Many of you will not be able to relate to what I am about to say. But, I have felt every year as it passed me by since I was 24 years old. See, I came home from the Navy at the ripe old age of 23 and right before I turned 24 I was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer. I went through several years of chemotherapy and radiation. I lost years of my life just existing instead of truly living.
I moved to Atlanta at the age of 27 and spent almost 20 years there. It was in 2007 when that nasty cancer struck back and I lost my job, my home, my partner of 12 years, and even my self esteem, and sense of self all in one fell stroke. It has taken me years to come back from it all. But, this article isn't just about me.
My best friend's mother is 66 years old, she is frail, has a speech disorder and can barely get around. My friend has given up his freedom and livelihood to take care of his mother. My mother is a similar case however my mother is 68 years old and can barely walk do to a spinal cord injury. My mother can take a few small steps, but for the most part is confined to a wheel chair.
I once asked my mother before her accident how she felt, and what she said to me stuck with me for all these years. She told me that if she didn't have the aches and pains she would have felt like she was still in her 20's, but when she looks in the mirror there is a stranger staring back at her. Who is this person with the white hair and wrinkles that has her eyes. The simple truth is it is her, herself staring back but her mind cannot accept that reflection.
Yesterday, I walked to the store with my neighbor, and by the time I got back to my house my back was hurting and I felt extremely warn out. I even told my friend that I was feeling all 46 years that I have been alive, like I have never felt before. Age seems to creep up on us, our minds don't measure time in the same way that our exterior body does. We can feel as young as we want to in our mind and spirit, but age shows in the slight crinkles around the eyes, the laugh lines around the lips etc.
Time seems to speed up the older we get. We were once able to do so many things during a day. We would go to school, hangout with friends, do homework and party and do it all over again the next day. Today, I can barely get everything I want to get done finished in a single day. But tell me where does time go? How is it that we went from being twenty somethings to forty somethings? Why didn't we notice it happening. Why does the person staring back at me in the mirror not remind me of myself?
Time apparently waits for no one and everyone ages. How we do it is up to us. Some of us don't look our age, and then there are those around us that look older than they are. How does all of this reconcile as we age? I am not sure that I can comprehend that I am now middle aged and that youth has passed me by. I have waited on the sidelines for many years due to illness and here I go again.
I can tell you that health plays a major role in all of this. See my best friend's mother just a year and a half ago had no issues or problems. Today you wouldn't even recognize her. It seems that age can creep up on us really fast and leave us holding our breathe. In this I can also relate. When I left Atlanta that morning back in 2012 I was so sick with kidney disease, and had just had surgery to remove kidney stones. It truly was my intention to come home to die. Guess what I fooled everybody because I am still here, but over the past 3 years my health has declined noticeably and I can no longer do some of the things I used to do when I was younger.
It is these limitations that let me know that I have truly aged. No matter what my mind has told me I am every bit of 46 and there is no getting around that. Since 2013 I have spent around 20 times in the hospital, these are admission stays that I am talking about, ER visits are way more. Over these past couple of years I have had to have 2 more abdominal surgery, one vein repair from an aneurysm then had an extended stay in a rehab/skilled nursing facility. My health has declined and not gotten any better. Just like my mother and my best friends mother, both are experiencing complications due to age.
It is unfortunate but all of us age. We all get older and we all feel it differently. Some of us get aching joints, others get cancer or some other illness. But, despite it all life goes on.
My eyes have awakened to my own hypocrisy, when I was young I like younger people. I never dated anyone my age or older. Now that I am older I find that I am still attracted to younger guys, but I have become what I always hated the older guy that used to hit on me when I was in the club. Age does not necessarily bring wisdom, but it does bring experience and knowledge.
My tastes are changing just as I am aging. I find people closer to my own age attractive and I have realized my blunders. How much of my life have I missed because of preferences and screwed up priorities? I would have to say more than half of my life have I lost many opportunities and missed relationships. However, because of the very illnesses and operations that I have had, made me reevaluate my preferences and priorities. I find that people my own age can relate to the things that I find myself going through better than the younger generation.
The older I get the more issues come up. The more pills I have to take to keep myself alive and healthy. But, this is not just happening to me, it is happening to all of us. Some of you are way younger than I am. Some of you were born the same year I graduated high school and you have no concept of age, and what is about to happen to you. See, I have to tell you once again that as you age, time seems to go so much faster. When you blink a whole month flies by, and before you know it the year is ending and a new one beginning.
My advice to you is to revel in your youth, enjoy it while you can. Live in the moment and experience life to it's fullest. Handle every obstacle that life throws at you with grace and courage. Be confident in all your dealings, know what you want and go for it. Take charge of your future, you are the one that writes your fate.
And if you look in the mirror one morning and you don't recognize the person looking back at you. Take heart that you have aged gracefully and rose to every challenge. No matter what aches and pains you have, look back at all that you have accomplished and be happy with where you are at.
Take your medicines regularly and keep a positive attitude and it will help you conquer anything that comes your way. Take care of yourself, eat right and get plenty of sleep. I think you will find that your body and mind thanks you.
Aging isn't fun at all, but it is something that we all have to do. So make the best of it. Age gracefully and know when to let go.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label obstacles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label obstacles. Show all posts
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Are you Insane?
I have always thought that a little bit of crazy would carry me far in the world today. But, now I am realizing that I am not crazy, I am totally insane. Follow me on this, I handle each confrontation with humor. I am a person that doesn't like to confront anyone. It is so bad, that I sometimes suppress my emotions and hold them in. Let me tell you that it wasn't good for me or anyone around me. Because I was hiding how I felt from everyone, it stayed bottled up inside of me. The least little thing that someone did would trigger an emotional and very verbally damaging barrage. I realized that I wasn't even really angry with the person, I was just taking out the pain and bitterness I was harboring on them. Not a good thing at all. It is never a good idea to bottle up your emotions like that, because you will find yourself like I did blowing up at the wrong person at the wrong time. Hell, they didn't really do anything major it was just a trigger.
Today, I hold nothing in. I tell you exactly how I feel and the brutal honest truth. Because I believe that I owe you only the truth. Because if I don't tell you the truth about whatever is going on and you find out from someone else guess who you are going to be mad at? It is going to be me. So, when I was recently diagnosed as being terminal. I decided that life is to short to go around sugar coating things. If I can't tell you the truth about yourself or a situation then am I really your friend? Throughout the blog I keep telling you that the way to keep a relationship together is a multi-part process. I believe that it starts with you. You have to be brutally honest to yourself and stop rationalizing things and lying to yourself. When you do that you are going to feel so much better about yourself. Things are probably going to start falling into place and you are going to find that there are less things to find fault about in the world. The second part of the equation is open and direct communication. Most of us aren't mind readers and we honestly don't have a clue what is going on in your heart or your head. No one wants to get hurt, and we try to protect ourselves by telling that little white lie. It does no one any good to tell people exactly what you think they want to hear. Actions speak louder than words my friend.
You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with insanity? Well, I guess I should explain what I mean when I ask you if you are insane. Albert Einstein stated that "insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result each time". It is my contention that we are creatures of habit. We figure out a way to do something an easy way or what we think is an easy way. We continue to do it that way and it becomes part of your routine and if done long enough you will become set in your way and won't accept any other way to complete that task. I can tell you that I met a woman like that just recently, for 66 years she did the same things over and over again. She has a certain way she puts stuff in her washer, as well as set ideas on cooking and cleaning and everything else. But, here is the rub with this lady, she has been diagnosed with ALS and can no longer take care of herself. I was asked to help take care of her for a week. Boy, I was glad to leave because I am used to doing things my own way and it irritated me that she wanted me to redo everything her way. I am not good at doing things twice.
Okay, but as I was saying we are creatures of habit, and if you as you observe a person for any length of time you will notice the pattern of behavior of that person. I have noticed that some women are attracted to the same type of guys over and over again. Even though they have been hurt by that type over and over again. Think about this: You are standing on the cereal isle at your favorite store. You are looking at the packaging and they all look different, but surprise when you open the box the inside are the same corn flakes. Another, example is that I have reached out my hand to help certain people from my past, and got burned over and over again. Men are also attracted to certain types of people as well, and we all have preferences. So, what happens we end up dating not necessarily the same person, but the same type of person. Then the comparisons start between your last relationship and the present one, and we know that no two relationships can ever be exactly alike. Different people and different circumstances.
I was trying to help out a young friend of mine that I met about a year ago, when I had first met him he was only smoking herb, and when I got out of the nursing home he was totally screwed up, he was stuck with a bad habit and addiction. He and his girlfriend are both 18 and he has gotten her pregnant, and he is addicted to crack. This has caused terrible problems for his girlfriend and her baby because he can't be responsible adult and help support his family, she is the one working and getting money which he spends up as fast as she can make it. I have tried to help him out, get him into a rehab program. He refused and what happened. He stole my computer and my tablet, which I ended up having to buy back. Several weeks later he ended up stealing my sterling silver rings. Once that happened I had to change my pattern of behavior and tell him he can't come around my house anymore. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
So am I insane? Yes, because I keep giving out my heart and trying to help people and so many times I have been hurt. I finally have realized that they were using my kindness for granted and using me. I can't do this again, because the results are usually the same, I end up getting hurt because I have invested time and energy on helping others. Everyone tells me that I am a strong person because I still talk to my ex and have helped him out from time to time when he needed it, even though he is dating someone else now. Also, I have become friends with his new partner. True insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again hoping that someone will understand and help you break free from the pattern and habits that are holding you in place.
Just keep in mind that insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. Make sure that you break out of your habits and patterns, because they keep you stuck in a rut. Crazy is my way to deal with the mundane pitfalls and obstacles that come your way. If you keep your head up and a positive mental attitude. There is nothing that you can't overcome and accomplish. Remember whatever the Mind can Conceive and Believe you will Achieve.
In order to get to the next level in life you have to become content with where you are at in life, and comfortable with what you have got. When you reach this state, I believe you are going to find that you have everything you need right in front of you. This my friends is called Prosperity.
No one is perfect, yet we seek an ideal in a relationship, a concept of what we think we want, and yet how can anyone measure up to an image that they know nothing about. You have to be flexible and roll with the punches if you are in a relationship, if you don't the patterns are just going to continue to repeat and you are going to find the same thing happening all over again. If you truly are going to conquer insanity you have to keep moving forward, and let go of your preconceptions and take some risks, you have to break the rigidity that comes with having ingrained habits, be willing and open to change and even try something new or different. Look for patterns of behavior, seek them out and physically change them. You have to step out of the box, take a chance on trying something new and wild. You might be surprised that the one you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time, but you were so wrapped up in yourself and the same boring outlook that you have totally missed an opportunity to blossom and experience true love. Patterns and rigid habits can keep you in a stagnant environment doing the same monotonous things over and over again and getting no fulfillment or joy out of it. If you are not happy with the life you have then get up and do something about it. Because only you can make the necessary changes.
So, now you tell me are you insane? I know that I am sometimes, but now that I have realized my pattern and my problem I am going to make that change. Walk with me on this new road lets see where it will take us and where we end up...I think it will be fun.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Today, I hold nothing in. I tell you exactly how I feel and the brutal honest truth. Because I believe that I owe you only the truth. Because if I don't tell you the truth about whatever is going on and you find out from someone else guess who you are going to be mad at? It is going to be me. So, when I was recently diagnosed as being terminal. I decided that life is to short to go around sugar coating things. If I can't tell you the truth about yourself or a situation then am I really your friend? Throughout the blog I keep telling you that the way to keep a relationship together is a multi-part process. I believe that it starts with you. You have to be brutally honest to yourself and stop rationalizing things and lying to yourself. When you do that you are going to feel so much better about yourself. Things are probably going to start falling into place and you are going to find that there are less things to find fault about in the world. The second part of the equation is open and direct communication. Most of us aren't mind readers and we honestly don't have a clue what is going on in your heart or your head. No one wants to get hurt, and we try to protect ourselves by telling that little white lie. It does no one any good to tell people exactly what you think they want to hear. Actions speak louder than words my friend.
You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with insanity? Well, I guess I should explain what I mean when I ask you if you are insane. Albert Einstein stated that "insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result each time". It is my contention that we are creatures of habit. We figure out a way to do something an easy way or what we think is an easy way. We continue to do it that way and it becomes part of your routine and if done long enough you will become set in your way and won't accept any other way to complete that task. I can tell you that I met a woman like that just recently, for 66 years she did the same things over and over again. She has a certain way she puts stuff in her washer, as well as set ideas on cooking and cleaning and everything else. But, here is the rub with this lady, she has been diagnosed with ALS and can no longer take care of herself. I was asked to help take care of her for a week. Boy, I was glad to leave because I am used to doing things my own way and it irritated me that she wanted me to redo everything her way. I am not good at doing things twice.
Okay, but as I was saying we are creatures of habit, and if you as you observe a person for any length of time you will notice the pattern of behavior of that person. I have noticed that some women are attracted to the same type of guys over and over again. Even though they have been hurt by that type over and over again. Think about this: You are standing on the cereal isle at your favorite store. You are looking at the packaging and they all look different, but surprise when you open the box the inside are the same corn flakes. Another, example is that I have reached out my hand to help certain people from my past, and got burned over and over again. Men are also attracted to certain types of people as well, and we all have preferences. So, what happens we end up dating not necessarily the same person, but the same type of person. Then the comparisons start between your last relationship and the present one, and we know that no two relationships can ever be exactly alike. Different people and different circumstances.
I was trying to help out a young friend of mine that I met about a year ago, when I had first met him he was only smoking herb, and when I got out of the nursing home he was totally screwed up, he was stuck with a bad habit and addiction. He and his girlfriend are both 18 and he has gotten her pregnant, and he is addicted to crack. This has caused terrible problems for his girlfriend and her baby because he can't be responsible adult and help support his family, she is the one working and getting money which he spends up as fast as she can make it. I have tried to help him out, get him into a rehab program. He refused and what happened. He stole my computer and my tablet, which I ended up having to buy back. Several weeks later he ended up stealing my sterling silver rings. Once that happened I had to change my pattern of behavior and tell him he can't come around my house anymore. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
So am I insane? Yes, because I keep giving out my heart and trying to help people and so many times I have been hurt. I finally have realized that they were using my kindness for granted and using me. I can't do this again, because the results are usually the same, I end up getting hurt because I have invested time and energy on helping others. Everyone tells me that I am a strong person because I still talk to my ex and have helped him out from time to time when he needed it, even though he is dating someone else now. Also, I have become friends with his new partner. True insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again hoping that someone will understand and help you break free from the pattern and habits that are holding you in place.
Just keep in mind that insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. Make sure that you break out of your habits and patterns, because they keep you stuck in a rut. Crazy is my way to deal with the mundane pitfalls and obstacles that come your way. If you keep your head up and a positive mental attitude. There is nothing that you can't overcome and accomplish. Remember whatever the Mind can Conceive and Believe you will Achieve.
In order to get to the next level in life you have to become content with where you are at in life, and comfortable with what you have got. When you reach this state, I believe you are going to find that you have everything you need right in front of you. This my friends is called Prosperity.
No one is perfect, yet we seek an ideal in a relationship, a concept of what we think we want, and yet how can anyone measure up to an image that they know nothing about. You have to be flexible and roll with the punches if you are in a relationship, if you don't the patterns are just going to continue to repeat and you are going to find the same thing happening all over again. If you truly are going to conquer insanity you have to keep moving forward, and let go of your preconceptions and take some risks, you have to break the rigidity that comes with having ingrained habits, be willing and open to change and even try something new or different. Look for patterns of behavior, seek them out and physically change them. You have to step out of the box, take a chance on trying something new and wild. You might be surprised that the one you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time, but you were so wrapped up in yourself and the same boring outlook that you have totally missed an opportunity to blossom and experience true love. Patterns and rigid habits can keep you in a stagnant environment doing the same monotonous things over and over again and getting no fulfillment or joy out of it. If you are not happy with the life you have then get up and do something about it. Because only you can make the necessary changes.
So, now you tell me are you insane? I know that I am sometimes, but now that I have realized my pattern and my problem I am going to make that change. Walk with me on this new road lets see where it will take us and where we end up...I think it will be fun.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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