When I first moved to Florida I came with nothing except the clothes on my back, literally. I had on a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants and nothing else except a broken cell phone. During my first 8 months I experienced some setback such as going into the hospital literally 2 days after I got here. I was in there for 14 days because my colon ruptured in 2 places while I was in there. However, I was able to make a recovery, get a job and was able to get clothes that I needed and I was able to purchase things that I wanted along the way. I got a job, bought a car, and got my own place on top of all of those things. I can't say that I was happy but it didn't take me long to get furniture. Luckily there was a place called Our Father's Closet not too far from my house that gave me a sofa bed, and some other items like a coffee table, end tables and a lamp. I got a TV from a pawn shop and I was on my way. Over the past 6 years or so I ended up loosing several places where I had lived, ended up homeless and most of my stuff ended up in storage units from Florida to Pennsylvania, which I had successfully kept up with till last summer when I had an unfortunate run in with the law.
I was on the street literally from July till December. When a friend of mine reached out and opened up his home to me and allowed me to come and stay with him and his partner. I am extremely grateful to Travis and Demario for allowing me to come into their home. Life hasn't been kind to me if the truth is to be told. Most of you already know from reading and following my blog that I have several medical issues and the list seems to be growing longer each passing month. However, the month of February I took the time for myself and I started rebuilding all of the things that I had lost over the past several years. This month I took money and bought myself a TV and I also got myself a computer and a printer. I even purchased a tablet, however, my mother being in a similar situation to mine health wise, I have decided that I am going to send her the tablet that I have bought and wait for a little bit and before I buy another tablet. It might take me some time but I know that with all the trips to the doctors and labs that need to be done that I am going to continue to be busy till I can get all of these surgeries done and over with that they are saying that I am needing.
I started going to pain management and I am finding that the medication that they have me on now isn't really helping me all that much. I seem to be taking more and more just to get through the day with out any pain. So I expressed interest in getting on Medical Marijuana but currently at the price point that they are charging here in Florida it really puts it out of my reach. I am not sure what I am going to do. I am pretty sure that my friends aren't going to want me staying with them forever, and I am sure that it would be better to get out on my own. But, with only being here a few months I am still not sure of my way around. My friend Travis grew up here and is very familiar with the area so I rely on him pretty heavily. I just fear that I am getting on their nerves and making them uncomfortable in their own home.
I have been here exactly 2 1/2 months and I am hoping that in the next 2 or so that I will have enough money saved up that I might be able to get out on my own. However, this is something that I am trying to work on. Though with every turn something seems to come up and I end up spending money that I wasn't planning on. My mother's cell phone died totally and wouldn't turn on at all. This was a necessary expense and I was glad I was in a position to get her a new one. But since I have been here I have been running into all sorts of obstacles. Like the UF Health here in Jacksonville is not in my network but the one in Gainesville is. I am frustrated by this. I am also having trouble with Ryan White here, for the past 7 years they have been paying my copays to the VA and here in Jacksonville they won't. I am not sure what I should do and starting next month the VA is going to start garnishing my check. Further, my partner had me bail him out of jail and then missed court. So now the bondsman is coming after me for the 3000.00 so that is going to end up coming out of my check.
So it seems for every step that I take forward, I end up falling 20 steps behind. I am not sure if I am going to recover from this fiasco altogether. I figure that during this time when I have the little extra funds available to me that I should purchase the things that I want and need before all the garnishments hit my Social Security check. That way when they do come I will not be needing things, I will have already built them up from. My next big expenditure is going to be the installation of my own internet here at the house that way I don't have to rely on my friends totally for everything. Sometimes I just feel like they think that I am trying to take advantage of their kindness and I don't want to overstep my bounds.
Overall, I am feeling great about the accomplishments that I have made since I have been here and the change of environment and scenery have really helped me maintain focus towards furthering my goal. My big thing is that I am really trying to fit in and at times I feel like I am keeping my friends from the things that they are needing to do because they are worried about me. Over the next month or two I am hoping that I will have either saved enough money to get a vehicle or a place of my own. That way they won't think that I am wasting my money on things and not making sure that they are taken care of. I also need to figure out how to work around my direct deposit issues with the credit union that I am a member of. I like the fact that I can transfer funds directly from my checking account directly onto my credit card and not have to worry about incurring an fees or late charges.
That is another thing that I have accomplished. I was able to get myself 2 credit cards. I am hoping that I will be able to begin rebuilding my credit and work towards getting myself totally back on my feet.
Right now I am worried about my upcoming appointment with the neurosurgeon I am waiting to see what type of treatment he is going to recommend. At this point I have had 3 MRIs and I have to schedule a PET scan tomorrow. I am struggling to keep up with all of my appointments and getting to and from them conveniently.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I set out on rebuilding my life from the remnants of my past.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label beginning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beginning. Show all posts
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
God is talking and I am listening
I know that I have talked about this before, but God has laid it upon my heart to reach out to you again and remind some of you that you are trying to hard to get ahead in life. You are striving to get that raise, move to the next level in you work life. But your home life is suffering and taking a backseat, and that isn't fair to those around you that love and cherish you. It is time for you to slow down, it is okay to be ambitious. But it is not okay to be ruthless and try to discredit or hurt the ones that are competing against you. You are supposed to bring all things to Jesus and lay them at His feet and that includes challenges at work and yes even that promotion you are shooting for.
Too many of us get wrapped up in ourselves and cannot separate work life from home life. For some reason you cannot compartmentalize and separate the too and guess what your home life becomes just as stressful as your work life. Trust me the ones around you can see it and feel it when you are near. That stress and tension that you have at work needs to stay at work. Now I am not saying that you cannot tell your spouse about your day whether it was good or bad, but the tension and stress needs to be left outside at your front door.
It has been weighing on my heart that many of us are looking back over our lives and we are not anywhere near where we thought we would be. Some of you are, but a majority of us aren't. Whether you have had a setback due to health, injury, lay offs, downsizing etc. you aren't where you thought you would be. I know that when I look back at my life I would never have thought that at the age of 46 that I would be starting my life all over again, that I would be single and that I would be renting an apartment and struggling to make ends meet. How could I have planned this? How did this actually happen to me, and what am I doing about it to get myself and my mind right about all of the things that have happened to me over the past 10 years?
The honest truth is in April of 2012, I made a conscious decision to leave Atlanta Georgia and return to Florida. I had been heavily in the drug scene in Atlanta and was actually homeless and was roaming the streets. It was bitter cold because it was during the winter. The day that I boarded the bus in Atlanta was 3 March 2012, and I had only the clothes on my back a sweat shirt and sweat pants and a pair of tennis shoes. Yet, there was a reason for my decision to leave. I had found out in December that I had kidney stones real bad and they were extremely painful. On Dec. 23, 2011 I had to have surgery to have the stones removed and after the surgery the Urologist came into the room and told me that my kidneys were failing that one was working at 15% and the other at 50%. the other thing that he told me was that my condition was irreversible and that I needed to go home because if I didn't I would end up another statistic on the street that had died. So I boarded a bus and literally came home to die.
Before I go on here I need to explain about the drug usage that occurs in my life. See, I have emotional issues about my body, my scars, my having to have a colostomy bag and other issues. Therefore getting high was the only way that I could feel comfortable around other people to take off my clothes and have sex. Now this might sound strange to you, but it is the honest and unvarnished truth. See my drug of choice is Crystal Meth, unfortunately as I have found out over the past 3 years is that using that stuff takes a very heavy toll on my body and I end up every time I use in the hospital. So, I had to ask myself was the couple of hours that I was high worth the price my body was taking and was it worth all the time I ended up spending in the hospital. The answer is No. Even recently in Feb. I thought I was healthy enough to try it, and granted I had been off of it close to a full year, but my body wasn't with it. I ended up in ICU for 7 days with acute renal failure. My kidneys were damaged so much this last time that they thought I was going to have to have dialysis and my body probably wouldn't have been able to survive the shock that puts on your system. Luckily a lot of you were praying for me, and I am thankful that once again the Hand of God intervened due to all the prayers and well wishes you sent my way because let me tell you something a miracle happened on the fourth day that I was in there. My kidneys miraculously came back on line and started working better. The creatinin level started to decline and the doctors knew that I was returning to a normal state.
You maybe wondering why I am going into all of this stuff. Because I want you to realize something, choices that we make can bring us to a place where we don't want to be or never expected to be in a million years. When I got out of the Navy in 1991 I had a tumor in my colon 8" long x 5" wide and had to go through chemo and radiation. This slowed me down at the age of 24, but four years later I was bouncing back and had moved to Atlanta and had started a life. Me and Joe had it all good jobs bringing in lots of money. We had 2 houses, several cars, 2 dogs, a cat. Basically we made it to where we wanted to be. However in 2004 all of that was going to change. My symptoms returned and I got sick again, and on Jan 25, 2005 they decided that they were going to operate on me and that was the biggest mistake of my life. It led me down the current path I am on. See it was after the surgeries and the damage that the doctors did to my body that I learned about Crystal Meth and how it could help me overcome my insecurities and have a semi normal relationship with other people. However, it is also the very reason that I am single today and where I am at, if you want to know that absolute truth.
Yet, even I look back at my life and I see what I had and what I have lost and sometimes it makes me sad. I threw away a lot of people that cared about me and embarked on a solo journey that was going to end with my destruction. However, I have come off that path and have found a new direction to focus my energies on and that is you my friends. I am here because someone out there needs to hear this right now. One person's life is going to be altered by my writing this. I know this to be true because God has spoken too me and I am finally listening. See the drug was a crutch, I cannot be happy with anyone else till I am totally comfortable with who I am, and I mean all of me. Not just the parts that I like but the bags, scares and everything else that goes with it.
My point is as I look back and see where I have been and where I am at now, neither place was where I exactly wanted to be. Yet, if it hadn't been for that journey and going through everything that I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing too you and trying to help you. See I would be out there doing the same stuff that all my friends are still doing and not going forward with my life, just stuck on Repeat, doing the same things day in and day out and using people and trying to work out how I am going to get high again tomorrow. I am so glad that my dad and God decided that enough was enough and helped me get to Florida.
In the first 8 months that I was here, I had a job, a car, and an apartment. I was making real progress and doing stuff for myself. I had joined some groups and had made some really good friends. I am hoping that this year is going to be a better year and I am going to be hanging out with those new friends now more than ever.
So what am I really trying to tell you in this very long and drawn out narrative. Is simply this. When you look back at your life and you find that you aren't exactly where you thought you would be. You need to look at what you have done, been and accomplished. See it is the journey that counts and when all is said and done you are going to realize that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. God brought you to the perfect place so you could tell your story. It is time now to become happy and content with where you are at any stage of your life. See, once you realize that you are where God wants you too be and you have come to the conclusion that you truly arrived the rest is so easy and usually falls right into place.
I hope that this helped someone today, because it was upon my heart and I know someone out there needed to hear this today.
May God guide you and keep you.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Too many of us get wrapped up in ourselves and cannot separate work life from home life. For some reason you cannot compartmentalize and separate the too and guess what your home life becomes just as stressful as your work life. Trust me the ones around you can see it and feel it when you are near. That stress and tension that you have at work needs to stay at work. Now I am not saying that you cannot tell your spouse about your day whether it was good or bad, but the tension and stress needs to be left outside at your front door.
It has been weighing on my heart that many of us are looking back over our lives and we are not anywhere near where we thought we would be. Some of you are, but a majority of us aren't. Whether you have had a setback due to health, injury, lay offs, downsizing etc. you aren't where you thought you would be. I know that when I look back at my life I would never have thought that at the age of 46 that I would be starting my life all over again, that I would be single and that I would be renting an apartment and struggling to make ends meet. How could I have planned this? How did this actually happen to me, and what am I doing about it to get myself and my mind right about all of the things that have happened to me over the past 10 years?
The honest truth is in April of 2012, I made a conscious decision to leave Atlanta Georgia and return to Florida. I had been heavily in the drug scene in Atlanta and was actually homeless and was roaming the streets. It was bitter cold because it was during the winter. The day that I boarded the bus in Atlanta was 3 March 2012, and I had only the clothes on my back a sweat shirt and sweat pants and a pair of tennis shoes. Yet, there was a reason for my decision to leave. I had found out in December that I had kidney stones real bad and they were extremely painful. On Dec. 23, 2011 I had to have surgery to have the stones removed and after the surgery the Urologist came into the room and told me that my kidneys were failing that one was working at 15% and the other at 50%. the other thing that he told me was that my condition was irreversible and that I needed to go home because if I didn't I would end up another statistic on the street that had died. So I boarded a bus and literally came home to die.
Before I go on here I need to explain about the drug usage that occurs in my life. See, I have emotional issues about my body, my scars, my having to have a colostomy bag and other issues. Therefore getting high was the only way that I could feel comfortable around other people to take off my clothes and have sex. Now this might sound strange to you, but it is the honest and unvarnished truth. See my drug of choice is Crystal Meth, unfortunately as I have found out over the past 3 years is that using that stuff takes a very heavy toll on my body and I end up every time I use in the hospital. So, I had to ask myself was the couple of hours that I was high worth the price my body was taking and was it worth all the time I ended up spending in the hospital. The answer is No. Even recently in Feb. I thought I was healthy enough to try it, and granted I had been off of it close to a full year, but my body wasn't with it. I ended up in ICU for 7 days with acute renal failure. My kidneys were damaged so much this last time that they thought I was going to have to have dialysis and my body probably wouldn't have been able to survive the shock that puts on your system. Luckily a lot of you were praying for me, and I am thankful that once again the Hand of God intervened due to all the prayers and well wishes you sent my way because let me tell you something a miracle happened on the fourth day that I was in there. My kidneys miraculously came back on line and started working better. The creatinin level started to decline and the doctors knew that I was returning to a normal state.
You maybe wondering why I am going into all of this stuff. Because I want you to realize something, choices that we make can bring us to a place where we don't want to be or never expected to be in a million years. When I got out of the Navy in 1991 I had a tumor in my colon 8" long x 5" wide and had to go through chemo and radiation. This slowed me down at the age of 24, but four years later I was bouncing back and had moved to Atlanta and had started a life. Me and Joe had it all good jobs bringing in lots of money. We had 2 houses, several cars, 2 dogs, a cat. Basically we made it to where we wanted to be. However in 2004 all of that was going to change. My symptoms returned and I got sick again, and on Jan 25, 2005 they decided that they were going to operate on me and that was the biggest mistake of my life. It led me down the current path I am on. See it was after the surgeries and the damage that the doctors did to my body that I learned about Crystal Meth and how it could help me overcome my insecurities and have a semi normal relationship with other people. However, it is also the very reason that I am single today and where I am at, if you want to know that absolute truth.
Yet, even I look back at my life and I see what I had and what I have lost and sometimes it makes me sad. I threw away a lot of people that cared about me and embarked on a solo journey that was going to end with my destruction. However, I have come off that path and have found a new direction to focus my energies on and that is you my friends. I am here because someone out there needs to hear this right now. One person's life is going to be altered by my writing this. I know this to be true because God has spoken too me and I am finally listening. See the drug was a crutch, I cannot be happy with anyone else till I am totally comfortable with who I am, and I mean all of me. Not just the parts that I like but the bags, scares and everything else that goes with it.
My point is as I look back and see where I have been and where I am at now, neither place was where I exactly wanted to be. Yet, if it hadn't been for that journey and going through everything that I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing too you and trying to help you. See I would be out there doing the same stuff that all my friends are still doing and not going forward with my life, just stuck on Repeat, doing the same things day in and day out and using people and trying to work out how I am going to get high again tomorrow. I am so glad that my dad and God decided that enough was enough and helped me get to Florida.
In the first 8 months that I was here, I had a job, a car, and an apartment. I was making real progress and doing stuff for myself. I had joined some groups and had made some really good friends. I am hoping that this year is going to be a better year and I am going to be hanging out with those new friends now more than ever.
So what am I really trying to tell you in this very long and drawn out narrative. Is simply this. When you look back at your life and you find that you aren't exactly where you thought you would be. You need to look at what you have done, been and accomplished. See it is the journey that counts and when all is said and done you are going to realize that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. God brought you to the perfect place so you could tell your story. It is time now to become happy and content with where you are at any stage of your life. See, once you realize that you are where God wants you too be and you have come to the conclusion that you truly arrived the rest is so easy and usually falls right into place.
I hope that this helped someone today, because it was upon my heart and I know someone out there needed to hear this today.
May God guide you and keep you.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Stop being so hard on yourself, the bruises aren't pretty!
I am not sure how I want to put this, but lately I have been thinking about how hard we are on ourselves. We judge ourselves to a different standard than we hold other's too. Why is that? Do we think we are better than others? Or do we just like beating ourselves up? Do we let other people slide because we think they are incapable of doing a job better than us? Honestly, I think it is more out of insecurity and frustration that we continue to beat ourselves up. We take it to heart when we don't live up to our own expectations and we rush to judgement on ourselves and consider setbacks as failures. We all do! You know you do, don't you? You are your own worse critic, you don't like anything you do, and you constantly think that you could have done it better if you would have just tried harder, or whatever excuse it is that you tell yourself.
The problem is we are harsh with ourselves and we are awful quick to jump to the conclusion that we have failed at whatever task it is that didn't live up to our expectations. The problem with doing this is your are constantly focusing on the negative, you are painting yourself into thinking you are a failure, you are belittling yourself and undermining your own self-esteem and worth. If you are constantly doing that to yourself, and you second guess every task you undertake, what do you think others around you are going to think? Before long everyone around you starts to see you as you do, and it becomes a cycle of abuse and cruelty. I know that there are some of you out there that think everything must be done perfectly, that if you are off just a smidgen, then your whole project is a ruin and a failure. Let me fill you in on something, do you know that perfectionism is just a form of procrastination? It really is folks, and guess what, you give a task to a perfectionist and it will never be completed, unless you step in and force them to end their work, because to them, it will never be perfect and therefore it cannot be completed.
I know it is easy to look at yourself and wonder why you aren't further ahead in life, and how you can beat yourself up over little things that shouldn't bother you. I can also understand why you feel that everything you do ends up wrong. You have have set yourself up into a pattern of abuse that you need to break out of. It might be something that you have been carrying around for years, it has become so ingrained in your daily life you don't even recognize it anymore. Or someone in your life has criticized everything you have done and told you that you did it wrong, or you could have done it faster or better this way, or they go out of their way to make you feel bad just about everything that you do. If any of this is true for you then you need to keep reading, because it isn't true that you are stupid, or dumb, or an idiot, what it means is that you have done something a different way than that other person, and they don't like it. They want to control you and manipulate you and they found that they can do that by using guilt or criticism to wound you. See, there are those out there that cannot stand to see another person succeed they are so arrogant and set in their ways that they cannot accept that someone could possibly come along and do something any way that is different from their way. But as I told you the other day there is no wrong or right way to handle a problem or situation, it is just a matter of perspective and working out the details and coming up with a workable solution.
People that want to control you or manipulate you prey on your fears and weaknesses, they spite you and laugh at you when they are secretly envious, they want to hold you back and make you feel inferior to them because it gives them a rush and makes you feel like you are a failure. These are the people that you have to cut from your life, they are truly undermining your self-esteem and worth, they aren't doing anything for you and keeping you from realizing your own true potential. How can you honestly feel good about your accomplishments or even have a sense of fulfillment in a completed job if everyone around you is telling you that you are no good and nothing you ever do is right. Don't let yourself be caught up in this trap. Because once you have fallen into it, it becomes so easy to stay there. I can honestly tell you, that you may have already fallen into the trap in your youth or childhood and that is why you berate and belittle yourself now. So if you are following me so far, you can see that there are two ways in which you fall into this pattern of behavior, the first is that you are always so hard on yourself that everyone around you begins to judge and see you as you do. Or you have people that have torn apart your self-esteem and question how you do everything. In both cases the end result is the same, you find yourself always feeling that your best is never good enough and that everything you do fall short of your expectations.
But going back to my original question why are we so hard on ourselves? The reason is because we have no confidence in the decisions we make or the actions we do. So my advice to you is to start to do things for yourself, prove to yourself that you can do anything you set your mind too. That you don't need anyone else's approval or appreciation. A line from one of my favorite movies is " I have taught myself how to cook, clean, sew, fix a pipe, and pat myself on the back, just so I don't have to ask you to do it". This should be your motto too. I want you to remember you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. You are your own person, and let's face it you came into the world naked and alone, and we all leave exactly the same way, naked and alone. So to look for someone else's approval or opinion of what we do is really not worth it at all.
I want you to take pride in all that you do, even if it isn't perfect. You know why because nothing ever is perfect, if it was we would have nothing to worry about or stress over. I also want you to look closely in the mirror and tell yourself you have come this far all on your own, you can succeed because you don't need anyone. When you try to please everyone at the same time you end up making some of them happy, but not all, the only person you are guaranteed to make happy all the time is yourself, but that is if you do for yourself and don't care what anyone else around you thinks. I have told you before when you let someone else dictate how you feel or makes you feel guilty in some way then you have given them way too much power over you, and you need to take that power back. Further, when you feel like berating yourself or getting mad because something didn't go exactly as planned, you need to really look at it and give yourself credit for accomplishing the task at all.
You must respect and love yourself and accept that you are not perfect, none of us are, so why do you expect everything you do to be perfect? Now I ask you to cut yourself some slack just like you would someone else, because you are just like them. Put forth your best effort and be content with the result, build up your confidence and self-esteem and you will see that life starts getting a bit easier for you and your stress level will drop lower. You will start to feel good about yourself and the negative that you have been holding will be released and as that happens it will be replaced with the positive. Once the positive starts flowing in your life and mind the more will be attracted too it. Have faith in your abilities and know that you have given your best. Let go of the small things and cling to what you have done and you will be so much happier in your life.
Stop beating yourself up, stop belittling yourself and give yourself the respect and praise that you deserve, and I promise you those around you will start to do the same, and if they don't let them go and move on, because you and only you have your best interest at heart.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
But going back to my original question why are we so hard on ourselves? The reason is because we have no confidence in the decisions we make or the actions we do. So my advice to you is to start to do things for yourself, prove to yourself that you can do anything you set your mind too. That you don't need anyone else's approval or appreciation. A line from one of my favorite movies is " I have taught myself how to cook, clean, sew, fix a pipe, and pat myself on the back, just so I don't have to ask you to do it". This should be your motto too. I want you to remember you have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. You are your own person, and let's face it you came into the world naked and alone, and we all leave exactly the same way, naked and alone. So to look for someone else's approval or opinion of what we do is really not worth it at all.
I want you to take pride in all that you do, even if it isn't perfect. You know why because nothing ever is perfect, if it was we would have nothing to worry about or stress over. I also want you to look closely in the mirror and tell yourself you have come this far all on your own, you can succeed because you don't need anyone. When you try to please everyone at the same time you end up making some of them happy, but not all, the only person you are guaranteed to make happy all the time is yourself, but that is if you do for yourself and don't care what anyone else around you thinks. I have told you before when you let someone else dictate how you feel or makes you feel guilty in some way then you have given them way too much power over you, and you need to take that power back. Further, when you feel like berating yourself or getting mad because something didn't go exactly as planned, you need to really look at it and give yourself credit for accomplishing the task at all.
You must respect and love yourself and accept that you are not perfect, none of us are, so why do you expect everything you do to be perfect? Now I ask you to cut yourself some slack just like you would someone else, because you are just like them. Put forth your best effort and be content with the result, build up your confidence and self-esteem and you will see that life starts getting a bit easier for you and your stress level will drop lower. You will start to feel good about yourself and the negative that you have been holding will be released and as that happens it will be replaced with the positive. Once the positive starts flowing in your life and mind the more will be attracted too it. Have faith in your abilities and know that you have given your best. Let go of the small things and cling to what you have done and you will be so much happier in your life.
Stop beating yourself up, stop belittling yourself and give yourself the respect and praise that you deserve, and I promise you those around you will start to do the same, and if they don't let them go and move on, because you and only you have your best interest at heart.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Have you ever felt like starting over, but were too tired?
Have you ever felt like starting over, but were to tired to try again, to defeated by the things you cling to in your past? I have and I still do every once in awhile. The only way to get past your past and start over again is by forgiving those who hurt you and who you have hurt. Forgiveness is the key. Forgiveness is for you and not the other person, this is how we forget the past, start a clean slate, and let go of the past.
Unfortunately, our own defeatist attitude and mind hold us back. We sometimes feel like we are not good enough, that we have made too many mistakes and that we cannot get past this. What I can tell you is this you are not a failure, you may have failed in some of the goals you had planned to achieve but life is full of infinite possibilities and out comes. None of us are perfect in anyway. We learn from the mistakes we have made in the past, we have asked for forgiveness and we have forgiven ourselves. So why is it that we allow ourselves to be plagued with thoughts of failure and not being good enough to start over? Is it guilt, no it shouldn't be if we have truly forgiven ourselves. Is it because when we look back at our own life we see that we haven't measured up to our own ideal of success, perfection, hopes, and dreams? That would be my guess because I know when I look back I am not happy with my progress. But something I picked up along the way is the tenacity to push through my dilemmas and problems and plod ahead. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.
Each one of us is unique and an individual, we cannot be replaced by anyone else. Every person we meet we touch in some way or another. They either enrich us or impact us in some way. We truly are the sum of all our experiences, our failures, our triumphs, our tears, our disappointments and our victories. We are the result of the actions and the consequences of them, we are ever changing and growing as we live and learn, as we struggle to a new future and leave the past behind. It has been recommended that if you want to change and become more than what you are that you need to have a clean break and that you must start over again. I don't honestly believe that is entirely accurate. Sometimes, there needs to be a clean break when you are trying to get away from a bad habit or an addiction. However, evolving takes time and living to instill in us the motivation of change. Be steady in your convictions. Understand your limitations and understand that inner reflection may need to take place. It is necessary to adjust our goals and desires, they need to be reasonable and attainable.
It is unfortunate, but this is a journey that only you can make, this is a place where you have to make decisions and you have to be ready and willing to change. The key is forgiveness of yourselves, acceptance of your past, and willing to reap the consequences of said actions. Only from this place can we release the past and move forward. I want you to always remember that you are not a failure, you do have worth, and you can start again, you have an inner strength that has brought you this far and through so many things. Remember that when all the doors before you seem to be closed and despair is hovering above your head, that the future cannot be seen, no one can see beyond your choices, our future is based upon the decisions we make and the paths we choose to walk. Remember that after every rainstorm there comes the sun. After every waning moon comes a new full moon. That each day is a brand new day, there are no mistakes, it is a clean slate and is perfect in every way, and just because that door was closed when you got to it doesn't mean that you have failed...it just means that the door was closed just so you could open one and step out onto the perfect road that was meant for you.
Trust me when I say you can do this you can do anything you set our mind too and you can succeed all you have to do is try. Keep your head up and your thoughts positive. Take the step to start over again and you will see that starting over isn't so hard after all.
As always I look forward to hearing from you and your thoughts about my subject. Let me know what you think and what you would like to talk about.
All my hopes,
Uncle B
Unfortunately, our own defeatist attitude and mind hold us back. We sometimes feel like we are not good enough, that we have made too many mistakes and that we cannot get past this. What I can tell you is this you are not a failure, you may have failed in some of the goals you had planned to achieve but life is full of infinite possibilities and out comes. None of us are perfect in anyway. We learn from the mistakes we have made in the past, we have asked for forgiveness and we have forgiven ourselves. So why is it that we allow ourselves to be plagued with thoughts of failure and not being good enough to start over? Is it guilt, no it shouldn't be if we have truly forgiven ourselves. Is it because when we look back at our own life we see that we haven't measured up to our own ideal of success, perfection, hopes, and dreams? That would be my guess because I know when I look back I am not happy with my progress. But something I picked up along the way is the tenacity to push through my dilemmas and problems and plod ahead. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.
Each one of us is unique and an individual, we cannot be replaced by anyone else. Every person we meet we touch in some way or another. They either enrich us or impact us in some way. We truly are the sum of all our experiences, our failures, our triumphs, our tears, our disappointments and our victories. We are the result of the actions and the consequences of them, we are ever changing and growing as we live and learn, as we struggle to a new future and leave the past behind. It has been recommended that if you want to change and become more than what you are that you need to have a clean break and that you must start over again. I don't honestly believe that is entirely accurate. Sometimes, there needs to be a clean break when you are trying to get away from a bad habit or an addiction. However, evolving takes time and living to instill in us the motivation of change. Be steady in your convictions. Understand your limitations and understand that inner reflection may need to take place. It is necessary to adjust our goals and desires, they need to be reasonable and attainable.
It is unfortunate, but this is a journey that only you can make, this is a place where you have to make decisions and you have to be ready and willing to change. The key is forgiveness of yourselves, acceptance of your past, and willing to reap the consequences of said actions. Only from this place can we release the past and move forward. I want you to always remember that you are not a failure, you do have worth, and you can start again, you have an inner strength that has brought you this far and through so many things. Remember that when all the doors before you seem to be closed and despair is hovering above your head, that the future cannot be seen, no one can see beyond your choices, our future is based upon the decisions we make and the paths we choose to walk. Remember that after every rainstorm there comes the sun. After every waning moon comes a new full moon. That each day is a brand new day, there are no mistakes, it is a clean slate and is perfect in every way, and just because that door was closed when you got to it doesn't mean that you have failed...it just means that the door was closed just so you could open one and step out onto the perfect road that was meant for you.
Trust me when I say you can do this you can do anything you set our mind too and you can succeed all you have to do is try. Keep your head up and your thoughts positive. Take the step to start over again and you will see that starting over isn't so hard after all.
As always I look forward to hearing from you and your thoughts about my subject. Let me know what you think and what you would like to talk about.
All my hopes,
Uncle B
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