Have you ever watched a feel good movie and felt better about yourself and your life afterwards? I did just tonight. I watched a movie called "Fishbowl California", a movie I knew absolutely nothing about, and it lifted my spirits and gave me some peace of mind. The story is seemingly ordinary about the life of a man battling cheating girlfriend, unemployment, homelessness, and plain old bad luck. I felt like I could relate to the main character and have experienced much of the same issues that he was. He met an older woman that challenged him, and in the long run changed his life. As I said it was a feel good movie, with everyday challenges and life issues, but throughout the comedy/drama you began to feel something for the characters and were pulled into the story along with the pain that each one was feeling. It isn't every day that a film comes along and makes me feel the way this one did.
In the story the main character suffered from being homeless, aimless, and having no thoughts other than himself, yet along the way he runs into a tough older woman, with a gruff exterior and tender interior that she hides from everyone including herself and her daughter. You find out that she is sick and possibly dying, in mourning for her husband who has passed and has finally given up on living and is just existing day by day. She is a drunk and has a tough exterior, she takes no bull from anyone yet has a kind heart. Our main character is caught stealing from her and she puts him to work, fixing up the house and cleaning up the yard. Pressure from her daughter to take better care of herself and to get some help. In an attempt to do that she lets the guy stay with her, but he starts to understand that her drinking is a form of avoidance from life and her illness. The daughter appeals to the young man to help her make sure that the mother starts taking her medication daily. This causes a rift in the household and the old lady throws the young man out.
She starts regretting how she treated the young man and begins taking care of herself and stops drinking totally. Within a couple weeks go by and the young man comes by the house to see how the lady is doing only to find that a memorial service is going on. Thinking that the lady has passed away he starts talking about how the woman helped him find himself and took a chance on him when no one else would. This turns out to be a joke and he passes out. When he wakes up he finds that she had decided to give her old self a funeral. She had decided to put her house up for sale and move to Hawaii, apparently the ocean air will be good for her health. As such she decided to give something to the young man who had inadvertently helped her give up drinking and changed her life for the better.
This story reminds me so much of something I wrote a lot about in earlier blog posts about not knowing where a casual conversation will lead you, or how your interactions with someone might benefit them in some way that you couldn't have foreseen. Life is like that in so many ways, we don't know who is looking at us or why. Others might find hope or inspiration in how you are living your life, or could be gaining strength from your struggles. I would like to remind each of us to live as an example for others to follow. Believe in yourself, and know that everyone out there is going through something. You are not struggling alone, and there are people out there who see you. You may not even know them. Others might find inspiration in your life, your story and your struggles. You might be helping people without even being aware of it. Everything you do has far reaching effects on those around you and the environment in which you life.
Take the time to talk to strangers, introduce yourself too them, tell them your story. You might be just the thing that they need to help them get to the next step or progress past an issue that is heavy for them. You never know but each of us has come through so much, done things that others have been afraid to do and we have grown from our efforts. Others, can benefit from you in small or even big ways if you just take the time to express yourself to them. I have often been accused of never meeting a stranger and that is partly true. Every opportunity I get I talk to others about the things that I have been through, my illnesses, my victories and even my defeats. I talk to them about my struggles with addiction and depression and I try to help others by writing my story in my blog. I want people around me to see hope, to gain inspiration and joy from getting to know me. I hope to be someone that helps others around me and teach them how to be the same for those that look to them.
My dad has told me that I can't save everyone, that I have to be smart about how I go about helping other people, and that I shouldn't let them take advantage of me. Sometimes, I get to involved and wrapped up in myself that I don't even notice when someone is using me or trying to take advantage, so I have started distancing myself. But I have begun to see how many people look at my life and they are trying to better themselves by using my examples to help themselves around the issues that plague them. This is a form of helping and is a by product of merely just living my life the best way that I know how.
For many years I led people into the drug world and at times that I thought I was helping them, I was actually enabling them to continue in their abuse and addiction. Only by walking away from the scene myself and encouraging others to do so have I truly been a help. I may have provided a safe warm place that they could indulge themselves, but I wasn't really helping like I thought I was. I have taken so many people off of the streets, and thought I was giving them a chance to better themselves and help them get off of drugs, but what was really happening was I was allowing them to continue in their habit without recourse or consequence to their actions. The weren't on the streets anymore I was providing them with housing, food, and often times more drugs. In effect I was keeping myself surrounded by similar types of people so I didn't feel so guilty about what I was doing, and I convinced myself that I was actually helping others. Some I may have, others maybe not so much, but in the end I learned more about myself and what I really wanted out of life.
Drug addiction is not a game, and it really takes work to remain sober, each day is a constant battle of the soul versus the mind and it never gets easier. If you truly want to help someone get out of that situation the only way to really do is it is to have a zero drug tolerance policy and enforce it. Otherwise you are just fostering an addiction and enabling the person to keep using. Recovery is not something that can be undertaken lightly and must be committed too from the very start. No ifs, ands, or excuses about it. I know that the methods that I used to employ were not effective for treating an illness, they were a way for me to surround myself by like minded people and feel better about myself and what I was doing. Even though I had their best interest at heart my methods were suspect and the help that I gave wasn't effective. I have since changed my thoughts on this and I still try to help those around me who need helping but I have different ideas now about how to go about it and what I am willing to accept in my life and what I am willing to do to help them.
I won't be buying the drugs, will not allow them to be used in my home and I will not let someone manipulate me into falling for the "Just one more time routine". Enough is enough too many of my friends have died or gotten so sick from drugs that it really isn't worth it. Life is the most precious gift we are given and to squander that and to through it away is not something I want to help with anymore. I am so proud of my friends who have started down the road of recovery and are celebrating their sobriety. I wished I would have learned this to help more people earlier. But I am with you in this battle now and I am not giving up and neither should you.
As always you are in my hopes and dreams,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label habits. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 9, 2018
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Follow up on Aging
I know I just wrote about how aging really isn't all it is cracked up to be. I was talking with my nephew earlier today and I was explaining to him that I couldn't remember what I had for breakfast, but I could remember everything that has happened in my past. Even he agreed that it was hard to believe that so much time had gone by. See, him and I went to Pennsylvania to help my mother take care of our adopted grandmother. It is hard to believe that 5 years have gone by now. To me it seems like it was just yesterday that we were up there. I can remember the snow, the cold and driving my mom and her to doctors appointments. How we would go to New York to go to the mall because that was the closest place to where my mother lived.
It is funny I was one of those people that never got sick when I was younger, and was serving in the U.S. Navy. However, I wasn't even out of the Navy for four months when I was diagnosed with stage 4 large cell lymphoma. Since that time my health has declined steadily over the years. I had never had to take pills before, and now I am taking 23 in the morning and 20 at night. It is awful having to fill up the pill box every week with all those pills. Not to mention having to take them daily.
My best friend and I also spoke tonight and he said something that caught my attention and made me think. He said that he sees more now than he did when he was in his 20's. I think that is true, that our experiences and journey have enabled us to gather enough knowledge to finally understand what really is happening around us. Another thing that I realized is that all the stuff that my mother scolded me about when I was growing up. The very things she told me would happen and when in my 20's I didn't believe her, I practically ignored her. But guess what, as I got older and experienced more of life, it became clear that she was telling me the truth and was trying to save me from pain and hurt. Too bad I didn't listen and follow her advice and instructions. See I was stubborn and had to find out the hard way. I had to experience everything for myself, go through it and experience it for myself.
It doesn't matter who you are or what your status in life is, you are going to face the challenge of aging. You are going to feel things that you never felt before, have pains in places that never hurt before. Muscle mass will start to decline, and your bone density will also start to deteriorate. Honestly the body starts to slow down and break down. Your joints might start to hurt because you have developed arthritis. You also start forgetting and losing memories, your concentration weakens, etc.
The one thing that remains constant is that your hindsight becomes 20/20 and you can remember stuff that you did and experienced from your past. You know exactly where you have been, you can see clearly the path you have taken. What you can't see is what the future holds for you. You might be able to make an educated guess by observing your past patterns. Each of us functions in patterns and habits, so you can probably predict what and where you are going based on your past actions. But keep in mind that the future is not set in stone, you can change your destiny by breaking your patterns or even changing your habits.
Life wears us down, our bodies slow down as we age, and our cells just can't repair all the damage that life and age has done to our bodies. One minute you are healthy and young, and the next thing you know you blink and you are middle aged. Close your eyes again and time will have continued and you are now old. Our minds don't age as fast as our bodies do, like I explained in my article about Aging that I wrote a day or so ago. Keep in mind that as you age time seems to speed up. Maybe it is because your body is slowing down. Or it just might be our perspective and how are brains receive and process things.
But the cold hard truth is that time speeds up, the body slows down, as your body starts falling apart. I encourage you to live your life in the moment and experience life, taste the flavors, and textures of the world around you. No matter what your age is, there is always more that you can experience and learn. Make sure you take the time to stop and smell the roses so to speak. Take one day at a time and remember that nobody is perfect, we are just a work in progress that continues to learn and grow every day.
Getting older is no phone for anyone. It sometimes take a toll on your body, sometimes not. There is no discerning of illness, it can strike anyone at any time. Take me for example I was 23 getting ready to turn 24 when I was diagnosed with cancer and told that I only had eighteen months to live. I never thought I would see 40, but I have and I am still going. Be who yourself and experience life's daily miracles and watch what you eat, exercise and maybe you will stay healthy your entire life.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
It is funny I was one of those people that never got sick when I was younger, and was serving in the U.S. Navy. However, I wasn't even out of the Navy for four months when I was diagnosed with stage 4 large cell lymphoma. Since that time my health has declined steadily over the years. I had never had to take pills before, and now I am taking 23 in the morning and 20 at night. It is awful having to fill up the pill box every week with all those pills. Not to mention having to take them daily.
My best friend and I also spoke tonight and he said something that caught my attention and made me think. He said that he sees more now than he did when he was in his 20's. I think that is true, that our experiences and journey have enabled us to gather enough knowledge to finally understand what really is happening around us. Another thing that I realized is that all the stuff that my mother scolded me about when I was growing up. The very things she told me would happen and when in my 20's I didn't believe her, I practically ignored her. But guess what, as I got older and experienced more of life, it became clear that she was telling me the truth and was trying to save me from pain and hurt. Too bad I didn't listen and follow her advice and instructions. See I was stubborn and had to find out the hard way. I had to experience everything for myself, go through it and experience it for myself.
It doesn't matter who you are or what your status in life is, you are going to face the challenge of aging. You are going to feel things that you never felt before, have pains in places that never hurt before. Muscle mass will start to decline, and your bone density will also start to deteriorate. Honestly the body starts to slow down and break down. Your joints might start to hurt because you have developed arthritis. You also start forgetting and losing memories, your concentration weakens, etc.
The one thing that remains constant is that your hindsight becomes 20/20 and you can remember stuff that you did and experienced from your past. You know exactly where you have been, you can see clearly the path you have taken. What you can't see is what the future holds for you. You might be able to make an educated guess by observing your past patterns. Each of us functions in patterns and habits, so you can probably predict what and where you are going based on your past actions. But keep in mind that the future is not set in stone, you can change your destiny by breaking your patterns or even changing your habits.
Life wears us down, our bodies slow down as we age, and our cells just can't repair all the damage that life and age has done to our bodies. One minute you are healthy and young, and the next thing you know you blink and you are middle aged. Close your eyes again and time will have continued and you are now old. Our minds don't age as fast as our bodies do, like I explained in my article about Aging that I wrote a day or so ago. Keep in mind that as you age time seems to speed up. Maybe it is because your body is slowing down. Or it just might be our perspective and how are brains receive and process things.
But the cold hard truth is that time speeds up, the body slows down, as your body starts falling apart. I encourage you to live your life in the moment and experience life, taste the flavors, and textures of the world around you. No matter what your age is, there is always more that you can experience and learn. Make sure you take the time to stop and smell the roses so to speak. Take one day at a time and remember that nobody is perfect, we are just a work in progress that continues to learn and grow every day.
Getting older is no phone for anyone. It sometimes take a toll on your body, sometimes not. There is no discerning of illness, it can strike anyone at any time. Take me for example I was 23 getting ready to turn 24 when I was diagnosed with cancer and told that I only had eighteen months to live. I never thought I would see 40, but I have and I am still going. Be who yourself and experience life's daily miracles and watch what you eat, exercise and maybe you will stay healthy your entire life.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Are you Insane?
I have always thought that a little bit of crazy would carry me far in the world today. But, now I am realizing that I am not crazy, I am totally insane. Follow me on this, I handle each confrontation with humor. I am a person that doesn't like to confront anyone. It is so bad, that I sometimes suppress my emotions and hold them in. Let me tell you that it wasn't good for me or anyone around me. Because I was hiding how I felt from everyone, it stayed bottled up inside of me. The least little thing that someone did would trigger an emotional and very verbally damaging barrage. I realized that I wasn't even really angry with the person, I was just taking out the pain and bitterness I was harboring on them. Not a good thing at all. It is never a good idea to bottle up your emotions like that, because you will find yourself like I did blowing up at the wrong person at the wrong time. Hell, they didn't really do anything major it was just a trigger.
Today, I hold nothing in. I tell you exactly how I feel and the brutal honest truth. Because I believe that I owe you only the truth. Because if I don't tell you the truth about whatever is going on and you find out from someone else guess who you are going to be mad at? It is going to be me. So, when I was recently diagnosed as being terminal. I decided that life is to short to go around sugar coating things. If I can't tell you the truth about yourself or a situation then am I really your friend? Throughout the blog I keep telling you that the way to keep a relationship together is a multi-part process. I believe that it starts with you. You have to be brutally honest to yourself and stop rationalizing things and lying to yourself. When you do that you are going to feel so much better about yourself. Things are probably going to start falling into place and you are going to find that there are less things to find fault about in the world. The second part of the equation is open and direct communication. Most of us aren't mind readers and we honestly don't have a clue what is going on in your heart or your head. No one wants to get hurt, and we try to protect ourselves by telling that little white lie. It does no one any good to tell people exactly what you think they want to hear. Actions speak louder than words my friend.
You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with insanity? Well, I guess I should explain what I mean when I ask you if you are insane. Albert Einstein stated that "insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result each time". It is my contention that we are creatures of habit. We figure out a way to do something an easy way or what we think is an easy way. We continue to do it that way and it becomes part of your routine and if done long enough you will become set in your way and won't accept any other way to complete that task. I can tell you that I met a woman like that just recently, for 66 years she did the same things over and over again. She has a certain way she puts stuff in her washer, as well as set ideas on cooking and cleaning and everything else. But, here is the rub with this lady, she has been diagnosed with ALS and can no longer take care of herself. I was asked to help take care of her for a week. Boy, I was glad to leave because I am used to doing things my own way and it irritated me that she wanted me to redo everything her way. I am not good at doing things twice.
Okay, but as I was saying we are creatures of habit, and if you as you observe a person for any length of time you will notice the pattern of behavior of that person. I have noticed that some women are attracted to the same type of guys over and over again. Even though they have been hurt by that type over and over again. Think about this: You are standing on the cereal isle at your favorite store. You are looking at the packaging and they all look different, but surprise when you open the box the inside are the same corn flakes. Another, example is that I have reached out my hand to help certain people from my past, and got burned over and over again. Men are also attracted to certain types of people as well, and we all have preferences. So, what happens we end up dating not necessarily the same person, but the same type of person. Then the comparisons start between your last relationship and the present one, and we know that no two relationships can ever be exactly alike. Different people and different circumstances.
I was trying to help out a young friend of mine that I met about a year ago, when I had first met him he was only smoking herb, and when I got out of the nursing home he was totally screwed up, he was stuck with a bad habit and addiction. He and his girlfriend are both 18 and he has gotten her pregnant, and he is addicted to crack. This has caused terrible problems for his girlfriend and her baby because he can't be responsible adult and help support his family, she is the one working and getting money which he spends up as fast as she can make it. I have tried to help him out, get him into a rehab program. He refused and what happened. He stole my computer and my tablet, which I ended up having to buy back. Several weeks later he ended up stealing my sterling silver rings. Once that happened I had to change my pattern of behavior and tell him he can't come around my house anymore. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
So am I insane? Yes, because I keep giving out my heart and trying to help people and so many times I have been hurt. I finally have realized that they were using my kindness for granted and using me. I can't do this again, because the results are usually the same, I end up getting hurt because I have invested time and energy on helping others. Everyone tells me that I am a strong person because I still talk to my ex and have helped him out from time to time when he needed it, even though he is dating someone else now. Also, I have become friends with his new partner. True insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again hoping that someone will understand and help you break free from the pattern and habits that are holding you in place.
Just keep in mind that insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. Make sure that you break out of your habits and patterns, because they keep you stuck in a rut. Crazy is my way to deal with the mundane pitfalls and obstacles that come your way. If you keep your head up and a positive mental attitude. There is nothing that you can't overcome and accomplish. Remember whatever the Mind can Conceive and Believe you will Achieve.
In order to get to the next level in life you have to become content with where you are at in life, and comfortable with what you have got. When you reach this state, I believe you are going to find that you have everything you need right in front of you. This my friends is called Prosperity.
No one is perfect, yet we seek an ideal in a relationship, a concept of what we think we want, and yet how can anyone measure up to an image that they know nothing about. You have to be flexible and roll with the punches if you are in a relationship, if you don't the patterns are just going to continue to repeat and you are going to find the same thing happening all over again. If you truly are going to conquer insanity you have to keep moving forward, and let go of your preconceptions and take some risks, you have to break the rigidity that comes with having ingrained habits, be willing and open to change and even try something new or different. Look for patterns of behavior, seek them out and physically change them. You have to step out of the box, take a chance on trying something new and wild. You might be surprised that the one you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time, but you were so wrapped up in yourself and the same boring outlook that you have totally missed an opportunity to blossom and experience true love. Patterns and rigid habits can keep you in a stagnant environment doing the same monotonous things over and over again and getting no fulfillment or joy out of it. If you are not happy with the life you have then get up and do something about it. Because only you can make the necessary changes.
So, now you tell me are you insane? I know that I am sometimes, but now that I have realized my pattern and my problem I am going to make that change. Walk with me on this new road lets see where it will take us and where we end up...I think it will be fun.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Today, I hold nothing in. I tell you exactly how I feel and the brutal honest truth. Because I believe that I owe you only the truth. Because if I don't tell you the truth about whatever is going on and you find out from someone else guess who you are going to be mad at? It is going to be me. So, when I was recently diagnosed as being terminal. I decided that life is to short to go around sugar coating things. If I can't tell you the truth about yourself or a situation then am I really your friend? Throughout the blog I keep telling you that the way to keep a relationship together is a multi-part process. I believe that it starts with you. You have to be brutally honest to yourself and stop rationalizing things and lying to yourself. When you do that you are going to feel so much better about yourself. Things are probably going to start falling into place and you are going to find that there are less things to find fault about in the world. The second part of the equation is open and direct communication. Most of us aren't mind readers and we honestly don't have a clue what is going on in your heart or your head. No one wants to get hurt, and we try to protect ourselves by telling that little white lie. It does no one any good to tell people exactly what you think they want to hear. Actions speak louder than words my friend.
You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with insanity? Well, I guess I should explain what I mean when I ask you if you are insane. Albert Einstein stated that "insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result each time". It is my contention that we are creatures of habit. We figure out a way to do something an easy way or what we think is an easy way. We continue to do it that way and it becomes part of your routine and if done long enough you will become set in your way and won't accept any other way to complete that task. I can tell you that I met a woman like that just recently, for 66 years she did the same things over and over again. She has a certain way she puts stuff in her washer, as well as set ideas on cooking and cleaning and everything else. But, here is the rub with this lady, she has been diagnosed with ALS and can no longer take care of herself. I was asked to help take care of her for a week. Boy, I was glad to leave because I am used to doing things my own way and it irritated me that she wanted me to redo everything her way. I am not good at doing things twice.
Okay, but as I was saying we are creatures of habit, and if you as you observe a person for any length of time you will notice the pattern of behavior of that person. I have noticed that some women are attracted to the same type of guys over and over again. Even though they have been hurt by that type over and over again. Think about this: You are standing on the cereal isle at your favorite store. You are looking at the packaging and they all look different, but surprise when you open the box the inside are the same corn flakes. Another, example is that I have reached out my hand to help certain people from my past, and got burned over and over again. Men are also attracted to certain types of people as well, and we all have preferences. So, what happens we end up dating not necessarily the same person, but the same type of person. Then the comparisons start between your last relationship and the present one, and we know that no two relationships can ever be exactly alike. Different people and different circumstances.
I was trying to help out a young friend of mine that I met about a year ago, when I had first met him he was only smoking herb, and when I got out of the nursing home he was totally screwed up, he was stuck with a bad habit and addiction. He and his girlfriend are both 18 and he has gotten her pregnant, and he is addicted to crack. This has caused terrible problems for his girlfriend and her baby because he can't be responsible adult and help support his family, she is the one working and getting money which he spends up as fast as she can make it. I have tried to help him out, get him into a rehab program. He refused and what happened. He stole my computer and my tablet, which I ended up having to buy back. Several weeks later he ended up stealing my sterling silver rings. Once that happened I had to change my pattern of behavior and tell him he can't come around my house anymore. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
So am I insane? Yes, because I keep giving out my heart and trying to help people and so many times I have been hurt. I finally have realized that they were using my kindness for granted and using me. I can't do this again, because the results are usually the same, I end up getting hurt because I have invested time and energy on helping others. Everyone tells me that I am a strong person because I still talk to my ex and have helped him out from time to time when he needed it, even though he is dating someone else now. Also, I have become friends with his new partner. True insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again hoping that someone will understand and help you break free from the pattern and habits that are holding you in place.
Just keep in mind that insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. Make sure that you break out of your habits and patterns, because they keep you stuck in a rut. Crazy is my way to deal with the mundane pitfalls and obstacles that come your way. If you keep your head up and a positive mental attitude. There is nothing that you can't overcome and accomplish. Remember whatever the Mind can Conceive and Believe you will Achieve.
In order to get to the next level in life you have to become content with where you are at in life, and comfortable with what you have got. When you reach this state, I believe you are going to find that you have everything you need right in front of you. This my friends is called Prosperity.
No one is perfect, yet we seek an ideal in a relationship, a concept of what we think we want, and yet how can anyone measure up to an image that they know nothing about. You have to be flexible and roll with the punches if you are in a relationship, if you don't the patterns are just going to continue to repeat and you are going to find the same thing happening all over again. If you truly are going to conquer insanity you have to keep moving forward, and let go of your preconceptions and take some risks, you have to break the rigidity that comes with having ingrained habits, be willing and open to change and even try something new or different. Look for patterns of behavior, seek them out and physically change them. You have to step out of the box, take a chance on trying something new and wild. You might be surprised that the one you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time, but you were so wrapped up in yourself and the same boring outlook that you have totally missed an opportunity to blossom and experience true love. Patterns and rigid habits can keep you in a stagnant environment doing the same monotonous things over and over again and getting no fulfillment or joy out of it. If you are not happy with the life you have then get up and do something about it. Because only you can make the necessary changes.
So, now you tell me are you insane? I know that I am sometimes, but now that I have realized my pattern and my problem I am going to make that change. Walk with me on this new road lets see where it will take us and where we end up...I think it will be fun.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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