The Power of Words

We have talked about "Words" before and the power that they possess.  But one thing that I was unclear on was something that I discovered while reading a novel.  One of the writers in the Anthology I am reading stated that she didn't think that Words had power.  She believes that the true power lies in our ability to believe them.  She states that it boils down to three simple concepts: belief, trust and faith.  Simply stated she asks herself Do I believe the other person? Do I trust the other person? Do I have faith in them.  To her mind words are meaningless without these conditions.

But here is how I see it.  Words either spoken or written have power of their own.  In my mind it is the way in which the words are used which gives them the power over us.  Not our belief in them.  Humans use words in various ways most people in anger use words as weapons, to wound, tear down, and belittle others. But the opposite is also true we can use words to build up, encourage, strengthen and help others.  Sometimes words spoken in anger, where very little thought is given to the barrage that we launch at another person in the form of insults or defense or just plain to hurt can cause a lot of damage.  They can even create wounds that even time can't heal. These are the types of words that I am talking about.

The written word is even more powerful because it is open to the readers interpretation and can have various meanings and can be construed in multiple different ways.  Some people can twist and malign words to fit any need they have.  So be extremely careful when dealing with words.  Positive motivation can be use by using Words of Power, these are written statements that are memorized and repeated daily to engage the higher mind elevations.  We call these as mantras, words of power, or chants.  These types of words are used to align the mind, body, emotions and soul.  These are the components that allow us to visualize and manifest change upon the etheric plane.  Which once something is manifested on the etheric plane, it triggers the manifestation here on the physical plane.  Many mystics, seers, or students of metaphysics use creative visualization daily to manifest change into their daily lives.  Words when memorized and repeated daily can set up the mind to reach through the barriers between the planes of existence and cause manifestations to occur. 

So what is the lesson that I am trying to get you to take away from this post?  I am trying to teach you that you must be very careful with your words, they have more power and influence than you can imagine.  When you take our writers beliefs into account you can influence a person just by speaking to them.  Because they trust you, they have faith in you and they believe you.  You can cause damage without seemly meaning too.  The inverse is also very true.  When you speak out in anger without thought to your words you can wound, injure or even destroy a persons spirit and belief in you.  Your words can cause permanent damage that even time cannot change.  I urge each of you to use your words wisely, thoughtfully and with purpose. Be positive in their usage, use them to enhance, build up, uplift and strengthen others.  Use them as positive motivation to encourage yourself and open yourself up to positive influences in your life. Words or Power can draw and manifest things into your daily life that are extremely positive.

Take a mantra for manifesting positive abundance and prosperity and paste it somewhere that you will see it daily and repeat it every morning to yourself and you will be surprised at just how different your life becomes.  Here is an example try reading it every morning for a month and see if you don't manifest the positive benefits into your own life:

Words of power for material abundance
There is one power which is the perfect abundance and fulfillment.
And I _________________, and the perfect manifestation of this power.
The power working for me and through me, provides me with all the abundance and fulfillment which is rightfully mine.
I draw to me and create in my life all that I need in the world a form to fill my needs, This may come specifically in the form of money or material possessions or wealth and abundance.
I hereby release all cause effect manifestation form and essence and any channel within me which may have been preventing the appropriate flow of abundance in my life.
I draw upon the balance of the resources in the universe
for the good of all,
according to the free will of all,
And I am firm my own wisdom and understanding my needs, and how to fill them. I call to me just enough resources,
knowing I deprive none,
And I am not deprive myself,
I have just enough.
And so it must be.

Please try this and see if it doesn't work for you like it has for some of my friends.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Rainy Days and Sunshine

I have stood alone and faced the world for so long.  All my worries and troubles had no one to share, so I carried my burden day after day.

Seemed like the dark clouds would pass me by, but every morning they hadn't gone.  So I plodded on and on.  I couldn't see what was around me because my life was shrouded in gloom.  Often I would collapse at night in my room.  I didn't know what was going to happen, I just knew that something had to give.

As my storm clouds circled my head, my feet kept going in circle round and round.  I was doing the same things every day, no change, just the monotonous life, I was born to lead. Home, work, pay bills, eat and sleep and then start all over again.

I cannot tell you how many years have gone by locked in this endless pattern of wash, rinse and repeat.  I had tried it all the drugs, the sex, the gambling, and even some dangerous stuff.  There seemed to be no end to this rut I had fallen in.

Then one day you walked in, a breathe of fresh air, with that golden sunshine around you there.  I blinked and stared and knew right then that you were where and what I wanted to be.  I talked with you and walked with you.  My grey skies and clouds were pushed aside.  For in light no darkness can abide.

You were my friend, my companion, someone who was there to understand. We talked and laughed all the day through.  My life had changed just because of you.  But you know what is funny my dear, maybe I should whisper in your ear.

Your life was doom and gloom, before we met just as mine was.  Yet, once we met I have seen nothing but blue skies and sun.  My dull and boring life was now full of fun and life.  I cannot tell you what you mean, you brightened my world what more can I say.

Now I wake to sunshine, you have chased my rain away. So here I have to say so long to my rainy days.  It is you my friend who has brought it too and end.  If you could only see what I see reflected back at me from your eyes you would be surprised.

So smart and sure, and confident you are, I envy you and wish I was more like you.  You have come and left but my sunshine has remained.  I can't thank you enough for bringing it to an end.  Everyday I get to spend with you is so special a treat.

I pray one day that in the mirror you will see all that I can see that you can be. You need to have some faith in yourself, take your confidence and make a change.  You can be so much more than your are. Though I am not sure you know who you truly are.

A friend to me is what you are, someone that I would like to be, who I wish could see the strength that I see inside of you.  You do not quite yet comprehend who you will be when this journey ends.  The wheel of time continued to turn and so the years went by you would come every so often into my orbit, never staying for very long.

I am older, weaker now, frail and injured weary of soul, and finally you have come. In the past I have helped a little never much because you always fled.  I wanted us to be so more, but it wasn't meant to be.  I am your guardian, helper, teacher, and even more important your friend.  You are special to me, you came in my darkness and my stupor.  You saw my aimless wandering in the gloom, you never ever knew just the impact you brought.

As I have learned as you have been gone, it was the spark of life you brought to me in my darkest hour. You rescued me. talked with me and healed me. It was you my friend that built me up again when the one before had plunged me into this deep and dank dark.  You have built up my self-esteem, my confidence, and brought the sunshine back.

What can I do for you?  I wish you would tell me true.  I so envy you, but you are troubled and seem so alone, let me in I hate that you have had to roam so far from home to find a little bit of peace.  I had promised you so long ago that I was your friend and I meant that till my end.

Do you really know and understand that you are truly my friend.  A friend you see is more than just words, it is actions and deeds.  When I tell you that I love you do you truly understand?  Love is when you put another person needs above your own.

How can I relate to you what you truly mean?  You don't even see your own self worth.  I want you to stay, I want to teach you all I can, but I am not sure you understand.  If you stay and learn the person you are will be changed for ever more.  The more you learn the more knowledge you gain.  You will learn in due time that wisdom comes from Age plus Knowledge.  The path you seek is here indeed..

You chased my rainy days away filled my heart and my life full of sunshine.  I have a hope an inner peace that wasn't there until I met you. Your friendship changed my life.  An inner peace, an a thirst to learn.  From the time I met you I have increased my knowledge 100 fold.

If you are sincere, but be aware, what I have to teach took me a lifetime to learn, you must be willing to put in the time.  It will not be easy, you will want to quit, might hate me some but in the end you will have learned.  I hope you can understand what all I have planned, and I hope you will stay this time.

Before now other things came in between, I don't want to let it happen again. Our time is finally at hand, what you choose to do with it is up to you.  Take your time and decide, please don't turn and hide.  I want this to be just for you and me.

You are once again here and I love you my friend.  Remember it is till the end.

I hope you are my Best Friend

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

What is the Christmas Spirit all about?

After watching the Librarians tonight on TNT I began to really understand the power and spirit of Christmas.  Saint Nick's power comes from all around the world. He collects that magical moments and love that are displayed throughout the whole year and at Christmas time when the spirit is the lowest and despair creeps in Saint Nick travels the world and delivers love, hope, faith and anything else that is needed.

Sometimes, it might be a Christmas wish, other times it might be the courage to put down that point and walk away from meth.  It maybe the need strength that the Alcoholic needs to put down the bottle or that person thinking about suicide to walk away and live.  All these things are what Christmas Spirit is all about.

People don't understand me.  They don't get me, and most of the time the miss the big picture. Everywhere I go I spread love joy and hope.  I go back to the nursing home and I give back to those that took the time and encouraged me to go further than I thought I ever could.  I was pushed, I was made to think and achieve things that I thought impossible.  I never once believed them when I was told that I would never walk again and with the help of my physical therapist Grace and her assistant Dewayne, I am out of the wheel chair within 3 weeks and I have never gone back.

No matter where I go I always reach out my hand and help those around me that I can.  It doesn't matter what life they lead, what they have done in the past and where they are headed.  I have  been as my grandmother called it an Angel on Earth.  I bring comfort, peace and compassion with me where ever I go.  My time on earth is running very low and I know that a great burden is going to be past on.   I know that my nephew Kodi is ready for this, even though he doesn't think he is and by his will and strength alone I believe he has kept me here on this earth.  Before he moved he told me and begged me to not let the burden pass to him until he was ready.  I have seen his journey and I am so very proud of him.

He definitely turned into the man that I dreamed he would be.  He has been faithful and loving and though all relationships have problems him and his girlfriend Annie has managed to keep it going and now their lives are going to be filled with a new life.  My line has not ended and the power that God has granted me will be passed on to my nephew.  His mother was my half sister, but when he came to me at the age of 13 I never thought of him as anything less than my own son.  He has been trained and he knows how I have operated my entire life.  He will find his own way to use the power that is going to be passed on to him.  He is a special person and anyone who has met him will know what I mean.

So what does all of this have to do with the Spirit of Christmas?  Am I am claiming that I am Saint Nick?  No I am not him, I wish I had his job it is much easier than the path that I was given.  Kodi will have it so much easier because he will have families and children to help that is the path that I see for him.  God selected me to live and walk with the prostitutes and drug dealers.  I have saved many, lost a few and even one in the last week.  I am saddened by the loss.  Kodi would know him as Rob the boot camp trainer that he met so long ago, and the guy that took him to school when we lived over on Buford Highway.

So why am I talking about this?  What does it have to do with Christmas spirit.  Well let me tell you. Every person I help, every life I encounter and interact with is enriched, changed and never is the same again.  I have to say that even though I spent a long time in the nursing home they were all sad to see me leave, and are so excited when I come back and visit.  You see I come and see those that have no family, have no visitors, who are shut-ins and left behind.  I bring them the love that is in my heart and I spend time with each of them.  There is not a one of the people in that home that I haven't met, who doesn't know who I am and whose life I have not touched in some way.

As God would have it I had a voice in my head telling me to go to the nursing home a couple of Sunday's ago, I wasn't feeling well, but I listened to that voice and I was able to see Jeanine Jacobs, I was granted the ability to tell her that I loved her and spend some time with her. See she died that following Wednesday, and the sad part was she thought she was getting better and was going home on Friday and she passed away on Wednesday.  I miss her a lot and I give thanks to God that I was able to tell her that I loved her and was glad to see her before she parted this world.

Christmas Spirit is the spirit of love, it gifts those with special gifts the ability to help, guide and even manipulate and change the fate of those around them.  We never interfere unless asked, and we never do anything against another persons will or wishes.  Some of us are gifted with the ability to change life's just by being in them.  Kodi and I come from a long line of Guardians and we have the ability to do all of the things that I have mentioned above.  Just by being in someone's life we can change if for the better.  Though often times we are selves are struggling and having hardships the ones we care about around us are doing better.  I have been rich, I have been poor, I have been happy and I have had my share of hardships.  But, I am very rarely a negative person and I am the type of person that other positive people gravitate towards.  The love and family spirit, the gift giving and the magic of Christmas is increased at the end of the year because it is the one point in the year when the magic of earth is at the lowest.

Which is why we make resolutions on New Year's because the residual magic of Christmas is still lingering and can make those resolutions come true, the secret to that is being 100 percent open and honest with yourself.  You will see that this time of year is the time when Families get together all around the world and the love that is shared is poured into the earth and allows people like me to do my job the rest of the year long.

Upon my death my gifts', abilities and premonitions will be passed on to the heir and since the only child I have ever had was my sisters the gifts shall fall too him.  He is more ready then he knows and I have faith that he will be a better and stronger Guardian than I ever was.  He will be remembered and just as I will live on in him, he will live on in the lives of those he touches.  None of us ever truly leave the earth, we are kept alive in the memories of those whose live we have touched, interacted with and have changed.

My grandfather told me that a man doesn't leave his mark upon the world by how much he accumulates, how much money, property and wealth he has, but by how many lives he has touched and how many people will remember him when he is gone.  I believe that this to be true and solid and I hope that I will be remembered always.

Before I close this post I thought I would sneak in what the definition of what a Guardian is.  Much like the Masons, Elks, and other societies you have to be indoctrinated into it.  You become part of it by being invited in  by the head priestess or you are born into the order because of the lineage of your family.  Kodi, Kevin, Eric and Myself are the last of the Guardian line in my immediate family, and though I lost touch with my cousin Eric over the years I know he has 12 kids and at least 2 of them will have the power and gift that my grandmother passed on to him and me both.  My brother Kevin is focused in his world and already doing his part.  He cannot inherit my gifts it doesn't work that way when he already has his own.  My gifts will add to the natural gifts of Kodi and he will be more than he is.  It will be confusing at times and hard to understand, but like me he will figure out the best use for his gifts and will be able to make changes in the world.  A Guardian is neither Good nor Evil.  We are balancers of the between the two.  A Guardian never lets good get the upper hand on Evil and vice versus.  We are punished for certain reasons, which I will not put in here, but Kodi knows.

So there you have it.

What is the Christmas Spirit all about?  Bringing families together in love and joy, to spread the bond of love and magic and make it last the entire year.  Guardians help move the power of this love magic along and influence when and where we can.

As always you hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Positive Affirmations

I know that last summer we talked a great deal about positive thinking, positive energy, and positive living.  We also talked about words and how they have power, they can either build or destroy depending on their usage.  But, as I have found out over this year, these same words of power can have meaning all to themselves and can benefit you in your daily life.  I call these affirmations, these are sayings that you tell yourself over and over again.  You can post them on your mirror, or somewhere where you will see them often, and everytime you do say them aloud.  These are positive tips that will help you, they will also help you maintain and keep your positive mental attitude for the day.

Remember that the more positive you put out in the world the more positive you get back.  Just like everything else in life if you live what you say you are going to go far.  Trust me when I tell you this.  Many self-help teachers and authors will tell you that if you want to be successful you must live and breathe the part, the same is true with keeping a positive mental outlook.  If you want to be positive you must live and be positive, there is no other way.

I have read books that tell you if you want to be a vice president of a company you must dress and act the part.  This is important, the image that you create for yourself is in effect a construct of creative visualization.  If you can imagine yourself in the part, you can manifest it in your life.  The same thing is true by you using affirmations.  If you tell yourself every morning that you are perfect and love yourself, eventually you will.  I have told my friend who has major self-esteem problems that maybe he should get a tatoo around his collarbone that says LOVE THYSELF, but backwards so that each time he looks at himself in the mirror or takes a picture of himself he sees it.  The more you see it and repeat it, the more energy you put into it and before you know it you are manifesting it in your life.

As I have told you before, one way that I prepare myself for the day is I get up every morning and I count my blessings one by one, and then I give thanks that I am able to live another day.  My same friend that I mentioned above does something very similar except he says a prayer.  Basically he thanks God for granting him another day and he says it seven times.  I am not sure what the significance of 7 is to him, but I know that it brings him that much closer to God each and every time he says it.

Affirmations are simple little phrases or sayings that you can post on your walls at work, mirror, monitor or other places that your eyes look every day.  They can be little things like "Smile You are Loved" or "Love thyself" or "Be Happy" or even "Today is a brand new beginning with no mistakes".  Remember the more you say them, the more you begin to believe them and that gives them power.

No one should be able to make your feelings about yourself change. Others shouldn't be able to make you feel any certain way.  Have confidence and self assurance that you know what you are doing and trust me it will show in everything you do.  People respect and appreciate those that are confident and strong.  When you make a decision stick with it.  These are things that will help you grow and mature.

When someone else changes your mood or makes you feel inferior or self conscious you have given them way too much power over you and I beg you to take it back from them.  Because they aren't doing you any good and adding much more stress to your day and your life.  March to your own drum and keep your own goals and desires in the forefront of your mind.  It is the only way to actually live.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Have you heard of the saying "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true" ?

I am sure you have heard that saying sometime in your life.  I know I sure have, and it is funny that is something my best friend and I were talking about today on the phone.  See, in my believe structure, words have power, and when you say them you put their meaning into action in not only the physical plane of existence but in the spiritual plane as well.  I am a Christian based Wiccan, I teach how both of the religions correlate to one another and how to use the teachings of both to lead not only a fulfilling but also a rewarding life as well.  In the Wiccan religion it is believed that anything you say or do that is of negative consequence will come back on you seven fold.  Now, to understand the law of retribution you might want to think of it in the terms of Karma.  What comes around goes around, as they say.  The law of retribution states that whatever you do to another comes back to you seven times greater than what you did to them.  So you basically have to pay the price seven fold.  This is huge, and people wonder why they have long streaks of bad luck, injury or illness.  It is because of the negative things that we put out into the world.

Eastern philosophy calls this Karma, that the wrongs you do to another, or on the earth or to another creature of the earth come back to you when you least expect it too.  So for example if you were mean to someone in high school, you might not reap the damages you inflicted till years later.  Karma is something that they believe is built up over time and comes back to bite you when it is appropriate.  Well, the law of retribution is very similar, except we believe that whatever you have put out whether good or bad will come back to you, but in different increments.  Negative thoughts and energy comes back seven fold, where positive energy and thoughts come back ten fold.  It can be immediate or gradual in response to whatever you have put out there.

Swami Sivanada sums it up nicely for me "Every wrong action or crime brings its own punishment, in accordance with the law of retribution. The law of causation, the law of action and reaction, the law of compensation and the law of retribution-all these operate together. He who robs another man robs himself. He who hurts another man hurts himself first. He who cheats another cheats himself first. Every wrong action causes punishment first in the inner nature or soul and externally in circumstances in the form of pain, misery, loss, failure, misfortune, disease, etc."  Think of it this way, for every thought or word that you think or utter in anger towards another person is like you are cursing them. You need to take it out of the law of cause and effect, which you can simply do by stating you take it out of the law directly after you speak the words, or think the thoughts.  The best thing to try and do is change the way you think and handle conflict because you never want your own wrath coming back upon yourself. 

Honestly life is too short for you to go around having bad Karma, bad JooJoo or whatever you want to call it.  Because trust me everything comes back on you, and you don't want all of that negativity coming back at you.  Each of us must face the consequences of our actions, decisions, words, and of course what we do to other people.  What I am hoping you will learn is that you can avoid a lot of pain and anguish on yourself if you treat everyone with kindness and love. You might even be pleasantly surprised, that what you get back is going to be much of the same.  See whatever we give out to others, is exactly what we are going to receive back to ourselves.  Keep that in mind the next time you want to loose your temper and swear at someone or tell them that you wish they were dead.  See those exact words have power, and whatever you think and put energy into will become manifest.  In effect you are cursing not only that person but yourself at the same time.  Though you might feel better in the short term, trust and believe that it is going to come back and bite you in the ass sooner or later.  

I have told you many times in the past that if you put forth positive energy you are going to get more positive back, the same goes with love, kindness, generosity and caring.  These are all things that come from the heart and are forms of positive energy. Remember that like attracts like in the spiritual world and what manifest in the spiritual world also manifest in the physical world as well.  In the blog entries I wrote back in April about meditation and creative visualization, I explained a lot of this. I also talked to you about how to ground and center yourself. If you want to protect yourself from other peoples negativity, use visualization.  Visualize yourself being surrounded from head to toe with white light, this will re-enforce the shielding of your body and repel any negativity that is around you.  As the day wears on you might feel that you are being weighed down with negativity and negative energy, when this happens ground yourself.  Which is simply envisioning the suns energy coming down through the top of your head and flowing through your body down to your feet and out into the ground. This will take that negative energy and shunt it to the earth which is our natural ground.

I have even in the past given you examples of how I start my day with a positive mental attitude and how it protects me throughout the day.  It simply a matter of giving thanks for the many blessings that have been bestowed upon me during my life. I do this every morning when I get up and meditate. This sets my mental activity for the day. When you are thinking only about the positive things that have happened to you how can anything negative get in to bug you?  Good question huh?  Another thing that I like to do when some issue or problem is weighing on my heart and mind. I like to write about it. I find it cathartic to write, it takes whatever it is and gets it out of my system.  If it is some kind of issue that I need help and resolution on. I take it with me in prayer at night and I lay those problems at the feet of the Lord.  How I accomplish that is I usually write what has been bothering me or whatever the issue or situation is that I need answered and I take that slip of paper once it is written on, pray about it an then fold that paper and put it in a shoe box and leave it there. That is symbolic to me of leaving it at the feet of Jesus, because once it is on that paper and in that box, I forget about it. I know in my heart that the answer is going to come and I am going to have that prayer answered.

When I left Atlanta in February, I created a box, which I called my prayer box when I got to my father's house. I kept it in the closet.  Every time I had an issue or prayer request or had something that I was worrying about I would write it down and I would put it in that box.  I would leave it there and try never to think about it again. When I moved out of my dad's place, my stepmother and I found the box in my things and we sat down and read through each and every slip of paper I had put in the box.  Guess what, over the 8 months that I had lived with them every single one of those prayers was answered.  Something else that I do and it is just my personal preference, I also put my goals and dreams and desires into that box as well. I pray about them of course and sure enough they too were answered and I was greatly impressed at how God had blessed me and favored me with all those answered prayers in such a short time.

Try it out I think you will find that it will work for you the same way.  Now that I am in my new home I am going to prepare a new box and do the same thing.  But I can tell you that already my prayers are being answered one by one.  My best friend in North Carolina made it home safely and started classes, that was a big prayer and worry that was on my mind and like I said I spoke with him tonight and things are starting to turn around for him.  I also spoke with my friend in Ft. Lauderdale this evening and he told me that he has some furniture for me. I need to find a way to get down there and pick it up, but he has a king size bed and a dresser and a sofa for me.  That is right my prayer from over the weekend has already been answered and I have the beginnings of new furniture and a new home all to myself.  Thanks and Glory be to God for that He is really working in my life and making things happen.

The last thing I want to talk to you about is a state of consciousness or enlightenment called Ka'thulu.  This is a thing that I read about a very long time ago it was in a book called White Magic by Marina Medici.  This state of enlightenment is a level that when reached ever single thing that we say comes to pass.  Jesus was in that state, everything He uttered happened, and each of us has the potential to reach that state as well.  I can tell you I have seen it in my own life and in the lives of some of my friends.  Be careful of the words you speak they have power, they have life and can cause great harm or great good depending on how they are used and uttered.

Keep walking the philosophers path with me and you will come to see what I am talking about.  Also keep in mind that whatever the mind can conceive and believe you will achieve.  It is very important to understand that what you visualize will manifest not only on the spiritual plane, but once that seed is planted there it will manifest in the physical world as well.  Visualization and words of power are very powerful and tricky tools that are given to us to use to benefit the world and mankind.  Be careful not to abuse them, and beware of the dangers of unguarded use. Remember whatever we put out there will come back to us.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

How do you know when you have surrendered your power over to someone else?

I know we have talked about personal power before and I have given you advice on how to take that power back.  But how do you recognize the signs?  How do you know when someone has power over you? Do you even know that you have given them the power?  Is there anyway to stop it from happening? Finally is it really a bad thing?  The answer to all of this is not as simple as it might seem and if there are warning signs, they are purely emotional.  As we enter into relationships we had a tendency to put our all into them and when we do, we end up giving up a piece of ourselves.  For the most part you can control how much you give, by limiting how much of your heart you choose to expose.

However, if you are like me, you sometimes give too much. Usually for me it starts out slowly and picks up momentum as the days and weeks go by before I know it, the other person has the ability to make me feel a certain way about myself.  that is when I know I have gone too far.  Because even now I am not sure anyone is worthy of having that much power over me. I keep waiting for them to prove themselves and so far I am the only one waiting around.  Days go by with no phone calls, texts and emails go unanswered. When I finally do connect with him, there is no real conversation, just the routine and the mundane.  I have realized this seems to happen to me a lot.  I open my heart, give out love and stand around waiting for it to be returned.  When I ask if anything is wrong between us, I am told everything is fine.  But why don't I feel fine?

The person used to inspire me, make me feel good about myself. Now all I do it think what have I done now?  What has happened? Where has the communication gone?  The real answer it hasn't gone anywhere. What has changed is the base of power.  I gave my heart away, and now I am looking for a return on that investment.

One of the first noticeable symptoms of power surrender, is when the other person's opinion matters to you more than your own.  Because you see they have the ability to make you feel a certain way. No one should have that much power over another person.  Developing feelings that strong can lead to problems and can start a very co-dependent relationship.  These types of relationships can be detrimental and hurtful to both parties involved.  Now, all of this depends on the person you are with and how much you can trust them.  Again the keys to any successful relationship are trust, communication, honesty and openness.  In co-dependent relationships one partner uses the power that is given to them to control and manipulate every situation.  In a wholesome and healthy relationship each partner retains their own sense of self.  They are okay with maintaining separate as well as unified gatherings and friends.  In other words they are just as comfortable with you and doing things together as they are doing them alone or with a group of their own friends.  Leading both separate and together lives.

So how do you know when you have surrendered your power over to someone else?  Easy! When you long to hear from them, when it seems like you can't do anything without them.  When you care so much about their opinion that you totally ignore your own feelings.  I honestly don't believe it is healthy to feel that way at all.  You need to regain your sense of self.

You need to feel good about yourself, your decisions and you can't do that if you are dependent on someone else and their feelings and opinions.  With all of this being said there is a healthy medium that can be reached. Compromise is still the name of the relationship game.  But, you have to have your own independence even in a relationship.  You need to be free to do what you want to do with consideration to your partner, but you cannot spend every single second together.  It just won't work!  So here is where I recommend  keep your own friends and continue to do things with them. Encourage your partner to do the same.  Make mutual friends together, make time to dow some things together, and still balance them with your own personal me time.

I always like to include my partner, but I do realize that he needs to have his own independence and freedom. Secret to success is communication, open and truthful conversation, plus quality alone time together.  If you can enjoy sitting in the same room doing different things, yet still enjoying and sharing each others warmth and company I would say you have reached the perfect and harmonious place in your relationship that I have been talking about.  Trust me you are still going to need quality alone time with each other, so that your relationship can grow and flourish. But you also have to have some quality me time so that you can grow and mature as an individual.  If you can achieve that in your relationship you too can have a relationship that last 12 or more years.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B