Have you ever watched a feel good movie and felt better about yourself and your life afterwards? I did just tonight. I watched a movie called "Fishbowl California", a movie I knew absolutely nothing about, and it lifted my spirits and gave me some peace of mind. The story is seemingly ordinary about the life of a man battling cheating girlfriend, unemployment, homelessness, and plain old bad luck. I felt like I could relate to the main character and have experienced much of the same issues that he was. He met an older woman that challenged him, and in the long run changed his life. As I said it was a feel good movie, with everyday challenges and life issues, but throughout the comedy/drama you began to feel something for the characters and were pulled into the story along with the pain that each one was feeling. It isn't every day that a film comes along and makes me feel the way this one did.
In the story the main character suffered from being homeless, aimless, and having no thoughts other than himself, yet along the way he runs into a tough older woman, with a gruff exterior and tender interior that she hides from everyone including herself and her daughter. You find out that she is sick and possibly dying, in mourning for her husband who has passed and has finally given up on living and is just existing day by day. She is a drunk and has a tough exterior, she takes no bull from anyone yet has a kind heart. Our main character is caught stealing from her and she puts him to work, fixing up the house and cleaning up the yard. Pressure from her daughter to take better care of herself and to get some help. In an attempt to do that she lets the guy stay with her, but he starts to understand that her drinking is a form of avoidance from life and her illness. The daughter appeals to the young man to help her make sure that the mother starts taking her medication daily. This causes a rift in the household and the old lady throws the young man out.
She starts regretting how she treated the young man and begins taking care of herself and stops drinking totally. Within a couple weeks go by and the young man comes by the house to see how the lady is doing only to find that a memorial service is going on. Thinking that the lady has passed away he starts talking about how the woman helped him find himself and took a chance on him when no one else would. This turns out to be a joke and he passes out. When he wakes up he finds that she had decided to give her old self a funeral. She had decided to put her house up for sale and move to Hawaii, apparently the ocean air will be good for her health. As such she decided to give something to the young man who had inadvertently helped her give up drinking and changed her life for the better.
This story reminds me so much of something I wrote a lot about in earlier blog posts about not knowing where a casual conversation will lead you, or how your interactions with someone might benefit them in some way that you couldn't have foreseen. Life is like that in so many ways, we don't know who is looking at us or why. Others might find hope or inspiration in how you are living your life, or could be gaining strength from your struggles. I would like to remind each of us to live as an example for others to follow. Believe in yourself, and know that everyone out there is going through something. You are not struggling alone, and there are people out there who see you. You may not even know them. Others might find inspiration in your life, your story and your struggles. You might be helping people without even being aware of it. Everything you do has far reaching effects on those around you and the environment in which you life.
Take the time to talk to strangers, introduce yourself too them, tell them your story. You might be just the thing that they need to help them get to the next step or progress past an issue that is heavy for them. You never know but each of us has come through so much, done things that others have been afraid to do and we have grown from our efforts. Others, can benefit from you in small or even big ways if you just take the time to express yourself to them. I have often been accused of never meeting a stranger and that is partly true. Every opportunity I get I talk to others about the things that I have been through, my illnesses, my victories and even my defeats. I talk to them about my struggles with addiction and depression and I try to help others by writing my story in my blog. I want people around me to see hope, to gain inspiration and joy from getting to know me. I hope to be someone that helps others around me and teach them how to be the same for those that look to them.
My dad has told me that I can't save everyone, that I have to be smart about how I go about helping other people, and that I shouldn't let them take advantage of me. Sometimes, I get to involved and wrapped up in myself that I don't even notice when someone is using me or trying to take advantage, so I have started distancing myself. But I have begun to see how many people look at my life and they are trying to better themselves by using my examples to help themselves around the issues that plague them. This is a form of helping and is a by product of merely just living my life the best way that I know how.
For many years I led people into the drug world and at times that I thought I was helping them, I was actually enabling them to continue in their abuse and addiction. Only by walking away from the scene myself and encouraging others to do so have I truly been a help. I may have provided a safe warm place that they could indulge themselves, but I wasn't really helping like I thought I was. I have taken so many people off of the streets, and thought I was giving them a chance to better themselves and help them get off of drugs, but what was really happening was I was allowing them to continue in their habit without recourse or consequence to their actions. The weren't on the streets anymore I was providing them with housing, food, and often times more drugs. In effect I was keeping myself surrounded by similar types of people so I didn't feel so guilty about what I was doing, and I convinced myself that I was actually helping others. Some I may have, others maybe not so much, but in the end I learned more about myself and what I really wanted out of life.
Drug addiction is not a game, and it really takes work to remain sober, each day is a constant battle of the soul versus the mind and it never gets easier. If you truly want to help someone get out of that situation the only way to really do is it is to have a zero drug tolerance policy and enforce it. Otherwise you are just fostering an addiction and enabling the person to keep using. Recovery is not something that can be undertaken lightly and must be committed too from the very start. No ifs, ands, or excuses about it. I know that the methods that I used to employ were not effective for treating an illness, they were a way for me to surround myself by like minded people and feel better about myself and what I was doing. Even though I had their best interest at heart my methods were suspect and the help that I gave wasn't effective. I have since changed my thoughts on this and I still try to help those around me who need helping but I have different ideas now about how to go about it and what I am willing to accept in my life and what I am willing to do to help them.
I won't be buying the drugs, will not allow them to be used in my home and I will not let someone manipulate me into falling for the "Just one more time routine". Enough is enough too many of my friends have died or gotten so sick from drugs that it really isn't worth it. Life is the most precious gift we are given and to squander that and to through it away is not something I want to help with anymore. I am so proud of my friends who have started down the road of recovery and are celebrating their sobriety. I wished I would have learned this to help more people earlier. But I am with you in this battle now and I am not giving up and neither should you.
As always you are in my hopes and dreams,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label affirmation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label affirmation. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Rebuilding from the past
When I first moved to Florida I came with nothing except the clothes on my back, literally. I had on a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants and nothing else except a broken cell phone. During my first 8 months I experienced some setback such as going into the hospital literally 2 days after I got here. I was in there for 14 days because my colon ruptured in 2 places while I was in there. However, I was able to make a recovery, get a job and was able to get clothes that I needed and I was able to purchase things that I wanted along the way. I got a job, bought a car, and got my own place on top of all of those things. I can't say that I was happy but it didn't take me long to get furniture. Luckily there was a place called Our Father's Closet not too far from my house that gave me a sofa bed, and some other items like a coffee table, end tables and a lamp. I got a TV from a pawn shop and I was on my way. Over the past 6 years or so I ended up loosing several places where I had lived, ended up homeless and most of my stuff ended up in storage units from Florida to Pennsylvania, which I had successfully kept up with till last summer when I had an unfortunate run in with the law.
I was on the street literally from July till December. When a friend of mine reached out and opened up his home to me and allowed me to come and stay with him and his partner. I am extremely grateful to Travis and Demario for allowing me to come into their home. Life hasn't been kind to me if the truth is to be told. Most of you already know from reading and following my blog that I have several medical issues and the list seems to be growing longer each passing month. However, the month of February I took the time for myself and I started rebuilding all of the things that I had lost over the past several years. This month I took money and bought myself a TV and I also got myself a computer and a printer. I even purchased a tablet, however, my mother being in a similar situation to mine health wise, I have decided that I am going to send her the tablet that I have bought and wait for a little bit and before I buy another tablet. It might take me some time but I know that with all the trips to the doctors and labs that need to be done that I am going to continue to be busy till I can get all of these surgeries done and over with that they are saying that I am needing.
I started going to pain management and I am finding that the medication that they have me on now isn't really helping me all that much. I seem to be taking more and more just to get through the day with out any pain. So I expressed interest in getting on Medical Marijuana but currently at the price point that they are charging here in Florida it really puts it out of my reach. I am not sure what I am going to do. I am pretty sure that my friends aren't going to want me staying with them forever, and I am sure that it would be better to get out on my own. But, with only being here a few months I am still not sure of my way around. My friend Travis grew up here and is very familiar with the area so I rely on him pretty heavily. I just fear that I am getting on their nerves and making them uncomfortable in their own home.
I have been here exactly 2 1/2 months and I am hoping that in the next 2 or so that I will have enough money saved up that I might be able to get out on my own. However, this is something that I am trying to work on. Though with every turn something seems to come up and I end up spending money that I wasn't planning on. My mother's cell phone died totally and wouldn't turn on at all. This was a necessary expense and I was glad I was in a position to get her a new one. But since I have been here I have been running into all sorts of obstacles. Like the UF Health here in Jacksonville is not in my network but the one in Gainesville is. I am frustrated by this. I am also having trouble with Ryan White here, for the past 7 years they have been paying my copays to the VA and here in Jacksonville they won't. I am not sure what I should do and starting next month the VA is going to start garnishing my check. Further, my partner had me bail him out of jail and then missed court. So now the bondsman is coming after me for the 3000.00 so that is going to end up coming out of my check.
So it seems for every step that I take forward, I end up falling 20 steps behind. I am not sure if I am going to recover from this fiasco altogether. I figure that during this time when I have the little extra funds available to me that I should purchase the things that I want and need before all the garnishments hit my Social Security check. That way when they do come I will not be needing things, I will have already built them up from. My next big expenditure is going to be the installation of my own internet here at the house that way I don't have to rely on my friends totally for everything. Sometimes I just feel like they think that I am trying to take advantage of their kindness and I don't want to overstep my bounds.
Overall, I am feeling great about the accomplishments that I have made since I have been here and the change of environment and scenery have really helped me maintain focus towards furthering my goal. My big thing is that I am really trying to fit in and at times I feel like I am keeping my friends from the things that they are needing to do because they are worried about me. Over the next month or two I am hoping that I will have either saved enough money to get a vehicle or a place of my own. That way they won't think that I am wasting my money on things and not making sure that they are taken care of. I also need to figure out how to work around my direct deposit issues with the credit union that I am a member of. I like the fact that I can transfer funds directly from my checking account directly onto my credit card and not have to worry about incurring an fees or late charges.
That is another thing that I have accomplished. I was able to get myself 2 credit cards. I am hoping that I will be able to begin rebuilding my credit and work towards getting myself totally back on my feet.
Right now I am worried about my upcoming appointment with the neurosurgeon I am waiting to see what type of treatment he is going to recommend. At this point I have had 3 MRIs and I have to schedule a PET scan tomorrow. I am struggling to keep up with all of my appointments and getting to and from them conveniently.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I set out on rebuilding my life from the remnants of my past.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I was on the street literally from July till December. When a friend of mine reached out and opened up his home to me and allowed me to come and stay with him and his partner. I am extremely grateful to Travis and Demario for allowing me to come into their home. Life hasn't been kind to me if the truth is to be told. Most of you already know from reading and following my blog that I have several medical issues and the list seems to be growing longer each passing month. However, the month of February I took the time for myself and I started rebuilding all of the things that I had lost over the past several years. This month I took money and bought myself a TV and I also got myself a computer and a printer. I even purchased a tablet, however, my mother being in a similar situation to mine health wise, I have decided that I am going to send her the tablet that I have bought and wait for a little bit and before I buy another tablet. It might take me some time but I know that with all the trips to the doctors and labs that need to be done that I am going to continue to be busy till I can get all of these surgeries done and over with that they are saying that I am needing.
I started going to pain management and I am finding that the medication that they have me on now isn't really helping me all that much. I seem to be taking more and more just to get through the day with out any pain. So I expressed interest in getting on Medical Marijuana but currently at the price point that they are charging here in Florida it really puts it out of my reach. I am not sure what I am going to do. I am pretty sure that my friends aren't going to want me staying with them forever, and I am sure that it would be better to get out on my own. But, with only being here a few months I am still not sure of my way around. My friend Travis grew up here and is very familiar with the area so I rely on him pretty heavily. I just fear that I am getting on their nerves and making them uncomfortable in their own home.
I have been here exactly 2 1/2 months and I am hoping that in the next 2 or so that I will have enough money saved up that I might be able to get out on my own. However, this is something that I am trying to work on. Though with every turn something seems to come up and I end up spending money that I wasn't planning on. My mother's cell phone died totally and wouldn't turn on at all. This was a necessary expense and I was glad I was in a position to get her a new one. But since I have been here I have been running into all sorts of obstacles. Like the UF Health here in Jacksonville is not in my network but the one in Gainesville is. I am frustrated by this. I am also having trouble with Ryan White here, for the past 7 years they have been paying my copays to the VA and here in Jacksonville they won't. I am not sure what I should do and starting next month the VA is going to start garnishing my check. Further, my partner had me bail him out of jail and then missed court. So now the bondsman is coming after me for the 3000.00 so that is going to end up coming out of my check.
So it seems for every step that I take forward, I end up falling 20 steps behind. I am not sure if I am going to recover from this fiasco altogether. I figure that during this time when I have the little extra funds available to me that I should purchase the things that I want and need before all the garnishments hit my Social Security check. That way when they do come I will not be needing things, I will have already built them up from. My next big expenditure is going to be the installation of my own internet here at the house that way I don't have to rely on my friends totally for everything. Sometimes I just feel like they think that I am trying to take advantage of their kindness and I don't want to overstep my bounds.
Overall, I am feeling great about the accomplishments that I have made since I have been here and the change of environment and scenery have really helped me maintain focus towards furthering my goal. My big thing is that I am really trying to fit in and at times I feel like I am keeping my friends from the things that they are needing to do because they are worried about me. Over the next month or two I am hoping that I will have either saved enough money to get a vehicle or a place of my own. That way they won't think that I am wasting my money on things and not making sure that they are taken care of. I also need to figure out how to work around my direct deposit issues with the credit union that I am a member of. I like the fact that I can transfer funds directly from my checking account directly onto my credit card and not have to worry about incurring an fees or late charges.
That is another thing that I have accomplished. I was able to get myself 2 credit cards. I am hoping that I will be able to begin rebuilding my credit and work towards getting myself totally back on my feet.
Right now I am worried about my upcoming appointment with the neurosurgeon I am waiting to see what type of treatment he is going to recommend. At this point I have had 3 MRIs and I have to schedule a PET scan tomorrow. I am struggling to keep up with all of my appointments and getting to and from them conveniently.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I set out on rebuilding my life from the remnants of my past.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Friday, January 23, 2015
When you make time still
Last night we talked about how life comes out of darkness and from strife comes change. I wanted to talk to you more about darkness and moments in our lives when we need to sit back and reflect. Each of us comes to a point in our lives when we look back over our life and are disheartened by where we are at. Most of the time this comes when we are down and are trying to figure out which way we have to go. Darkness has descended on our lives and our emotions are all embroiled. I reflect back and I look at where I am today and I am saddened because I sometimes feel like I have been a complete failure. My father said once that Bryan look at your life and what you have lost, you are 46 years old and you should know better. You cannot help everyone, some people don't want saving, and they just want to take advantage of you and your kindness. You should be so much more secure in your life and situation. FAILURE is what that message screamed to me, making me feel even worse about myself and the my life.
See, I never thought that at 46 I would be living back at my dad's struggling to get back on my feet and to turn my life around. If you look back at where I have been and what I had you will begin to realize that my life wasn't so bad. But from my current vantage point it is just so much easier to see where I am and not where I have been. Yes, I miss my home, my cars, my friends, my old life, but the loss was not of my own doing. I had some fault in the matter, but illness took the center stage in my life and rewrote my story. This can happen to anyone, no matter where you are at in life and what you have achieved, illness can come in and with a wide sweeping reach can take everything away in a blink. I have been going through a very dark place for a very long time, and it will never be over. What I look forward to is the bits of light that break through that darkness and for a little bit light my path. In other words, from 2005 till now I have been in and out of hospitals constantly and have been fighting for my life. I have been sick and there doesn't seem to be an end to this in sight. Yet, there have been spots in this turmoil where I have met friends, partners and lovers, that have made life bearable.
During those times of darkness and when the doubt and despair creep in, I need to take the time to reflect and make time stand still. I need to look back at my life and see the whole thing. See the bigger picture. See, it isn't where I am at that is important. No, it was the journey that brought me here. It is what has molded me, crafted me and made me into the person I am today. When I look at all I have done, been and accomplished my life doesn't seem so bleak at all. As a matter of fact my life starts looking to like a plot to a movie or a great fast paced book. I have had such a colorful past, many interesting friends and have been into so many things and through so much drama that you would think that I couldn't have possibly lived like that. Trust me, anyone that knows me can tell you that I have had a very blessed and magical life. So, when I take the time to actually reflect and see the entire picture the story doesn't seem so hopeless or tragic, on the contrary it starts to look pretty darn good.
In our darkest times and we are stuck without light I believe that there comes a point just before the light crests the horizon that we come to terms with whatever it is that we are going through and just at the perfect precise moment that all things seem possible to us. Like life is renewing itself and everything starts to seem right again in the world. Now, you might be wonder what in the world am I talking about. If you remember back to an article I wrote in 2012 I told you that there are no perfect moments in our lives, that time waits for no one and we have to create those special moments by doing little things to make those moments memorable forever. It is my belief that during our trials, tribulations and pain, there comes a single moment when we have made a decision to change and have started to take steps on that new path that a moment of clarity comes to us and we know that what we are doing is possible.
This is just another point in my discussion that strengthens my argument that out of darkness comes life. That the strife that we face in life (darkness) is the catalyst for change. During our journey through that time of darkness there comes a moment in our thought process where we begin to look for answers and an escape from the trouble that is hounding us. I believe that when we sit back and reflect on our lives, and see the journey and the destinations we have had along the way we make time still and our mind calms and we can see all the possible solutions to our situation.
Just keep this in mind that everything changes, and you have to too in order to evolve. Nothing last forever, and in the darkness everything seems possible at some points.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
See, I never thought that at 46 I would be living back at my dad's struggling to get back on my feet and to turn my life around. If you look back at where I have been and what I had you will begin to realize that my life wasn't so bad. But from my current vantage point it is just so much easier to see where I am and not where I have been. Yes, I miss my home, my cars, my friends, my old life, but the loss was not of my own doing. I had some fault in the matter, but illness took the center stage in my life and rewrote my story. This can happen to anyone, no matter where you are at in life and what you have achieved, illness can come in and with a wide sweeping reach can take everything away in a blink. I have been going through a very dark place for a very long time, and it will never be over. What I look forward to is the bits of light that break through that darkness and for a little bit light my path. In other words, from 2005 till now I have been in and out of hospitals constantly and have been fighting for my life. I have been sick and there doesn't seem to be an end to this in sight. Yet, there have been spots in this turmoil where I have met friends, partners and lovers, that have made life bearable.
During those times of darkness and when the doubt and despair creep in, I need to take the time to reflect and make time stand still. I need to look back at my life and see the whole thing. See the bigger picture. See, it isn't where I am at that is important. No, it was the journey that brought me here. It is what has molded me, crafted me and made me into the person I am today. When I look at all I have done, been and accomplished my life doesn't seem so bleak at all. As a matter of fact my life starts looking to like a plot to a movie or a great fast paced book. I have had such a colorful past, many interesting friends and have been into so many things and through so much drama that you would think that I couldn't have possibly lived like that. Trust me, anyone that knows me can tell you that I have had a very blessed and magical life. So, when I take the time to actually reflect and see the entire picture the story doesn't seem so hopeless or tragic, on the contrary it starts to look pretty darn good.
In our darkest times and we are stuck without light I believe that there comes a point just before the light crests the horizon that we come to terms with whatever it is that we are going through and just at the perfect precise moment that all things seem possible to us. Like life is renewing itself and everything starts to seem right again in the world. Now, you might be wonder what in the world am I talking about. If you remember back to an article I wrote in 2012 I told you that there are no perfect moments in our lives, that time waits for no one and we have to create those special moments by doing little things to make those moments memorable forever. It is my belief that during our trials, tribulations and pain, there comes a single moment when we have made a decision to change and have started to take steps on that new path that a moment of clarity comes to us and we know that what we are doing is possible.
This is just another point in my discussion that strengthens my argument that out of darkness comes life. That the strife that we face in life (darkness) is the catalyst for change. During our journey through that time of darkness there comes a moment in our thought process where we begin to look for answers and an escape from the trouble that is hounding us. I believe that when we sit back and reflect on our lives, and see the journey and the destinations we have had along the way we make time still and our mind calms and we can see all the possible solutions to our situation.
Just keep this in mind that everything changes, and you have to too in order to evolve. Nothing last forever, and in the darkness everything seems possible at some points.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, December 21, 2014
What is the Christmas Spirit all about?
After watching the Librarians tonight on TNT I began to really understand the power and spirit of Christmas. Saint Nick's power comes from all around the world. He collects that magical moments and love that are displayed throughout the whole year and at Christmas time when the spirit is the lowest and despair creeps in Saint Nick travels the world and delivers love, hope, faith and anything else that is needed.
Sometimes, it might be a Christmas wish, other times it might be the courage to put down that point and walk away from meth. It maybe the need strength that the Alcoholic needs to put down the bottle or that person thinking about suicide to walk away and live. All these things are what Christmas Spirit is all about.
People don't understand me. They don't get me, and most of the time the miss the big picture. Everywhere I go I spread love joy and hope. I go back to the nursing home and I give back to those that took the time and encouraged me to go further than I thought I ever could. I was pushed, I was made to think and achieve things that I thought impossible. I never once believed them when I was told that I would never walk again and with the help of my physical therapist Grace and her assistant Dewayne, I am out of the wheel chair within 3 weeks and I have never gone back.
No matter where I go I always reach out my hand and help those around me that I can. It doesn't matter what life they lead, what they have done in the past and where they are headed. I have been as my grandmother called it an Angel on Earth. I bring comfort, peace and compassion with me where ever I go. My time on earth is running very low and I know that a great burden is going to be past on. I know that my nephew Kodi is ready for this, even though he doesn't think he is and by his will and strength alone I believe he has kept me here on this earth. Before he moved he told me and begged me to not let the burden pass to him until he was ready. I have seen his journey and I am so very proud of him.
He definitely turned into the man that I dreamed he would be. He has been faithful and loving and though all relationships have problems him and his girlfriend Annie has managed to keep it going and now their lives are going to be filled with a new life. My line has not ended and the power that God has granted me will be passed on to my nephew. His mother was my half sister, but when he came to me at the age of 13 I never thought of him as anything less than my own son. He has been trained and he knows how I have operated my entire life. He will find his own way to use the power that is going to be passed on to him. He is a special person and anyone who has met him will know what I mean.
So what does all of this have to do with the Spirit of Christmas? Am I am claiming that I am Saint Nick? No I am not him, I wish I had his job it is much easier than the path that I was given. Kodi will have it so much easier because he will have families and children to help that is the path that I see for him. God selected me to live and walk with the prostitutes and drug dealers. I have saved many, lost a few and even one in the last week. I am saddened by the loss. Kodi would know him as Rob the boot camp trainer that he met so long ago, and the guy that took him to school when we lived over on Buford Highway.
So why am I talking about this? What does it have to do with Christmas spirit. Well let me tell you. Every person I help, every life I encounter and interact with is enriched, changed and never is the same again. I have to say that even though I spent a long time in the nursing home they were all sad to see me leave, and are so excited when I come back and visit. You see I come and see those that have no family, have no visitors, who are shut-ins and left behind. I bring them the love that is in my heart and I spend time with each of them. There is not a one of the people in that home that I haven't met, who doesn't know who I am and whose life I have not touched in some way.
As God would have it I had a voice in my head telling me to go to the nursing home a couple of Sunday's ago, I wasn't feeling well, but I listened to that voice and I was able to see Jeanine Jacobs, I was granted the ability to tell her that I loved her and spend some time with her. See she died that following Wednesday, and the sad part was she thought she was getting better and was going home on Friday and she passed away on Wednesday. I miss her a lot and I give thanks to God that I was able to tell her that I loved her and was glad to see her before she parted this world.
Christmas Spirit is the spirit of love, it gifts those with special gifts the ability to help, guide and even manipulate and change the fate of those around them. We never interfere unless asked, and we never do anything against another persons will or wishes. Some of us are gifted with the ability to change life's just by being in them. Kodi and I come from a long line of Guardians and we have the ability to do all of the things that I have mentioned above. Just by being in someone's life we can change if for the better. Though often times we are selves are struggling and having hardships the ones we care about around us are doing better. I have been rich, I have been poor, I have been happy and I have had my share of hardships. But, I am very rarely a negative person and I am the type of person that other positive people gravitate towards. The love and family spirit, the gift giving and the magic of Christmas is increased at the end of the year because it is the one point in the year when the magic of earth is at the lowest.
Which is why we make resolutions on New Year's because the residual magic of Christmas is still lingering and can make those resolutions come true, the secret to that is being 100 percent open and honest with yourself. You will see that this time of year is the time when Families get together all around the world and the love that is shared is poured into the earth and allows people like me to do my job the rest of the year long.
Upon my death my gifts', abilities and premonitions will be passed on to the heir and since the only child I have ever had was my sisters the gifts shall fall too him. He is more ready then he knows and I have faith that he will be a better and stronger Guardian than I ever was. He will be remembered and just as I will live on in him, he will live on in the lives of those he touches. None of us ever truly leave the earth, we are kept alive in the memories of those whose live we have touched, interacted with and have changed.
My grandfather told me that a man doesn't leave his mark upon the world by how much he accumulates, how much money, property and wealth he has, but by how many lives he has touched and how many people will remember him when he is gone. I believe that this to be true and solid and I hope that I will be remembered always.
Before I close this post I thought I would sneak in what the definition of what a Guardian is. Much like the Masons, Elks, and other societies you have to be indoctrinated into it. You become part of it by being invited in by the head priestess or you are born into the order because of the lineage of your family. Kodi, Kevin, Eric and Myself are the last of the Guardian line in my immediate family, and though I lost touch with my cousin Eric over the years I know he has 12 kids and at least 2 of them will have the power and gift that my grandmother passed on to him and me both. My brother Kevin is focused in his world and already doing his part. He cannot inherit my gifts it doesn't work that way when he already has his own. My gifts will add to the natural gifts of Kodi and he will be more than he is. It will be confusing at times and hard to understand, but like me he will figure out the best use for his gifts and will be able to make changes in the world. A Guardian is neither Good nor Evil. We are balancers of the between the two. A Guardian never lets good get the upper hand on Evil and vice versus. We are punished for certain reasons, which I will not put in here, but Kodi knows.
So there you have it.
What is the Christmas Spirit all about? Bringing families together in love and joy, to spread the bond of love and magic and make it last the entire year. Guardians help move the power of this love magic along and influence when and where we can.
As always you hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sometimes, it might be a Christmas wish, other times it might be the courage to put down that point and walk away from meth. It maybe the need strength that the Alcoholic needs to put down the bottle or that person thinking about suicide to walk away and live. All these things are what Christmas Spirit is all about.
People don't understand me. They don't get me, and most of the time the miss the big picture. Everywhere I go I spread love joy and hope. I go back to the nursing home and I give back to those that took the time and encouraged me to go further than I thought I ever could. I was pushed, I was made to think and achieve things that I thought impossible. I never once believed them when I was told that I would never walk again and with the help of my physical therapist Grace and her assistant Dewayne, I am out of the wheel chair within 3 weeks and I have never gone back.
No matter where I go I always reach out my hand and help those around me that I can. It doesn't matter what life they lead, what they have done in the past and where they are headed. I have been as my grandmother called it an Angel on Earth. I bring comfort, peace and compassion with me where ever I go. My time on earth is running very low and I know that a great burden is going to be past on. I know that my nephew Kodi is ready for this, even though he doesn't think he is and by his will and strength alone I believe he has kept me here on this earth. Before he moved he told me and begged me to not let the burden pass to him until he was ready. I have seen his journey and I am so very proud of him.
He definitely turned into the man that I dreamed he would be. He has been faithful and loving and though all relationships have problems him and his girlfriend Annie has managed to keep it going and now their lives are going to be filled with a new life. My line has not ended and the power that God has granted me will be passed on to my nephew. His mother was my half sister, but when he came to me at the age of 13 I never thought of him as anything less than my own son. He has been trained and he knows how I have operated my entire life. He will find his own way to use the power that is going to be passed on to him. He is a special person and anyone who has met him will know what I mean.
So what does all of this have to do with the Spirit of Christmas? Am I am claiming that I am Saint Nick? No I am not him, I wish I had his job it is much easier than the path that I was given. Kodi will have it so much easier because he will have families and children to help that is the path that I see for him. God selected me to live and walk with the prostitutes and drug dealers. I have saved many, lost a few and even one in the last week. I am saddened by the loss. Kodi would know him as Rob the boot camp trainer that he met so long ago, and the guy that took him to school when we lived over on Buford Highway.
So why am I talking about this? What does it have to do with Christmas spirit. Well let me tell you. Every person I help, every life I encounter and interact with is enriched, changed and never is the same again. I have to say that even though I spent a long time in the nursing home they were all sad to see me leave, and are so excited when I come back and visit. You see I come and see those that have no family, have no visitors, who are shut-ins and left behind. I bring them the love that is in my heart and I spend time with each of them. There is not a one of the people in that home that I haven't met, who doesn't know who I am and whose life I have not touched in some way.
As God would have it I had a voice in my head telling me to go to the nursing home a couple of Sunday's ago, I wasn't feeling well, but I listened to that voice and I was able to see Jeanine Jacobs, I was granted the ability to tell her that I loved her and spend some time with her. See she died that following Wednesday, and the sad part was she thought she was getting better and was going home on Friday and she passed away on Wednesday. I miss her a lot and I give thanks to God that I was able to tell her that I loved her and was glad to see her before she parted this world.
Christmas Spirit is the spirit of love, it gifts those with special gifts the ability to help, guide and even manipulate and change the fate of those around them. We never interfere unless asked, and we never do anything against another persons will or wishes. Some of us are gifted with the ability to change life's just by being in them. Kodi and I come from a long line of Guardians and we have the ability to do all of the things that I have mentioned above. Just by being in someone's life we can change if for the better. Though often times we are selves are struggling and having hardships the ones we care about around us are doing better. I have been rich, I have been poor, I have been happy and I have had my share of hardships. But, I am very rarely a negative person and I am the type of person that other positive people gravitate towards. The love and family spirit, the gift giving and the magic of Christmas is increased at the end of the year because it is the one point in the year when the magic of earth is at the lowest.
Which is why we make resolutions on New Year's because the residual magic of Christmas is still lingering and can make those resolutions come true, the secret to that is being 100 percent open and honest with yourself. You will see that this time of year is the time when Families get together all around the world and the love that is shared is poured into the earth and allows people like me to do my job the rest of the year long.
Upon my death my gifts', abilities and premonitions will be passed on to the heir and since the only child I have ever had was my sisters the gifts shall fall too him. He is more ready then he knows and I have faith that he will be a better and stronger Guardian than I ever was. He will be remembered and just as I will live on in him, he will live on in the lives of those he touches. None of us ever truly leave the earth, we are kept alive in the memories of those whose live we have touched, interacted with and have changed.
My grandfather told me that a man doesn't leave his mark upon the world by how much he accumulates, how much money, property and wealth he has, but by how many lives he has touched and how many people will remember him when he is gone. I believe that this to be true and solid and I hope that I will be remembered always.
Before I close this post I thought I would sneak in what the definition of what a Guardian is. Much like the Masons, Elks, and other societies you have to be indoctrinated into it. You become part of it by being invited in by the head priestess or you are born into the order because of the lineage of your family. Kodi, Kevin, Eric and Myself are the last of the Guardian line in my immediate family, and though I lost touch with my cousin Eric over the years I know he has 12 kids and at least 2 of them will have the power and gift that my grandmother passed on to him and me both. My brother Kevin is focused in his world and already doing his part. He cannot inherit my gifts it doesn't work that way when he already has his own. My gifts will add to the natural gifts of Kodi and he will be more than he is. It will be confusing at times and hard to understand, but like me he will figure out the best use for his gifts and will be able to make changes in the world. A Guardian is neither Good nor Evil. We are balancers of the between the two. A Guardian never lets good get the upper hand on Evil and vice versus. We are punished for certain reasons, which I will not put in here, but Kodi knows.
So there you have it.
What is the Christmas Spirit all about? Bringing families together in love and joy, to spread the bond of love and magic and make it last the entire year. Guardians help move the power of this love magic along and influence when and where we can.
As always you hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Positive Affirmations
I know that last summer we talked a great deal about positive thinking, positive energy, and positive living. We also talked about words and how they have power, they can either build or destroy depending on their usage. But, as I have found out over this year, these same words of power can have meaning all to themselves and can benefit you in your daily life. I call these affirmations, these are sayings that you tell yourself over and over again. You can post them on your mirror, or somewhere where you will see them often, and everytime you do say them aloud. These are positive tips that will help you, they will also help you maintain and keep your positive mental attitude for the day.
Remember that the more positive you put out in the world the more positive you get back. Just like everything else in life if you live what you say you are going to go far. Trust me when I tell you this. Many self-help teachers and authors will tell you that if you want to be successful you must live and breathe the part, the same is true with keeping a positive mental outlook. If you want to be positive you must live and be positive, there is no other way.
I have read books that tell you if you want to be a vice president of a company you must dress and act the part. This is important, the image that you create for yourself is in effect a construct of creative visualization. If you can imagine yourself in the part, you can manifest it in your life. The same thing is true by you using affirmations. If you tell yourself every morning that you are perfect and love yourself, eventually you will. I have told my friend who has major self-esteem problems that maybe he should get a tatoo around his collarbone that says LOVE THYSELF, but backwards so that each time he looks at himself in the mirror or takes a picture of himself he sees it. The more you see it and repeat it, the more energy you put into it and before you know it you are manifesting it in your life.
As I have told you before, one way that I prepare myself for the day is I get up every morning and I count my blessings one by one, and then I give thanks that I am able to live another day. My same friend that I mentioned above does something very similar except he says a prayer. Basically he thanks God for granting him another day and he says it seven times. I am not sure what the significance of 7 is to him, but I know that it brings him that much closer to God each and every time he says it.
Affirmations are simple little phrases or sayings that you can post on your walls at work, mirror, monitor or other places that your eyes look every day. They can be little things like "Smile You are Loved" or "Love thyself" or "Be Happy" or even "Today is a brand new beginning with no mistakes". Remember the more you say them, the more you begin to believe them and that gives them power.
No one should be able to make your feelings about yourself change. Others shouldn't be able to make you feel any certain way. Have confidence and self assurance that you know what you are doing and trust me it will show in everything you do. People respect and appreciate those that are confident and strong. When you make a decision stick with it. These are things that will help you grow and mature.
When someone else changes your mood or makes you feel inferior or self conscious you have given them way too much power over you and I beg you to take it back from them. Because they aren't doing you any good and adding much more stress to your day and your life. March to your own drum and keep your own goals and desires in the forefront of your mind. It is the only way to actually live.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Remember that the more positive you put out in the world the more positive you get back. Just like everything else in life if you live what you say you are going to go far. Trust me when I tell you this. Many self-help teachers and authors will tell you that if you want to be successful you must live and breathe the part, the same is true with keeping a positive mental outlook. If you want to be positive you must live and be positive, there is no other way.
I have read books that tell you if you want to be a vice president of a company you must dress and act the part. This is important, the image that you create for yourself is in effect a construct of creative visualization. If you can imagine yourself in the part, you can manifest it in your life. The same thing is true by you using affirmations. If you tell yourself every morning that you are perfect and love yourself, eventually you will. I have told my friend who has major self-esteem problems that maybe he should get a tatoo around his collarbone that says LOVE THYSELF, but backwards so that each time he looks at himself in the mirror or takes a picture of himself he sees it. The more you see it and repeat it, the more energy you put into it and before you know it you are manifesting it in your life.
As I have told you before, one way that I prepare myself for the day is I get up every morning and I count my blessings one by one, and then I give thanks that I am able to live another day. My same friend that I mentioned above does something very similar except he says a prayer. Basically he thanks God for granting him another day and he says it seven times. I am not sure what the significance of 7 is to him, but I know that it brings him that much closer to God each and every time he says it.
Affirmations are simple little phrases or sayings that you can post on your walls at work, mirror, monitor or other places that your eyes look every day. They can be little things like "Smile You are Loved" or "Love thyself" or "Be Happy" or even "Today is a brand new beginning with no mistakes". Remember the more you say them, the more you begin to believe them and that gives them power.
No one should be able to make your feelings about yourself change. Others shouldn't be able to make you feel any certain way. Have confidence and self assurance that you know what you are doing and trust me it will show in everything you do. People respect and appreciate those that are confident and strong. When you make a decision stick with it. These are things that will help you grow and mature.
When someone else changes your mood or makes you feel inferior or self conscious you have given them way too much power over you and I beg you to take it back from them. Because they aren't doing you any good and adding much more stress to your day and your life. March to your own drum and keep your own goals and desires in the forefront of your mind. It is the only way to actually live.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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