the ones that will carry me forward and remember me once I am gone. Nothing lasts forever, I hope that you will keep my spirit alive and in your heart. I have tried to be fair to all around me and spread my love and charity. It is my wish that you take my life as an example and gather hope and inspiration from how I have lived.
I have made many choices that have left me wounded and broken. I have learned from them and have tried to share those experiences with you. You are my legacy the ones that will remember me. Your thoughts of me will keep me alive in perpetuity. I love you all and wouldn't change a thing that I have done, I have gained knowledge and strength through every battle I have won. Keep me alive in your hearts and minds and I will live on forever. Hope, spirit, and vitality I bequeath to you and wish you a long and happy journey.
I have left so many opportunities unexplored and let my fear hold me back from becoming more than I am. I am a prisoner of my own design and I leave no regrets behind. As I age and grow older I have learned many things. One of them is that I love you all and I am glad to call you friend. Without knowing you I wouldn't have become the person that I am and I am thankful for the memories that you have given me. I wish I would have been better towards you and never made mistakes, but perfection isn't something that is granted man.
Every day that passes by I am looking for a chance to prove just how much this life has meant to me and I look to leave a lasting monument or testament to my life and I can't think of one. I have only you my friends and the work that I have left behind. My fondest wish was to make life easier for each of you and to show you that no matter what Hope is a gift that can survive through anything. I have had cancer, illness, tragedy and despair and through it all I have never lost my hope or faith. This is what I want for you to find and learn to live by.
Please understand there were so many things that I wanted to do and leave behind and unfortunately I have run out of time. It is late in my life that I have come to this. I put my talents and passions to the side and I chose business as my life, and though I brought some creativity into the field with my computer programs and designs. I could have done so much more if I would have followed my heart and chose writing as my career. I haven't created any memorable or lasting characters to leave behind. I have only my life and the lessons I have learned that I can leave to you. I never finished any of the books I have started and I haven't made it to the fame and fortune I once desired. I will only be remembered as your friend and I hope that you truly remember everything that we have been through.
Now as things wind down towards the close, I wonder if the curtain will rise again and show me another glorious morn. Sun bright and shining, birds gayly chirping and cattle nearby lowing those are the sounds that I hope to hear when the sun rises in the morning. I could have done so much more, been so much more but I was content to live my life this way. I made the most of each and everyday that I got to spend with you and I hope that you feel the same way. Some of you might not remember or it might be who could be wrong, but there is a strength with each new dawn. There is a promise in the air that things won't matter when this life is through, I often wonder if this is true.
I should have done more, helped more, and accomplished more, but I settled way too easily and turned my thoughts aside to help those I thought needed me at the time. Nothing was ever easy that is for sure, I struggled against the system and did things my own way. I didn't care if they were right or wrong as long as I got my way. Now, when I look back and see those eager faces I wished I would have told you more that you meant so much to me. It was you that I used to keep my troubles at bay. For as long as I remained focused on you, I could forget my shame and pain for just a little while. Several years ago I turned aside from my quest for fame, and decided that the best way to leave my name was to work through you to help you too. In that way I gained a measure of satisfaction and drove away my pain. I found inspiration in your need and felt so useful, but much to my chagrin I am not needed ever again. I am used up and my time is fading and I have nothing left but the waiting. I hope you understand that you helped me as much as I tried to help you, you were my distraction, the only way I knew to focus my gaze away from my faults and limitations. Through you I have searched and seeked redemption.
As this journey draws to an end I hope that you will remember that I was and always shall be your friend. I did my best and hope it was enough to give you the rest that you needed along the way. I hope that you see me in each new day.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
please read my entry called Marching Onward of Time
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