Pulling it together

You know every time you fall apart when a crisis comes your way or you hit a brick wall in your life.  I want to talk to you about that today.  See, emotions play a big factor in how we handle what life throws at us.  I once told you that you are measured by the grace in which you rise from your problems or when you hit rock bottom.  What I mean by this is that you are not judged by what you are gong through but how you handle the situation with grace and tact.  It takes you 10 times longer to pull yourself together once you have fallen apart.

Now, you may be wondering what I am talking about when I say falling apart.  Not everyone of us falls to pieces when trouble comes our way. However, as humans we have to factor in the emotional state of the person that is having the problem.  See emotions play a significant part in how you handle a situation.  How many times have I told you that you need to calm down, count to 100 or just divorce your feelings from the situation?  A lot!  It is not only important for you to tackle the problem clear headed and unemotional as it is for the others that you are dealing with.

I know that I used to hold my emotions in.  I wouldn't tell anyone when I was upset.  However, what was happening someone else would come along and do something so minor that it triggered an explosion from me.  That's right little old me would blow up at the least little thing and what I found out was I was taking my anger, frustrations and guilt out on the wrong party.  The person who was facing the brunt of my anger was not who I was truly angry with. This is what I am trying to help you avoid.  Put te blame where the blame is due, don't hold anything in, take care of the situation as it happens and you will see how much better you feel.  It took me a long time to be able to express how I am feeling, I am a person that doesn't like confrontations and I try to avoid them at all costs.  However, it is in my best interest to let my feelings out when the issue arises because I don't want the wrong person to get my wrath when they didn't really do anything to deserve it.

I have told you before that you have to analyze a situation from every angle.  Step outside of the box and look at the issue from a different perspective.  I know it is hard to do, but if you can get past the emotional side of things and express your feelings either to yourself or to your partner and come at it with a clear head you will begin to see that the mountain you thought you were facing has many different options for getting past it.  We all seem to take our personal problems and make them out to be bigger than they really are.  I know that I do it. I take a molehill and make it a mountain when I am emotional about the situation, however once I calm down and start to think about the issue or problem with my rational thought and clear mind I begin to see the root of the problem and the many ways that I can fix or address it.  But, it I come at it with my emotions raw and I am hurting, I just may say something or do something that I might regret later on.  Remember it is not what you say but how you say it.  Words have power they can cut, destroy and cause wounds that never heal.  So be careful what you say, and keep in mind how biting and sharp your words are and how your tone and inflection might cause someone else pain.  Your attitude plays a major role in this process.

Once I get out what I have to say, my mind reacts like nothing ever happened.  I snap back to my up beat happy self like the issue was never there.  I am one of the few people that can do that.  If someone does something too me and I have an issue with it, if I address it right then and there and get out what I have to say about the problem, five or ten minutes later I am fine and have moved on like nothing ever happened.  I know a lot of you aren't like that and it takes you a lot longer to get over something, you have some animosity and feel a certain way about the situation for a while. However, eventually you get over it and move on.  Now, how do I accomplish this feat?  It really isn't that complicated really.  I just remember what I keep telling you that this too shall pass and I keep my head down and continue moving forward.  It is the only thing I know to do, and I don't like having a burden or grudge so I get rid of it as quickly and efficiently as I can.

It important to take away from this that no matter what the situation is, if you can keep your emotions out of it and can tackle it with a rational mind and clear head you will find that you won't fall to pieces every time something bad comes your way.  Remember it takes 10 times longer to pull yourself together when you fall apart.  Emotions play a significant role in causing us to lose focus on the issue and tends to magnify it a thousand fold.  Everything has it season and everything passes, you will survive and it will pass.  Wait and see.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Are you Insane?

I have always thought that a little bit of crazy would carry me far in the world today.  But, now I am realizing that I am not crazy, I am totally insane.  Follow me on this, I handle each confrontation with humor.  I am a person that doesn't like to confront anyone. It is so bad, that I sometimes suppress my emotions and hold them in.  Let me tell you that it wasn't good for me or anyone around me.  Because I was hiding how I felt from everyone, it stayed bottled up inside of me. The least little thing that someone did would trigger an emotional and very verbally damaging barrage.  I realized that I wasn't even really angry with the person, I was just taking out the pain and bitterness I was harboring on them.  Not a good thing at all.  It is never a good idea to bottle up your emotions like that, because you will find yourself like I did blowing up at the wrong person at the wrong time.  Hell, they didn't really do anything major it was just a trigger.

Today, I hold nothing in. I tell you exactly how I feel and the brutal honest truth.  Because I believe that I owe you only the truth.  Because if I don't tell you the truth about whatever is going on and you find out from someone else guess who you are going to  be mad at?  It is going to be me.  So, when I was recently diagnosed as being terminal.  I decided that life is to short to go around sugar coating things.  If I can't tell you the truth about yourself or a situation then am I really your friend?  Throughout the blog I keep telling you that the way to keep a relationship together is a multi-part process.  I believe that it starts with you.  You have to be brutally honest to yourself and stop rationalizing things and lying to yourself.  When you do that you are going to feel so much better about yourself.  Things are probably going to start falling into place and you are going to find that there are less things to find fault about in the world.  The second part of the equation is open and direct communication.  Most of us aren't mind readers and we honestly don't have a clue what is going on in your heart or your head.  No one wants to get hurt, and we try to protect ourselves by telling that little white lie.  It does no one any good to tell people exactly what you think they want to hear.  Actions speak louder than words my friend.

You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with insanity?  Well, I guess I should explain what I mean when I ask you if you are insane.  Albert Einstein stated that "insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result each time".  It is my contention that we are creatures of habit. We figure out a way to do something an easy way or what we think is an easy way.  We continue to do it that way and it becomes part of your routine and if done long enough you will become set in your way and won't accept any other way to complete that task.  I can tell you that I met a woman like that just recently, for 66 years she did the same things over and over again. She has a certain way she puts stuff in her washer, as well as set ideas on cooking and cleaning and everything else. But, here is the rub with this lady, she has been diagnosed with ALS and can no longer take care of herself.  I was asked to help take care of her for a week.  Boy, I was glad to leave because I am used to doing things my own way and it irritated me that she wanted me to redo everything her way.  I am not good at doing things twice.

Okay, but as I was saying we are creatures of habit, and if you as you observe a person for any length of time you will notice the pattern of behavior of that person.  I have noticed that some women are attracted to the same type of guys over and over again. Even though they have been hurt by that type over and over again.  Think about this:  You are standing on the cereal isle at your favorite store.  You are looking at the packaging and they all look different, but surprise when you open the box the inside are the same corn flakes.  Another, example is that I have reached out my hand to help certain people from my past, and got burned over and over again.  Men are also attracted to certain types of people as well, and we all have preferences.  So, what happens we end up dating not necessarily the same person, but the same type of person.  Then the comparisons start between your last relationship and the present one, and we know that no two relationships can ever be exactly alike.  Different people and different circumstances.

I was trying to help out a young friend of mine that I met about a year ago, when I had first met him he was only smoking herb, and when I got out of the nursing home he was totally screwed up, he was stuck with a bad habit and addiction.  He and his girlfriend are both 18 and he has gotten her pregnant, and he is addicted to crack. This has caused terrible problems for his girlfriend and her baby because he can't be responsible adult and help support his family, she is the one working and getting money which he spends up as fast as she can make it.  I have tried to help him out, get him into a rehab program.  He refused and what happened.  He stole my computer and my tablet, which I ended up having to buy back.  Several weeks later he ended up stealing my sterling silver rings.  Once that happened I had to change my pattern of behavior and tell him he can't come around my house anymore.  I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

So am I insane? Yes, because I keep giving out my heart and trying to help people and so many times I have been hurt. I finally have realized that they were using my kindness for granted and using me.  I can't do this again, because the results are usually the same, I end up getting hurt because I have invested time and energy on helping others. Everyone tells me that I am a strong person because I still talk to my ex and have helped him out from time to time when he needed it, even though he is dating someone else now.  Also, I have become friends with his new partner. True insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again hoping that someone will understand and help you break free from the pattern and habits that are holding you in place.

Just keep in mind that insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. Make sure that you break out of your habits and patterns, because they keep you stuck in a rut. Crazy is my way to deal with the mundane pitfalls and obstacles that come your way. If you  keep your head up and a positive mental attitude.  There is nothing that you can't overcome and accomplish.  Remember whatever the Mind can Conceive and Believe you will Achieve.

In order to get to the next level in life you have to become content with where you are at in life, and comfortable with what you have got.  When you reach this state, I believe you are going to find that you have everything you need right in front of you.  This my friends is called Prosperity.

No one is perfect, yet we seek an ideal in a relationship, a concept of what we think we want, and yet how can anyone measure up to an image that they know nothing about.  You have to be flexible and roll with the punches if you are in a relationship, if you don't the patterns are just going to continue to repeat and you are going to find the same thing happening all over again.  If you truly are going to conquer insanity you have to keep moving forward, and let go of your preconceptions and take some risks, you have to break the rigidity that comes with having ingrained habits, be willing and open to change and even try something new or different.  Look for patterns of behavior, seek them out and physically change them.  You have to step out of the box, take a chance on trying something new and wild. You might be surprised that the one you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time, but you were so wrapped up in yourself and the same boring outlook that you have totally missed an opportunity to blossom and experience true love.  Patterns and rigid habits can keep you in a stagnant environment doing the same monotonous things over and over again and getting no fulfillment or joy out of it.  If you are not happy with the life you have then get up and do something about it. Because only you can make the necessary changes.

So, now you tell me are you insane?  I know that I am sometimes, but now that I have realized my pattern and my problem I am going to make that change.  Walk with me on this new road lets see where it will take us and where we end up...I think it will be fun.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B