The Power of Words

We have talked about "Words" before and the power that they possess.  But one thing that I was unclear on was something that I discovered while reading a novel.  One of the writers in the Anthology I am reading stated that she didn't think that Words had power.  She believes that the true power lies in our ability to believe them.  She states that it boils down to three simple concepts: belief, trust and faith.  Simply stated she asks herself Do I believe the other person? Do I trust the other person? Do I have faith in them.  To her mind words are meaningless without these conditions.

But here is how I see it.  Words either spoken or written have power of their own.  In my mind it is the way in which the words are used which gives them the power over us.  Not our belief in them.  Humans use words in various ways most people in anger use words as weapons, to wound, tear down, and belittle others. But the opposite is also true we can use words to build up, encourage, strengthen and help others.  Sometimes words spoken in anger, where very little thought is given to the barrage that we launch at another person in the form of insults or defense or just plain to hurt can cause a lot of damage.  They can even create wounds that even time can't heal. These are the types of words that I am talking about.

The written word is even more powerful because it is open to the readers interpretation and can have various meanings and can be construed in multiple different ways.  Some people can twist and malign words to fit any need they have.  So be extremely careful when dealing with words.  Positive motivation can be use by using Words of Power, these are written statements that are memorized and repeated daily to engage the higher mind elevations.  We call these as mantras, words of power, or chants.  These types of words are used to align the mind, body, emotions and soul.  These are the components that allow us to visualize and manifest change upon the etheric plane.  Which once something is manifested on the etheric plane, it triggers the manifestation here on the physical plane.  Many mystics, seers, or students of metaphysics use creative visualization daily to manifest change into their daily lives.  Words when memorized and repeated daily can set up the mind to reach through the barriers between the planes of existence and cause manifestations to occur. 

So what is the lesson that I am trying to get you to take away from this post?  I am trying to teach you that you must be very careful with your words, they have more power and influence than you can imagine.  When you take our writers beliefs into account you can influence a person just by speaking to them.  Because they trust you, they have faith in you and they believe you.  You can cause damage without seemly meaning too.  The inverse is also very true.  When you speak out in anger without thought to your words you can wound, injure or even destroy a persons spirit and belief in you.  Your words can cause permanent damage that even time cannot change.  I urge each of you to use your words wisely, thoughtfully and with purpose. Be positive in their usage, use them to enhance, build up, uplift and strengthen others.  Use them as positive motivation to encourage yourself and open yourself up to positive influences in your life. Words or Power can draw and manifest things into your daily life that are extremely positive.

Take a mantra for manifesting positive abundance and prosperity and paste it somewhere that you will see it daily and repeat it every morning to yourself and you will be surprised at just how different your life becomes.  Here is an example try reading it every morning for a month and see if you don't manifest the positive benefits into your own life:

Words of power for material abundance
There is one power which is the perfect abundance and fulfillment.
And I _________________, and the perfect manifestation of this power.
The power working for me and through me, provides me with all the abundance and fulfillment which is rightfully mine.
I draw to me and create in my life all that I need in the world a form to fill my needs, This may come specifically in the form of money or material possessions or wealth and abundance.
I hereby release all cause effect manifestation form and essence and any channel within me which may have been preventing the appropriate flow of abundance in my life.
I draw upon the balance of the resources in the universe
for the good of all,
according to the free will of all,
And I am firm my own wisdom and understanding my needs, and how to fill them. I call to me just enough resources,
knowing I deprive none,
And I am not deprive myself,
I have just enough.
And so it must be.

Please try this and see if it doesn't work for you like it has for some of my friends.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

50 years and still going strong

Despite my many health issues and set backs on this very rough journey I call my life, I am surprised and amazed at reaching my 50 year mark.  I have come through some really difficult spots in the road, but I made it through relatively unscathed.  My personality and body have battle scars and show definite signs of wear and tear but all in all I am still going strong after all this time.  In this blog we have covered many of the battles I have faced and overcome, and many people get the wrong idea that I am a super strong person.  They think that I have gotten life and all it's mysteries figured out and they would be so wrong.  I am an everyday person who wakes up and faces demons both inside and out of my body.  I have a mental addiction to narcotics, and I suffer from severe depression and anxiety to mention just a few of them.

I am also plagued with self-doubt and self-worth issues, and I deem myself unworthy of finding and keeping love.  I repeat my own follies and don't seem to learn from my own mistakes, but I have learned that I have the gift of helping people and that by sharing my experiences in this journal of sorts many lives have been touched.  I see comments on Facebook and Google + that people leave me regarding what I write and it encourages me to express myself more.

I have just come through a health crisis that has left my body weak and tired.  I have found myself lying bed and sleeping most days away.  The doctor's tell me that my body is on the mend and that I should be getting my strength back and the sleepiness that I am feeling should fall away from me soon.  I hope this is true and that this really isn't a side affect of bout of depression which is keeping me locked down inside myself.  I find that when I write in my blog and I purge my soul to you my readers I sometimes feel better about my situation and I find the needed strength to carry on my daily activities and I can cope so much better with the stress and depression I have been feeling.

So here I sit at my laptop and I am pouring out my heart to you once again, even though I just wrote in you just yesterday.  But, I couldn't seem to drag myself out of bed today and literally slept till 5pm this evening. I did get up to go to the restroom several times throughout the day but I couldn't bring myself to crawl out of my room or leave my bed for more than 5 minutes at a time.  This is not my typical behavior and I am wondering if there isn't something more wrong with me that the doctors haven't figure out yet.  For almost 6 weeks I suffered from internal bleeding and on Thursday of this past week I had an endoscopy where the doctor went in cauterized the ulcer that he found bleeding and took some biopsies and sent me home.  I was told that I would feel sluggish for a little while, but this hit me 2 days after I had the minor surgery.  The at home nurse from Humana suggested that I may be suffering low blood counts with my hemoglobin so low from the blood loss that might be the reason why I am tired all the time.  I honestly don't know what my reasons are for feeling like this and I need to look at my schedule closely for the coming week to make sure that I don't miss any of my follow-up appointments because I am hoping to get back on the road to health and start doing stuff for myself and others again.

See, as I look back at what I have been through and all that I have accomplished during the past 25 years I am impressed with the amount of time, energy and emotion I have spent on taking care of others and how selflessly I have given of myself to making sure that my friends and family and extended family were well taken care of.  But, this year I have learned that I can't always take care of others for numerous reasons and that I have to be content and happy with whatever level others allow me to participate in their lives.  The first lesson is that you can't help everyone, and Second you can only help them if they want your help, otherwise you are meddling in things you shouldn't stick your nose into.  Third lesson that I learned is that I can't take care of anyone if I can't take care of myself.  Fourth and probably the most important lesson is that it is okay to focus on myself and say NO when I have too.  Which, brings me to the fifth and final lesson I cannot continue to give myself, my money, my energy, my love, and my all to everyone that asks for it.  I have to be selective and make sure that I am getting back from these individuals what I need to maintain my safety and security and health.  Because No one is going to look out for me but myself.

2018 was a growing and learning year for me and I have had to experience more issues and problems so I could learn these valuable lessons.  Which are lessons I should have learned a long time ago, but had been so busy trying to help others, and keep my mind occupied with their issues that I didn't have time to focus on myself or my own personal needs.  But I was forced this year to take a long hard look at myself and I discovered that by wrapping myself so completely with other peoples issues I was neglecting myself and my own problems and that brought me some serious health issues that I had to deal with over the summer like constant kidney failure, heart issues and long extended stays in the hospital.  I spent more time in 2018 in the hospital than I did in 2017 and almost as much as I did back in 2014 when I had my aneurysm and had to have my gallbladder removed and part of my stomach, then spent all of the fall that year in the hospital and rehab center because of osteomyelitis of the spine.

I have grown and learned a lot about human nature, the people I once considered friends, and about myself in 2018 and I am carrying that forward with me into my 50th year of life and 2019.  I have learned that many people have hidden agendas that we are never made aware of and they have ulterior motivations for everything they do.  Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately I am not like them, I am what you see is what you get kind of guy, and if I make you a promise I strive my hardest to make sure I make it happen. 

Medical science is still in it's infancy and still cannot predict with any certain accuracy when and if the human body is going to expire.  For years they have been telling me that I am not going to make it and every year there is something new that crops up in my life that has the doctors trying to tell me that I am not going to live to see my next birthday, and every year I find a way to make their predictions wrong.  One day I might not be able to succeed but not today!  My body with the help of the medication that I take daily has controlled the advancement of the diseases that I have been infected with and I am maintaining a sense of health that many of the medical professionals I see are baffled.  They can't figure it out and how I can keep going with so many issues wrong with me.

To me it's a no brainer, it isn't my time yet, and God isn't ready to call me home that there is some work left unfinished that I have to complete before my time on this earth is done. Plus, I haven't figure out how not to get up every morning and live.  I feel like I need to wake up daily and at least attempt to accomplish something.  Like today I feel that I needed to at least write in my blog to make some sort of achievement for today.  Yesterday, I accomplished a lot and I have so much stuff coming at me next week that I am going to be going non-stop.  I have back to back doctors appointment starting at 8am on Monday and going all the way till Friday with a rest of going to Court on Wednesday for my partner but again that is an early morning as well.

This year isn't going to be typical for me.  Ever since I lost all my relatives at Christmas the holidays haven't been special to me or held any special place in my heart.  Dominic and I have not spent a single Christmas together in 5 years until this year.  I don't really like to decorate or get presents or do the festive holiday themed things that everyone seems to get trapped by.  To me it is just another day of the year.  So far this year is turning out the same way and I am hoping that something will change this week that will make the difference for me and bring me back to the Holiday festivities and celebration.  But I am not really holding my breathe and counting on it.  But I am striving towards that as I write this entry. 

But here I am with 7 terminal illnesses, I am now 50 years old and I am still going strong. I am still looking out for my partner and friends and I am still taking care of myself. But I am now also following the lessons that I gleaned this year! That is the most important thing that I have found that I need to focus on myself first and take care of everything else after I have done that. 

I promise you that if you take the advice given in this entry you will have a more happy and fulfilling 2019.  Look forward to pampering and taking care of yourself first.  Let those that depend on you take a back seat for once to your own needs.  This is not selfish behavior it is truly human nature.  Like me you have fallen into the trap of co-dependency and you let other take advantage of you and use your kindness for weakness and your big heart has become a target for abuse and misuse.  Take back your power and live.  Please don't wait till you are 50 to learn the life lessons I have just now learned.  Something I should have known and exercised years ago.  Take care of yourself, Love yourself and then look at those around you and see who really is worthy to receive your love and energy, you might find like I did that none of them are worth it and have to move on.  If that becomes the case then so be it. AS Long as you are Happy nothing else matters.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Family Ties

This evening I am sitting here thinking back over my family and wondering what happened in my life that there are no Family Ties.  My mother and I are pretty close, I call her when I have the time and I am feeling up to it.  But, I hardly speak to my father or my brother.  I am trying to figure out what happened to these two relationships that makes them so difficult and hard for me.  My father and I got along pretty well when I stayed with him, but since I moved out and have tried to make it on my own we have had some troubled times and have shared some harsh words and feelings. 

My brother on the other hand we were closer when we were younger but ever since I moved to Atlanta back in 1997 we have drifted further and further apart and we hardly speak to one another unless something bad has happened in the family.  I see some of his posts on Facebook but I don't even have an address or phone number to contact him on. I have asked my mom several times to send me his number she says that she will and never does.

But my family hasn't always been this distant to one another. When my dad's mom was alive we were a much closer knit family, and all of the relatives talked and we saw each other quite often. Since her passing the whole family drifted apart and seemed to go their own separate ways. My dad's youngest brother died just last month in November and that leaves only my father as the last of my grandmother's children.  Though all of us grandchildren and great grandchildren are still around my dad immediate family line is completely gone except for him. This must make it lonely for him, though he drifted further and further from his family as the years went by it must be a terrible feeling knowing that you are the last one standing.

I really don't know what caused the rift in my own immediate family and I don't know what is keeping us so far apart from one another. I call my dad when I am go into the hospital, and I try to check up on him every couple of weeks, but he really doesn't reach out and call me like that unless it is my birthday or a holiday.  As far as my brother, I don't know what happened between us, when we are together we seem to get along fine and we talk to one another as far as I know there is no hard feelings between us or a reason that is keeping us apart.

I don't know maybe it has something to do with me being gay and always being in a relationship that has kept him away.  I don't know, or it could be that I have been sick for so long and everyone has thought I was going to die so many times maybe he doesn't want to get close to me because losing his brother to illness and death might be too hard to bare.  I really don't know the answer to that question.

How can a family turn out to produce 4 individuals that are so different from one another?  It is almost like we are total strangers to one another, we don't seem to confide in each other and we are all dealing with our own illnesses on our own and trying not to involve the other family members.  I think this is totally strange. I see so many families that are so close, that the brothers are best friends and are there for each other.  My family is nothing like that.

Maybe it is because of the difference in our ages. I am 7 years older than my brother and that is quite a bit of distance. He had to follow in my footsteps go to the same high school I went to and deal with the same teachers I had, who all probably remembered me.  Maybe there was too much comparison between the two of us as he was going to school and he felt like he was treated differently because I was so much older than  him.  Again, I cannot tell you the answer because no one has told me how they have felt.  Now back in June my father and I did have a heated discussion where he frankly told me that I have made his life miserable for the last 50 years and that I was making his death that much worse than it could be.  We have made up since then but the words still haunt me to this day.

No, I wasn't the perfect child and I missed some very important life lessons along the way, and I am don't know how to correct that which I have never picked up or learned.  I can tell you that I care deeply about people and I am a nurturer and that I try to take care of everyone around me.  Most people including my parents are not like that.  I may be stuck in a codependency issue at this point, because I feel like I need to take care of everyone and everything around me. Yet, many times I end up losing control of the situation and get myself hurt.

I struggle with these issues as well as self-esteem issues and self-worth issues as well and none of my immediate family seem to suffer from any of these problems.  Some of these feelings I can attribute to my early age of having cancer and the scars and surgeries that needed to be done to correct the issues that I had.  Some of these surgeries have left physical scars and permanent damage to my body that can never be reversed and at the age of 24 dealing with these life changing events can be traumatic. Not to mention that I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and in 2014 was diagnosed with PTSD. 

I am actively seeking help through VA counseling and seeking psychiatric help as well.  Nothing that my parents, military or friends taught me helped me deal with my body, illness and disability.  I have had to learn to adapt and cope with this on my own.  Luckily, I have made some very good friends along the way and have created a pretty manageable support network through them.  I also am a writer and I use writing as a sort of coping mechanism that helps me deal with the issues that I am facing. There used to be a time when I wrote every day, but I haven't had that luxury in several years, though I am trying to get back in the swing of it. Because believe it or not it really does help me calm myself and focus on the things that are relevant and important to me at the moment.  Writing not only allows me to express myself in words, it is an outlet where I can channel my frustrations and ask myself questions like I am doing tonight when talking about my personal family.

My writing is personal and based on my own life and experiences, it is an outlet and a medium where I can put my thoughts, ideas, poems, and prose into action to help others who may be facing or going through something similar to what I am going through at the moment.  Not everyone can benefit from what I write, but I am read by over a million readers a day and I have followers in 40 countries and that is something to be proud of. My words are reaching people across the world and who knows who might be benefitting from my experiences.

Every day I remind myself that I have no idea who might be watching me, who might be learning from me by seeing how I function on a daily basis, nor do I know who is reading and hearing my words.  That a simple casual conversation can lead you to an unexpected place.  Fate, Destiny and Karma bring us to the place that we need to be at exactly the right moment that we need to be there.  Plus God promises us that if we keep the Faith that he will not give us more than we can bear, for just as long as we can stand and will be with us through it all.  He will carry us when we falter and lift us up when we fall. 

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Finally Alone but not at Peace.

I am not sure how many of you remember my life, and history, but you can find it here in the pages and posts of my blog.  One of the people that used to care about me told me once that I shouldn't put all my business out there on social media for the world to see.  That I would learn better, now Reggie told me that back in 2015 and here we are 3 years later and I find myself still doing the same thing.  But here is what Mr. Williams didn't know or care to understand back then is that I am trying to redirect my personality, my desire to help other people instead of opening my home and providing everything for them like I used to do, I now use my life as an example to hopefully impart and pass on some of the lessons I have learned.  In this way I can actually reach and help more people than my feeble efforts I was attempting when I lived in Atlanta and Daytona.  It has taken me a long time to get to this point and I have been working on it since 2012 and it still isn't quite sunk into my thick skull yet.  Tonight I am reminded of something my ex-lover Sterling Williams once said to me "Bryan it really isn't you it is all the extra that comes with you!" I remember sitting at the dining room table and him saying that to my face, and at the time I didn't understand what he meant but now upon reflection I can see exactly where that was coming from and why he said it.  Guess what he was absolutely right.

Every relationship, every person I have ever dated not only had to deal with me, but also the people that I wanted to try and help along the way.  It was never just me and that one person it was me and my entourage.  Tonight, I am feeling particularly vulnerable and reminiscing about my past and what I have been through.  I am thinking about all the people that have come in and out of my life, those that I really cared about and those that just was there because I thought I was helping them and doing the right thing.  My mother even pointed out to me the other night on the phone that I have always gone the wrong way when trying to help people out.  I had a single thought in my head that if I could help one person out and get them off the streets or off the drugs then I was accomplishing something.  I ended up inviting these people into my home, providing them with security, comfort, food and shelter as well as providing cigarettes and other items.  Some people genuinely took my help, learned from me and made some remarkable changes in their lives.  Others, I ended up just enabling and helping them maintain their current lifestyle.  Problem was that the person I was involved with had to deal with these people and their using me and me doing for them and I forced them to accept it.  Not right or fair.

Here I am and my 50th birthday is approaching fast, in just a few short months I will be there and yes it is a blessing to make it this far, it has been a struggle and a near impossible feat to get here.  I have endured and survived so many illnesses and surgeries and yet I keep on chugging along.  But because of my choices that I made when I was younger, I hurt and alienated a lot of people along the way. I ended up leaving people that loved me and cared about me, for the users and abusers of the world and though I was trying to help others, and trying to spread my own kind of hope and peace in this world.  I regret the sacrifices and the people that I lost along the way.  Over the last few days I have been reaching out to some of these individuals, past relationships and ex's that had to endure and suffer through my indulgent and reckless behavior.  In away I am hoping that they will have gotten to a point in their life that they can accept my apology and forgive me for the struggle and heartache I put them through. 

2018 has been a year of learning for me, I have had to endure crisis after crisis and fend of users and abusers at every turn.  This summer was extremely hard when I got trapped by my own foolishness and was sorely taken advantage of.  I ended up losing everything that I had left.  The few things that I had been able to salvage over the past 4 years I finally lost and at the end of July I had to start over completely from scratch.  The last time I had to do that was in 2012 when my dad sent to Atlanta and brought me to Daytona because of my living situation and my health.  My doctors had feared that after my kidney surgery and all the bladder and kidney infections that I had been through that living on the streets of Atlanta would end up killing me. So when Bobby O'hara and I broke up and Robert Miller and I were bouncing from friend to friend and place to place with nothing of our own I called my dad and ended up moving to Florida.  Thanks to Linda Stapleton for driving me to the bus station or I would never have survived at all.  Unfortunately, the years haven't been all that kind to everyone, we lost Linda, Mike, and so many others along the way.  But as I am learning Death is part of Life itself and is just a gateway to another place.  I am keeping faith that it is too a much better place, where all the struggles of our past are forgotten and life of plenty is granted.

But tonight as I am writing this because it is a holiday weekend and I a sitting in my room writing in my blog, I am not out getting high with my so-called friends, or people that chose to be around me because I have money or drugs.  For the first time I am finally Alone, I don't have a boyfriend and I am not in a relationship, I am not walking up and down beachside or walking the streets of Atlanta high as hell on Meth. I am not surrounded by a bunch of people who need or want something from me. I am not sitting here worrying about how to pay the bills to keep a roof over everyones head or the power from being turned off, nor am I worrying about what everyone is going to eat tomorrow.  I am sitting here and for the first time in my entire life I am thinking about myself and what I want.  I am trying to figure out what I would like to do for my 50th birthday to make it memorable and special, and I am wondering who would even want to come and see me.  How many people really still care enough about me out there to want to spend time celebrating my milestone birthday.

I have invited one person definitely and he said that it would be cool.  I have mentioned it to several others, but the reception has been rather mellow.  Maybe I am deluding myself thinking that anyone out there still cares about me.  I wanted to invite all my ex's and see which ones come, and see if they are with anyone else and if they were happy.  Hoping against hopes that they could tell me the secret of how they finally got there because the mystery still eludes me.  I always thought that relationships and life were supposed to get easier the older we got, but surprise the joke was on me because not only do they get more complex and complicated they are fraught with new issues like declining health.  In the back of my mind I have always thought that I would get back together with one of my ex's that our story wasn't finished yet, but I am not sure anymore.  I wrote not long ago that one of the reasons that I keep looking backward was because of the level of acceptance and understanding that these men gave me when coming to grips with my illnesses and limitations, but maybe I am kidding myself, maybe there are others out there that would be willing to do the same if I just gave them the chance.  But I have been running for so long and hiding from the real me by using drugs for so long that it is hard now that I am sober to see any future for myself at all.  My best friend Robert Miller got married and him and I used to joke that when we were old and gray together that we would open Mommas Home for Homeless Homosexuals a senior gay retirement community and would chase each other around in our wheelchairs. Guess that isn't going to happen, guess I am always going to be on my own.

For the past 4 years I have been with someone who never wanted to sleep with me because he was afraid of catching HIV, I missed the intimacy and the closeness, but I settled because I thought that the companionship was enough, and I was happy getting high and taking care of everyone else in my life.  But, in truth I wasn't totally there for him, I had so many other needy people in and out of my life that I was trying to help that him and I really never had any time to ourselves or were alone.  For that I am truly sorry, and I have been for almost a year now trying to make up for the mistakes of the past that I made with him, and nothing really seems to help. He has grown more distant and withdrawn than he ever was.  I haven't heard from him in over a week and I am worried about him.  I know in his own way that he loves me, but we aren't right for each other, I want more than he is willing to give.  I want a real relationship with love, intimacy, closeness, tenderness and compassion, and I think that I deserve that in my life.

So here I am alone for once but am I at peace with myself? No, is the answer to that.  I want more out of life than what I have gotten. I really do want a true relationship, with someone who isn't afraid to tell others that I am their lover and that we are together, who doesn't mind holding me and telling me that they love me.  Like I said I have been so used to being surrounded by others and taking care of so many other people that I honestly don't know how to take care of myself at all.  The one person who ever treated me like how I wanted was the person I treated the worst his name was Sterling Williams and he is the person I told our story wasn't finished yet.  I don't know if we will ever get back together, but he is the only person that I was ever in a relationship who never asked me out and I didn't ask him out it just happened.  We lived together and he wasn't embarrassed by me, he introduced me to his family and friends as his lover and even told his mother about me right away.  Funny how all of that transpired so long ago and how angry that made so many people.  But that was a different life and so much has happened, who know if and when we will ever see each other again.

But no I am not at peace with myself. I don't see a future a head of me and I only see a road full of doubts.  I am trying desperately to figure out how to live by myself and take care of myself.  I want to finally be able to give myself to someone else if the time presents itself with no baggage dragging behind me and no clingers either.  I no longer open my home to the homeless and help them off the streets.  Instead I give them clothes, and blankets, gift certificates for food and I let them work out the escape plan to get off the streets.  I also offer them guidance through my blog and my daily life.  There are agencies out there that will help them, traveller's aid is one that will give you temporary emergency housing and help you come up with a plan to move from homelessness to productivity.  I recommend giving them a call and seeing what they can do.

I am learning and I know that I am old, but whoever said you can't teach and old dog new tricks is totally wrong. Because, I am living proof that insanity isn't healthy for any of us.  Albert Einstein stated that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result".  I am through being insane, and I am ready to embark on a new life with a new purpose and a new adventure. My mission of giving hope and peace to others is still intact and sound, but I want to offer more, guidance, inspiration, motivation and education as well.

I have been through so much and have learned a lot, but there is so much more for me to experience out there.  I am thankful for the strength I have received from the trials I have been through,  if I can give hope and inspiration to just one person then my life and all the pain I have been through is worth it.  I will learn how to adapt and I will learn how to take care of myself and I will survive.  I hope you will too.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Smile

I am sitting here listening to my favorite songs and the music that is flowing all around me reminds me of a bright beautiful smile.

A smile is a state of being
it is conveyed in the tone of your voice,
it is the light that shines around you.
It warm the coldest places,
brighten the darkest days,
It truly is a positive feeling of the mind
when you have a smile on your face and in your heart
Positive energy flows out and is returned to you 3 fold

People notice it
People feel it
People enjoy it
so will you

So turn your frown upside down
smile and enjoy the blessings you are about to receive
when that smile touches your eyes and is sincere
Darkness fades
Happiness invades
Joy abounds
Pain rebounds
and nothing will hold you down

Try it out and you will see what I mean
Today is a new day let your inner beauty shine out
Through your bright smile.

It is all up to you hold on to the past and frown
You really don't have to be that sad clown
let it all go and enjoy
Smile you are beautiful inside and out.

As always my thoughts and prayers are with you,

Uncle B

There are times when you need to shake your head and walk away

I have been watching two different couples over the past few days tear each other apart with words. Something has to give in these relationships if they are going to survive. "I am sorry" may not be enough to overcome the pain that we inflict upon one another. I am learning that in my own relationship that there has to be a certain amount of give, we cannot expect our partners to do everything the way that we would. See at the end of the day the results are what matter, not the method.

Each of us is taught a certain way to do things and it may differ from how they were taught. We each have our own unique strengths and skills. These attributes are what compliment our partner and complete us making us whole. But no one is perfect and often we lash out with words that are aimed at inflicting maximum pain to those that are close to us. We must remember that words can be lethal and can cause serious wounds that even time can't heal. Be careful with what you say, and more importantly be mindful of how they are spoken. Too often we can get caught up in the heat of the moment and lash out without really thinking. It's those times when we need to try and slow things down and engage our brains before we speak.

I have found myself in these predicaments before and before I realize what is actually happening I get pulled into an argument time and again. So before I open my mouth to speak. I honestly try to think about how my partner may react to what I have to say. I try to couch the words in such away as to avoid unnecessary fallout from what I have to say. However, when this doesn't work I have to divorce myself from the situation and just shake my head and walk away. I know that this might be the best option for me because no matter what at the end of everything an argument might erupt and trouble might be lurking right before me.

Only I have the power stop and argument from happening and only I have the power to walk away and not cause the issue to progress any further. The same is true for each one of you. Remember that it takes 2 to fight and carry on.  One person cannot possibly win an argument with themselves. Try to keep in mind that it might not be what is said, but how it is said that can trigger the undesirable argument that you are trying to avoid. No one is perfect and you can't expect someone else to do what you would do. Because you can only control you and your own actions.

Words used in anger or as weapons can be devastating and extremely hurtful. You must take into consideration this when you are fighting. Because if you don't you one day might find yourself very alone with no one to stand by your side. Words should be used to encourage, uplift and reinforce the positive aspects of your life. Shy away from negativity and focus only on the positive for this will build a solid foundation for your relationship to stand on. Keep in mind that another person whose feelings are a reflection of your own should always be given the benefit of the doubt. Because they are the only ones that are going to have your back.

As always Live well, love much, laugh often.

Uncle B

From the frying pan to the fire

There are some days that it just isn't worth getting out of bed. Today was one of those such days for me. How much trouble can one Sunday bring. Well if you are wondering it can bring a whole handful of them. Trust me when I say that it was no picnic here in the glorious gleaming metropolis of Daytona, just a continuation of a terrible week, that was full of stress and aggravation. It has been already two whole weeks here in this house and still I am waiting on the owner's to finish up the extremely long list of unfinished items. Thank God the bedroom and bathroom doors were finally put in.

As the severe winds and storms lashed out at my new home I understand the reasoning why the rest of the windows have to be totally replaced. The makeshift curtain that I made out of a bedsheet flew across my room as the wind came rushing in around the old rotted frame. Hail fell from the sky and the rotten wood along the edges of the roof finally ripped off and fell to the ground. All of this should have been done prior to anyone occupying the house, but alas it hasn't been.

The weekend has passed and I never saw any of the owner's show up to paint the house, which by the way I was called Tuesday morning of last week to remind me that they would be here bright and early Saturday morning to begin painting. I was also told that later Tuesday afternoon that someone needed to be at the house because the electrician would be here to looking to why the second bedroom has no power. Here it is early Monday morning a week later and little has been done to our house. It is awfully funny how the landlord had told us prior to moving in that everything had been finished and that the house had been sitting empty for 3 months till he could find just the right tenants to move in. Well if this place is finished then I am probably the exact tenant that he needs here. 

But enough of that aside for now, why was today the perfect day for me to stay in bed? Well for one my best friend's ex boyfriend who stole my pain pills, got himself arrested and then showed up at my house the very next day apologizing for his behavior and assuring me that he had over $300.00 for me. All he has to do was go down to police property and get his things. This took over 5 hours to complete and when he got back instead of the $300 he only had $120. My friend needed to borrow most of that to get caught up on his bills but low and behold the guy took off again with not only my $120 he also got my friend for $50 more dollars. I waited all day and dude never came back or reached out to me at all. So not only am I out my pain pills, I am also broke and I feel bad that my friend lost his money and I have been unable to help him out.

On top of all of this it was 4 years ago that I was notified that my sister had died and left this tired old world behind. Now truly her two sons are orphans and I am the only person left to take care of them. Not that I haven't been doing this already for over 15 years.  In all honesty it was knowing that she was still here even though she was paralyzed and on respirators that gave me the strength to try and be a good parent and role model. I know that in many ways I was not prepared for the responsibility, nor had I experienced enough if my own life to be much more than a good friend to these young boys. Much too my shame it is also when I learned about drugs and the hard truths about addiction.  As I lay under my blankets and think of all these things something comes to me just before midnight. I must have done a fairly good job with both of the boys, neither of them have really ever been in trouble, both of them are working, both of them are married and I am a grandfather/granduncle 4 times over. I ended up legally adopting them when it became clear that there was no hope of recovery for my sister.

So even though today was a very hard and lonely day for me. I at least realized that everything happens for a reason and though I did so many things wrong, I must have done some very right. I may be stressed out about this house, my health and my troubled relationship, my lack of money and my deep feelings of dispair, depression and loneliness. I have still got my family and everything that I have accomplished and been through to sustain me during these especially hard times. I just have to keep in mind that this too shall pass as all things before them. Much love my family. I love you dearly you keep me going even when I feel that all has been lost.

As always Live well, love much and laugh often.

Uncle B

Dare to Do

Each and every one of us have particular dreams and desires.  There is something out there that we would love to be doing, however so few actually ever go out there and strive to make them a reality.  Procrastination comes in many differnt forms, worrying, fear, lack of understanding and knowledge, perfectionism are just a few that I can think of off the top of my head.  These little bity things can be very powerful and keep us locked in to place, and will definitely keep us from achieving our dreams and desires.  Dreams and desires are like a seed, they need the right soil to be planted in, they need the right amount of sunlight and warmth, the appropriate amount of water and care in order to flourish.  Once that seed is planted it needs to be nurtured and taken care of so that it can grow and bear fruit.  It is a process and once we get it down we can apply it over and over again, before long you will be able to cultivate and grow anything.

Trust me when I tell you that none of us knows everything it is truly impossible.  Everything in life is a process in which we must start off at the bottom and work our way up.  No one can come out of school and know everything there is to know about a business, and we all have to start somewhere.  The most successful company owners and CEO's started out at the very bottom and learned their business inside and out. Taking baby steps, learning the things they didn't know or understand, until they gathered the essential knowledge they needed to make it all the way to the top.  Dreams and desires are just like any other form of work, they require action, energy, the appropriate mix of soil, light and nutrients in which to take root and grow. Everything starts out as an idea, it has to take root and grow to fruition. You can't expect to know and understand everything you are going to have to take the necessary steps to teach yourself and learn the things that you need to know to become a success.  Once you get that seed planted and it has taken root and blossomed to the point of bearing fruit, you will soon realized that by applying the same process over and over again you will quickly be able to cultivate anything you set your mind too.

The idea here is that you can't sit around and wait for things to happen for you. Trust me things just don't fall in your lap fully developed, there are actions, energy and steps that need to be taken in order for your dream to transform into a reality.  But, nothing is impossible.  You just have to put in the work, energy, sweat and tears in order for it to become an entity itself.  If you don't apply yourself and work to make it happen it never will.  Every venture whether, dream, desire, goal or business needs to have the required amount of energy and work put in to in order for it to become a living entity.  So I challenge you to get up off of your butts, learn what you need to, take the steps necessary and just do It!  Because if you are just waiting for it to be handed to you and think that you don't have to work for it, guess what it will not happen, nothing will.  Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Every dream and desire starts out in someone's mind.  To become a viable and living thing the appropriate planning and work must take place before it can even be initiated.  Once you have initiated it, the hard work then begins, because you have to figure out each and every single step that you will have to take in order to achieve the desired result or outcome.  Very similar to a project management work flow.  First comes the planning stage, then the initiation stage, then the development stage, which results in a product(dream, goal, desire) which can then be implemented and used.  From there you have to work to maintain it and  nurture it to keep it growing and adapting to whatever the needs become around it.  See just in like life, dreams are constantly shifting, evolving, growing, changing and need to be just as flexible and adaptable as we are ourselves.  If not they will be short lived and replaced by something new.

Yet, if you never start, how can you possibly make it happen?  You can't, because in life the things that are too good to be true usually are. You can't expect that it will be handed to you and that you won't have to put in any effort, that is totally unrealistic.  Don't worry or be afraid because you don't know how to make everything work, that is part of the growing process, and you will learn the exact things you need in order to achieve the result, just remember those baby steps and keep learning.  Again, none of us knows everything, and we have to learn things all the time to keep up.  So why wouldn't the same thing be true about dreams, desires and wants?  Taking those small steps forward, one at a time, and learning the things we need to along the way are so very important, because that is what is going to make them enduring and long lasting. 

Patience is another crucial ingredient in Daring to Do, because once again you have to start at the bottom and work your way up. You need to understand that those things that are instant are not lasting, what we put our energy into are the things that end up lasting and working over the long haul.  If you expect immediately be successful and long lasting you have to understand the work and process that goes into creating a dream and turning it into a reality.

I know you have all heard of those get rich scams, right?  Guess what the only person getting rich quickly is the individual that thought up the scam in the first place and sold it to you.  They are taking your money and running off, it was their dream and desire to separate you from your money and they figured out a way to do it.  Take their example and figure out how to make your dream a reality and trust that you will end up making the money that you need.

Do it right, take your time, plan out every detail, incorporate the necessary steps, be patient and before long your dream and desire will become a reality.  Take it slow, learn everything you need to know and just Dare to Do.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

True Prosperity

Many of us do not understand what prosperity means. To most they believe that prosperity is an abundance of riches, and is measured by monetary figures. So many struggle trying to get prosperous,  but never seem to ever get close. Lack of financial means is the major cause of unrest and stress in our daily living. This feeling that there is never enough to cover all of our expenses seems to drive everyone crazy.

The truth of the matter is that prosperity is a state of mind and a place of understanding.  True prosperity literally has very little to do with monetary things, and doesn't really have a quantitative unit of measure.  If you think back to some of my other writings you will start to get a better understanding of what I am trying to tell you.   Anyone can achieve the state of prosperity,  because it comes from a place of knowledge and understanding.  Much like happiness,  prosperity cannot be found. Because it really does not exist outside of our minds.

Prosperity and happiness are two things that can only be found from within ourselves.  So what do you think prosperity is? What is the definition of being prosperous? What is it that you can do to attain it?

Here is what I have discovered about prosperity and being prosperous. Prosperity is a state of being. A mindset that goes hand in hand with happiness and contentment.  This understanding is something that you continually have to work on.  Because it isn't a static state, it evolves and changes as you mature and grow.  Prosperity is the state of being one and consciously accepting your place in life with happiness and contentment  with what you have and where you are at in every state of your life.

There is nothing wrong with setting goals and striving to do better for ourselves. The problems start with the amount of pressure and anxiety we put on ourselves while trying to reach for our dreams and goals. We are our own worst critics. We seem to hold ourselves to a higher standard then we hold others too.  Disappointment often creeps in and we become depressed and discouraged. But let me remind you, you are not alone in your struggles. Everyone in the world goes through the same exact things. In this one case we are not so different from every other person in.  How you handle and deal with these things are what makes you different.

I know that I have often told you that life is a journey with many pitstops and rest areas along the way.  But, I learned that sometimes the road itself is the true destination.  See we are the sum total of all our experiences and it is on the path that we learn from our mistakes, rebound from pain and gain the knowledge and wisdom that helps us grow.  Life is not a stagnant thing it is constantly moving forward, evolving, changing and becoming something new.  Each experience gives us the knowledge and strength to change as we move forward in time.

So what are you supposed to understand about life and the long journey that you are on?  Well it is that as long as you make yourself happy, contentment and joy will follow.  You can be prosperous, happy, content live in the moment, don't stress your needs are always going to be fulfilled.  It is true that you are going to have to work on achieving the wants and the extra things in life, but that is what makes them so valuable to us, that is why we cherish them more.

Remember that happiness and prosperity are a state of being and a state of mind.  Take some time, think about the issues at hand and once you do I think you will see that they are not really mountains at all, just another lesson or stregthening tool that will help you get to the next place on your path.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

For you

Another day another time, when one season ends another begins, for with every ending comes a new begining.  If you do not reach out and do something for yourself you can't expect someone else to do it for you.  Have peace and confidence in all that you do.  Change is in the air, and before you know it you will be in another space.

Each season has it's own color and theme, life is colored by the grace and warmth that each new dawn brings. Nothing ventured nothing gained.  You cannot expect something to come from nothing, because nothing ever will. Listen to the sound on the wind and the song of the birds in the air.  Let their joyous melody free you from the mundane. 

Grow from love, because compassion and understanding given will benefit you more when it is returned.  Love hard and love long, because it will keep you strong.  Everything that you put out will be returned to you ten fold.  Trust and believe that everything that you ever need with be granted unto you.  The needs must come before the wants, if not nothing can thrive.

Balance all you do with tolerance and understanding because these are what makes you a stronger man.  Acceptance and peace are gifts that can be graciously recieved and given.  Be open and receptive so that you can grow taller and stronger.

Abide in truth and honesty so that others know you to be a stalwart guardian of peace and love. Integrity above pity, Trust before greed and faith in others should be you work of the day.

For in the end you can only grow if you learn to be trusting compassionate, truthful and strong. 

The future is full of change and hope for you.  I see it all the year long.

May God grant you fortune and prosperity, seek and find your happiness, time can be an enemy or a guide use it to your own advantage. Beware of those that seek to drag you from your path.  Stay true to your desires and keep your goal firmly in your mind.

Love yourself so you can show that love to others.  Do not fear what tomorrow brings because God is with you in all things.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Aging Gracefully Under Pressure

As we get older it gets harder and harder to relate to others, and if we aren't careful we might end up all alone.  There seems to be an unspoken concesus in the world that we are supposed to act a certain way as we age.  Unfortunately, I seem to have not gotten the correct memo.  Because no matter how old I get I still like the things I used to like when I was younger.  I still like to read and write, and most of my other habits have remained relatively the same.  Though I have noticed that the older I get the less tolerant of certain things I become.  However, I believe that I have always had the same issues I just didn't speak on them like I do now.  It is my contention that the world around me might have changed but I have pretty much remained the same.  I am getting older this is true, but that doesn't make me any smarter or wiser, just experienced. 

What I can tell you is that life doesn't get any easier the older you get.  You still have the same worries and concerns that you had when you were growing up.  Bills still have to be paid, and you still have the family concerns but you have to add on new health issues that you didn't have before.   Next thing you know you are sprouting grey hairs in the most unlikely of places, such as your ears, nose and other unseemly places.  You also start to realize that you really don't have all the answers of the universe, and you begin to realize that your parents weren't so off the mark.  However, aging isn't something that happens all at once, it is a gradual change and your body seems to recognize it before your brain ever does.

Sometimes, I wish I would have listened more closely to the advice my parents gave me, but no I had to be a hard head and do things my way.  I didn't take their experience into consideration.  I just looked at it like every other kid, that my parents just wanted to control me and ruin my life.  Oh how I was wrong on those assumptions, because whether or not I cared to admit it most of the time they were just trying to help me avoid some of the common mistakes that they made when they were young.   Trust me when I tell you that I never thought that I would ever get this close to 50, but here I am just a sneeze and a wink away from it.  I used to think that being 45 or higher was old, now that I am there myself, I see that it is middle aged.  I honestly didn't really start living my life until I was in my late 20's early 30's,  and now I wonder what was the big deal when I was younger.

Growing old gracefully is something that we all should try to strive for.  Use our experience to help mold and guide others that are growing up behind us.  I remember years ago a dear friend gave me a pearl of wisdom and that was to stop looking for the impossible and the improbable, be happy with yourself first and everything else will fall into place.  Let me tell you that is easier said then done.  I still had all these preconceived notions of what my life was going to be when I reached the ripe old age of 45.  Guess what my ideas and notions were dead wrong.  I never in a million years would have imagined how my life actually ended up turning out.  I had no road map or guidebook to help me navigate the myriad of health problems that was going to plague my life. 

Hell at 28 I had a career, two houses, a loving partner, two dogs, a cat and 3 automobiles.  I never in my life imagined that cancer would come back into my life and rob me of the things that I worked hard to get.  I watched everything crumble around me.  How illness and disease drove a wedge between me and my partner.  In just a few short years everything that we had worked so hard to achieve and accomplish in our 12 years together, just disappeared like a dream.  It has taken me long time to come to grips with what had happened and how it all faded so quickly.  If someone would have told me that I should have looked at the situation from my partners perspective things might have turned out a lot differently.  But I never could quite put myself in his shoes, and I didn't realize until it was much to late, how powerless and helpless he felt knowing the pain that I was in and  being unable to help in anyway.  I watched how it robbed our relationship of it's vitality as I battled harder and harder to beat cancer.  

Though that was a long time ago now and he has moved on and is doing well for himself, I never once understood how solitary being sick all the time renders a person.  No one can understand what you are going through unless they have gone through something similar themselves.  No one will understand the pain that you have to endure as your body starts failing at the most basic levels.  Or how weak you would get from the treatments, and the dangers those same treatments were to you.  I have learned a lot over the years about myself, my body, and my illness.  I can pretty much diagnose whatever ills come my way now without a doctors help.  But, it is a journey that you have to make on your own.  Not one person is ever really going to understand all the things that you have to go through. 

Now that I am 47 years old and have gone through 4 major bouts of cancer, I can look back and see the stress and stain my illness has had on everyone around me.  I just wish I could have noticed it much sooner.  But, time marches on and I have lost quite a few good people from my life, I hope that they understand that I am thankful for them being with me and standing my side while I was going through the worst moments of my life.  I hope they understand that the support that they gave was exactly what I needed at the time.

I want you to know that as you age certain parts of your body suffer before others.  For some it is the joints, arthritis creaps in and stiffens you and is very painful.  Others their hips and knees give out and they end up having serious falls and spills that could potentially be life threatening.  Most people suffer from chronic pain and have to take medicine daily to function somewhat normally.  But there is no instruction manual no easy way to comprehend the changes that occur in your body the older you get.  You must be patient if others around you don't understand or sympathize with what you are going through, because they themselves might not even suffer from the same malidies that you are. 

My one piece of advice that I would give to you is this, be receptive to the feeling of others, put yourself in their shoes, and try to understand that because their circumstances are different than yours, doesn't mean that they don't care and hurt right along with you.  Aging is not something to take lightly, and trust me when I say to you that before you know it you are going to be exactly where I am at today.  One positive experience I have had was that I ended up in a skilled nursing facility/rehabilitation center for my back when 10 of my vertabrae fractured. I got to meet some very interesting people and I understand what it is like to feel alone and forgotten behind the walls of a home like that.   It is surprise how many individuals reside in these facilities that never see family or friends. 

It is sad that in today's society we would rather let someone else deal with our elderly loved ones than take care of them ourselves.  I spent 9 months in a facility and only had someone come visit me once a week.  I made it a practice when I had a vehicle to go up and see the people at the home every Sunday once I got out.  But, more and more people end up in these homes lost and forgotten.  Yet, what a store of knowledge they have, and experience and wisdom if we just took the time to reach out to them.  Eventually I will end up in an assisted living facility I think or maybe in a retirement community of some sort because of my extensive health issues, but I am not rushing into that situation until it becomes absolutely necessary.

As you get older you hope that you will have a better understanding of people, their motivations, the angles that they use and how to avoid them. Unfortunately, if you haven't learned how to tell if someone is running game on you before then nothing will change as you get older.   I have never been a good judge of character and life wasn't always easy for me, but through the struggles I have endured, I have become a more knowledgable person, and stronger than anyone could ever imagine.  Yet, to some people looking at my life from the outside they would probably think that I have had it easy, that things seemed to come naturally to me and that my life has been pretty amazing, outstanding and awesome.  For the most part I would agree.  I have met some really famous people and can call them friends, I have been in social setting where no matter my actual standing I always seem to fit in.  I have had some grand adventures and done the most amazing things during my time on the Earth. 

I have some great stories to tell, but that will have to be at some future time.  Aging gracefully is something you just do, it isn't something that  is taught in school, it is taught by life itself. From the moment you were born till the day you die you will always feel the pressure of your responsibilities, but that doesn't diminish your life and what you have accomplished.  Life is but a journey with many rest areas along the way.  We will never know how the story is going to end till we get there.  You are never to old to have surprises, and you will continue to learn and experience things.  Just be you, be happy, be confident, be pround, because every experience you have will continue to mold you and develop you into an extraordinary being.  You are growing, evolving, experiencing, learning, achieving new things the longer you are here on this planet.  You can't ever be replaced, because there is only one you. You are totally unique in everything you do.  Remember that!

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Extend yourself

We cannot choose who our family is, but that doesn't mean that you should just give up.  Families are the toughest of all relationships and can try your patience at the best of times and down right piss you off at the worst.  Like it or not you are stuck with them.  But just because you are stuck with them doesn't limit your options on what type of relationship you have or how close.  Let's face it families are dysfunctional and often hold you to a different standard than they do other people.  Sometimes, everything runs smoothly and others it can be a total uphill battle all the way.

Often a tragedy can tear a family apart and no matter how hard you try sometimes that hole just can't be mended.  My family was very close up until my grandmother passed away, once that happened the family drifted apart and years went by before lines of communication were once again tried.  Unfortunately, for the most part those attempts failed and my father's side of the family splintered.  A majority of the family remained in Pennsylvania while others moved away.  Facebook has become a way that I can keep track of some of the things that are going on with that side of the family.  Though not every member has an account, nor do they talk to me other than in passing.  I would assume that much of that has to do with my being gay and living so far away from them.

Now, my grandparents on my mother's side of the family have both passed.  My grandmother died first when I had just graduated high school, my grandfather more recently.  However, once my grandfather died my uncle turned very ugly towards my mother and tried to take everything that my grandfather left her.  This caused a huge rift that has never been mended, as a matter of fact my mother and her brother have not spoken since then.  Death can cause all sorts of ill feelings to come out, and there is always someone that feels that they deserve more than they got.  The truth of the matter is they didn't work for it, they didn't earn it, and whatever they got they should cherish, because at least they were thought of and not forgotten.  But, family dynamics are far from predictable.

No one is perfect, and siblings and parent can be harder on you and push you to your absolute limit.  However, as I have learned each of us can have an extended family, people that are like minded and accept you as you are.  Over the years I have cultivated and crafted my own unique group of brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles that are not related by blood, but by mindset and attitude.  These are the true friends that have stood by me through everything that I have been through, helped me pick up the pieces of my life when it has fallen apart.  They are the ones that have encouraged me and given me the moral support I needed when my health turned bad.  The are also the ones that have told me exactly how that felt, they have always been upfront and honest with me, no matter how much it hurt.  These are the friends that you need in your corner.  These are the ones that call you out on your bullshit and foolishness, and the same ones that are your cheering squad when you are on the right track and doing good.

Life doesn't give you any guaranties and you never know what might happen tomorrow.  So many people come through our lives and it is hard to know which ones are just there for a time or there to stay.  Think about it like this people are like dandelions that once their blooms fade away a puffy seed is sprouted that take flight on the breeze,  They drift and float driven by the whims and currents of the wind some of these seeds finally reach fertile ground and they spring roots and there they grow and become a new plant.  As an acquaintances come and go as if they are blown by the wind, but a few of these souls will actually take root and a friendship will grow and eventually bloom.

You would be amazed at how many individuals that I have come across that are only out for themselves and they had me in their sights to use and take advantage of.  I have been fooled on several occasions and have been hurt and abused, but we have to go through the bad to find the good ones.  Believe it or not there are still good people out there in the world, and if you are vigilant you will find them.  Any relationship that is toxic needs to be done away with, whether it is a family relationship or a friendship. If it is hurting you then you need to let it go and move on.

Families can be the most toxic of relationships if you let them.  No matter the circumstance, if they are not building you up and being supportive then I say cut them and let them be.  Find some way in which to have a relationship even if it is through Facebook or email.  Family is family, they are your blood. and they can hurt so much more deeply than anyone else you might come across.

I would leave you with this one piece of advice.  Extend yourself, create your own support structure and network with like minded people that care and nurture you. I think you will find yourself in a much brighter and happier place.  There is nothing wrong with a family of your own creation that supplements the one that you were born with.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

The 2016 formula for personal success

2016 is already shaping up to be a time for change and transition.  The prospects of falling into the same rut that you ended up in during 2015 isn't something you are excited about or willing to accept.  Recently,  I spoke to you about taking the initiative and putting yourself out there. If you don't know what i am talking about. You need to go back and read "Nothing ventured Nothing gained". 

Here is something I do know if you really want something and are willing to put in the effort toward getting it, you can and will achieve it. It doesn't matter if you don't know how to achieve it, all you have to do is take a step in that direction. No one wakes up and says I want this and they get it right away. You have got to set the stage, gather the required skills to accomplish something.  Once you have the skills, you have to get on the appropriate path, then work towards your desired goal.  Let me try to explain it a little more clearly.  You have to do some research on whatever topic or goal that you want to strive for. You must at least struggle to get a complete picture of what it is you want, from there you must look for a path to carry from the point you are at to the point where you want yourself to be. Then set out working towards that, don't be scared you just have to take that first step.  The knowledge you seek you must somehow learn and the only way you can do that is by taking small steps toward that goal.

When I was in my 20's,  I knew that I wanted more for myself than working for minimum wage.  I saw an opportunity for a new beginning and I took the steps that put me out there. Computers were becoming household objects and everybody wanted one. This was something that really hasn't changed much at all. Computers are common place now, literally everywhere you go.  The first movement was everybody wanted one, then everyone had one, then they wanted them smaller,  easier to transport, so portability became a factor which changed the industry.  Next became what we wanted the computers to do for us. Desktops became laptops, laptops became ultra or power books. But still people wanted more functionality and portability.  Now we are at a point where everyone now carries around their own personal mini computer. It is either in the form of a phone or tablet. So, why am I telling you all of this?

Because I knew that I wanted to be involved in this.  I left Orlando with an internal understanding that I was going to achieve this, I was going to be a part of that industry. I didn't know how or when but I knew I had something to offer. I left Orlando and moved to Atlanta where I became a flight attendant, which allowed me the money to buy the books I needed to train myself everything I could learn about programming and computers.  It took me 4 years of investing and educating myself to the point where I felt competent enough to step out and apply for a job in my chosen career. But here I ran into another road block, a degree. At that time every company was looking for people that could do as well as have the degree. 

Finding myself in this situation, I understood that all the knowledge that I had would only get me so far. So, I went back to school and used what I taught myself to achieve a bachelors degree as well as my master's degree. These pieces of paper gave legitimacy to my knowledge and allowed me to move forward in my field.  I have made lasting contributions in my field I positioned myself as an expert in my field, I was able to utilize my business knowledge with my technical skills to create a bridge between the two and filled a gap that I saw. I became a liaison the two, translating the business needs to the development teams and built processes and programs to further overall agenda for many companies and government entities that will last long after I am gone.

To those around me I became a go getter. I saw what I wanted and I reached out and did it. I took the risk and achieved the goal I aimed for. It may seem like I knew what I was doing, but the truth of the matter was I just applied myself and made a fit, it wasn't always perfect, yet it worked. So here we are and I want you to be as successful as I was and it really comes down to a very simple formula. You too can be a go getter and a trailblazer.  All you have to do is:

1.) Be yourself  - become totally comfortable in your own skin.
2.) Create your own destiny - nothing is carved in stone. Do what you can and what you know.
3.) Use your gifts - I used the ability to learn and taught myself what I needed. I also applied my talents to every project.
And finally,
Open yourself to change. Expect that as you apply yourself your environment and surroundings are going to change be ready for when they do.

You are now well on your way towards achieving and sustaining your own personal success.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

2016 It's a brand new start

I have been struggling for days trying to figure out how to explain what it is that I want to tell you about this new year.  It s important to put away old things and move forward into the new year. You have been given a new start a fresh beginning,  a clean slate if you will.  This new year is full of potential,  change is coming to all of us.

Some of these changes are going to be wide sweeping and can alter your entire being and lifestyle.  New jobs, opportunity to help others and to fulfil many desires you had for a long time. Subtle energies are at work in your life now that require adherence to their flow. If you want the big changes to occur you have to go through many minor changes before they can actually experience the really big ones.

It maybe asked of you to move on and leave some of the people you know behind.  Which is what I meant about putting old things away.  We have entered a new age. We have entered the age of Aquarius, which means a time of transition and improvement. As you meditate upon your past and are struggling with your immediate present you have to ensure that the past isn't holding you back.

It is impossible to move forward and make progress when you are constantly looking over your shoulder and holding on to the past.  Religion is constantly telling us that we need to live every day one day at a time. Faith is needed for our deepest desires to come true. But here is the truth behind all of that. God provides us with all of our needs and tells us that He will continue to help those that help themselves. To me that means you can't sit around and wait for things to come to you. You have to put in effort and work.  Stuff isn't just going to fall into your lap.

As the year unfolds before you keep an open mind and faithful in your prayers. Keep ever in your mind that change is coming for you and your whole situation is going to change. This new found momentum  will carry through the entire year as long as you continually give thanks.  The last thing that I want to leave you with is this. As good things come to you be sure to do things and help others. As long as you do your forward journey will continued unhindered and you will have a feeling of fulfillment and contentment.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Oh to be Thankful

It's that time of year again where we come together as family and friend's too celebrate what we are thankful for, the blessings that we have received throughout the previous year.

This tradition comes from our forefathers that pioneered our country, but has since become a worldwide tradition. Families all around the world get together this one day out of the year to celebrate and give thanks for what they have, what they have come through, and who hey are with.

Thanksgiving is the beginning of our holiday season, where people start thinking and caring for others. Last year at this time I asked each of you to try and celebrate your blessings daily. I asked you to think of others besides yourself and to reach your hand out in love and friendship to any and everyone that you came in contact with. Remember me telling you that you never know where a casual conversation is going to lead you. I also stressed that by extending our selves with compassion ,love and understanding that the world around us would become a much better place. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our own problems and ignore or choose not to see those around us that may be struggling with life and living ourselves. Don't you think it would be a much happier and friendlier place to live if everyone around us followed my advice?

I keep trying to remind you that everything in this life is temporary and transitory. Now for those of you that don't understand what I am trying to tell you here is a better way to think about things. Each and every situation that you find yourself in,  know in your heart that somehow you are going to make it through. The way my grandmother used to put it was " this too shall pass".  Transitory means ever changing or moving around., nonpermanent.  Just think about it, how much easier is your life going to be if you always keep in mind that everything moves on, no problem is too big and won't last forever. Because everything in our physical world has an expiration date. We may not know what that date is, all we need to know is that for a period of time you are going to have to deal with it and then it is gone.  This alone should lift some of your hearts. But, keep in mind that you are probably not the only person going through whatever it is. Someone out there is dealing with something very similar and might have the answer that you are looking for.

This time of year is also a time to work through self pity and depression, no matter what you are going through or facing, there is someone else out there that is going through something much more difficult or who is worse off then you. By giving thanks daily for the blessings you receive will make it easier for you to put yourself in someone else's shoes. To truly understand what they are going through and will allow you to extend your hand in compassion. Helping them to ease their burden and by doing so may actually ease your own.

Thanksgiving is a time where we need to reach out to those around us who comfort us, strengthen us, and give us stability and thank them for their help and support.  I have learned over the last few years just how important a support network is to me. Especially now that I am sick.  Life happens to everyone and time marches forward and none of us knows when our time will end here on earth.

So let me tell each of you this: I am thankful and grateful that each and everyone of you is in my life. You mean the world to me, and have been through an awful lot of health issues and relationship problems, but as always I have made it through and I want you to know that I couldn't have come this far without your love, support and help. You are my extended family. I love you!

Once again I call on you to not just make Thanksgiving not just one day a year but a celebration that last throughout the coming year. I promise that by being thankful and being loving and compassionate to others will make your world so much better and people will respond in kind. Trust me this can work and each of us can make this world a better place. Remember that nothing lasts forever and you will make it through. Let me know how you are doing.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

I used to look forward to the weekends....what happened?

Hey there my friends...I was thinking about this over the weekend and I realized that as I have gotten older I don't really look forward to the weekends any more and it got me to thinking about what had changed and why I feel such a difference today about weekends.  Another thing that has also changed is my perception of time.  I think one of the reasons why when I was younger that I looked forward to the weekends was because I was because school took up so much of my time when I was younger.  I am not sure why or how my perception changed but it did.  Time seems to have speeded up the older I have gotten, and there never seems to be enough time in my day now.

Think about it this way when you were in high school you had enough time to get your homework done and still go out and do things with your friends. Now, what has changed? The length of the day hasn't changed, there is still 24 hours in a day.  You usually spent 8 hours in school and you usually work an 8 hour shift at work.  Yet, you don't seem to have enough time to do everything you need to do.  So do you know what has changed? Your brain has changed your perspective.  Time its self hasn't changed you have.  As you age you feel and experience time differently.  As your mind matures you start focusing on different aspects of life than you did when you were a youth.  An adult worries and thier brains are perceive time differently.

I assure you when you get older time will seem to speed up and you will be surprised to find that your days and months seem to fly by.  You may wonder why that is from time to time, but it is because you are focused on bills, work and family and not on yourself and the things that you need to accomplish such as homework.  Adults have so many things that they have going on that they have to divide and spend time on each item.  We learn and use time management skills to deal with the myriad of responsibilites that we have to deal with.  As we get older our minds look and experience time differently.

Now, I dread weekends and the reason why is because I have so many things on my mind that I have to do and weekends throw my life out of wack.  Businesses are closed and I can't get things done like I can during the week.  Weekends used to represent free time and going out to the clubs and having fun.  But today I have too many bills and tasks that I am needing to get done and the lack of money to go out.  Once upon a time I loved hanging out at clubs and drinking. But as I got older I lost the desire to go out all the time and luckily I found someone who isn't a bar fly.

For some reason I look forward to the end of the weekend so that I can get back to the work week so that I can handle business and doctors appointments.  Especially now that I have become disabled. Maybe the reason why I dread weekends is because I can't get my medical stuff accomplished.  Also because they represent boring long days with nothing for me to do.  However, I bet if I had the resources to go out and do things my perspective might change how I feel about them.

Another thing that has come to my attention is that as we age our priorities tend to change and we look at things differently than we did before when we were children.  Now that doesn't mean that we cannot have a childlike mentality or even be childlike in our behavior.  Once we reach our teenage years everyone of us wishes that we are older and we often express a desire to grow up faster than we are.  Yet, each of us looks back at our lives at some point and wish that we had done things a little different. Or we wished that we had the knowledge that we have now back when we were younger.  It is true that we have to face the consequences of our actions and choices.  It is also true that the experiences we have and the paths that we have taken have molded us into the people we are today.

It is my belief that as we grow older and our responsibilites change and we experience more of life we look at things from the bias that we have gotten or the filters that were created by the choices we have made.  I also think that where we are at in life also plays a part in how we judge and look at things.  Just because I dread weekends doesn't mean you will when you get to be my age. Honestly I think if I were still healthy and had the same job or equivalent position making the same or better money than I was before my idea of weekends would be totally different.

Therefore to answer my question what happened to make me dislike weekends, I woudl ahve to say that it is because of my lack of resources and my financial situation. My health also plays a big part of how I feel and look at things today.  Please remember that you can change your perspective and look at things from a different angle and it could turn your life totally around.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Not everything is as it seems

Words can have multiple meanings, teachings can have multiple interpretations,  problems can have multiple solutions, you can't judge someone by their looks alone. We can become so enamored by someone's outward appearance that we totally miss what is just below the surface.  As a race we tend to judge one another by the morals and standards we have developed for ourselves and what we perceive to be the teaching of our church or our parents. But you have to keep in mind there can be more than one interpretation on how to do things or live right.

Many times when two people come together they have to reconcile their beliefs with one another. Take a look the picture from a different point of view, even if two people, such as twins were born, their experiences would be totally different. No two individuals will experience situations in exactly the same way, even though they are raised the same each person takes away something different from each encounter they have. Even if they meet the same people, eat the same foods and are brought up the same exact way. Each person copes differently, has different coping mechanisms and their view point becomes skewed by these things.  Remember, each of us creates filters from which we view life through, filters are the way in which we look at life with.  You can think of filters like contact lenses or glasses that you look out upon the world through.  Each and everyone of us experience things differently therefore the way we view and do things are going to be different. Keep in mind that even shared experiences are going to be viewed and reacted too differently by the individuals that share them even if they were raised exactly the same way.

I talked about little about this in another blog entry when I spoke about how two people in a relationship can have totally different views on how something they experienced together can be so radically different. This is one reason that when police interview witnesses of a crime can have varying stories about what occurred during an investigation.  They have to look for commonalities in the individual stories to come up with a whole picture that can explain an event or incident. Now, if you think about it and apply this logic to a relationship it might actually help you to tolerate your partner doing something a different way than you would actually do it. Remember that there are many ways a task can be accomplished and that not everyone is going to do it the way you would.  You have to be flexible and accept how other people do things, because there is no single right way or wrong way to do things.

Another example that I can give you is this, the face you see in public is probably not the same face you see in private.  I know a couple extremely well and if you were to see them out at a restaurant or walking down the street you might well think that they are the perfect couple, you see them together and they seem so happy and content with each other. You really are convinced that they were meant to be together.  Which in my friends case they are meant to be together and compliment each other well. However, again things are not always as they seem.  This couple has it's share of fights and arguements and not as happy as the outward face they display when they go out into public.  Another way to look at this is that all outward appearances are masks that we wear out into public, and while that is on you cannot see the truth that lies just beneath the surface.  Another example I can give you is when people look at me they think that they are looking at a person that isn't handicapped but they would be wrong, you cannot draw conclusions or assumptions just by looking at things.  Remember that what you see is not always what you are getting.

Just because something looks normal and acts like nothing is wrong, you have no idea what another person is going through.  Humans are good at hiding their problems, emotions and feelings and hide them away.  They truly don't want other people to know that they are gong through something or are in pain, but again not all things are as they seem.  There are always things that you cannot see that lie just below the surface.  Just like an ice berg the tip is all that is seen, it is what is hidden underneath that can cause the most damage.  When you get to know another person you can sometimes see behind the mask that they are hiding behind.  If you get to konw me well you will begin to realize that I wake up in pain every morning. Some days are worse than others, but no one outside of my house would ever know what I am feeling or going through because of the happy up beat face that I put on when i leave my house.  For that matter no one has a clue that I have a colostomy bag, because you cannot see it at all while I am dressed.

The whole point that I am trying to express to you is that you cannot look at someone or something and know what is really going on with them.  You can also never know what a person is really thinking and feeling.  The only one that truly knows what they are going through and feeling is the person that is going through it.  What is on the outside doesn' t necessarily let you know what is going on in the inside.  People are going through as much drama and turmoil just like you are.  Keep that in mind as you meet and hangout with people.  Remember that there is more than one way to accomplish a task, there is no right or wrong way to do something. Be open minded and sensitive toward others so that you can get to know them and see what is under their mask.  Know this no matter what you are going through in your life there is someone out there that is going through something just as bad as you are or worse.  Life is a learning and growing experience. No one is perfect and we all have room for improvement and growth.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,


Uncle B

Act your age not your shoe size

It has been a couple of weeks since I was actually able to write in you. So much stuff has happened in my life that I am truly amazed.  I wanted to write to you tonight to talk to you about acting out, showing off in front of others.  The reason why this topic has come to mind is because one of my nephews showed up with his new girlfriend and wanted to stay at my place.  I knew right from the start that it was going to be a disaster.  Unfortunately I was right.  While they were here they ate everything in the house, and of course a lot of things turned up missing.

Now, anyone that knows me knows that if you ask me for something I will do my best to make sure that you can have it.  Most of the things that were missing, once they had left was mainly electronic stuff, like a cell phone, a  blue tooth watch that would allow me to interact with my cell phone as well as a few other items.  While all of this was going on my best friend from Atlanta was staying with me and already the space was tight.  I have a one bedroom one bath apartment.  So needless to say it was extremely crowded and tensions were already flying high because I was trying to figure out where my stuff was going. To top it off I had started talking to someone that I felt I could make a long lasting relationship with.   Around that time my friend was looking for a place to stay.  He sent me the question in a text message.

Never did I think that I would be in another relationship so soon.  I know that Kerry had been gone for over year, and every once in a while I miss him.  I miss the plans that we had made together, especially the morning walks.  If you have gotten this far in reading this entry, you might be wondering what everything I have talked to you about has to deal with the title.  I am so glad that you asked me that because up until this point I was just filling in the background so that you can understand the journey that I have been on since February.

What does act your age and not your shoe size have to do with anything? I will certainly tell you what I have figured out.  It doesn't matter race or gender or gay or straight, it has to do with stepping up and being responsible and accountable for your actions. Most of the people who know me, know that I hang out with people a lot younger than me and because of that I have a unique insight into why people want to act out, get loud and angry. Or better yet put their hands on a pregnant girl.  I have found that most of the 20 somethings that I hang out with have an attitude and they act like someone owes them something.  Further, they have absolutely no patience whatsoever, they want what they want and they want it now.  Most of them get mad or angry when things don't happen immediately.  I will touch on this subject again in just in a little bit.

Now when I talk about acting your age and not your shoe size is because I have noticed that most of the 20 somethings are still acting like they are still in high school. Most of them don't show any signs of common sense.  Let alone street smarts, meaning that they wouldnt know how to survive if they were thrown out on the street to fend for themselves.  Sometimes you will run across an old soul these are people that dont act their age but a lot older.  I have been fortunate the person that I met acts way older than their age, he is very kind and considerate and when I was deathly ill he took very good care of me.

On the flip side, I have a friend that got a  girl pregnant and he will not step up to the plate and take care of her. The poor girl was working full time until her 8th month when her job told her that she needed to go ahead and start her maternity leave. Still the guy doesnt get it.  He would rather do himself and waste all his money on drugs and stupid stuff instead of getting stuff for the baby which could come at any time now. I have tried talking too him and so has my partner but nothing seems to sink in.

We all can act childish and foolish from time to time,  but there are so many people out there that refuse to take responsibity and own up to the things that they do.  These are the people that I am talking about. Life is one big party for them, and they travel in a certain social circle until they have exhausted every bridge and person they come in contact with.

Life is way too short to just party your life away. I run into people every day that just want to party and waste their life away.  Like I told my friend tonight he was talking about getting some crack and smoking that, and I tried to explain to him how if he starts with that one 10 dollar hit he would be back getting more in just a few minutes later. No matter how much talking I do, I realize that the ultimately only he can make the choice to quit and move on with his life or end up loosing his wife and kid.

I was recently told that the 40s are the new 30s and the new 20s are the 30s if this logic and reasoning is true that would explain a lot in how people act and react.  I have a tendancy to call anyone under thirty a twelve year old.  The reason being is because most of them act exactly like the line describes.  It is unfortunate that a person has to search their whole life to find someone mature enough to date.  which I think is the key to this whole entry.  Maturity level is what this entry is all about.  See some people can be mature enough to go out drinking and partying, but when it comes to responsibilities and errands they lack the motivation as well as the necessary skill set to accomplish the tasks presented to them.

I am never amazed when I see someone in their 20s trying to showboat and make out that they are tougher than they really are.  But here is the thing that i want you to know and be aware of, you are going to have to get through their persona, and see the real person for who they are.  You might just find yourself going through a slew of people till find one that respects and cares for you as much as you care and feel for them.  Whenever you meet a new person you are going to have to take the time to get to know the person, because as you know we all put on our best face when we meet someone new.  You have to be able to get to know the person that is hiding behind the mask that they have on.  This is what I call the honeymoon period, because every one puts their best efforts forward when they first meet someone but over time that mask wears thin and they become more comfortable around you and you begin to see the person that was completely hidden by the mask that they were wearing.

It is after the honeymoon period has come to an end and you are beginning to see the person who has been hiding, when you will discover how mature that person really is.  See during the honeymoon period when the mask is firmly in place it is hard to tell what the person is really like. They are acting and telling you exactly what they think you want to hear.  But once the period ends you will begin to see the person for who and what they are.  As I told you before maturity is the sign post at which you need to guage the person you are seeing. You need to find someone that is compatible with you on and emotional level.  Age is not really a factor when it comes right down to it, because when your spirit talks to another on an emotional and spiritual level you are going to finally feel complete.  Souls talk to souls by the vibrations that they put out. In an earlier entry i talk to you about resonating frequencies and how like frequencies can blend in harmony with each other, and that is exactly what happens when two souls commune with one another.

I can only hope and wish that you find a soul that you resonate with, that the person you find respects you and loves you as much as you love them.  Because I have a time or two found myself loving another more than they loved me and the relationship ended horribly.  Do yourself a favor and get to know the other person, wait for their mask to start to slip because then is when you are actually going to meet the real person for the first time.  You may find that you have a lot in common or you may find yourself wondering why you took the time to get to know the person if it was just going to turn out in heart break.  I have heard so many people say that they dont date friends because they dont want to mess up their friendship.  i say to you that a relationship that is not based on friendship is doomed to failure from the very star.  You need to be patient and take the time to get to know another person, wait for them to remove their mask.

Only you can decide if the person your are talking too is a kindred spirit,  or if they are just a person who you can have a long lasting friendship with.  Every one of us puts on our best face when we meet a new person, and each of us goes through a period where we try to impress the other person, this stage is called the honeymoon stage and after that period ends the person that remains is the real person that you need to get to know.  It is unfortunate, but sometimes it takes getting to know another person several times before you get to the real person, who is behind that mask that they have put on.

Remember that we each need to act our age and not our shoe size, we need to demonstrate through our actions and deeds that we are genuine and sincere.  Age is just a number and really doesnt have a direct bearing on a realtionship but maturity does.  So, if someone is acting immature and doesnt meet up with your personal maturity and comfort level you need to let them go and keep searching because sooner or later you are going to run into that one soul that talks to you on its own level.  Remember that like souls vibrate and oscillate in harmony.

One more thing that you need to keep in mind is that wisdom doesnt necessarily come with age. Wisdom is knowledge that is gained by age and circumstance.  You can be old and not wise, but you can not really be wise without age.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B