When I first moved to Florida I came with nothing except the clothes on my back, literally. I had on a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants and nothing else except a broken cell phone. During my first 8 months I experienced some setback such as going into the hospital literally 2 days after I got here. I was in there for 14 days because my colon ruptured in 2 places while I was in there. However, I was able to make a recovery, get a job and was able to get clothes that I needed and I was able to purchase things that I wanted along the way. I got a job, bought a car, and got my own place on top of all of those things. I can't say that I was happy but it didn't take me long to get furniture. Luckily there was a place called Our Father's Closet not too far from my house that gave me a sofa bed, and some other items like a coffee table, end tables and a lamp. I got a TV from a pawn shop and I was on my way. Over the past 6 years or so I ended up loosing several places where I had lived, ended up homeless and most of my stuff ended up in storage units from Florida to Pennsylvania, which I had successfully kept up with till last summer when I had an unfortunate run in with the law.
I was on the street literally from July till December. When a friend of mine reached out and opened up his home to me and allowed me to come and stay with him and his partner. I am extremely grateful to Travis and Demario for allowing me to come into their home. Life hasn't been kind to me if the truth is to be told. Most of you already know from reading and following my blog that I have several medical issues and the list seems to be growing longer each passing month. However, the month of February I took the time for myself and I started rebuilding all of the things that I had lost over the past several years. This month I took money and bought myself a TV and I also got myself a computer and a printer. I even purchased a tablet, however, my mother being in a similar situation to mine health wise, I have decided that I am going to send her the tablet that I have bought and wait for a little bit and before I buy another tablet. It might take me some time but I know that with all the trips to the doctors and labs that need to be done that I am going to continue to be busy till I can get all of these surgeries done and over with that they are saying that I am needing.
I started going to pain management and I am finding that the medication that they have me on now isn't really helping me all that much. I seem to be taking more and more just to get through the day with out any pain. So I expressed interest in getting on Medical Marijuana but currently at the price point that they are charging here in Florida it really puts it out of my reach. I am not sure what I am going to do. I am pretty sure that my friends aren't going to want me staying with them forever, and I am sure that it would be better to get out on my own. But, with only being here a few months I am still not sure of my way around. My friend Travis grew up here and is very familiar with the area so I rely on him pretty heavily. I just fear that I am getting on their nerves and making them uncomfortable in their own home.
I have been here exactly 2 1/2 months and I am hoping that in the next 2 or so that I will have enough money saved up that I might be able to get out on my own. However, this is something that I am trying to work on. Though with every turn something seems to come up and I end up spending money that I wasn't planning on. My mother's cell phone died totally and wouldn't turn on at all. This was a necessary expense and I was glad I was in a position to get her a new one. But since I have been here I have been running into all sorts of obstacles. Like the UF Health here in Jacksonville is not in my network but the one in Gainesville is. I am frustrated by this. I am also having trouble with Ryan White here, for the past 7 years they have been paying my copays to the VA and here in Jacksonville they won't. I am not sure what I should do and starting next month the VA is going to start garnishing my check. Further, my partner had me bail him out of jail and then missed court. So now the bondsman is coming after me for the 3000.00 so that is going to end up coming out of my check.
So it seems for every step that I take forward, I end up falling 20 steps behind. I am not sure if I am going to recover from this fiasco altogether. I figure that during this time when I have the little extra funds available to me that I should purchase the things that I want and need before all the garnishments hit my Social Security check. That way when they do come I will not be needing things, I will have already built them up from. My next big expenditure is going to be the installation of my own internet here at the house that way I don't have to rely on my friends totally for everything. Sometimes I just feel like they think that I am trying to take advantage of their kindness and I don't want to overstep my bounds.
Overall, I am feeling great about the accomplishments that I have made since I have been here and the change of environment and scenery have really helped me maintain focus towards furthering my goal. My big thing is that I am really trying to fit in and at times I feel like I am keeping my friends from the things that they are needing to do because they are worried about me. Over the next month or two I am hoping that I will have either saved enough money to get a vehicle or a place of my own. That way they won't think that I am wasting my money on things and not making sure that they are taken care of. I also need to figure out how to work around my direct deposit issues with the credit union that I am a member of. I like the fact that I can transfer funds directly from my checking account directly onto my credit card and not have to worry about incurring an fees or late charges.
That is another thing that I have accomplished. I was able to get myself 2 credit cards. I am hoping that I will be able to begin rebuilding my credit and work towards getting myself totally back on my feet.
Right now I am worried about my upcoming appointment with the neurosurgeon I am waiting to see what type of treatment he is going to recommend. At this point I have had 3 MRIs and I have to schedule a PET scan tomorrow. I am struggling to keep up with all of my appointments and getting to and from them conveniently.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I set out on rebuilding my life from the remnants of my past.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label alive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alive. Show all posts
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
One year! You'd Be Surprised at How Far You can Go!
It is true how amazed you can be at how far you can come and travel in just one year's time. A whole lot of things can happen in just a years time, and sometimes how far you grow, travel, mature, and advance in that time can just take your breathe away. No one knows this better than me, never give up hope, faith and trust, because of where you are at. It isn't the destination that is important it is the path or road you take there that makes all the difference. See it really doesn't matter, there are many avenues and roads to a certain destination, but the lessons one learns, accepts and practices along the way are what make all the differences in the world. If anyone has ever told you that life was going to be easy, that there wasn't going to be any risks, or that you aren't going to have to make some really tough decisions, they lied to you. Because, for each choice that we make there are consequences either good or bad that we have to accept and contend with. I have told you before and will keep telling you over and over again till it sinks in. If it isn't hard it isn't worth it. If you don't have to work hard to get it and keep it then there is something terribly wrong with it and will only lead you to loose it or worse someone is going to come along and steal it out from under you. Those things that we have to work hard for, and struggle to keep hold of are the things that we cherish the most in the world. Further, what makes it so precious too us is what we had to come through, go through and withstand to obtain it. These are lessons my friends! Building block to go higher and further than we have ever been before.
You can change your whole life in just a year. You can re-invent yourself, become a totally different person, learn a whole new set of values and ideals in just a year. You can even learn a new language or teach yourself anything. There is nothing holding you back from accomplishing whatever you set your mind to but yourself. Over the summer I wrote to you about 2 things that can keep you from completing a task that you start. Or even keep you from trying! Do you remember what those two things were? Fear and Jealousy are the two things that can keep us from succeeding at our goals. Whether, your fear or jealousy or someone else's. Fear can hold us in place and keep us from trying, jealousy of others can keep us focused on what others have and what we want or hope to have but never putting for the effort to go out there and get it. Jealousy on another person's part can cause them to whisper doubts in our ears, point out our limitations, and what they think are our weaknesses. They can also try and stop us with either words or actions, or be standing right there and try to take it away from us. Keep that in mind as you move forward in your life, cut loose those that don't support you, and be wary of those that want everything you have. Divorce yourself form your fear, because fear has no place in those that have faith and trust.
A year may not seem like a lot of time but I want you to see how far a person can go and grow in that amount of time. A year ago today I was in an extended stay hotel, been there for a month, I had lost my apartment. My two dogs and I were put up in the extended stay by Travelers Aid in Atlanta. Last year on this day was the hardest day of my life and one that I hope to never have to relive again. The funding for the hotel ran out, I had to leave the hotel, I had nowhere to go, and my friend that I thought I was moving in with backed out on me at the last moment without any warning or notice. Because I didn't have a place to go and no one to help keep my dogs, animal control was called and both my dogs were taken from me. One was just a pup, his name was Skylar, he was a lab/springer spaniel mix. He was going to be a year old on December 10th, the other was Madison she was 3 and was a lab/pit mix. I lost them that day, and they were put to sleep. My friend Linda took my stuff from the hotel and put it in storage with her things. Unfortunately, for me the entire month of October I was in an out of the hospital with kidney stones and renal failure and wasn't feeling all that well still, and couldn't really carry or help move anything. Long story short here I lost everything, my jewelry, my important papers, my dogs, all of my clothes, sweatshirts, jackets and shoes. I truly ended up with nothing but the clothes on my very back. My car was stolen, my life was a wreck and I had no where to turn too. I was on the street for the first time in my life. I tried staying with friends, squatted in an abandoned apartment, slept in the park, and did things I have never had to do in my life before, yet somehow I managed to keep doing drugs and getting high. I even got my car back for a short period of time. Then in December my car got stolen again this time with what little I could salvage and save from my life. I had put everything in that vehicle and in the blink of an eye it was all gone. I had to have kidney surgery 2 days before Christmas and had no real place to stay except that abandoned apartment. I was able to stay there for 4 days till I was thrown out of it. What few things I had managed to save from my car were locked in that apartment and never to be seen again. Luckily I got a hold of my father and he was able to help me, he got me into a hotel for a couple of days and when that ran out he got me into an extended stay. But that too was short lived. By January 10th I was back on the street with nothing. Just my jacket and sweats...I was freezing cold and it seemed to never stop raining.
I wasn't alone in all of this I had my trusty group of companions with me, and they were going through the same things I was. It was a real mess that 4 grown adults couldn't seem to make things work and come up with money needed to stay off the streets, but guess what drugs and alcohol were involved and when you add those things into the mix money never seems to get you to where you need to go because you have to have that fix first. I can tell you now that looking back my priorities were really screwed up. I had made money could have afforded the bills and could have held out, but I spent the money foolishly, wasted it on drugs, sex and other things that I didn't need. Like I was telling my niece today sometimes we need to regroup, refocus and realign our priorities. Sometimes that means retreating to a safer ground, get our act together and set ourselves up for success. Which is exactly what I did in February.
See being and living on the streets for me was an experience, one I am not really ready to repeat, but it taught me a lot of things about myself, the people I knew, and what others go through. The obstacles and challenges, the many things that can hold you down and keep you right where you are at. Sometimes it can be down right impossible to catch a break and get off of them streets. I know been there and done that. With all of that being said, understand that with a colostomy, kidney stones and a history of dehydration as well as kidney failure, the streets are no place for me. My medical condition alone made it near impossible to be comfortable or clean while out there. However, as I said I learned a great many things, I wouldn't change the experience at all. It made me grow and mature, it gave me a greater insight to the human condition and a better understanding of how people work and react to street people. Further, I learned a lot about the system that is set in place that is supposed to help those that are trapped out there, but in actuality it prevents them from reentering society in a meaningful and useful capacity. I learned about programs like HOPWA, Travelers Aid, Catholic Charities, Buckhead Christian Ministries and a whole host of programs that are supposed to help those in need and desperate for support and help.
But all of that is for another lesson. This one is about how far a person or an individual can travel, grow and go in just a short period of time. As I explained sometimes it might be necessary to regroup, retreat and refocus your energies. You need to set yourself up for success, you can't expect anyone to do it for you. Now you might need a helping hand at first. I know that I sure did. Because of who I was with and what I was doing I never seemed to break even, much less get a head. I found myself constantly in situations and problems that I couldn't get out of. The people who I thought were my friends and who would have my back walked away from me, or worse did stuff to keep me down and out. Not only did I suffer from despair and hopelessness, but my entire support network was nowhere to be found when I needed them. However, this taught me a valuable lesson, if I wanted to make a difference and change my life I needed to get off my ass and do it. Because nobody else was and nobody was going to help me do it. Life doesn't come with a remote! If you don't like it get up and change it yourself!
Which is just what I did. In February I had my dad by me a ticket back to Florida, which I immediately paid him back when I got here. My check was waiting for me when I got here. It was agreed that I could stay with him and my step mom for till I got back on my feet. Which I did, despite being ill. I wasn't even here a week before I had to go to the Emergency Room. Then the very beginning of the next month my colon ruptured in 2 places and I was in the hospital for 19 days. I had to have major surgery and my entire middle was cut open. I was flat on my back for almost 8 full weeks and during that time I had to give myself daily and sometimes 2 times daily liquid antibiotics via I.V. I was just getting finished with all of that and it was June already, when I had to have another surgery and was down again, however, I had started writing and doing other things to occupy my time and get my mind off of my situation and on to other things. July 3rd I was in an accident and broke my leg. You can imagine how that put a cramp in all of my plans. However by mid August, I got a car, landed a job and was well on my way. Then in September I did something terribly stupid, I left and went back to Atlanta for a visit, and well those of you who know me know that it didn't go well at all. I ended up in and out of the hospital most of September and October. As a matter of fact I was on my way to the Emergency Room yet again on October 19, 2012 when my father told me that I had to be out of their house by the end of the month. Now, as you can imagine I was totally unprepared for that, but I figured with my job and everything, I would be okay. I still didn't have any money at the time I was told all of this, but went to work and told my employers what was happening and they told me they would find me a place to live. Little did I know that less than 2 weeks later I was going to be let go because of my medical condition and them thinking I wouldn't be able to do the job that I was hired for.
But as luck would have it and a good healthy does of Prayer and Faith, i moved out of my parents house into a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment, worked out a deal with the landlord and was in the place way before the deadline my dad had given me. Now, not everything has been easy and I had to work my butt off to make ends meet but let me tell you God brought me through and I am still going and on my own. As I sit back and write all of this I am beginning to see that God knew I need the push, that I needed to get out on my own and that I need the challenge of getting my feet back under me, hence the nudge out of the house. I had been there for 8 months, and with all the health problems I am sure my dad thought I was never going to leave. But here I am safe and sound in my new place and doing my own thing. I may not have furniture but I certainly have come a great distance from where I was just a year ago. I am self sustaining, I have a roof over my head, it is my own place, and I have food to eat, clothing on my back, a car, though it needs some repairs, I am enrolled back in school for a new career, and i am out on my own. I also have been able to help my dad out with small loans here and there. I have cleaned up my act, gotten off the drugs and made some positive advances in my life, I have a checking and savings account with a little bit of money in each, and gas in the car. All and all I think I have done pretty good for myself despite all of the setbacks and roadblocks that life has thrown at me. I have over come them all and I have my feet back underneath me.
Life isn't fair, it doesn't play by a set rule book and troubles and problems can come at you from all different directions, you just have to have faith, have a solid plan in mind and execute it with precision and you will be amazed at how far you can go. Currently, I am even thinking that I might try and get my part time job back, my health issues seem to have resolved themselves somewhat and I can get back into the swing of things. In just a total of 6 months of productive time look at all I was able to accomplish. Think how much you will be able to accomplish if you just sit down, prioritize, fall back and re-group. Amazing things happen when you have your priorities and focus in check. You can accomplish anything, especially when you have a solid plan of attack and have laid a firm foundation to make sure that you are a success. See if you set yourself up for success how can you fail? You can't but it is taking the time to regroup, even retreat if necessary to get yourself grounded, realign your focus and set your priorities correctly. That is giving yourself a firm foundation or plan of attack from that you have already set yourself up for success.
Remember, retreat is always an option, it is a defensive move and a strategic one. It allows for proper planning and displacement of troops, military's use it all the time. It also allows for re-enforcement's to arrive and for rest and relaxation before another battle. Believe it or not life and living is a war, and you have to battle daily to make yourself a success. Use my example and see how regrouping helped me, how my resting at my dad's and having him as my back up and re-enforcement really helped.
You can come a long way, learn so much and grow in unexpected ways in just a year. I am living proof that it can be done..
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
See being and living on the streets for me was an experience, one I am not really ready to repeat, but it taught me a lot of things about myself, the people I knew, and what others go through. The obstacles and challenges, the many things that can hold you down and keep you right where you are at. Sometimes it can be down right impossible to catch a break and get off of them streets. I know been there and done that. With all of that being said, understand that with a colostomy, kidney stones and a history of dehydration as well as kidney failure, the streets are no place for me. My medical condition alone made it near impossible to be comfortable or clean while out there. However, as I said I learned a great many things, I wouldn't change the experience at all. It made me grow and mature, it gave me a greater insight to the human condition and a better understanding of how people work and react to street people. Further, I learned a lot about the system that is set in place that is supposed to help those that are trapped out there, but in actuality it prevents them from reentering society in a meaningful and useful capacity. I learned about programs like HOPWA, Travelers Aid, Catholic Charities, Buckhead Christian Ministries and a whole host of programs that are supposed to help those in need and desperate for support and help.
But all of that is for another lesson. This one is about how far a person or an individual can travel, grow and go in just a short period of time. As I explained sometimes it might be necessary to regroup, retreat and refocus your energies. You need to set yourself up for success, you can't expect anyone to do it for you. Now you might need a helping hand at first. I know that I sure did. Because of who I was with and what I was doing I never seemed to break even, much less get a head. I found myself constantly in situations and problems that I couldn't get out of. The people who I thought were my friends and who would have my back walked away from me, or worse did stuff to keep me down and out. Not only did I suffer from despair and hopelessness, but my entire support network was nowhere to be found when I needed them. However, this taught me a valuable lesson, if I wanted to make a difference and change my life I needed to get off my ass and do it. Because nobody else was and nobody was going to help me do it. Life doesn't come with a remote! If you don't like it get up and change it yourself!
Which is just what I did. In February I had my dad by me a ticket back to Florida, which I immediately paid him back when I got here. My check was waiting for me when I got here. It was agreed that I could stay with him and my step mom for till I got back on my feet. Which I did, despite being ill. I wasn't even here a week before I had to go to the Emergency Room. Then the very beginning of the next month my colon ruptured in 2 places and I was in the hospital for 19 days. I had to have major surgery and my entire middle was cut open. I was flat on my back for almost 8 full weeks and during that time I had to give myself daily and sometimes 2 times daily liquid antibiotics via I.V. I was just getting finished with all of that and it was June already, when I had to have another surgery and was down again, however, I had started writing and doing other things to occupy my time and get my mind off of my situation and on to other things. July 3rd I was in an accident and broke my leg. You can imagine how that put a cramp in all of my plans. However by mid August, I got a car, landed a job and was well on my way. Then in September I did something terribly stupid, I left and went back to Atlanta for a visit, and well those of you who know me know that it didn't go well at all. I ended up in and out of the hospital most of September and October. As a matter of fact I was on my way to the Emergency Room yet again on October 19, 2012 when my father told me that I had to be out of their house by the end of the month. Now, as you can imagine I was totally unprepared for that, but I figured with my job and everything, I would be okay. I still didn't have any money at the time I was told all of this, but went to work and told my employers what was happening and they told me they would find me a place to live. Little did I know that less than 2 weeks later I was going to be let go because of my medical condition and them thinking I wouldn't be able to do the job that I was hired for.
But as luck would have it and a good healthy does of Prayer and Faith, i moved out of my parents house into a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment, worked out a deal with the landlord and was in the place way before the deadline my dad had given me. Now, not everything has been easy and I had to work my butt off to make ends meet but let me tell you God brought me through and I am still going and on my own. As I sit back and write all of this I am beginning to see that God knew I need the push, that I needed to get out on my own and that I need the challenge of getting my feet back under me, hence the nudge out of the house. I had been there for 8 months, and with all the health problems I am sure my dad thought I was never going to leave. But here I am safe and sound in my new place and doing my own thing. I may not have furniture but I certainly have come a great distance from where I was just a year ago. I am self sustaining, I have a roof over my head, it is my own place, and I have food to eat, clothing on my back, a car, though it needs some repairs, I am enrolled back in school for a new career, and i am out on my own. I also have been able to help my dad out with small loans here and there. I have cleaned up my act, gotten off the drugs and made some positive advances in my life, I have a checking and savings account with a little bit of money in each, and gas in the car. All and all I think I have done pretty good for myself despite all of the setbacks and roadblocks that life has thrown at me. I have over come them all and I have my feet back underneath me.
Life isn't fair, it doesn't play by a set rule book and troubles and problems can come at you from all different directions, you just have to have faith, have a solid plan in mind and execute it with precision and you will be amazed at how far you can go. Currently, I am even thinking that I might try and get my part time job back, my health issues seem to have resolved themselves somewhat and I can get back into the swing of things. In just a total of 6 months of productive time look at all I was able to accomplish. Think how much you will be able to accomplish if you just sit down, prioritize, fall back and re-group. Amazing things happen when you have your priorities and focus in check. You can accomplish anything, especially when you have a solid plan of attack and have laid a firm foundation to make sure that you are a success. See if you set yourself up for success how can you fail? You can't but it is taking the time to regroup, even retreat if necessary to get yourself grounded, realign your focus and set your priorities correctly. That is giving yourself a firm foundation or plan of attack from that you have already set yourself up for success.
Remember, retreat is always an option, it is a defensive move and a strategic one. It allows for proper planning and displacement of troops, military's use it all the time. It also allows for re-enforcement's to arrive and for rest and relaxation before another battle. Believe it or not life and living is a war, and you have to battle daily to make yourself a success. Use my example and see how regrouping helped me, how my resting at my dad's and having him as my back up and re-enforcement really helped.
You can come a long way, learn so much and grow in unexpected ways in just a year. I am living proof that it can be done..
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
What happened to old fashion romance and passion in relationships?
I was on the phone with one of my ex's, someone that I was with for quite a while about 25 years ago. He is 2 years younger than I am and he is now dating a 27 year old. He was telling me that his sex life has become almost no existent, that there doesn't seem to be any passion or affection outside of the few times they have sex. Which had gone from 3 or 4 times a weekend to now 1 or 2 times every 3 or 4 weeks. This got me wondering what happened to old fashion romance and passion, where are the cuddling nights sitting on the couch watching a movie together and snuggling? Have those days gone by? Are they gone forever? That brings me back to how can we ignite our love and make it something real and tangible for every day?
See, I am all too aware that there are some relationships that are based on mutual affection, and then there are some that are based genuinely on love, with those few that are just relationships of convenience. Where two people are sharing the same lives, but not the same dreams and goals. It must be sad to feel like you are just roommates with an occasional benefit thrown in every once in awhile. We have talked about relationships in the past and how some are just like business arrangements, that are beneficially mutual to both parties concerned. But what happens when one of the party develops deeper feelings for the other that is not reciprocated?
This I think is what happens in most gay relationships, they start out good because we, and I am using the term we here because I fall into the same category and pattern here, have a tendency to start our relationships off the wrong way. We meet out in a bar, or sometimes with the advent of the internet and all the dating sites, we start off meeting the person, hanging out and before we know it we are having sex. We continue to see that person and the sex continues. Gay men seem to have a misconception that sex and chilling together equates a relationship. We don't go out on traditional dates, we don't explore the other person fully we just jump into it with both feet so to speak. Now, again I can only speak from personal experience, but I have found that the longest relationships that I have had I came at them with a different focus. For example, yes I met Joe my ex of 12 1/2 years by answering a personal add on a computer bulletin board, this is before the internet. We emailed and spoke to one another daily for 6 moths before we ever met. We talked about everything and we explored each other before we ever met. When we did meet I will admit that the first thing we did was have sex. Then we went to dinner with my best friend and chilled out. For the first week we were inseparable, then he had to go back to Atlanta for work, but 2 weeks later he was back in Florida at a job site at the beach, I was actually off of work at the time and was able to meet up with him and spent that week together with him also. We talked about moving me up to Atlanta with him, and he even invited me up for a weekend to see if I liked it. Well with me being there, his roommate came forward and told him how much he cared about him and a lot of drama ensued. I ended up coming back to Florida and talking with the management company of the complex I was living at and found that I could transfer my lease up to Atlanta for only $50.00 which is what we decided to do. Joe and I lived in that apartment in Atlanta for 7 months, most of which time he was never home. I moved to Atlanta and for 5 months he was on the road, and I barely ever saw him. I had gotten a job and started working the Monday after I had moved up there so there was no lapse in pay for me. But let me tell you something even doing it that way, getting to know someone via email and text messaging was not enough. We didn't know each other and didn't give ourselves a chance to get to know one another. Before we knew it we were buying a house together and getting dogs, and before I blinked 5 years had gone by. We were always arguing and fighting and with him travelling so much, there wasn't very much sex between us. But it was okay because I went back to school got my bachelors and master's degrees and kept myself busy while he was away.
The long and the short of it is that with the technology of today, people aren't spending time together and learning about each other. They read an online profile, go out on a date and jump right into the sack with the other person. This doesn't make for a successful relationship at all. Eventually, there are going to be incompatibilities and things that you learn about one another that may change the dynamic of the relationship. If you really care about the person you are with you have to keep the relationship exciting and full of love and feeling. Each one of you needs to be reaffirmed that the other cares about you and feels the same way you do. Affection goes part of the way in doing this, but there has to be verbal affirmation as well. You need to hear it as well as feel it. You need to do simple little things that let the other know what you are feeling towards them. That them running around naked still turns you on and makes you happy. Hide little gifts around, with notes telling them how special they are an what you think about them. Keep in mind that for most people a compliment on the way they look and about their personality will go a long way in reassuring them that you still love and care for them.
My advice to you is that if you want to really discover and find someone that cares about you. Take it slow, get to know them, keep the sex part out of it for as long as you can. Learn all about them, their likes, their dislikes, their favorite things, go out and explore the world together, and do all of this before ever stepping into the bedroom. Because honestly sex stirs up emotions and puts strings on things that maybe should be tied up. I have met tons of people online that advertise that they are looking for casual encounters with no strings attached (NSA). Guess what that doesn't work for me, because after being with them and having sex with them several times, I find myself getting attached, and falling for them. However, as I explained above, I really hadn't gotten to know anything about them, and when it finally and inevitably ends I am the one that is hurting because I connected with that person sexually, I enjoyed being with that person, yet the only thing I truly knew about the person is what they liked to do sexually. When I tried dating some of them, it would only last a short while because outside of the bedroom we would have nothing in common, and those that I did have something with didn't understand the concept of monogamy. So what I am trying to tell you is that you might save yourself some heartache and trouble if you take the time upfront to get to know someone really before you ever jump into bed with them.
Then there are those that you have had sexual relationships with that you feel a kind of connection with that you think you might want to explore further, but how do you go from being a Fuck Buddy to a full partner? The answer is that it can be done but with some difficulty, and patience and a lot of hard work. Because you have to get over the preconceived notions that each of you have built over the casual encounters. You have to take the time to really get to know the person and you have to be willing to start over from scratch, like the past never happened. You can't walk into it and hope that it will gel and work, because it doesn't happen like that. Further, you can't expect everything to fall into place immediately, both of you are going to be at different places in your lives and you are going to have to work hard to bring them together. Because the only way that you can make that type of relationship work is if you are willing to join everything together and start over as a single unit. You can't come at if from two different points of view and expect that your goals, expectations and living situation are just going to fall into alignment. You have to work together, to make a new starting place, fresh, free from the past and you have to work toward building a future together. As my friend in Seattle once told me, the past is behind, keep hold of the memories, but you have to let go of those feelings and emotions and move forward. Forward, is the only way that you can possibly be together, you have to start over in a totally new found place where both of you are on equal footing and no one has the advantage. Get to know one another again, this time from a friend and lover standpoint and not from the sexual standpoint. You already know what they like to do sexually, but what about the rest of their life. What do you know about that? Are you willing to join in and help them reach their personal goals? Are you even aware of their personal goals? How do their goals line up with your own? Then what kind of goals are you and your partner going to want to have together?
See it is very important for you you have a set of goals that provide you a map toward where you are trying to get too. Each of you should have individual goals that will keep you both moving forward, but for a relationship to work you also have to have common relationship goals that both of you are willing to work on together. It is extremely important for a relationship to work to have manageable and achievable goals that both of you are willing to work on together. Plus you have to be willing to support your partners individual goals and they yours. This will make a sound foundation for the relationship and one that is designed to grow. If everyone could get to this point the divorce rate in our country would be on the decline instead of constantly rising each year.
So, what I would like to recommend to you at this point no matter in what type of relationship you find yourself in, if you are wanting to make it work and care about each other than you have to learn how to come together and keep it interesting, new and inviting. You are going to have to talk about your own goals and those of your partner, see where each of you can help the other to reach and achieve their goals. You also have to find goals that will keep the relationship moving forward, and growing as well, these are the common goals I was talking to you about. You have to learn how to keep the mystery and romance alive, do little things that remind each other how much you care and what you love about the other one. You also have to talk to one another, be truthful with your fear, dreams, hopes, desires and most importantly your feelings. Communication and honesty are as important as the affection and sexual parts of the relationship. Make time to spend with one another and make it romantic and special. Remember that just because life hasn't presented you with the perfect opportunity, you can make one. Keep in mind that each moment is unique and special, it is never going to be repeated in the whole of history, so take it and make it unique and special for you and the one that you love.
Surround yourself with positive energy, and friends that are supportive, cling to optimistic people, and shy away from the pessimists, they will hold you back. Also assess your current friends and loved one, those that are taking more away from you than they are giving are holding you back and keeping you from reaching your full potential you have to cut them loose, let them go. Remember only you have you own best interest at heart, and those that don't support you or in some way add benefit to your goals, ambitions, and desires you should let them go. You and your partner do not need to have others hanging around bringing you down, you need people that care about you and are supportive of you both and are willing to build you up.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
See, I am all too aware that there are some relationships that are based on mutual affection, and then there are some that are based genuinely on love, with those few that are just relationships of convenience. Where two people are sharing the same lives, but not the same dreams and goals. It must be sad to feel like you are just roommates with an occasional benefit thrown in every once in awhile. We have talked about relationships in the past and how some are just like business arrangements, that are beneficially mutual to both parties concerned. But what happens when one of the party develops deeper feelings for the other that is not reciprocated?
This I think is what happens in most gay relationships, they start out good because we, and I am using the term we here because I fall into the same category and pattern here, have a tendency to start our relationships off the wrong way. We meet out in a bar, or sometimes with the advent of the internet and all the dating sites, we start off meeting the person, hanging out and before we know it we are having sex. We continue to see that person and the sex continues. Gay men seem to have a misconception that sex and chilling together equates a relationship. We don't go out on traditional dates, we don't explore the other person fully we just jump into it with both feet so to speak. Now, again I can only speak from personal experience, but I have found that the longest relationships that I have had I came at them with a different focus. For example, yes I met Joe my ex of 12 1/2 years by answering a personal add on a computer bulletin board, this is before the internet. We emailed and spoke to one another daily for 6 moths before we ever met. We talked about everything and we explored each other before we ever met. When we did meet I will admit that the first thing we did was have sex. Then we went to dinner with my best friend and chilled out. For the first week we were inseparable, then he had to go back to Atlanta for work, but 2 weeks later he was back in Florida at a job site at the beach, I was actually off of work at the time and was able to meet up with him and spent that week together with him also. We talked about moving me up to Atlanta with him, and he even invited me up for a weekend to see if I liked it. Well with me being there, his roommate came forward and told him how much he cared about him and a lot of drama ensued. I ended up coming back to Florida and talking with the management company of the complex I was living at and found that I could transfer my lease up to Atlanta for only $50.00 which is what we decided to do. Joe and I lived in that apartment in Atlanta for 7 months, most of which time he was never home. I moved to Atlanta and for 5 months he was on the road, and I barely ever saw him. I had gotten a job and started working the Monday after I had moved up there so there was no lapse in pay for me. But let me tell you something even doing it that way, getting to know someone via email and text messaging was not enough. We didn't know each other and didn't give ourselves a chance to get to know one another. Before we knew it we were buying a house together and getting dogs, and before I blinked 5 years had gone by. We were always arguing and fighting and with him travelling so much, there wasn't very much sex between us. But it was okay because I went back to school got my bachelors and master's degrees and kept myself busy while he was away.
The long and the short of it is that with the technology of today, people aren't spending time together and learning about each other. They read an online profile, go out on a date and jump right into the sack with the other person. This doesn't make for a successful relationship at all. Eventually, there are going to be incompatibilities and things that you learn about one another that may change the dynamic of the relationship. If you really care about the person you are with you have to keep the relationship exciting and full of love and feeling. Each one of you needs to be reaffirmed that the other cares about you and feels the same way you do. Affection goes part of the way in doing this, but there has to be verbal affirmation as well. You need to hear it as well as feel it. You need to do simple little things that let the other know what you are feeling towards them. That them running around naked still turns you on and makes you happy. Hide little gifts around, with notes telling them how special they are an what you think about them. Keep in mind that for most people a compliment on the way they look and about their personality will go a long way in reassuring them that you still love and care for them.
My advice to you is that if you want to really discover and find someone that cares about you. Take it slow, get to know them, keep the sex part out of it for as long as you can. Learn all about them, their likes, their dislikes, their favorite things, go out and explore the world together, and do all of this before ever stepping into the bedroom. Because honestly sex stirs up emotions and puts strings on things that maybe should be tied up. I have met tons of people online that advertise that they are looking for casual encounters with no strings attached (NSA). Guess what that doesn't work for me, because after being with them and having sex with them several times, I find myself getting attached, and falling for them. However, as I explained above, I really hadn't gotten to know anything about them, and when it finally and inevitably ends I am the one that is hurting because I connected with that person sexually, I enjoyed being with that person, yet the only thing I truly knew about the person is what they liked to do sexually. When I tried dating some of them, it would only last a short while because outside of the bedroom we would have nothing in common, and those that I did have something with didn't understand the concept of monogamy. So what I am trying to tell you is that you might save yourself some heartache and trouble if you take the time upfront to get to know someone really before you ever jump into bed with them.
Then there are those that you have had sexual relationships with that you feel a kind of connection with that you think you might want to explore further, but how do you go from being a Fuck Buddy to a full partner? The answer is that it can be done but with some difficulty, and patience and a lot of hard work. Because you have to get over the preconceived notions that each of you have built over the casual encounters. You have to take the time to really get to know the person and you have to be willing to start over from scratch, like the past never happened. You can't walk into it and hope that it will gel and work, because it doesn't happen like that. Further, you can't expect everything to fall into place immediately, both of you are going to be at different places in your lives and you are going to have to work hard to bring them together. Because the only way that you can make that type of relationship work is if you are willing to join everything together and start over as a single unit. You can't come at if from two different points of view and expect that your goals, expectations and living situation are just going to fall into alignment. You have to work together, to make a new starting place, fresh, free from the past and you have to work toward building a future together. As my friend in Seattle once told me, the past is behind, keep hold of the memories, but you have to let go of those feelings and emotions and move forward. Forward, is the only way that you can possibly be together, you have to start over in a totally new found place where both of you are on equal footing and no one has the advantage. Get to know one another again, this time from a friend and lover standpoint and not from the sexual standpoint. You already know what they like to do sexually, but what about the rest of their life. What do you know about that? Are you willing to join in and help them reach their personal goals? Are you even aware of their personal goals? How do their goals line up with your own? Then what kind of goals are you and your partner going to want to have together?
See it is very important for you you have a set of goals that provide you a map toward where you are trying to get too. Each of you should have individual goals that will keep you both moving forward, but for a relationship to work you also have to have common relationship goals that both of you are willing to work on together. It is extremely important for a relationship to work to have manageable and achievable goals that both of you are willing to work on together. Plus you have to be willing to support your partners individual goals and they yours. This will make a sound foundation for the relationship and one that is designed to grow. If everyone could get to this point the divorce rate in our country would be on the decline instead of constantly rising each year.
So, what I would like to recommend to you at this point no matter in what type of relationship you find yourself in, if you are wanting to make it work and care about each other than you have to learn how to come together and keep it interesting, new and inviting. You are going to have to talk about your own goals and those of your partner, see where each of you can help the other to reach and achieve their goals. You also have to find goals that will keep the relationship moving forward, and growing as well, these are the common goals I was talking to you about. You have to learn how to keep the mystery and romance alive, do little things that remind each other how much you care and what you love about the other one. You also have to talk to one another, be truthful with your fear, dreams, hopes, desires and most importantly your feelings. Communication and honesty are as important as the affection and sexual parts of the relationship. Make time to spend with one another and make it romantic and special. Remember that just because life hasn't presented you with the perfect opportunity, you can make one. Keep in mind that each moment is unique and special, it is never going to be repeated in the whole of history, so take it and make it unique and special for you and the one that you love.
Surround yourself with positive energy, and friends that are supportive, cling to optimistic people, and shy away from the pessimists, they will hold you back. Also assess your current friends and loved one, those that are taking more away from you than they are giving are holding you back and keeping you from reaching your full potential you have to cut them loose, let them go. Remember only you have you own best interest at heart, and those that don't support you or in some way add benefit to your goals, ambitions, and desires you should let them go. You and your partner do not need to have others hanging around bringing you down, you need people that care about you and are supportive of you both and are willing to build you up.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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