Setbacks for the positive and negative can keep you from moving forward

It's amazing no matter what I go through on a day to day basis people never cease to amaze me. It just goes to show that no matter how well you think you know somebody, the truth is you will never actually know the real them unless they want you to.  Each of us fears something,  each of us are insecure about other things. Life has become a huge game of hide-n-go-seek, we have found it easier to hide our fears and insecurities behind a facade or an ever evolving mask.

We in expertly build walls to keep others from discovering our fears and weaknesses. But it can be those very same walls that trap us and make us prey to our emotions. Have you never thought about how the person you know isn't quite the same one that you originally met? It becomes evident the longer that you are around and they become more comfortable around you, the more their mask will shift.

So with that in mind as we move forward, that we don't over compensate or inflate the very thing that we are trying to hide from ourselves and other's.  Yes, my friend it is sad but true the masks we wear and personas that we painstakingly and elaborately create, tend to hide from ourselves as well as others. If you want to be accepted at face value then you have a lot of inward looking and soul searching to do.

To a certain extent these masks that extend in to wall creates a pattern of behaviour and once you can recognize a pattern the easier it is to understand the underlying fear or anxiety that has caused it.  The hard part of this is honesty to oneself. I would caution you here, do not think that this is a light matter, many of us have spent years building up our defenses and our walls to protect ourselves from constant pain or crippling fear. But, if life isn't full of challenges and hard won victories I don't think the change would be lasting.

You maybe wondering by this point what does all of this have to do with setbacks?  Here it goes our lives are based on patterns and in oder for us to change the pattern we have to understand what caused it to begin with.  The setbacks we experience are nothing more than the results of the choices and decisions we have made. Further any behaviour or pattern that can be learned can therefore also be unlearned. All that really matters is that you face your fears and anxieties  on your terms and when you choose.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you.

Uncle B

What is the Christmas Spirit all about?

After watching the Librarians tonight on TNT I began to really understand the power and spirit of Christmas.  Saint Nick's power comes from all around the world. He collects that magical moments and love that are displayed throughout the whole year and at Christmas time when the spirit is the lowest and despair creeps in Saint Nick travels the world and delivers love, hope, faith and anything else that is needed.

Sometimes, it might be a Christmas wish, other times it might be the courage to put down that point and walk away from meth.  It maybe the need strength that the Alcoholic needs to put down the bottle or that person thinking about suicide to walk away and live.  All these things are what Christmas Spirit is all about.

People don't understand me.  They don't get me, and most of the time the miss the big picture. Everywhere I go I spread love joy and hope.  I go back to the nursing home and I give back to those that took the time and encouraged me to go further than I thought I ever could.  I was pushed, I was made to think and achieve things that I thought impossible.  I never once believed them when I was told that I would never walk again and with the help of my physical therapist Grace and her assistant Dewayne, I am out of the wheel chair within 3 weeks and I have never gone back.

No matter where I go I always reach out my hand and help those around me that I can.  It doesn't matter what life they lead, what they have done in the past and where they are headed.  I have  been as my grandmother called it an Angel on Earth.  I bring comfort, peace and compassion with me where ever I go.  My time on earth is running very low and I know that a great burden is going to be past on.   I know that my nephew Kodi is ready for this, even though he doesn't think he is and by his will and strength alone I believe he has kept me here on this earth.  Before he moved he told me and begged me to not let the burden pass to him until he was ready.  I have seen his journey and I am so very proud of him.

He definitely turned into the man that I dreamed he would be.  He has been faithful and loving and though all relationships have problems him and his girlfriend Annie has managed to keep it going and now their lives are going to be filled with a new life.  My line has not ended and the power that God has granted me will be passed on to my nephew.  His mother was my half sister, but when he came to me at the age of 13 I never thought of him as anything less than my own son.  He has been trained and he knows how I have operated my entire life.  He will find his own way to use the power that is going to be passed on to him.  He is a special person and anyone who has met him will know what I mean.

So what does all of this have to do with the Spirit of Christmas?  Am I am claiming that I am Saint Nick?  No I am not him, I wish I had his job it is much easier than the path that I was given.  Kodi will have it so much easier because he will have families and children to help that is the path that I see for him.  God selected me to live and walk with the prostitutes and drug dealers.  I have saved many, lost a few and even one in the last week.  I am saddened by the loss.  Kodi would know him as Rob the boot camp trainer that he met so long ago, and the guy that took him to school when we lived over on Buford Highway.

So why am I talking about this?  What does it have to do with Christmas spirit.  Well let me tell you. Every person I help, every life I encounter and interact with is enriched, changed and never is the same again.  I have to say that even though I spent a long time in the nursing home they were all sad to see me leave, and are so excited when I come back and visit.  You see I come and see those that have no family, have no visitors, who are shut-ins and left behind.  I bring them the love that is in my heart and I spend time with each of them.  There is not a one of the people in that home that I haven't met, who doesn't know who I am and whose life I have not touched in some way.

As God would have it I had a voice in my head telling me to go to the nursing home a couple of Sunday's ago, I wasn't feeling well, but I listened to that voice and I was able to see Jeanine Jacobs, I was granted the ability to tell her that I loved her and spend some time with her. See she died that following Wednesday, and the sad part was she thought she was getting better and was going home on Friday and she passed away on Wednesday.  I miss her a lot and I give thanks to God that I was able to tell her that I loved her and was glad to see her before she parted this world.

Christmas Spirit is the spirit of love, it gifts those with special gifts the ability to help, guide and even manipulate and change the fate of those around them.  We never interfere unless asked, and we never do anything against another persons will or wishes.  Some of us are gifted with the ability to change life's just by being in them.  Kodi and I come from a long line of Guardians and we have the ability to do all of the things that I have mentioned above.  Just by being in someone's life we can change if for the better.  Though often times we are selves are struggling and having hardships the ones we care about around us are doing better.  I have been rich, I have been poor, I have been happy and I have had my share of hardships.  But, I am very rarely a negative person and I am the type of person that other positive people gravitate towards.  The love and family spirit, the gift giving and the magic of Christmas is increased at the end of the year because it is the one point in the year when the magic of earth is at the lowest.

Which is why we make resolutions on New Year's because the residual magic of Christmas is still lingering and can make those resolutions come true, the secret to that is being 100 percent open and honest with yourself.  You will see that this time of year is the time when Families get together all around the world and the love that is shared is poured into the earth and allows people like me to do my job the rest of the year long.

Upon my death my gifts', abilities and premonitions will be passed on to the heir and since the only child I have ever had was my sisters the gifts shall fall too him.  He is more ready then he knows and I have faith that he will be a better and stronger Guardian than I ever was.  He will be remembered and just as I will live on in him, he will live on in the lives of those he touches.  None of us ever truly leave the earth, we are kept alive in the memories of those whose live we have touched, interacted with and have changed.

My grandfather told me that a man doesn't leave his mark upon the world by how much he accumulates, how much money, property and wealth he has, but by how many lives he has touched and how many people will remember him when he is gone.  I believe that this to be true and solid and I hope that I will be remembered always.

Before I close this post I thought I would sneak in what the definition of what a Guardian is.  Much like the Masons, Elks, and other societies you have to be indoctrinated into it.  You become part of it by being invited in  by the head priestess or you are born into the order because of the lineage of your family.  Kodi, Kevin, Eric and Myself are the last of the Guardian line in my immediate family, and though I lost touch with my cousin Eric over the years I know he has 12 kids and at least 2 of them will have the power and gift that my grandmother passed on to him and me both.  My brother Kevin is focused in his world and already doing his part.  He cannot inherit my gifts it doesn't work that way when he already has his own.  My gifts will add to the natural gifts of Kodi and he will be more than he is.  It will be confusing at times and hard to understand, but like me he will figure out the best use for his gifts and will be able to make changes in the world.  A Guardian is neither Good nor Evil.  We are balancers of the between the two.  A Guardian never lets good get the upper hand on Evil and vice versus.  We are punished for certain reasons, which I will not put in here, but Kodi knows.

So there you have it.

What is the Christmas Spirit all about?  Bringing families together in love and joy, to spread the bond of love and magic and make it last the entire year.  Guardians help move the power of this love magic along and influence when and where we can.

As always you hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Is it your Strength of Character that defines you in other people's eyes?

Or is it what they see in you that gives them hope and strength to face the coming days?  I have attached my first podcast to this blog and you can hear my thoughts on this subject.  Hopefully this will be the first of many podcast to come.  Now, with that being said I would ask you to forgive the long pauses, the um's and the definite sound of me smoking a cigarette throughout.  Don't judge me too harshly this is my first attempt and done on one cup of coffee only.  I promise it can only get better from here!

Now today, my topic is strength of character and by that I mean what others around you see and notice about you! Believe it or not! People around me always comment on my strength, endurance and positive attitude.  They give me credit for things like pulling through cancer twice, leukemia, radiation enteritis, hepatitis c, bowel resections, colostomies, ileostomies and the myriad of other things I have gone through.  They tell me how strong and brave I am.  But, you know what are those really my strengths of character?  I don't count them as such, all I really did is survive!  Now, I am not saying that I didn't fight for my life. What I am saying is this, I didn't know anything else to do. I wanted to live so I kept going.  Sure there were times when I thought I couldn't withstand another round of chemotherapy or radiation.  Where I told my mom I was tired and wanted to quit.

But, the secret and the key to all of this is I turned it all over to God and the power of prayer.  You would be surprised at the hundreds and hundreds of people that have lifted me up in prayers including my mother.  Without them and God I wouldn't be here today.  I actually don't count that as strength of character.  I count that as faith.  See the body and the mind are miraculous things, and God created it and knows it's inner working better than anyone and can heal it.  When I talk of strength of character, I want you to think of those attributes of yourself that other people see and measure. Such as your desire to help them.  To love them unconditionally by accepting them for who the are, their behaviors, hang ups, moods, their decisions and actions.  Yes, you maybe disappointed at times by something they have done, but regardless you love them none the less.

Trust me when I tell you we all have a great capacity for love. There is an endless supply and it's yours to give.  When I think of strength of character, I think of integrity, your word, your bond.  When you tell someone that are your friend no matter what and you are true to it, that is a strength of character.  Each of you can confirm that if I have told you that we were friends you can believe you can count on that.  Further, if I have told you that I love you, you can believe that I do.  Understand that I don't use that word freely.  When I love I love hard and it never fades.  I love you through the good times, the bad times and anything in between.  That also goes for my friendships as well. You are always going to be a part of me and my life.  I am a firm believer that we are the culmination of all our decisions, actions, consequences and friendships, each one of these things goes a long way into building our character. Since we are talking about strength of character I would like to think that all the good points of ourselves are absorbed by our friends and loved ones and makes us that much stronger.

For those of you who have known me for years you can attest to the fact that no matter what I have always tried to help when and where I could, always giving of myself.  One of my ex's called it the Stray Syndrome, I always tried to help those on the street by providing them with shelter, safety, food or whatever I could to help them get back on their feet again.  Over the past 21 years or so I have given freely of myself and if you read my entry on the "Defining Moment" you will understand how one error in my judgement changed my whole outlook and helped mold me into the person I have become.  You don't know how many times over that span of time I have heard how I was two-faced, fake, phony and too good to be true.  That no one could be as nice as me.  Only to have those same critics come back and tell me that they were wrong that I am sincere, that I did care, and thank me for taking the time to help them.  This is my strength of character, a testament to being a loving giving friend, who wanted to help never expecting or demanding anything in return.  I am not trying to brag or toot my own horn, there are hundreds of people who can tell you all about this.  Ask Greg, E, Kameron, Joe, Sterling, any one of them can tell you how I sacrificed myself, my relationships, my home, personal needs to help everyone around me.

In all honesty most of my relationships ended because of my need to surround myself with others like myself that just needed a little helping hand. I didn't think about the consequences of my actions I chose to follow my heart. I know I hurt some really good people who loved me and thought I was kidding myself, that I was throwing everything away. But I wasn't, I truly just wanted to help genuinely and sincerely.  I took their love and their strength, these partners of mine, and I sacrificed their love on that alter of giving.  I am sure that they can see now what I was doing now that I have let out the story of why.

Oh there were the dark times of my life, the drug days! where I taught people how to slam for the very first time. But even then I was conscientious of y duty to help and protect them.  My rule was if we do this we do it together. I watched them, helped them through the experience. I was there offering safe harbor and a place to enjoy the experience without pressure or judgement.  I know some of you may judge me harshly because of this.  But you know what that is alright! because you can't judge me any harder than I judge myself.  There is a difference here that I would like to point out, even though my actions may seem destructive and the help that I gave could be seen as irresponsible, trust me looking back I realize this myself, I wouldn't change my experiences one bit, I may have saved a few people their lives by teaching them the right way to do things and the proper dosages.  Another reason why I wouldn't change anything I have done, is because of all the wonderful people I have met, interacted with and have made a connection too.  Throughout everything, I have been through and experienced it is the people, the love, and friendships that been built that I cherish.  It is the dedication and friendship, love, support, the network that has developed that are a testament to my strength of character.

People look at my life as a learning inspiration.  They see that I live by what I preach, because my message is simple, it is love, unity, acceptance, understanding, companionship and true friendship.  These are the values I have and I show in my daily life.  I help others to the exclusion of everything else and I think that is what defines me.  As long as I am helping other people working towards making their life a better place. That is where I want to be. This is my story! What is yours? Tell me what makes you a person that is strong in character? What makes me want to look at your life and choose it as an inspiration to live my life by?  Get back with me and let me know about that!

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Warning...this podcast is 12 minutes and 28 seconds in length. I hope you will take the time to listen to it again, it is my first attempt please be easy on all the pauses, um's and other obvious mistakes...I will endeavor to try and make the next one better.