Who can you depend upon?

I got to thinking this morning about how many people I can really count upon and the result was surprisingly smaller than I had thought.  For years I have been the one that people turn too when they need help or a hand to get them out of a situation.  However when I look back at how many people have actually been around to help me when I needed a helping hand, it was less than a handful.  Now to me this is remarkable because I would have thought that there would have been a lot more people. Especially when you consider the amount of people I have helped in my past, and how many people still come to me when they need money or things to help them get by. Just the other day I got a call from a friend that still lives in Atlanta who asked me if I would be able to give him $50.00 for a boost card to get his cell turned back on.  Another, friend asked me over the past summer needed to have a cell phone, so I sent him my old Samsung Admire phone and put it on my Metro account so that he could have service.  You know he only had the phone for a week before he lost it. Then he expected me to buy him a new one, but I honestly didn't have the money for that.  What I did do however was when he got a new phone I did allow him to put it on my bill.  Then on July 20, 2012 he disappeared, never heard from him again.   Even my parents have let me down, when I left Atlanta they told me I could come stay with them till I was on my feet again.  Well, here we are 8 months later and because my step-brother is coming down, I had to move out. I wasn't prepared didn't have the money put up for the move and just by chance found someone that was willing to take a chance on me and let me use their place.

It always surprises me when someone agrees to something that you need then backs out at the last minute.  Like it wasn't a big deal in the first place.  Just this past week I had asked my dad if he would drive me down to Ft. Lauderdale to get a king size bed and box spring with rails from a friend of mine.  He said he would as long as I paid for the gas.  Now, my friend has pillows, comforters and sheets for the bed as well as pots and pans that he wanted to give to me.  I knew that for the most part I could fit the bed and stuff in the truck along with all the other stuff.  But he also has a dresser and mirror and a sofa that he needs to get rid of too, he told me I could have all of the stuff, considering that I was living in a place that has no furniture.  I thought this was a great opportunity. It shouldn't cost me more than $50.00 to and from there to get the first load of stuff. Of course I would have to make a second trip down to get the rest of the stuff that he wants to give me like the dresser mirror and sofa.  I thought it was a great opportunity. My father looked at the pictures I sent him of the stuff and told me that he thought I should look on craigslist for something I could buy locally, and save myself some money. Unfortunately, he doesn't stop to realize that I will still need to pay for the stuff and my friend was giving it too me for free.  Either way I would still have to put gas in my father's truck to get the stuff whether it was bought on craigslist or if I drove to Ft. Lauderdale to get it.  So where am I saving money. I honestly think in the long run driving down there would be the best thing and get the bed. At least I wouldn't be sleeping on the floor anymore.

Why do people do that? Why do they say what they think you want to hear? Then back out at the last possible minute?  Is it because they think that by telling you at the onset that they will do something will make you worry less?  I am not sure what the real answer to this is, but I would rather someone be upfront with me and tell me that they don't want to do something then to tell me sure I will do it and then back out.  Wouldn't you?  Life is too short folks to lie to others, there is no good reason whatsoever that I can see to hold back the truth from anyone. Sure it might hurt them initially but they will get over it and see that you were only trying to look out for them.  I am a firm believer in trying to help out others, and do the right thing, so why not be straight with me from the get go?  Life is hard enough without having false hopes.

False hopes is what telling someone you are going to do something for them and then backing out at the last minute creates.  It honestly isn't fair to the other person that has been counting on you.  How many times have you been the anchor or shoulder that others have leaned upon?  If you are like me a lot! But here is the thing when push comes to shove it is only you who is going to do for you.  Really there is no one that you can totally always rely upon.  It is sad but true, when I was down and out on the streets of Atlanta there was no one that I could even call because even my so called best friends wouldn't take my calls because they felt bad because there was nothing they could do to help my situation.  But, the truth of the matter was, I wasn't looking for them to help me out of my situation, I just wanted an ear or shoulder to cry on. To brainstorm with to come up with workable solutions to my dilemma. See, I realized that I got myself into the situation that I was in and it was my job and duty to see myself clear of it. I wasn't looking for handouts, and I wasn't looking for someone to get me out of my own mess.  It would have been nice to just have someone there I could pour out my heart too, to listen to me. That alone would have been enough.  But, even that wasn't too be found.

I have a very close circle of really good friends and they are the ones I know that I can count on.  Probably out of the circle there are only 3 that I would ever ask to borrow money from, but the rest have been there for me to hear my cries, pleas and just listen.  That are what friends are supposed to do for one another to listen. They aren't there to bail you out, if they can and offer that is great and wonderful, but it really isn't their responsibility to clean up your mess for you.  Only you can do that for yourself.  But there has to be a balance somewhere, there has to be some give and take in a friendship as well as a relationship.  You can't be expected to do it all alone.  Unless that is the way you have it all planned out.  See, when I got sick with cancer I had a group of friends that I hung with and all of them went through it with me. They were there all the way through, came and seen me in the hospital, held my hand when I was sick and all of that. Those are the people that I count as my support network. They are the few that I know if I call them today they will listen without judging me, as to what my problem and situation is. They will listen, offer words of advice, encouragement, but it is up too me to use that advice and profit from it.  On a few occasions I have had to borrow money from some friends, and they were there for me. But times are different now, the economy is harder, and people don't have the extra like they used to.  My friend Daniel for instance, I called him while I was on the street in Atlanta, just to talk to him, to listen and have him listen to me and my situation. Which he did.  He said to me that he wished he could help, but he was financially strapped himself.  Let me tell you this, I wasn't asking him for help.  I had just needed to hear a friendly voice and have someone listen to me.  But he felt bad because he wasn't in a place to help me.  That is okay, because I didn't need it.  I just needed him and his support. Which I got.

As far as all these others, I am tired and I have been there for everyone for so long. I have helped so many people in my life, that it is now my turn.  I want to find someone that I can care about and depend on. Someone that puts my needs and desires first. Someone that I can call on to help me out when I am stressed or trapped.  I can't help anyone else like I used to, and I honestly don't want to anymore.  I was the one that all those people in Atlanta and some few here in Florida came too each month to help them out of a bind they were in financially or emotionally and I gave of myself, but NO MORE.  I have to once start thinking about myself and putting myself and my health needs above that of others.  It is the only way that I am going to survive right now. Everyone else is going t have to learn to fend for themselves.  You know who you are. The ones that hit me up every month wondering if there isn't some little help I can give you.  The answer is I am in a place and situation where I cannot even help myself, so no boo as much as I love and care about you, I can't help you right now.

But, it is sad that out of all the people I have helped to support, given a place to stay and food to eat can't even help me out. Can't pick up the phone and call me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.  I am not sure I even have one friend that I can count on at this moment who would be able to honestly say, I got your back. Because I don't think anyone actually does.  Even my parents I can't count on them for help, I was helping them, I was buying groceries each month and then I was also paying the electric or cable bill to help them get caught back up.  But when I need help or want them to do something for me, they either say yes they will and back out at the last minute or they just don't answer.  That isn't right. But honey it is a fact of life, that no one has your own best interest at heart but you.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

Trouble comes around when you least expect it.

Today was a busy day for me I ran around trying to get my finances in order because I have a ticket to pay in Atlanta for my little excursion that turned out to be a nightmare.  I had called the court last week and found out that the ticket was going to cost $194.40 for stopping in the road way.  The officer was trying to find drugs in the car but since he couldn't do that he decided to give me a ticket anyway.  Well, I got the money together because when I talked to the court last week they told me that I could pay it via the automated system.  However tonight when I called the automated system it tells me that there are two tickets out there and that I needed to appear in court. So I went online to see if I could pay it via their website and what I found out is that there are two tickets issued one back in 2007 and then one I got in 2012.  Now, the ticket in 2007 is not mine at all. The tag numbers don't match and the "party" field shows unknown.  This is very frustrating for me because I finally got all my ducks in a row so that I could take care of this and get myself ahead of the game.

Keep in mind that when I got a hold of the clerk of the court in Atlanta, I was told that I specifically had to pay the ticket before my court date or they would suspend my license. I explained that I didn't live there and that there was no way that I could appear in court and I was trying to get an extension, she told me that I needed to write a letter to the judge asking for a reset of the court date because I couldn't appear.  Now, I am not sure what I am supposed to do at this point, because even if I left now I would be stretching my finances so thin that I probably would end up getting stranded up there again. I cannot afford to have that happen, the last time I went up there I got stranded and my health suffered and I ended up in the hospital 4 times total. Honestly, I can't and don't want to go through all of that again.  Even though a part of me would like to go up there and try and find my friend Tony, but I don't even have a clue where to look for him at the moment and I am not sure he would even come back with me if I did find him.

Besides which I have an appointment with the doctors tomorrow to discuss the referrals I need to see the GI specialist and neurologist.  It seems that I am having a residual problem with my left leg from the drain that they removed from my back a week ago, when they went in and drained the cyst that had formed.  I knew that Saturday when he pulled the drain out that he had hurt the nerve. I was told that it would bother me for a short period of time, but the pain has gotten a lot worse today. I am thinking that it is because of the weather.  See I have had problems all my life when the barometric pressure drops because I had a fractured skull when I was born.  Then when I was going through chemotherapy in the 90's they infiltrated the vein and the tissue on my right arm got damaged.  It would turn black when the storms would come and I would get terrible migraines.  Today a storm rolled in and my leg started hurting and my arm was sore as well, and on top of that I had a terrible migraine that lasted the whole day.

I wasn't prepared for having all of the pain on top of all the drama that has ensued.  I even went by work today to pick up the check that they owed me for the deposit I paid to stay in the hotel that my company manages. I didn't stay there at all because last Friday they told me that I would have to pay a $200.00 deposit and I didn't have the extra money to come up with that.  That was drama filled as well because just earlier on Friday I was told that I wouldn't have to pay a deposit because I worked for the company.  I guess they knew that they were going to fire me on Friday, because the deal was there would be no deposit as long as I worked for them.  In hindsight I guess I should have figured it out, but I was so excited about finally finding a place of my own that I could afford, and a person who was willing to work with me and knows my situation.  

I have come to expect that when good things happen in my life they are always tempered with bad things.  See this past weekend was so filled with blessings and good things that I should have known that bad things were just around the corner.  However, there is no warning when bad things are looming.  The good thing is this we are promised that we will never be given more than we can bear, God knows what our limitations are and will ensure that we have the strength to endure. Remember that every time a problem or crisis hits us there is a lesson somewhere in there to be learned. I want you to keep in mind that each of has our own trials and crisis's that we have bear it is how we rise up and deal with each of them that defines us and gives us the strength for the next one that is coming.  Just like land storms come and go, they rage and blow, cause damage, but they always move on they never last forever.  Problems are the same way.  Remember that no problems is ever as permanent as the solution. How you look at the issue or situation also plays a major role in how long it will endure.  I have told you over and over again that perception plays a vital part, and if we over analyze a situation too much we have a tendency to make it form a molehill into a mountain.  Once it becomes a mountain, we fret and worry that there will be no way to surmount it. I am here to tell you that you can and will make it to the summit and down the other side.  Keep on keeping on.

Have faith that when a storm of problems arise that there is something that you are supposed to be looking for a hidden lesson that you need to learn and grow from.  This will keep you from dwelling on the actual event and keep your eyes looking forward, and your momentum will be steady.  Before you know it you will have sailed right through to the other side of the issue and it has been resolved.  I was talking to my best friend last night and was telling him this exact same thing.  Nothing can hold us back if we just keep focus on the situations surroundings and deal with the issues as they arise.  I call this plodding along, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it you will have made it through that issue or crisis and will be heading toward the next one.  On Facebook I posted "It appears that I have entered the storm...Wonder what new direction God has planned for me now. A new adventure and journey lie beyond the storm. I can see a break in the clouds, ready boys weigh anchor, set sail and let's go...I am ready for this change."  I am confident that I am going to get through this time. I can see a break in the clouds and I know that there is sun and warmth on the horizon.

As I have told you before we never know when trouble is going to pop up, we actually are given very little warning. The reason for this is that everything we have been through in the past is supposed to prepare us for what is coming next.  Yet, there are times when something we have never experienced or encountered before creeps up on us and we are taken totally by surprise.  We honestly have no idea how to approach or handle the situation.  I believe this is the time when God will send us a person we need that will help us manage the problem.  See I believe that every person that is brought into your life is there for a reason, some of the time we encounter someone who can teach us something that we don't know about ourselves or life.  Other times there is someone that is brought into our lives because we are meant to teach them something.  Whatever the case maybe keep your eyes and ears open, your help is already there and you just don't even know it yet.  We are never thrown totally into a situation unprepared or where a way out hasn't been provided us.  We just have to look around and change our perspective to see the answer and the solution or to find the one that was there to be our support through the problem.

Like I said everyone comes into our lives for a reason and are there for their allotted time before they move on.  There is a third type of person that comes into our lives that may always be there. They are our confidants, our best friends, they can be our teacher sometimes, they can be our student sometimes as well, but they are always there as an ear to talk to a person to depend on and a shoulder to rest upon. These are the most precious of people in our lives and they form a very unique support network. They are going to be there with you through thick and thin and will always have your back.  They are the ones you can trust and count on when everyone else has failed you. These are the ones that you must take care of and be sure that you nurture and tend to that friendship they are rare indeed.

As for my problems, they are minor, I know that I will make it through them with only a little of muss and fuss. I know that there has been some kind of mistake on the court's side in Atlanta and in the morning I will get it taken care of.  As far as the job is concerned I will do whatever it is that I have to do to make it all work out. Nothing is impossible in this world if we only strive for perfection one day at a time.  Keep that in mind and take it with you.  You will see that what I am saying is the truth.  But as I get ready to close this out I want to leave you with one thing more. I know I mentioned what seems like ages ago, but Salt n Pepa told us in a song, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe you will achieve".  With that I am going to say good night.  Remember positive thoughts bring positive energy. Keep your chin up because this too shall pass! Like it always does and you are going to be that much stronger for it.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B