2016 It's a brand new start

I have been struggling for days trying to figure out how to explain what it is that I want to tell you about this new year.  It s important to put away old things and move forward into the new year. You have been given a new start a fresh beginning,  a clean slate if you will.  This new year is full of potential,  change is coming to all of us.

Some of these changes are going to be wide sweeping and can alter your entire being and lifestyle.  New jobs, opportunity to help others and to fulfil many desires you had for a long time. Subtle energies are at work in your life now that require adherence to their flow. If you want the big changes to occur you have to go through many minor changes before they can actually experience the really big ones.

It maybe asked of you to move on and leave some of the people you know behind.  Which is what I meant about putting old things away.  We have entered a new age. We have entered the age of Aquarius, which means a time of transition and improvement. As you meditate upon your past and are struggling with your immediate present you have to ensure that the past isn't holding you back.

It is impossible to move forward and make progress when you are constantly looking over your shoulder and holding on to the past.  Religion is constantly telling us that we need to live every day one day at a time. Faith is needed for our deepest desires to come true. But here is the truth behind all of that. God provides us with all of our needs and tells us that He will continue to help those that help themselves. To me that means you can't sit around and wait for things to come to you. You have to put in effort and work.  Stuff isn't just going to fall into your lap.

As the year unfolds before you keep an open mind and faithful in your prayers. Keep ever in your mind that change is coming for you and your whole situation is going to change. This new found momentum  will carry through the entire year as long as you continually give thanks.  The last thing that I want to leave you with is this. As good things come to you be sure to do things and help others. As long as you do your forward journey will continued unhindered and you will have a feeling of fulfillment and contentment.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

I believe in miracles yes I do

Do you believe in miracles? I have to tell you that I do, I believe in big miracles as well as small miracles.  See, when the sun rises in the morning I count that as a miracle and my eyes opening up to see the sun crest the horizon is a blessing.  I see the bud's of the tree blossoming as a miracle, how the winter turns to spring as a miracle.  You may not, but I do these are little miracles that happen around us, yet we are too busy to see them or notice them.  Then there are the big OMG miracles.  Like, when I had my aneurysm and I had all those many blood transfusions, I know it was an Angel that came to me and saved my life.  Because there is no record of this nurse working on that floor or any other floor that very night and when I asked no one knew who she was or where she came from.  Now, this is not the first time that I have had an intervention like that, but I sure hope it is the last.

I keep telling you that God's time is not our time, that He comes and does as He wills, yet He is always on time and never late.  I have been told all my life that I was an Angel here on earth, that I was born to ease the suffering of others and you know what?  That is exactly what I have been doing my entire life and never even knew it.  My grandmother told me this the day she died.  I didn't understand what she meant, but I do now.  Most of you know me personally or have read my blog and know of me.  I have walked a dark and lonely road, but a road of my own choosing. I chose to walk along the drug dealers, the addicts, the prostitutes, yet in all of that I never lost the sight in my Lord and Savior, and those who came to know me saw the light that show inside of me, and gravitated to the positive energy I have always displayed.

No matter the circumstances, I have always maintained a positive outlook and attitude for those around me to see.  Very few people have ever seen me down for long, and if they have then they were very special people to me indeed.  God has granted me patience and discernment, and a slight ability to prophesy, but the most important thing that God has given me is the ability to excel under stress and pressure.  People that I used to work with at the State of Georgia used to call me a miracle worker and when I was in the Navy I could pull things together fast.  I learned who my key resources were and I just utilized them to my benefit, and I still do some of that in limited form today in my current life.

But, most importantly I am happy to say that when my world got a little darker yesterday afternoon.  I couldn't shake the nagging fear I was feeling nor could I get over the fact that I had been down this exact road not too very long ago, I wanted to bemoan and lament that it wasn't fair that I didn't want to do it again, and why me?  But something most extraordinary happened this very evening as I was sitting here writing my first blog entry.  I heard from someone who I had not thought I would ever hear from again. Someone I had once counted as a friend who I accidentally betrayed and sent away. It is sad but true we had parted on extremely bad terms, and I have had to deal with the guilt of that for almost 2 years.  As he got out of my car he turned and he looked at me and told me that I wasn't acting very much like a best friend, with that he closed the door and left me and that was the last time I laid eyes on him.  Yet, today a day when the world seemed to be crashing around my ears, the words that the doctors had told me yesterday were finally sinking in and I was feeling more and more like my life was spinning out of control my phone rang, and on the other end was the friend that I thought I had lost, and he was in trouble.  He needed me and I realized that I needed him just as much.

Funny how God has done that to the two us, there have been several times in our past that we have needed each other.  For years and years we had been there for each other and I let someone else into my life, and that person I don't know why or how colored my eyes against my friend and didn't want me to have anything to do with him.  I got mad at the wrong person and I did things that I am not proud of at all.  I turned my back on a friend, I didn't even listen to what he had to tell me. I made a snap and summary judgement because the person I was dating was trying to manipulate me and he did a good job.  As a matter of fact he almost destroyed me, and he damn near killed my friendship with this person.  Yet today when my mood was feeling low, and I was trying how I was going to handle all this knowledge that I had gotten from the doctor yesterday my phone rang and it was my friend Victory! He would kill me if he was here right now and saw the name that I have given him. But let me tell you something as far as I am concerned his is my Victory and my Triumph over this dread spirit that had come over me.  I had just tried to get in touch with him over the past weekend and out of the clear blue sky, my phone rang and it was him.  I am telling you it was a miracle, God knew what He was doing and He knew exactly who and what I needed to snap me out of this funk that was tangling me up in it's clutches.

I have to tell you that if ever 2 people needed each other it was the two of us. I had been feeling guilty about the past, and worried about the future. He was sitting in custody where he had been for 10 months, and he just tried my number after all of this time. Once I heard his voice and knew what he needed I didn't hesitate at all I sprang into action.  Within 2 hours I had talked to his mom, and the bondsman and knew that I was going to get him out of jail.  It would take me and his mom working together to pull this off but I knew what I was going to do before he even asked.  I am waiting for him to be released now.  I wish he was here, so I could honestly tell him thank you.  I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  I think we have saved each other several times over the years, but today he saved me from my own worst enemy...myself!

I have to take a brief moment here and say "Thank you my Heavenly Father for bringing him back into my life, I am so glad that I was here to help when I was needed.  You have sustained me and made it possible for all of these things to fall in place.  I never knew why you brought Lonnie and Alicia into my life but now I do, You did it so I would know who to call and what to do when today came.  Had it not been for the training and the ropes that those two put me through I would never have been able to accomplish everything that I did tonight. So thank you Lord for this training and blessing, I am sorry I have ever doubted that You.  I should have known that You kept me here just for this very moment."  Amen.

Moses wandered in the desert for 40 years and was humbled and trained to lead the children of Israel home from Egypt.  I was held in place and kept from moving on so that I could be in this exact place at the moment that I was needed.  There can be no other explanation, I had planned to move to PA and I have kept trying to get off of probation so I could go help my mother, yet something had tied me to Holly Hill and I haven't left yet.  It was the Hand of God restraining me and keeping me till I was needed.  I am thankful that I was here and that I was able to do my part.  I needed to hear my friends voice today, and he needed me.  So if you ask me that was definitely a miracle in and of itself.

So yes I believe in miracles, I believe that they happen around us everyday all day, and we are too wrapped up in ourselves and in our own lives that we miss them, but they are there if we just take some time and slow down long enough to appreciate them.  I have to tell you that today is one of the happiest days of my life.  It is not everyday that God grants you the ability to correct a wrong that you have committed against another person.  It also isn't too often that things fall into the right place so that we are available to respond to another person's need.  I am truly blessed that both of these things were available to me.

I have learned my lesson of that you can be sure, and I will never miss another miracle that comes my way, because I know what to look for now big and small.

I hope you do too.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

A new understanding about unexpected happenings!

The other day we talked about coming through the storms that life throws our way.  How to focus on the light and have faith that God is going to see us through.  I also pointed out that when we least expect it how help comes from unexpected quarters, and when our strength falters it is God who carries us through.  But on top of that I have learned something else.  That with the bad comes the good in equal measure.

With that in mind I want to tell you a little story. It sort of goes hand in hand with the other two entries that I made on Friday.  It is all about how I was so stressed because I hadn't listened correctly to what my landlord was saying.  I heard something and got a little freaked out, thinking that he was changing the terms of our negotiation on the apartment and the deposits he wanted.  Now because of my misunderstanding I caused myself unnecessary panic, anxiety and worry over absolutely nothing. When he came by to have me sign the lease we talked about everything and it all became clear that I had made a mistake by not hearing or listening closely enough to the words he had spoken on the phone.  However, in my own defense when he called me Friday morning I was still in bed sound asleep, and may not have been fully awake.  That doesn't lessen my guilt in this case.

But as I reported in my blog entry on the storm, God enabled my money to stretch just far enough so that all my bills would be covered with a little extra to spare.  Keeping that in mind, this is what happened afterwards.  I had been in a state of panic and dismay all day Friday, doubting that I would make it and praying for a solution.  Which as I had indicated above was made, my money stretched just far enough that all the bills were covered and a tiny bit was left over.  Now, I started worrying about what I was going to eat, and how was I going to have gas for the month, you know typical monthly expenses.  Now, remember that I used the word DOUBT up above.  God can only work with us if we are open and receptive to His will and His terms, right?  You bet'cha, but this is what happened.  In the midst of my worrying and doubting I forgot to pray about this other worry and problem.  So Saturday morning I got up, was invited to my parents house for a cookout to meet my new stepbrother that is visiting from Ohio.  I had already met with the landlord and my fears were laid to rest there, he went over the agreement with me, we discussed my financial ramifications and everything was satisfactory.  I got to my parents house and was told that I had some mail in on the counter, went in to look at it and guess what I found?

Believe it or not, after all the worrying and doubting, answered prayer and the clearing of my own personal storm of my own making.  There was an envelope there that was addressed to me from the United States Treasury department.  Inside the envelope was a check for 100.10 for an over payment to the VA Administration for medication that I was billed for and paid.  Apparently with my condition and financial situation I qualify for my healthcare through the VA without co-pays a this point till my income changes.  So that little bit of money that I had increased enough to make it comfortable for me for the month.  I have food in the refrigerator and cabinets, a half a tank of gas, and only spent 40.00 from what I had.  That is when a new dawning hit me.  See, God provides, even in times of doubt and worry, He has got our back and when we are faced with a storm, whether one of our own making or one of the many that life throws at us, we are going to be taken care of.

Further, for every bit of good that we receive we have to experience the same amount of bad.  Which means for every bit of bad we survive and go through we are going to be rewarded with a little bit of goodness and fortune.  I should have realized this it is call the Law of Opposites and has been known for hundreds of years.  It took a simple little misunderstanding and a whole day of worrying and fretting to figure it out first hand and experience it.  As I said when I opened this entry, that when we keep our eye on the light, or God while in the midst of a storm, we are going to be delivered through it and from an unexpected corner help is going to come when we least expect it or are looking for it.

I hope that each of you keep this in mind, because it really is something that you can trust and believe.  Every time things get tough and I don't know how I am going to pull through a little miracle like that happens too me.  Now my pastor says that I am highly blessed and favored and I believe it. But that doesn't mean I should shirk my responsibilities or forget that I need to thank God for each and every blessing, because if I did that my personal and intimate walk with Him would be hurt.

Things happen too us for a reason, sometimes those reasons are self-evident other times they are not.  You have to understand where you are at and what you have been through to understand why you are going through what you are now.  We learn from these storms, and trials and if we do it right we also grow from them and have a greater understanding of the world and the way things work.  We are always rewarded for faithful service, and perseverance. We are never left to fend off things alone and that should renew our hope and faith.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Here's the thing about Love!

Over the past few days the topic of love has been brought up to me by several people.  One of my best friends in Ft. Lauderdale has been going through some stuff with his boyfriend and has begun to question his idea of love. Even I have been questioning it a great deal lately, because the person I am interested in has been MIA (missing in action).  Then there is my friend Tony in Atlanta that I have been thinking about and the conversations we had while I was visiting up there last month.  All of these discussions have prompted me to look a little closer at love, and what I really know about it.

See I am not a typical gay person, until recently I have always been in a long term relationships.  In a way I have been in one relationship after another for the first 30 years of my life.  After my relationship with Joe ended I seem to have had a series of short term relationships ranging from a couple of months to three years, but even though I have been in relationships and been with men all of my life, I wonder if I have ever truly been in love.

See, love is suppose to make things easy between two people and bring them from separate individuals into a couple.  It is supposed to make them stronger, bring them closer together, unite them.  When two people are truly in love with one another it is almost like a drug, they are intoxicated by each others presence and hate to be alone.  The couple ignore the flaws and faults of the other, they accept them for themselves. They enjoy spending time together and talking about everything. There are no secrets between them and they trust each other completely.  They want only the best for their partner and wish them good fortune and happiness at every turn.  They love doing little things and creating surprises, they bring out the best in each other and push them to reach their limits. Love creates a patient understanding between the two of them and conflict is less because they fit together so well.

Since I have been in good relationships and bad relationships and have stayed with people way longer than I should have, I think I have a good handle on what relationships entail.  But, still I wonder if any of the relationships I have been in really were based on love, or were they more a partnership?  Or a joining of forces to reach the next level or step in life? To be honest, I think that maybe the reason why those relationships of the past didn't last forever was because they weren't based on love, but more a joining of partners like a business partnership.  Maybe I am still waiting for the right person to come along, my soulmate so to speak.  Who honestly knows at this point!

This is what I know about love: Love is kind, considerate, never boastful, it is trusting, full of compassion and understanding, it is patient and kind, giving and most of all it is forgiving.  Love allows us to accept ourselves and others, including their likes, dislikes, their goodness and their faults.  Love is never envious, it is always gentle, yet when it needs to be it can be firm.  Love doesn't judge or find fault, it is unconditionally given and is always greatest when it is shared. Love is a seed that is planted, tended patiently and blooms with spectacular colors and passions. It unites us and binds us, it gives us hope for the future, and strength to overcome any obstacle.  Love has the ability to span time and distance, bridge gaps in cultures, ethnicities and social barriers. Yet love also blinds us to the frailties of the spirit, but uplifts us and gives us the ability to overcome disabilities, limitations and stigmas.

Love isn't hard, it doesn't hurt and if it does there is something extremely wrong.  Love unites, never separates, it doesn't thrive in strife and anger, it withers and grows thorns.  There is a fine line between love and hate they say and if your aren't careful you can cross that line.  Yet, somehow I don't believe that is honestly true, because if there is love in your heart, and you look through compassionate eyes, there can be no hate. Love counters hate, it is a light that guides us, it is what make a house feel like home, it makes our partner feel like part of us, that where one of us ends the other begins, it is a circle and the ring that is used to symbolize love and the union of a couple is symbolic of the circle.  You can forgive anything through love, but you should never forget, because forgetting could possibly lead to you to make the same mistakes again.

What I am trying to say is this, if you find yourself questioning the one you love, look at the circumstances that you find yourselves in.  Maybe it isn't the person that you are doubting, but the actions and choices that have brought you to that point.  Only you can know what is in your heart and mind, and if you aren't honest with yourself you can never truly be honest with your partner. That my friend isn't love, it is a deception, a lie that you tell yourself so you can sleep at night.  See, we can never truly know what another is thinking, their motivations, the forces that are acting upon them, the deceit and deceptions they are playing on themselves and you. But, what we can see and feel is their heart, their intentions may be hidden from us, but their heart is what will give them away, because the actions that follow will be clear.  I keep telling others that actions speak louder than words, that the small things you do for each other give clues to the seriousness of their love.  See, it is the little things that make it all worthwhile, the little note in their lunch that says "I love You". The unexpected surprise gift, the little note left on the mirror that tells them to smile.  The little romantic gestures that seem silly and mundane to the rest of the world but mean so much to you and your partner, those are the tell tale signs of love.

Anyone can utter the words I love you, but do their actions, eyes, and heart show that they do?  That is only something you can find out and answer. There really is someone out there for everyone, and we have to find that person, make the connection and when you do it will be awesome and everything you dreamed of.  You will know in your heart that they are the one. I don't know how, but I know it is true. I have seen people in love, and felt the warmth radiate from them, I have noticed the gleam in their eye, and I have felt the joy and happiness that they contain, so yes my friends I know that love exists. It isn't some chemical balance that is released into your bloodstream.  It is a connection of the soul a binding of the spirit, it is so much more than just two people coming together and muttering words of love.  Those types of relationships tend to fail.  Love comes from really knowing someone, trusting them completely, it isn't something that just happens, it is a deep an inner connection that grows over time.

Don't fret my friend if you haven't gotten there yet, it will come, just be patient.  Oh and one more thing, the strongest and most lasting relationships usually start out as friendships.  So don't be fooled when someone tells you they care about you, but they don't want to ruin the friendship, because guess what if that is what they think then they aren't the right one.  Because anyone knows that you can't ever truly ruin a friendship, you can make it stronger with love, but see friendships are everlasting, they also require work, but a friend gets over the pain of mistakes and they can work through anything.  I have had several blowouts with some of my best friends over the years and I can honestly tell you that no matter what time has healed those wounds and we have always managed to work through our issues and problems and have always come back together. So take it from me, you may have found your love, they could be one of your friends and you both just don't know it yet, because like I said earlier it is a seed that once planted takes time to grow, and when it does you will definitely know.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Gay Relationships and there transitory nature

I find that the gay relationship and the gay definition of love to be somewhat more difficult to pin down and define.  Perhaps the reason why I feel this way is because of their transitory aspect of them.  Let me explain, for some reason gay men seem or appear to change their partners more often then their heterosexual counterparts.    Now, I know this is a broad ranging stereotype and not all gay men change their partners like they do their underwear. Yet, some do! I believe that there is a reason for this and I will explain.  I grew up in the 80's, graduated high school in '86, and joined the Navy in September of that same year.  I met my first lover after boot camp while attending A-school.  We were together for a little more than a year and half in Great Lakes and spent a great deal of time in Chicago. However, he graduated before me and was sent o the fleet.  After he left, I had finally came to terms with my sexuality and my desires and I began to sow my wild oats.  I discovered gay bars, alcohol and men, a lot of men.  When an arriving officer or dignitary would arrive on the ship, they would ring a bell and announce their title. Jokingly, my shipmates would tease me and say that the bells should ring when I came aboard and announce me as the Atlantic Fleet. Because of how many men I had been with.  Now, this is an exaggeration, but there was a time when I was very promiscuous.  Since me and my first had separated, with no set rules or parameters on our relationship.  We eventually did get back together, and went to C-school together spending another 2 years before he was sent back to the fleet. Long story short our off and on again relationship was to endure for seven years total before it ended.  

During that time we both experimented and tried all sorts of different things. What I was going through was what I called my "Slut Phase". I believe that this is something that all gay men go through.  Now hear me out on this...I believe that it is the mental liberation from the norms of society, the revolution of the male psyche and libido as they explore their sexuality.  Hence the instability!  Closeted males are usually pretty straight-laced with their interactions, but really let their hair down and go over the top in their secret adventures, exploring all aspects of the male and female body.  Eventually identifying with which group they feel more able to bond with socially and emotionally. It truly is my belief that we are all born bi-sexual, and that as we develop an affinity forms between which group (male or female) we feel more comfortable with and bond more easily with. I would say that this sexual revolution and experimentation starts in mid-teens and can last all the way up to early 30's.  As gay men get older this trend does seem to slow and calm down for most.  But, there are cases where a person is unable to deal with their sexuality and denies it or continues to hide it til much later in life.  These men may even marry and have families, and sneak out to indulge or scratch their itch on the side.  Only to one day come to the realization that they cannot continue living the lie and hurting everyone they love and care about. These types of situations are usually painful and highly messy. Wife and children feel betrayed and hurt, and don't fully comprehend that this has been a silent and secret battle that has been raging in side of their Husband or Father for his entire life time.  There are the other types that never seem to mature fully and never do come to understand or grasp the concept between love and lust and they will continue to jump from relationship or partner to partner.  But, as I did say as some gay men get older and they mature, they begin to realize what they want and like to settle down and begin building a relationship with another person.

This is just a part of the reason why young gay men find it so hard to settle down and maintain a relationship, the other part is the misconception these young men associate and call love.  Because in actuality as they are going through the "Slut Phase"  lust and hormones are substituted and mistaken for love. It is really easy to confuse intense physical attraction with love and to proceed to try and make a relationship happen. This then brings up a question in my mind, which comes first the relationship or love?  My thoughts on this are mixed, but I will endeavor to explain. Lust and love, flip-sides of the same coin aren't they?  It is hard to have one without the other, though I guess in some cases it can be done. Lust is the initial stages of love, that if nurtured and treated correctly can grow into love. See the key to understanding love is that there has to be a mutual attraction, which is then combined with knowledge, acceptance, and understanding of the other person, this then forms emotional ties that bind the together as one.  To explore does a relationship have to have love to work?  The answer is NO , keeping in mind that two individuals can come together to benefit one another.  This is a relationship that is based on mutual trust and admiration, it is formed as a partnership just like a a business.  Over time, feelings can develop from that base and develop into a healthy and loving relationship. Again, the secret is that Love, in all it forms is a journey or a path that we are on. It is a fragile thing that must be tended and cared for.  It cannot be mishandled or mistreated in anyway or it will simply wilt and die.  With all that being said you may even begin to wonder if love is truly a blessing or a curse.  But I think that really is just a perception, because just as love and lust are flip sides of a coin, so are blessing and curse.  It just depends on how you care to look at.  Love being such a fragile thing can easily turn to hate.  Unfortunate, but true, in the wrong hands love can be a weapon of disastrous proportions or it can be a balm to heal and cure all things.  View point and usage are the two things that can turn it from a blessing to a curse in a heartbeat and vice-versa. 

It is my humble opinion that you need to be wise with your heart, be frugal with your love.  I keep telling you that it is a precious commodity, and once given is very hard to get back, be cognizant of who you give it to and be wary of their intentions. If you are like me and attracted to younger men you need to be aware of the transitory nature of the beast. All men are the same, we have eyes and we often see things that attract us.  The difference is as we get older we have a broader experience base to draw from, and maturity and patience that exceeds that of your younger counterpart.  It is from this experience base that we draw from that keeps us from throwing our partner away on chance encounters.  But, because they don't have the same, you must expect that there might be indiscretions on their part that you may have to weather, if you choose to continue down the road of relationship.  Keeping this in mind I recommend that you should only invest as much love into another person as they return to you.  If the love you give out isn't immediately returned in full measure cut your losses and get out.  You seriously need to get as much as you give!

So my dear friend after careful consideration and exploring the facts, I think it is inevitable as young gay men explore their sexuality and burgeoning libido no matter how desperately they claim to want to settle down and be in a relationship, it is very hard to maintain.  If you are young and gay, I sincerely urge you to explore whatever you can, be safe as you do it and love wisely, be honest with those you enter into relations with, because if you aren't completely 100 percent honest with them you are going to end up hurting yourself and the person you care about. If you are older and more mature and like younger guys, be aware of the transitory nature. Expect to be a player in the cosmic shuffleboard of relationship.  If you are patient enough and understanding enough, and can endure the cheating, you may wake up one day and find that your perseverance has been paid off.

Be wary of how you spend your love and who you give it too! Don't get too wrapped up in the idea of love and miss the genuine thing.  Know who you are getting involved with and protect your heart.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Love: CURSE VS. BLESSING

My friend Jaime McNeal from Facebook broached a topic with me the other night. He wanted me to explore my thoughts on Love as a curse.  Now, I wrote an entry last night juggling the thought is Love a Blessing or a Curse.  But that wasn't precisely what Jaime meant so today I decided to rework the concept and do a compare and contrast between the two aspects of what we call Love.  So this is going to be Curse vs. Blessing and we shall see what we come up with.

Curse: 

In the broadest sense of the word, Love can blind you to the machinations of others.  So if they don't have your best interests at heart they can use your feelings against you. Love binds us to others, and it can rob us of our identity if it is mishandled and used as a weapon.  You must be careful who you give your heart and love to, it is a commodity that can be greatly misused and turned against you.

Now when you meet someone for the first time, you are exposed to the facade they present to the world or their public face or mask.  It is only after time that we begin to see the real person hiding inside.  You may wonder why some people seem to change over time, well it isn't that they really have changed they are still the same person, you are just seeing more of them than they had originally shown.  In my heart I don't believe anyone ever intentionally plans to enter into a relationship with malicious intent, unless they are a psychopath to begin with.

There is a honeymoon period when you meet someone, that is the time period that begins when you first meet and start to come together as a couple. It is that grace period where the hidden person has yet to be revealed. This period of time can last up too perhaps a year.  Love is a journey, it is not something that just boom happens and you are there, and neither are the subtle approaches of mental abuse.  It is a gradual increase of criticisms and slight of words, that are aimed at wounding you, they are used in the heat of an argument, as I have said before word wounds may never heal properly, because they fester and infect long after they have been said.

Do we ever really know the real person?  I am not sure we do unless they are 100 percent honest with you, and trust me those types of people are few and far between.  It is time that becomes the great equalizer.  It is over time that you begin to see patterns develop.  People live by patterns, they are our routines, and habits, and if you are observant you can start to read them.  If the relationship starts to become over bearing, or you start to loose your sense of identity, then I think you will agree that love is a curse.  If your relationship is co-dependent and you have no individual independence then I would say  again that love is a curse.  The same aspects that can make love a blessing are surely the same that make it a curse as well.  But there are subtle differences and nuances that you have to be aware of and look for.  See Love is kind, caring, compassionate, long suffering, patient, enduring, blind to the faults of others, and when you are in the midst of it you can't seem to think rationally, and at times you don't even recognize what is happening because it is so subtle and slow that one day you wake up and wonder how you got to the place you are at, and why the hell are you still with the same person who has been putting you down for years and criticizing you, who has been so jealous and demeaning that none of your friends want to be around.  The same person who had decided that you weren't enough for them any more and decided to step out and fool around with someone else.  The same one that brought home a disease and passed on to you, because they were callused and careless and honestly never truly gave you a second thought. See in relationships the person who has the least invested physically, emotionally is ultimately the one with all the power over it.

Look for the signs that go along with the co-dependency, the controlling and violent tempers.  Because before you know it you start making excuses for their behavior, you rationalize to yourself that you guys have just hit a rough patch, or your partner is just under a lot of pressure, or a thousand other reasons.  Let me tell you something, it truly isn't going to get any better and if you stay, the mental abuse, the put downs, and snide comments, as well as the heated arguments are going to increase, and one day, before you know those same things have turned into physical abuse.  I have to tell you I have been down that road, and stayed there for far too long.  Sometimes it is easier to make the excuses, cling to the past, and hope that something might change. There will come a time and a place when you realize that it never is going to happen, that you have been wishing on smoke.  That enough is enough and you are going to have to leave.  Don't fall for their lies and cries that they will change and that it will never happen again, because it is Bullshit, they are not going to change, it isn't going to get any better, somewhere along the way the relationship got sidetracked and it has come too far to turn around now.  No one has the right to lay a hand on another person.  Pay attention to what is said when you are arguing, because you will find out that those are the true feelings of the person, and the resentments and disillusionment that they have been harboring.  Listen closely, and when you hear them you should know that it is time to go and move on because life isn't going to get any better, it is just going to get worse.

Ultimately, when someone really loves you and you have gotten to know them truly, then it will be a blessing...

Blessing:

Love is kind, enduring, never boastful or proud, compassionate, caring, patient, long suffering and the list goes on.  But what is love really? Love is a combination of intense attraction mixed with emotional and physical ties, that bind two people together.  Love is a seed that is planted and if nurtured correctly, and tended to can grow and bloom into something spectacular.  Love is easy going, never forceful, it is accepting, and takes time to grow and develop. It is a journey of discovery and growth, between two people, the catch is that there has to be open and honest line of communication with each other for it to work.  There has to be a base of friendship and mutual trust and understanding.  Problems arise when people try to move things along too quickly, they don't let it mature and grow at it's own speed.

For those of you that know me I have gone into great detail in the past about my previous relationships.  I have been in several long term relationships, and I have come to the conclusion that the way to make it work out is that you honestly must be open minded. You have to be willing to try new things, experiment, think outside the box, you have to keep it interesting and alive.  I believe that along with Love comes responsibilities, that must be taken on by both parties. It is a fluid, a moving and growing thing that is never constant, change is part of what a relationship is all about.  Remember that it is a journey that we are on, and love is apart of that journey.

Flexibility, honesty, and compromise are the key ingredients to a successful relationship and the development of love. If you truly love someone and they love you, things feel so easy, you fit together, there is no struggle.  You feed into each others wants, needs and desires. Your goals are intertwined to take you to the next level. You are accepting and you don't feel jealousy or envy, because you already know in your heart that they are yours.  Love is a two way street and it is something that is felt and if you aren't getting back as much as you are giving out then I think you might need to consider bailing out and looking elsewhere.

A long time ago I wrote this abstract on love.  I am going to reprint it here hopefully this helps you understand what it is supposed to feel like:
Love is patient, kind and understanding;
Love is accepting and enduring;
Love is a seed that grows and matures;
Love is freely given, never with strings attached;
Love nourishes and flourishes with attention;
Love is never judging or demanding;
Love is a flower that grows from friendship, respect and trust;
Love is laughter, sunshine and praise;
Love makes you feel good about yourself;
Love is confident, Love is strong, Love heals, Love nurtures, Love protects, Love forgives, yet never forgets;
Love is uplifting, it is wholesome and pure;
Love is a kind word, a firm hand, and a tough taskmaster;
With Love you can move a mountain, soar to the highest heights.
Love can be blind, it can bind you, it is believing and hoping for the best in human kindness;
And above all else it's yours to give and take. Give it wisely, nourish it with attention, reap it's harvest;
It should never hurt or cause pain, but if it does tend to it, its a sign that it needs something.
And if it isn't returned it can burn and wither, but keep the faith, when it finds a fertile place that is receptive and warm it will burst forth again and flourish.

As you have read this I hope you can see that Love is both a blessing and a curse depending on how it is manipulated and used.  Think of it as a coin, on one side you have blessing and on the other curse.  How you handle it and perceive it is what is going to make the difference.  

Jaime, this is for you buddy, I hope it points you in the direction you are looking for.  I have to tell you thank you for the topic, because from the original entry I wrote, I have a new topic for tomorrow.  "Why are gay relationships so transitory?" 

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

A problem with organized religion and what the church has missed

I have been thinking a lot about the state of the world today and the role that the church plays in it.  To my dismay it has become evident that the whole christian church has missed the boat, their philosophy is their own and not that of Jesus.  Honestly, the church calls themselves christian, which means that they believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.  The teach that the New Testament is the teachings and life of Jesus, so why don't they demonstrate in their preaching and lifestyle that they are believers.  How did they miss the boat, and why do they continue to teach hate and intolerance.  Each minister, pastor, priest, preacher and teacher has to go through extensive training via seminary to become ordained, yet they continue to focus primarily on the Old Testament.

This is a major dilemma for the church, because they are in the wrong. How did they miss the message that was sent and shown to them at Calvary, when Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the world?  How is it 2000 years later they still haven't figured it out.  Don't they know that if Jesus came back today that the modern church would be just as condemned as the church was 2000 years ago. That the religious leaders haven't changed, they are still doing the same things that Jesus told them was wrong way back then.  See, the problem is God gave 2 Covenants to the faithful, the first is discussed at great lengths in the Old Testament, it was governed and presided over by the Priests, the church was a tent that God had given exacting specifications on, there was a section in which God himself resided. This was called the Holy of Holies and only the High Priest was allowed to enter.  Sacrifices and atonement was made by the priests on behalf of the people and the law of the ten commandments was the governing laws of the time.

Problem is that Covenant ended when Christ chose to die at Calvary. His blood is the bridge that crosses the gap of original sin.  No longer did we need the priest to intercede on our behalf, we now have a direct link through Christ. He became the ultimate sacrifice, and through him we are saved and granted Salvation.  The old covenant between God and Abraham ended when as Jesus died the temple veil tore in two.  A person can now only be saved through Jesus, as He said "I am the way the truth and the life, no one can come to the Father accept through Me."  The new covenant that God gave to us through Jesus was much simpler, and gentler than the old covenant.  No longer did the Ten Commandments hold sway, because Jesus gave new commandments.  He gave a new direction and mission to the church.  The problem is the church by the time of Christ had grown into a bureaucracy and as with any large body is resistant to change.  Here we are 2000 years later and the church is still teaching out of the Old Testament, shoring up their fences with hatred, fear, intolerance and unfortunately they are terribly mistaken.

Being saved by Grace which is what the New Covenant is called, is all about love, patience, acceptance, and good will.  We are commanded to go out and be fishers of men, to give our testimony and lead others to Christ for salvation.  We were given just a few commandments to follow, Love one another as you love yourself, Children obey your parents so that your days may be many, go out and be fishers of men are the commandments that show that the face of God had changed, had become more tolerant and forgiving.  In this day and age the commandments have been integrated into our law system and protect all people. These are the guiding principles that we all strive to live by.  However, each denomination still denies anyone who doesn't believe exactly like they do, still cling to the old testament with was called being saved under the Law.  Law being Deuteronomy and Leviticus and the Ten Commandments.

There are so many things that they modern church preaches against that stem directly from the old testament and are repealed by the teachings of Jesus.  One of the things I a talking about is Homosexuality, in the Old Testament it was considered an abomination and punishable by death.  But in the New Testament there is something said that is totally different and keeps being over looked and not comprehended by hundreds of theologians and that is troubling that these scholars don't even believe what they claim as the gospel.  In Romans same sex interaction is again addressed, but this time you should read the passages very carefully because there is something hidden in them that is very enlightening and important for everyone to understand.  See it starts out something like this, bear with me I am doing this totally from memory.  When a man burns for lust for another and a woman yearns for another working that which is unseemly, those that do not keep God in their mind and heart will be turned over to a reprobate mind, and they become hater, backbiters, etc. the punishment of their ways are death.  However, further reading reveals that those that keep God in their hearts and mind receive the recompense of their ways is meet.  This is very important because it means that those of us that are gay and believe in God, are not forsaken, we are not an abomination, that we receive here on earth the recompense or payment for the error of their ways is meet, meaning we shall receive our punishment if you want to think of it that way here (meet).

So those that teach and think that you cannot be gay and christian aren't really christian either.  For they have missed the boat, they are clinging to the old testament like it is a life line and all it is, is an example to live a good life by. The old testament was created to control the large crowd of refugees that were liberated from the pharaoh by Moses, and led into the wilderness of the desert. Maintaining order and discipline would have been a nightmare and almost impossible if not for the ten commandments.  These laws and rules were put in place to ensure that compliance was mandatory, and the punishments for breaking them was swift and vicious, to ensure that they were obeyed.   But in  when Jesus came into the world the wandering in the desert was over, society and a nation were born and being ruled.  There were no longer any need for them or the punishments described in exodus and leviticus.  The old way wasn't working any longer and the church was taking advantage of the people and doing things that angered Jesus.  So He set out to show them by example how to live a life of purity and faith, He gave examples and extolled virtues in His sermons, He encouraged acceptance of everyone, no matter who or what they were.  He commanded that we love one another, to harm no one, to be obedient, to forgive, resist retribution and to bring His message of love and forgiveness to the world.

He condemned those who judged, He protected the weak and the lowly, and he walked with the common people.  He loved everyone equally.  We were to learn by his example, and to preach that God was a benevolent and forgiving God that loved us and cared for us because He had made us.  The message Jesus brought was of hope and love, kindness and understanding.  So why has the church missed this, why do they splinter and fracture over idiosyncratic beliefs.  Why are there so many different denominations all proclaiming that they are right and if you don't believe like them then you are truly not saved and unworthy of their help or support.  Why are we still hell bent on persecuting those that are different then us, judging them and casting aspersions upon them.  It isn't our place to judge anyone, because none of us are blameless, we were all born into original sin and separated forever from the love of God until we come to accept and are saved by Jesus.  How hard is it to see and understand?  When are they going to get it?  When will the church stop misleading people and embrace the truth the Jesus is the Son of God, and become real christian's and faithful to His teachings?

It is so  important for us to understand that no one has the right to judge us, tell us what we believe is right or wrong, and further we have a shining example of how we are supposed to live our life's and how we are supposed to act and react.  It isn't hard and Jesus is patient, and if you truly believe and are a christian you will understand that the church is wrong, and Jesus even made a provision for those of us who would eventually come to realize that the church is off track and heading for a big surprise when He comes again.  See Jesus told his followers about the church, warned them actually and gave the following provision to keep us safe from the wiles and pitfalls of the church..He said "When to or three are gathered there, I shall be also."  Amazing isn't it that Jesus had enough foresight to see that the church wasn't going to be the body to save the people that they were going to have to come directly to him and they didn't need to be in a huge congregation to do it.  They only had to have faith and worship him, with just two or three the Lord would be there.

Jesus's message is quite simple really Love each other and everything, be kind and gentle, practice forgiveness, extend understanding to everyone, and don't judge because what is right for you may not be right for someone else.  The easiest way to be a real christian is to ask yourself at each juncture "What would Jesus do", or WWJD.  Without a doubt something each of us should learn how to ask.  So, if you are not accepted by your church because you are different, or gay or just don't believe exactly along the same lines as them, be assured that you are not wrong, because God loves you and created you just as you are.  We are all flawed and imperfect and that is what makes us unique and totally human.  Love yourself and your fellow man, be helpful, kind, caring and compassionate and you cannot go wrong.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

What is meant to be always finds a way!

With this line of thinking I have opened for myself a whole can of worms, I am not sure I can find the answers for which my line of thought has been leading me too.  It all started yesterday with the shooting at the Dark Knight premiere in Colorado.  Jessica Redfield a sports blogger and upcoming journalist from Denver, had narrowly escaped being killed a month before in a shooting spree that took place in a Toronto Mall, met her tragic death at the premiere of the Dark Knight Rises, Thursday night, Friday morning.  This has brought up in my mind the question of Destiny, pre-ordination, and fate. These are questions that haunt me and make me question whether, our lives are all pre-written, is our future locked in stone and unchangeable? 

This pictures seems to answer that question:  It seems to indicate that our lives are on a path, and that our futures are pre-written.

I have been praying and thinking on this for awhile trying to understand exactly what this means.  I believe that our future is a series of possibilities and probabilities, and that depending on the decisions and actions we take at specific points in our lives is what dictates what our possible future might be.  So while it may appear that our future is cut in stone and unchangeable.  It is not!  What are forged in stone are way-points or milestones which are decision points, where our choice and probabilities unfold the next path our journey.

As I have been thinking on this an analyzing my thoughts on destiny, fate, future, and how it unfolds.  I think that because we have free will and choice, that there are only predefined events, which I have called way-points or milestones in our lives. You can think of these sort of as save points in windows.  Places where you are making a change or decision and you have to save a place in-case something goes wrong and you have to go back.  Unfortunately, we as people don't have to ability to go back and undo or change what has happened like a computer, but we do have significant places of decision.  This is where I think we have the ability to change or re-write our future, based on the choices we make.  

Now, I want you to think on this, we make a thousand decisions a minute sometimes, and our brain is able to process this in a way that we hardly have to take the time out to consider them all, but in actuality, each decision that we make can influence the outcome of our future. If you understand where I am coming from you might begin to see that for each and every decision there are thousands of possible solutions. Not just the obvious ones we routinely choose from.  I believe that each time we make a decision we set the direction our future will take.  If we take the time to actually think about an analyze each and every question, decision, action that we are faced with and actually, literally and truthfully look at these, there are many different answers, actions, choices we could make.  Some may not be easily seen or recognized because they are abstract and are outside of our norm.  When I am talking about our norm, this is actually our rational pattern that we have adopted, it is what makes us predictable and sort of defines us.  I think that if you are really wanting to change your destiny, outcome and fate, you must at times break out of your pattern of behavior, and think outside of the box, and take a different path then what has always been comfortable with you. 

It may also be easier to look at things from multiple perspectives when trying to make a decision.  Now, as I have pointed out our lifetimes are filled with decision points, way-points, milestones and how do we know which ones are the major ones.  The ones that are going to change our lives and re-write our fate, history and our future?  The answer is we don't! This is the honest answer, because I know sometimes it is easy to see where major concerns, questions, and paths can lead to different outcomes, but it is also my contention that the smallest decision can also greatly influence the path that you are one.  I do not believe that life is easy or was made to be easy at all.  That each question should be a challenge to our thinking and our pattern.

There are several schools of thought on this.  You have certain religions, that don't believe that the future is at all pre-ordained and that it is exemplified by us having free will. Unfortunately, I wish that was true.  Another school of thought is that of chaos, that all things originate and return to chaos.  I hesitate and think that they aren't exactly on the right path either.  I don't think that it is easy to see the future, and I don't believe that are path is written, I do however, belief that there are spots, in our lives that we have to face and go through. These are the portions of our history that are foretold, they are inevitable and are going to happen no matter what we do or how we plan around them.  It is from these points that our actions, reactions and choices dictate where we go next and how well we do.  Until we reach the next way-point or milestone.   The picture above is what I am referring to when I talk about this.  It says "Whats meant to be will always find a way", some of you may think that this is disheartening, that it takes away hope and faith.  But it actuality it should do just the opposite.  See, it is not only referring to the bad things and the tragedy's in our lives and future, but also the good things and the blessings we are going to receive.  

It is unfortunate, about Jessica Redfield and that she lost her life, but in a way using that picture above, I can sort of make some sense of this terrible tragedy.  See, and here you probably won't agree with me, but that is okay, because I am not expecting everyone to agree with everything I have to say, and I am just following a thought to a conclusion, whether it is right or wrong will depend entirely up to you. Because the truth of the matter is this, what may be right and true for one person may not be accurate and true for you.  That is the amazing thing about life and philosophy, and the spiritual journey that we are all on.  It is your own path and your own set of truths that are going to be revealed for you. Some of the things you learn on your journey are going to help you and others, and some aren't.  Further, what another person learns on their journey may help you and then again it may help everyone but you, because your walk is different from their's.    As I was saying, Jessica narrowly escaped the mall shooting in Toronto a month ago, only to find her life taken from her at a movie premiere.  I think it is sad and pointless for her to have died, but I do realize that maybe it was meant for her to have died, and so another way had to happen for it to take place. 

You may say how can you think like that, and that other people died too at the same time.  I am not saying that this was her fault or doing at all. I think that each of us have an allotted time and when our time comes, and death arrives to take us, it is our time and we must go.  I think that it was her time and that of the others that went with her, the circumstances of how and why it happened are terrible, and I won't pretend to understand the motivation of the man that committed these acts.  Because the truth is I don't really understand at all what would make another person feel comfortable with or even dream of hurting another person, much less taking their life.  Because to me Life is the greatest gift that we have been given, and we should protect it and guard it jealously, because it is the only one we get, and we should cherish it always.  

I know sometimes it might be hard to cherish life, especially if you are sick or have been hurt. But, guess what, I think it is at those times when we are truly vulnerable and can see our own mortality, that we are more appreciative and thankful for what we have been granted.  Jessica wrote in her blog something that is inspiring and very touching that I would like to also share with you, because I find that it is one of the reasons why I write to you and talk about all these things. She had written in her blog after the shootings in Toronto the following: "I was reminded that we don't know when or where our time on Earth will end."  Because it is true that we never know when we are going to die or even how, I suggest resolving conflicts in your life, never leave anyone with an angry word, and be honest and tell people that you care about how much you love them.  I know how hard it is to loose someone and not have the chance to say goodbye and reconcile things with them when you have parted on less then perfect terms and how you hold that shame and regret with you every day that you are alive.  

Please walk away from reading this with the understanding that I don't believe that any one future, is absolute, that I believe that when confronted with a choice, a way-point or milestone, there are an infinite number of solutions or directions we can take, and how we choose and the choice we make, dictate the direction our lives are going to follow.  There are only but single moments in our personal history that can be predicted, and those moments are what cannot be changed, and are what is meant to be. These are the task, questions, and decisions that we have to make, and if we follow suit in our own natural pattern, our future might be predictable and even seen.  However, if you routine, try to think outside of the box and change your pattern for the betterment of you and those around you. You constantly write and choose your own path and future.  There are millions of possible futures open to you, but only one leads to a bright, perfect and happy one.  Choose wisely and think through everything. Take the philosophers journey with me and explore the meaning of everything and question all.  Might be fascinating to learn the results.  

With all of that being said, I would like to leave you with the following thoughts.  "Shit happens!" and my answer to it is: "So what, Who Cares...Get over It!"  Trust me this makes life so much easier to deal with and to be ready to accept what is thrown at you.  

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Education, learning and Teaching

This is the third and last entry in this little series on reality that I have been talking about.  Yesterday I spoke to you about the 2 fold reality system, that I think are body and mind reside in while we are alive on earth.  As I told you yesterday I wanted to talk to you about education, learning and teaching. I want to come at if from Plato's viewpoint.  Again this is a topic that I hope will inspire discussion, feedback and comment on this topic.

Yesterday, I was talking about Plato's Allegory of the Cave, and his postulations about reality, salvation, spiritual journeys and teaching.  I want to round out what I have been talking about with education, learning and teaching. According to Plato, he thought that the imparting of knowledge between a teacher and a student was impossible, that education is only possible by point the students mind to what is real and important, and letting them apprehend it for themselves.  Now, what Plato thought was that all knowledge and information that will ever be was recorded and housed in a great library in the spiritual or real "reality" that can only be discovered through the mind.  What I am talking about is the Akashic Record, which a little more information can be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akashic_records.

In metaphysical terms the Akashic record is a library of all knowledge and thought forms that are or will ever be, some postulate that an individual can read, observe and touch these records through astral travel, meditation, and deep hypnosis.  I think that these are just some of the ways that a person or individual can touch this information.  But, I also think that at times this information flows through the spiritual plane, and into our subconscious while we sleep or rest.  I also think that the further you progress on your journey of enlightenment that our minds open up to more and more of the information  contained in the records.  I also think that as our eyes are open to more of the mysteries of the divine, God grants us more and more clarity on the things of nature that we have to deal with.

It is also my belief that as you embark on your own spiritual journey and quest for enlightenment.  God, the Divine, or Light, or however you define your own deity, puts others into our life to help us along our road and journey.  I believe that there are 3 different kinds of people that come in and out of our lives, they stay for a time and move on once they have accomplished what they have been place for.  You will find if you are observant, that you are never alone on your journey,  there are always 2 others that are with you.  You and these other two may switch roles from time to time, but if you really look you will see that they are there.  On your journey you may find someone that can mentor and teach you, the fill the role of teacher, and you would be the student, and the other person is your confidant a friend or person you can discuss things with and confide in.  As I have told you these roles are interchangeable and you may find yourself at times the teacher, or the student, or a confidant.

Remember that each person comes into your life at different times to fill different needs that you are facing.  They help you and you help them in an endless cycle. I believe that through experience and conscious thought we learn the things that we are meant to learn. As these people come in and out of your life there is nothing saying that they won't come back and in a different role.  I believe that at times we maybe the teacher, explaining our path and what we have learned to a student, and at other times we are the student and we find that we have something to learn from our previous student, and don't be surprised if your friend and confidant becomes a teacher or a student from time to time.  There is nothing saying that you will always be surrounded by the same people, remember everyone comes and go through our life in their allotted time and only for as long as they are needed.

You may not understand what I am trying to explain, but it is rather easy.  The Bible tells us that we are never given more than we can bear, and I believe this to be the honest truth.  In addition to God being with us always, I believe that we are always surrounded by help if we just look for it.  God provides for us even when we don't ask for it. It is up to us to understand and accept the blessings that He grants us.  But it takes prayer and openly listening for the answers.  Please remember that when Christ was on the cross He promised to send us the Comforter, and I believe that the Holy Ghost is who He sent to help guide us and comfort us in His absence, and it is the Holy Spirit and the angels that bring each of these individuals into our life to help us along our spiritual road and journey.

I also want you to realize that it is never to late to start on your journey, and never to late to learn that which is necessary for us to succeed in our mission.  I told you once before in my blog entry on "Crucible of life" that we have all signed a spiritual contract and we have a job or part to play while we are here on earth.  It is also my firm belief that we have to learn by doing and experiencing life.  I believe that pain is the impetus to help us learn and reinforce the lessons that we have experienced.  When I tell you that it is never too late for you to start your journey and complete your mission, I mean it.  Let me give you an example of what I mean.  Let us turn our attention back to the Bible and the story of Moses.  Because it is his life that has given me the inspiration to realize that our education is on-going and life long.  Moses for the first 40 years of his life, he was raised as a child of the Pharoah, given the education of royalty, including Egyptian mysticism and how to rule the people.  However, when he was 40 he witnessed a slave being beaten, and he got so angry and killed the taskmaster that was abusing the slave.  Moses was then a murder and an outcast and had to give up his home in the palace and flee into the desert.  Where he wandered and lived for another 40 years.  During this time Moses learned how to survive and negotiate the wilds of the desert. All of this was future preparation for the task that he was yet called upon to do.  Now, you can imagine Moses' surprise when God called upon him to lead His people out of bondage from Egypt.  Moses was 80 years old at this time and thought that he was too old, and didn't know how he was going to do what he was told he must do.  He thought that maybe Lot, or Aaron were better suited for the job, but God insisted.


You want to know why?  The answer was simple, Moses had the knowledge and training that was needed. He knew how the Pharoah would react, he knew the tricks that Pharoah's magicians would use and could counter them, and most importantly Moses knew the desert and the wilds that the people would have to face while fleeing.  As I have said we are never given more than we can bear, we are well trained and suited for the job that is ahead of us.  Just as Moses had Aaron and Lot with him, I too believe that we have 2 who are going to be with us.  As I have said that our roles may change over the course of our journey, they will remain the same.  One of will be the teacher, and other a student and finally someone who we can confide in and will help us understand what we are about.  As our roles change so might the people that fulfill them, but trust me there is always going to be two around you to help you through all things.


Now, with all of this being said, I am not sure if the Akashic Record exist or not,  but as I explained in yesterday's discussion that the only thing that have permanence in this world are ideas or thought forms, I would assume that they have to be part of this record.  My reasoning behind this is we are creatures of energy, housed and contained within a shell of flesh, as I have stated before, as the body dies and fails, the energy that is us still remains.  It is further my understanding that energy follows the natural law of conversion, that it can neither be created or destroyed just manipulated and changed. If this is the case then when our body finally gives our the energy creature that is us truly moves on to another level of existence.  I also pointed out that our beliefs have power and energy of their own, and if enough people believe in something that thing will come into existence.  Therefore, if our thoughts and beliefs are energy, they too have to go somewhere and come from somewhere, and that place is what I called yesterday our 2 fold reality.  


Again, this is just something that I am exploring and have some belief in. I am not asking you to believe as I do, but I would like to know you thoughts on this.  Like I said, my origin is based in Christianity though I have adopted or collect other parts of religious beliefs to help me round out and understand God and the Philosophical and Spiritual Journey we all must travel.  Therefore, I can compare the spiritual realm that I have referred to as the Christian Heaven, or liken it to the astral plane of the mystics, but to me they are one and the same and I believe that they are the layer that overlaps our physical reality.  I believe that Plato is partially correct that we cannot transfer knowledge from teacher to student directly, that all things that are learned must be experience and discovered through ourselves.  But I think a teacher is a vital part of the equation and helps us understand that which we are experiencing and helps us to absorb and integrate our learning into our daily lives.  Plus, I believe that this journey of life is but one aspect on the road toward enlightenment and higher learning and knowledge that will help us in our transition from this plane of existence to the next.  It is also my contention that we never stop learning and if we do then we are not living, but merely existing.  


Our road is not an easy one, and sometimes the path is hard to find and definitely harder to follow once we are on it. But we are not ever alone on our journey, we are given assistance and help when we need it.  People come into our lives for a brief time that is allotted them and then they move on.  Some will be with us way longer than others, and then there maybe some that come and go, but are always near. Lastly, I believe that no matter where we are at on our journey, that God is always with us, and carries us and gives us the strength we need and the encouragement to continue.  Remember that the road you are on is a road of enlightenment, which is a journey to further and gain knowledge, and as you progress along this road you are going to receive direct spiritual guidance and come to know the creator and all things in nature. This is the path that was set for us when Adam and Eve were cast from the Garden of Eden and it is what defines us and makes us human. We are not angels or divine beings with the knowledge of good and evil that was not granted to us.  But we were granted dominion over the earth and all things in it. As can be found in Genesis.  It is our duty to protect that which has been give us, and do that we must learn and grow from that education.  The earth is our home and the only one we have been give, we are the caretakers and the custodians, and we haven't done a really good job taking care of it.


So please keep these things in mind as you embark upon your journey, remember what I have said, and I am sure over time you will come to see things in a different and much more enlightened light.  When you do be sure to keep your eyes and heart on God because through His Divine Grace He will reveal all things.

Again, I look forward to hearing from you, please leave a comment and join my blog.  I want to hear from you, and I would love to hear your opinions, concerns, feedback, criticisms or whatever else you would like to say to me.  All I am doing is trying to share what I have learned with you.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Do you know you are truly blessed? We all are...

Today has been a good day, and I have had a lot of time to think and write, which is a good thing and something that I really enjoy.  In my last post I was talking about immortality and how I think we should take the time and live in the moment and treat every day like is our last one.  But it got me thinking on how is it that I find it so easy to live day to day.  The answer is quite simple really, as I was  pondering this it dawned on me that in almost every single blog, I tell you to slow down, take time to enjoy life, that life is short, and that we need to live one day at a time, but I have never told you how I do.  It really isn't a secret, and something that honestly should be shared with you.

As most of you know I have been diagnosed with several terminal illnesses, and I had come home to Florida to basically die. Well, surprisingly enough things are changing and happening with my health that frankly have me extremely excited.  However, before I go into all of that, I need to get you on track with daily living and how to overcome those pesky bouts of depression, those lingering doubts, and inherent fears that we each face in our daily lives.  It isn't easy at first, and like I have told you it over and over again it is a matter of perception.  By perception, I mean the way in which you view the world and the circumstances that you find yourself in. I always try to keep in mind that I am human and I make mistakes, and that each day is a brand new day with no mistakes in it.  This means that I can start all over again tomorrow, and screw it up too because I have the day after.  Not that I intentionally plan on screwing up each day.  But it is a comforting thought to me knowing that when tomorrow comes I have a chance to start over fresh and do it the right way for a change.  I have also mentioned over and over again how people keep telling me how strong a person I am, how positive my outlook is and they don't understand why I am not mired down in depression and crying.  Again the answer is simple and when I tell you finally you are going to say " I should have thought of that myself".

In my life, I do sometimes give in to depression and bouts of wondering if I am doing the right thing, but you know what it is always very short lived. Because here is the thing, I cannot change what has happened, nor would I want to I think.  I have learned and met a great deal of people that mean a lot too me because of what I am going through.  I also like being able to talk to people about what is happening with me and explaining to them how they can overcome and withstand what they are going through.  I don't necessarily like when people look at me for inspiration, because guess what, I am human and as I have already admitted I make mistakes.  Plus, I have learned from experience that something that may be right for one person might not be the right thing for someone else.  So living as an example isn't always what it is cracked up to be.

But, back to the point, which is how to live day to day, with a positive outlook and hope for a bright and shining tomorrow.  My answer to this is a question "Do you know you are truly Blessed?" if you honestly do, then this is going to be a no-brainer for you and so easy to achieve.  Here is my secret, I wake up every morning and I count my blessings one by one.  I give thanks for those blessing and when I am done I am ready to face anything the day has to throw at me.  Because I can see each day when I open my eyes, how blessed I am, I know that I have been given another day of life, my aches are less this morning then the were the night before, and the list goes on.  Do you begin to see how this can make you feel so good, how you are receiving the positive energy of those blessings and you are thankful and joyful that you have been granted them.  How can the day look bad when you start it off like that. Trust me when you actually start looking for your blessing and start counting them you are going to see what I mean. There are hundreds maybe thousands of them that you have been given over your lifetime.  Count them, remember them, be thankful for them, and trust me nothing will compare to it.

I know you have heard the saying "look for the silver lining in all things" that is a very motivational thing to do, it is telling you to look for the good in everything that happens too you.  When you do that take the time to look for the blessing that is hidden there too because there always is one.  When you can see the blessing and the silver lining you will no longer see the negative side of things, your perception will be altered and all you will see is the positive that is coming your way.  Plus if you read any of my earlier writings you will find that positive energy attracts more positive energy in your life and before you know it there can be no negative around you.  Pretty easy huh?  I told you it would be and it is so straight forward.  You honestly have nothing to loose if you try it out and so much to gain by doing it.

All I want you to know is that if you live your life one day at a time, and live each moment like it is your last one. You are going to see that there is less stress, and problems aren't as impossible as they once seemed to be and your attitude and outlook is all going to change for the better.  Living a positive life and having positive energy is just the process of counting your blessing and being thankful for them.  Really that is all there is too it.

Nothing holds me down for long because I know how far I have come, what I have been through, and I see that tomorrow is going to be bright and shiny with hope, love, joy, laughter, compassion, friendship and so much more.  All because I see how I have been blessed.  I see what I have been brought through, and I know I am thankful for the Divine love and mercy that has been granted me.

Remember my hopes and dreams are with you.

Uncle B

You do realize that it is all up to you....Right?

Listen, we have been talking about life and the choices that we each make and how those choices and the consequences of them culminate in who we become.  But have you really thought about what I have been trying to tell you?  Do you realize that it is all up to you?  There are always choices to be made and directions we must walk upon, but what you need to understand is that no matter what the situation or the choice that you have to make, it is how you look at the situation that makes the choice you choose so vitally important.  This may be a hard for you to understand, but let me try and give you some examples to make it easier to understand.  For this we are going to start with the choice I made when buying the scooter and the accident that followed and the hurt that I am going through now.

It would have been very easy for me to bemoan what happened to me and lament about the money lost and wasted on the scooter, and I could wallow in regret and self-pity, but what good would it have done.  See, I knew the reasons behind why I bought the scooter even if no one else does, or agrees with them, it was still my decision and one that I feel comfortable with.  Now I know that there is extensive damage to it and it might cost me more money to fix the thing then I actually paid for it, but that really doesn't bother me.  See I chose to buy it for myself to give myself a little independence and self-reliance, enabling me to get around without having to depend or infringe upon another person.  I hate, having to burden someone else to get what I need done, so this was a big step in the right direction for me and something I was comfortable with.  I had no idea that I was going to get hit by a car, and I had no idea I was going to break my ankle, and just because those things happened doesn't mean that my decision was wrong.

As I was being carted off from the scene of the accident by ambulance I was joking with the paramedics and firefighters that arrived on the scene. This is my automatic defense mode that I take when I am hurting or when I feel regret or other useless emotions that would serve no better purpose, I make light of the situation and I feel better about what has happened.  This has been a defense mechanism in my life since I was a child and it has served me well. One would think that it was just another way of avoidance, but you know what it actually does for me, it helps me look at and focus on the positive things in my life, it gives me the strength to stand in the face of impossible odds and beat them back.  I could have looked at the wreck in several ways, and felt differently about it depending how I viewed the situation.  But I chose to look at it from the funny point of view, and with my crude sense of humor you can just imagine.  I told the paramedics, that after everything I have been through in the past couple of years with the cancer, the HIV, Hep C and Renal Disease and all the other things that are going wrong with my body that if someone was gunning for me and trying to kill me they were sure poor marksman, because they were getting everything around me but not me myself.

How we view a situation is just as important to how we deal with it as the situation itself.  Because our perception of the situation and our outlook is going to determine how we feel about it in the long run, and how we are going to handle the fall out and repercussions of the actions we decide to take. Now, my father was against me getting the scooter, but his main argument was that I was never going to use it.  Maybe I should have listened, because if I had I wouldn't have gotten hurt.  But I believe whatever is meant to be is always going to find a way to happen, so if it wasn't an accident with a scooter, it would have been something else, and I would have still gotten hurt and broken my ankle.  Plain and simple it was something that was in my path and something I am going to have to deal with an overcome. Now, the other way to look at this situation can be two-fold, see the Bible teaches that children are to obey their parents, and maybe just maybe I got hurt because I went against my father's wishes. However, I am not really inclined to believe that because my father never came out and said No don't buy it, he just kept saying I think you should reconsider, because I don't think you are ever going to use it.

No matter how the situation played out, I am not angry or disgruntled about the situation and I don't feel like I have wasted my money.  I know it is going to cost more to get it fixed back up, and I realize that it wasn't my fault that I was hit by a car that never stopped. I was doing fine and would have been fine without that slight altercation of the cars front connecting with my rear.  If you read my other blog entries about advice, you will note that I also learned some valuable lessons about riding a cycle, scooter or other 2 wheeled vehicle.  You have to know what you are doing and wear the appropriate attire and foot gear, it is going to make all the difference in the world.  I am also looking at this adventure in the light of nothing ventured nothing gained. I still own the scooter and yeah some repairs will have to be made before I can ride it again, but it is something I am willing to do, and if it isn't I still have the option of selling it off for parts.  Since I have been injured, broken ankle, there is no rush to get the repairs done and I can take my time and customize it anyway I want to, personalize it if you will and truly make it my own.

Overall, I believe that everyone needs to take a step back from every situation, encounter, or problem and evaluate it, divorce yourself from the emotions evoked by it and really look at it.  You need to be open and objective, and find the positive in it.  Work your way out from there with a solution and I guaranty you won't go wrong or feel bad about the decision you made.  In all things that we have been given by God the most important is "Free Will" the right to choose.  Our right to make our own choices, but along with that privileged comes the responsibility of facing the consequences.  We have to be strong enough and man enough to know that when we make a mistake we have to pay the piper, just like when we make good choices and decisions we get to reap the reward.  All I am wanting you to understand and realize from this blog entry is that if you come at any situation with a positive outlook and unfailing faith you are going to be alright.  You are making the right choice for you, and believe it or not, no matter what anyone else says, you are the only one that can do that for you.  So can't you see that it does come down to just you.  That no matter what you do, how you do, and the path you take to get there, those are all choices you can make for yourself. No one else can make them for you, because if they try it isn't going to work out.  You are the only one that knows your heart and mind and can make the perfect decisions for yourself.

Hold your head up high and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is always with you, He has your best interests at heart and He knows what you can handle and can endure and will never allow anything you can't handle to come your way.  You have angels all around you day and night watching over you, reporting on you and keeping you safe.  Like I said I could have been killed in the accident that happened on Tuesday and the worse that did happen was a broken ankle.  I know that I am blessed and protected, and I know that you are too. Have some faith and you will see. You are never tested or tried beyond your endurance.  Don't just take my word for it.  Try it out you will see, and you can find that and so much more in God's word the Bible.

I hope you all have a great weekend and start looking at the bright side of things, it is going to make accepting them so much easier, and when you can do that you can weather any storm because you have the knowledge that you did what you needed to do to look out for you.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you.

Uncle B