Today was a busy day for me I ran around trying to get my finances in order because I have a ticket to pay in Atlanta for my little excursion that turned out to be a nightmare. I had called the court last week and found out that the ticket was going to cost $194.40 for stopping in the road way. The officer was trying to find drugs in the car but since he couldn't do that he decided to give me a ticket anyway. Well, I got the money together because when I talked to the court last week they told me that I could pay it via the automated system. However tonight when I called the automated system it tells me that there are two tickets out there and that I needed to appear in court. So I went online to see if I could pay it via their website and what I found out is that there are two tickets issued one back in 2007 and then one I got in 2012. Now, the ticket in 2007 is not mine at all. The tag numbers don't match and the "party" field shows unknown. This is very frustrating for me because I finally got all my ducks in a row so that I could take care of this and get myself ahead of the game.
Keep in mind that when I got a hold of the clerk of the court in Atlanta, I was told that I specifically had to pay the ticket before my court date or they would suspend my license. I explained that I didn't live there and that there was no way that I could appear in court and I was trying to get an extension, she told me that I needed to write a letter to the judge asking for a reset of the court date because I couldn't appear. Now, I am not sure what I am supposed to do at this point, because even if I left now I would be stretching my finances so thin that I probably would end up getting stranded up there again. I cannot afford to have that happen, the last time I went up there I got stranded and my health suffered and I ended up in the hospital 4 times total. Honestly, I can't and don't want to go through all of that again. Even though a part of me would like to go up there and try and find my friend Tony, but I don't even have a clue where to look for him at the moment and I am not sure he would even come back with me if I did find him.
Besides which I have an appointment with the doctors tomorrow to discuss the referrals I need to see the GI specialist and neurologist. It seems that I am having a residual problem with my left leg from the drain that they removed from my back a week ago, when they went in and drained the cyst that had formed. I knew that Saturday when he pulled the drain out that he had hurt the nerve. I was told that it would bother me for a short period of time, but the pain has gotten a lot worse today. I am thinking that it is because of the weather. See I have had problems all my life when the barometric pressure drops because I had a fractured skull when I was born. Then when I was going through chemotherapy in the 90's they infiltrated the vein and the tissue on my right arm got damaged. It would turn black when the storms would come and I would get terrible migraines. Today a storm rolled in and my leg started hurting and my arm was sore as well, and on top of that I had a terrible migraine that lasted the whole day.
I wasn't prepared for having all of the pain on top of all the drama that has ensued. I even went by work today to pick up the check that they owed me for the deposit I paid to stay in the hotel that my company manages. I didn't stay there at all because last Friday they told me that I would have to pay a $200.00 deposit and I didn't have the extra money to come up with that. That was drama filled as well because just earlier on Friday I was told that I wouldn't have to pay a deposit because I worked for the company. I guess they knew that they were going to fire me on Friday, because the deal was there would be no deposit as long as I worked for them. In hindsight I guess I should have figured it out, but I was so excited about finally finding a place of my own that I could afford, and a person who was willing to work with me and knows my situation.
I have come to expect that when good things happen in my life they are always tempered with bad things. See this past weekend was so filled with blessings and good things that I should have known that bad things were just around the corner. However, there is no warning when bad things are looming. The good thing is this we are promised that we will never be given more than we can bear, God knows what our limitations are and will ensure that we have the strength to endure. Remember that every time a problem or crisis hits us there is a lesson somewhere in there to be learned. I want you to keep in mind that each of has our own trials and crisis's that we have bear it is how we rise up and deal with each of them that defines us and gives us the strength for the next one that is coming. Just like land storms come and go, they rage and blow, cause damage, but they always move on they never last forever. Problems are the same way. Remember that no problems is ever as permanent as the solution. How you look at the issue or situation also plays a major role in how long it will endure. I have told you over and over again that perception plays a vital part, and if we over analyze a situation too much we have a tendency to make it form a molehill into a mountain. Once it becomes a mountain, we fret and worry that there will be no way to surmount it. I am here to tell you that you can and will make it to the summit and down the other side. Keep on keeping on.
Have faith that when a storm of problems arise that there is something that you are supposed to be looking for a hidden lesson that you need to learn and grow from. This will keep you from dwelling on the actual event and keep your eyes looking forward, and your momentum will be steady. Before you know it you will have sailed right through to the other side of the issue and it has been resolved. I was talking to my best friend last night and was telling him this exact same thing. Nothing can hold us back if we just keep focus on the situations surroundings and deal with the issues as they arise. I call this plodding along, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it you will have made it through that issue or crisis and will be heading toward the next one. On Facebook I posted "It appears that I have entered the storm...Wonder what new direction God has planned for me now. A new adventure and journey lie beyond the storm. I can see a break in the clouds, ready boys weigh anchor, set sail and let's go...I am ready for this change." I am confident that I am going to get through this time. I can see a break in the clouds and I know that there is sun and warmth on the horizon.
As I have told you before we never know when trouble is going to pop up, we actually are given very little warning. The reason for this is that everything we have been through in the past is supposed to prepare us for what is coming next. Yet, there are times when something we have never experienced or encountered before creeps up on us and we are taken totally by surprise. We honestly have no idea how to approach or handle the situation. I believe this is the time when God will send us a person we need that will help us manage the problem. See I believe that every person that is brought into your life is there for a reason, some of the time we encounter someone who can teach us something that we don't know about ourselves or life. Other times there is someone that is brought into our lives because we are meant to teach them something. Whatever the case maybe keep your eyes and ears open, your help is already there and you just don't even know it yet. We are never thrown totally into a situation unprepared or where a way out hasn't been provided us. We just have to look around and change our perspective to see the answer and the solution or to find the one that was there to be our support through the problem.
Like I said everyone comes into our lives for a reason and are there for their allotted time before they move on. There is a third type of person that comes into our lives that may always be there. They are our confidants, our best friends, they can be our teacher sometimes, they can be our student sometimes as well, but they are always there as an ear to talk to a person to depend on and a shoulder to rest upon. These are the most precious of people in our lives and they form a very unique support network. They are going to be there with you through thick and thin and will always have your back. They are the ones you can trust and count on when everyone else has failed you. These are the ones that you must take care of and be sure that you nurture and tend to that friendship they are rare indeed.
As for my problems, they are minor, I know that I will make it through them with only a little of muss and fuss. I know that there has been some kind of mistake on the court's side in Atlanta and in the morning I will get it taken care of. As far as the job is concerned I will do whatever it is that I have to do to make it all work out. Nothing is impossible in this world if we only strive for perfection one day at a time. Keep that in mind and take it with you. You will see that what I am saying is the truth. But as I get ready to close this out I want to leave you with one thing more. I know I mentioned what seems like ages ago, but Salt n Pepa told us in a song, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe you will achieve". With that I am going to say good night. Remember positive thoughts bring positive energy. Keep your chin up because this too shall pass! Like it always does and you are going to be that much stronger for it.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label network. Show all posts
Showing posts with label network. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Shutting down and closing yourself off should never be an option!
Last night I talked about some of the issues I have been facing. How I have felt alone and dead inside because the one person I want to share my issues with has closed themselves off and has shut down. He is trying to deal with his own health issues on his own. He has shut down and cut himself off from his family, friends and loved ones, he has isolated himself to try and deal with his problems on his own. I have reached out sent text messages, left voice mails, tried calling, even resorted to emails and emailing him via Facebook. His isolation has made me feel alone, lost and has caused me to worry more than he can possibly imagine at this point. It has also kept him from participating in what has been happening with me. I am sure that he has gotten my messages, and knows that I have been in the hospital twice, that I have gone to see my surgeon, and have a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon. But, what he doesn't know is what I have found out so far, and how it is going to impact our relationship. What he also hasn't come to realize is that by cutting me out and isolating himself from me he is cutting his lifeline, keeping him from using the knowledge and experience I have in the matters he is going through.
See I am a firm believer in talking, communication to me is the key to everything in life. When we talk about our problems and issues with others we gain perspective, and the mountains we have made out of the molehills take on a very different shape. By discussing our problems with others we begin to realize that maybe our issues aren't as big and as scary as they were when we were trying to deal with them on our own. By confiding in others, giving them the trust of our openness we find that we have a support network that we can fall back on, that we are not alone in our fight, and we are now open to suggestions, knowledge and guidance that may help us navigate the issue at hand. I know what I am talking about here. I have 20 years of dealing with illness, I have a great network of family and friends that I can call on to help me tackle the problems that arise. I know how important it is because I also need help from time to time to navigate the pitfall, stumbling blocks and hazards that life throws at us.
I can help my friend with his problems because I have been there. I know what he is going through, the emotions he is feeling and I can protect him and help him navigate and find the best care out there to treat what is happening with him. But, I also realize that his shutting down is his coping mechanism, his defense against a threat that is bigger than himself, and how he is handling and mitigating his fear. But knowing these things doesn't help me feel less helpless and alone in this situation. See we are a couple, a partnership, and he should be able to confide in me, trust me with his fears, concerns and what is happening with him. I can be his rock, his guidance and inspiration in this fight. I want him to know that he isn't alone, that he is the one person and thing that keeps me going in my own battle. I want to repay that by being his!
I know that sometimes it is hard to see the forest because all we can see is the trees before us. I know that we can lose our way and get lost if we aren't watching where we place our feet. But, I also know that we all need someone, we don't always know what to do or how to react to information that is thrust upon us. Talking and communicating with others helps us with that. It also keeps us grounded and focused on ourselves and what we need to do to solve the issue or problem. We don't have to fight any fight alone, we have those around us that are more than willing to share in our pain, adventure and life if we just give them the opportunity. Maybe it is pride, or fear that keeps us from opening up. Maybe it is the mistaken thought that if we don't say what we are facing out loud, if we don't consciously think about it, will make it less real and less threatening. Trust me those are fantasies, what we are experiencing is real and no matter what we wish or hope it isn't going to go away on it's own. We have to face them with courage, hope and conviction that we are going to win and survive. Keep a positive attitude and outlook will go a long way in making the situation bearable and manageable, but we have to get there and gain that perspective. It just doesn't magically appear.
Give voice to your doubts, turn to your friends and family, let them help you and guide you through whatever it is that you are going through, you are going to be happier if you do. You will feel less vulnerable, you won't feel isolated and alone, let them help you carry the burden, because you shouldn't have to deal with the weight of the issue by yourself. Keep yourself open to the ideas and opinions of others, because they may give you an insight or inspiration that you might have otherwise missed. A different treatment plan or way to handle the situation, because we each see things differently and from different perspectives. Try looking at the problem or issue through another persons eyes and you will understand what I am talking about here.
Also if you are in a relationship with someone you cannot expect them to sit idly by and let you deal with the issue on your own. You have to understand that they already feel powerless to help you, they see the pain that you are carrying and they know that they can do nothing to alleviate it and make it better. But what they can do is be there for you, they can be the shoulder that you cry upon, they can lend you their strength, support and wisdom, and they can help you find the right answer. You owe it to them to give them the opportunity. Keep in mind that a relationship is a two-way street, that it is a partnership, you are supposed to be working together to build something, but you are also there to help one another through the difficult times too. Give them the benefit of the doubt, talk to them, let yourself embrace their love, warmth and support. Listen to them, let them help you carry the burden and lessen your load. It will make it easier for you to heal and get better if you aren't weighed down with the stress and weight of the situation all by yourself.
I posted several weeks ago on Facebook a message to my partner, I know he knew it was for him, just as I know that most if not all of his posts are meant specifically for me. Others, may not even know that we are dating or a couple but we know it, and we have a short handed way of talking to each other even when we aren't really talking. It helps us realize that we are in it together. But in my post I reminded him that we are a partnership and that I wasn't a silent partner, but a full sharing member. I was hoping he would get the point that I am here for him and always will be. Even if we weren't dating and didn't have plans to be moving in together soon. I would still be there for him. See when I tell you I am your friend, I am your friend no matter what. I will be there for you and you can count on me. I am not going anywhere. I promise you I am your friend till the very end. If I open my mouth and I say the words I love you, you better know that I mean them, because those aren't words that I say to everyone, and they have a special meaning for me. They are words of binding, and if I love you, that means I am with you, and only you.
I know if you have read my other posts in the blog I mention that the human heart is the only heart I know that has the capacity to love more than one person, it is also the only heart I know that can love someone unconditionally. We have the ability to accept a person, their good parts and when we do that and we are truly in love we never even notice or see the bad parts of them.
If you ever find yourself in the same situation that I find myself in, be sure you let your friend or partner know that you are there for them, give them the space and time they need to come to the realization that you are sincere, you are for real and that you aren't going anywhere. Because often times we let our past experiences color our thoughts and ideas about our present, and we can't do that. Remember no two people are the same, and no two experiences are exactly the same no matter how similar they may actually seem. If someone has left you in the past when you have confided in them or have asked for their help, that doesn't mean that everyone is going to do the same to you. You have to accept people at face value. Keep in mind that actions always speak louder than words. I know from first hand experience that anybody can tell you anything, yet their actions and time will reveal if those words that they have spoke are actually true. I am not saying that at the time they were spoken they weren't true, because they probably were. But, their strength and the strength of their character may be weaker than they thought. See if they follow through and live up to what they have said and promised. Most people will, but those that don't measure up, let them go, because they aren't the ones you want to have trying to support you in a time of crisis.
I also posted yesterday that the scars of the past are always with us. They are visible, but just because they are still there doesn't mean that they aren't healed. By saying this what I mean is that we have gotten past the hurts of our past, and we are reminded of that past by the scars we bear, but just because that scar is there, doesn't mean that ever other person is going to do the same thing to you. You have learned from the mistake, you have healed from it, be open and receptive, the next person isn't going to do the same thing to you, give them the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to show you that they aren't going to reopen that old wound. As I have said earlier no two people are the same, neither are two situations, so you getting hurt exactly the same way this time through isn't likely at all to happen. We also have to stop looking backwards, because we cannot move forward if we are constantly focused on the past. The baggage of the past needs to also be left in the past, don't keep comparing your current to your past because that would be like comparing apples and oranges, because no two situations are identical.
Please understand that by closing yourself off from your support network of friends and family will seriously limit you from receiving the guidance and wisdom you will need to prevail over your situation. Each person is different and should be afforded the opportunity to prove to you that they are not going to hurt you like the person from your past.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
See I am a firm believer in talking, communication to me is the key to everything in life. When we talk about our problems and issues with others we gain perspective, and the mountains we have made out of the molehills take on a very different shape. By discussing our problems with others we begin to realize that maybe our issues aren't as big and as scary as they were when we were trying to deal with them on our own. By confiding in others, giving them the trust of our openness we find that we have a support network that we can fall back on, that we are not alone in our fight, and we are now open to suggestions, knowledge and guidance that may help us navigate the issue at hand. I know what I am talking about here. I have 20 years of dealing with illness, I have a great network of family and friends that I can call on to help me tackle the problems that arise. I know how important it is because I also need help from time to time to navigate the pitfall, stumbling blocks and hazards that life throws at us.
I can help my friend with his problems because I have been there. I know what he is going through, the emotions he is feeling and I can protect him and help him navigate and find the best care out there to treat what is happening with him. But, I also realize that his shutting down is his coping mechanism, his defense against a threat that is bigger than himself, and how he is handling and mitigating his fear. But knowing these things doesn't help me feel less helpless and alone in this situation. See we are a couple, a partnership, and he should be able to confide in me, trust me with his fears, concerns and what is happening with him. I can be his rock, his guidance and inspiration in this fight. I want him to know that he isn't alone, that he is the one person and thing that keeps me going in my own battle. I want to repay that by being his!
I know that sometimes it is hard to see the forest because all we can see is the trees before us. I know that we can lose our way and get lost if we aren't watching where we place our feet. But, I also know that we all need someone, we don't always know what to do or how to react to information that is thrust upon us. Talking and communicating with others helps us with that. It also keeps us grounded and focused on ourselves and what we need to do to solve the issue or problem. We don't have to fight any fight alone, we have those around us that are more than willing to share in our pain, adventure and life if we just give them the opportunity. Maybe it is pride, or fear that keeps us from opening up. Maybe it is the mistaken thought that if we don't say what we are facing out loud, if we don't consciously think about it, will make it less real and less threatening. Trust me those are fantasies, what we are experiencing is real and no matter what we wish or hope it isn't going to go away on it's own. We have to face them with courage, hope and conviction that we are going to win and survive. Keep a positive attitude and outlook will go a long way in making the situation bearable and manageable, but we have to get there and gain that perspective. It just doesn't magically appear.
Give voice to your doubts, turn to your friends and family, let them help you and guide you through whatever it is that you are going through, you are going to be happier if you do. You will feel less vulnerable, you won't feel isolated and alone, let them help you carry the burden, because you shouldn't have to deal with the weight of the issue by yourself. Keep yourself open to the ideas and opinions of others, because they may give you an insight or inspiration that you might have otherwise missed. A different treatment plan or way to handle the situation, because we each see things differently and from different perspectives. Try looking at the problem or issue through another persons eyes and you will understand what I am talking about here.
Also if you are in a relationship with someone you cannot expect them to sit idly by and let you deal with the issue on your own. You have to understand that they already feel powerless to help you, they see the pain that you are carrying and they know that they can do nothing to alleviate it and make it better. But what they can do is be there for you, they can be the shoulder that you cry upon, they can lend you their strength, support and wisdom, and they can help you find the right answer. You owe it to them to give them the opportunity. Keep in mind that a relationship is a two-way street, that it is a partnership, you are supposed to be working together to build something, but you are also there to help one another through the difficult times too. Give them the benefit of the doubt, talk to them, let yourself embrace their love, warmth and support. Listen to them, let them help you carry the burden and lessen your load. It will make it easier for you to heal and get better if you aren't weighed down with the stress and weight of the situation all by yourself.
I posted several weeks ago on Facebook a message to my partner, I know he knew it was for him, just as I know that most if not all of his posts are meant specifically for me. Others, may not even know that we are dating or a couple but we know it, and we have a short handed way of talking to each other even when we aren't really talking. It helps us realize that we are in it together. But in my post I reminded him that we are a partnership and that I wasn't a silent partner, but a full sharing member. I was hoping he would get the point that I am here for him and always will be. Even if we weren't dating and didn't have plans to be moving in together soon. I would still be there for him. See when I tell you I am your friend, I am your friend no matter what. I will be there for you and you can count on me. I am not going anywhere. I promise you I am your friend till the very end. If I open my mouth and I say the words I love you, you better know that I mean them, because those aren't words that I say to everyone, and they have a special meaning for me. They are words of binding, and if I love you, that means I am with you, and only you.
I know if you have read my other posts in the blog I mention that the human heart is the only heart I know that has the capacity to love more than one person, it is also the only heart I know that can love someone unconditionally. We have the ability to accept a person, their good parts and when we do that and we are truly in love we never even notice or see the bad parts of them.
If you ever find yourself in the same situation that I find myself in, be sure you let your friend or partner know that you are there for them, give them the space and time they need to come to the realization that you are sincere, you are for real and that you aren't going anywhere. Because often times we let our past experiences color our thoughts and ideas about our present, and we can't do that. Remember no two people are the same, and no two experiences are exactly the same no matter how similar they may actually seem. If someone has left you in the past when you have confided in them or have asked for their help, that doesn't mean that everyone is going to do the same to you. You have to accept people at face value. Keep in mind that actions always speak louder than words. I know from first hand experience that anybody can tell you anything, yet their actions and time will reveal if those words that they have spoke are actually true. I am not saying that at the time they were spoken they weren't true, because they probably were. But, their strength and the strength of their character may be weaker than they thought. See if they follow through and live up to what they have said and promised. Most people will, but those that don't measure up, let them go, because they aren't the ones you want to have trying to support you in a time of crisis.
I also posted yesterday that the scars of the past are always with us. They are visible, but just because they are still there doesn't mean that they aren't healed. By saying this what I mean is that we have gotten past the hurts of our past, and we are reminded of that past by the scars we bear, but just because that scar is there, doesn't mean that ever other person is going to do the same thing to you. You have learned from the mistake, you have healed from it, be open and receptive, the next person isn't going to do the same thing to you, give them the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to show you that they aren't going to reopen that old wound. As I have said earlier no two people are the same, neither are two situations, so you getting hurt exactly the same way this time through isn't likely at all to happen. We also have to stop looking backwards, because we cannot move forward if we are constantly focused on the past. The baggage of the past needs to also be left in the past, don't keep comparing your current to your past because that would be like comparing apples and oranges, because no two situations are identical.
Please understand that by closing yourself off from your support network of friends and family will seriously limit you from receiving the guidance and wisdom you will need to prevail over your situation. Each person is different and should be afforded the opportunity to prove to you that they are not going to hurt you like the person from your past.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Thursday, August 30, 2012
HIV Facts...Educate yourself!
Some of you may know that I am working with the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau in Daytona Beach, Florida. Trying to raise the awareness of HIV/AIDS within the community and trying to dispel some of the myths and misconceptions that surround the disease by working on a play to be performed on World's AIDS Day.
And here are some of the more interesting facts that you should be aware of:
1. HIV/AIDS is not a discerner of persons. Meaning it doesn't give a shit who you are! You could be rich, famous, poor, unknown, male, female, straight, gay, green, purple or blue. It just doesn't care.
2. You do not have to promiscuous to get it. That's right folks, it is possible to get it the first time out. Remember even if you haven't been sexually active it doesn't mean your partner hasn't. You are sleeping not only with them, but everyone they have ever been with.
3. 3 out of 5 people walking around today are infected and don't even know it. Get Tested Often. You owe it to yourself and to your partners
4. You can be infected and never have a symptom or feel sick. Know your Status!
5. Condoms are only 95% effective in stopping the disease. Be smart about who you sleep with!
6. Be aware that there are people out there that are looking to get infected. Bug-Chasers, they are under the misconception that after you get it, you can sleep with whomever, without caution.
7. Bareback is dangerous. If both people are Positive, they can still re-infect each other with different strains and create a super strain that is drug resistant. Understand the risks you take.
8. Positive and Negative couples cannot survive. Wrong educate yourselves, know your limitations, and what can be done safely. You can have a terribly effective relationship if your are honest and know what to expect.
9. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by causal contact. Hugs, sharing drinking glass, eating off a persons fork, using the toilet after. HIV is a fragile virus that dies when exposed to air, soap and water and bleach.
10. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by kissing or through saliva, you would have to drink over a gallon and have some kind of ulcer or soar in the mouth. Saliva's acidity kills the virus.
11. HIV/AIDS doesn't have the ability or the strength to penetrate the outer layer of the body. In other words, unless it finds an open wound or other way passed the epidermis, it cannot get inside of you.
12. HIV/AIDS is an epidemic and affects you whether you are aware of it or not. It affects those around you, the health care system, the pharmaceutical structure and a myriad of other things. People you love and who love you may be ill. There is no gulf, anyone you meet or contact may be positive.
13. Remember, you cannot necessarily tell that a person is ill by looking at them. They may have no symptoms.
14. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV doesn't necessarily mean you are going to die. There are new drugs on the market with more being released all the time that can allow you to live a relatively normal life for 30 years or more now.
15. Undetectable does not mean you are not contagious! You still have the disease at the lowest possible numbers in your blood, but it is still present and can be spread!
16. HIV doesn't mean you have AIDS. Converting to Full AIDS is a process, t-cells must be below 200. Remember it could take an untreated HIV infection 8 to 10 years to become AIDS.
17. It is the fear of ridicule, the shame and guilt that keep us from revealing our status. There are others like you, who are going through what you have. We will be your friends and family if other's abandon you. www.positivechampions.org You don't ever have to feel alone!
18. Is there ever a good time to tell your partner or potential partner you're status? No, you must make the effort, make a moment, be responsible.
19. Rejection hurts, yes it does, but you must be fair and honest with your feelings and status to have a successful union. The other person deserves the right to make the choice! Be understanding. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is my motto.
There are so many more of these that I could write about, but I think you get the picture I am trying to paint. As I said at the beginning of this entry, I am working on a play. This play is about these things and so much more. I have tentatively entitled it "You Just Never Know", it is my dream and goal that once it is performed the first time. That I will be able to publish it, and it will be a program that is put on everywhere to raise awareness and understanding, to quell some of the myths and misconceptions. It will inspire hope, calm the fears, ease the guilt and shame, and finally to put a face on the disease. I want you to identify with the characters, feel the angst and trepidation that they face, their isolation, their fear of discovery, and the persecution that follows by family, friends, co-workers and how hard it is to truly find an accepting and loving partner. No one ever truly wants to be alone, I believe we are all social creatures, we need to feel love, we deserve it. We are still human after all. I want you to love me, hate the disease I have, remember that I am still the same person, I have just had a bad turn.
There are haters out there that once your down, are more than happy to keep kicking holding you and down. They fear you, they don't understand, the are ignorant of the facts. Please understand that you can face them and over come their comments, their pettiness and you deserve, and demand to be treated with dignity and respect. Keep in mind that if we say nothing, do nothing, we are propagating the paranoia, the myths, the misconceptions, we are turning our backs on each other. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Even in the gay community we are outsiders and outcasts, if we do not come together, build our own network, our own advocacy groups, and raise our voices in a chorus of one. We will never truly be accepted, the demands of a cure will never be forced. United we are that much more powerful, our voices can and will be heard. We will not stand to be put on the back burner, we will not let our unfortunate encounter with this disease silence us and put us back in the closet, or hide us in the shadows. We are the past, We are the Future, We are the Hope and We are no longer going to be quite victims. And You know why? Because you can only be a victim if you allow it. You are a champion and you are not ever truly alone. You have strength, courage, and a life to live. So live it to the fullest, acknowledge your limitations, and move into the light! Remember that EVIL lurks in darkness, plays in shadows and causes mischief. LOVE lives in the light, dispels the shadows and brings forgiveness.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
And here are some of the more interesting facts that you should be aware of:
1. HIV/AIDS is not a discerner of persons. Meaning it doesn't give a shit who you are! You could be rich, famous, poor, unknown, male, female, straight, gay, green, purple or blue. It just doesn't care.
2. You do not have to promiscuous to get it. That's right folks, it is possible to get it the first time out. Remember even if you haven't been sexually active it doesn't mean your partner hasn't. You are sleeping not only with them, but everyone they have ever been with.
3. 3 out of 5 people walking around today are infected and don't even know it. Get Tested Often. You owe it to yourself and to your partners
4. You can be infected and never have a symptom or feel sick. Know your Status!
5. Condoms are only 95% effective in stopping the disease. Be smart about who you sleep with!
6. Be aware that there are people out there that are looking to get infected. Bug-Chasers, they are under the misconception that after you get it, you can sleep with whomever, without caution.
7. Bareback is dangerous. If both people are Positive, they can still re-infect each other with different strains and create a super strain that is drug resistant. Understand the risks you take.
8. Positive and Negative couples cannot survive. Wrong educate yourselves, know your limitations, and what can be done safely. You can have a terribly effective relationship if your are honest and know what to expect.
9. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by causal contact. Hugs, sharing drinking glass, eating off a persons fork, using the toilet after. HIV is a fragile virus that dies when exposed to air, soap and water and bleach.
10. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by kissing or through saliva, you would have to drink over a gallon and have some kind of ulcer or soar in the mouth. Saliva's acidity kills the virus.
11. HIV/AIDS doesn't have the ability or the strength to penetrate the outer layer of the body. In other words, unless it finds an open wound or other way passed the epidermis, it cannot get inside of you.
12. HIV/AIDS is an epidemic and affects you whether you are aware of it or not. It affects those around you, the health care system, the pharmaceutical structure and a myriad of other things. People you love and who love you may be ill. There is no gulf, anyone you meet or contact may be positive.
13. Remember, you cannot necessarily tell that a person is ill by looking at them. They may have no symptoms.
14. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV doesn't necessarily mean you are going to die. There are new drugs on the market with more being released all the time that can allow you to live a relatively normal life for 30 years or more now.
15. Undetectable does not mean you are not contagious! You still have the disease at the lowest possible numbers in your blood, but it is still present and can be spread!
16. HIV doesn't mean you have AIDS. Converting to Full AIDS is a process, t-cells must be below 200. Remember it could take an untreated HIV infection 8 to 10 years to become AIDS.
17. It is the fear of ridicule, the shame and guilt that keep us from revealing our status. There are others like you, who are going through what you have. We will be your friends and family if other's abandon you. www.positivechampions.org You don't ever have to feel alone!
18. Is there ever a good time to tell your partner or potential partner you're status? No, you must make the effort, make a moment, be responsible.
19. Rejection hurts, yes it does, but you must be fair and honest with your feelings and status to have a successful union. The other person deserves the right to make the choice! Be understanding. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is my motto.
There are so many more of these that I could write about, but I think you get the picture I am trying to paint. As I said at the beginning of this entry, I am working on a play. This play is about these things and so much more. I have tentatively entitled it "You Just Never Know", it is my dream and goal that once it is performed the first time. That I will be able to publish it, and it will be a program that is put on everywhere to raise awareness and understanding, to quell some of the myths and misconceptions. It will inspire hope, calm the fears, ease the guilt and shame, and finally to put a face on the disease. I want you to identify with the characters, feel the angst and trepidation that they face, their isolation, their fear of discovery, and the persecution that follows by family, friends, co-workers and how hard it is to truly find an accepting and loving partner. No one ever truly wants to be alone, I believe we are all social creatures, we need to feel love, we deserve it. We are still human after all. I want you to love me, hate the disease I have, remember that I am still the same person, I have just had a bad turn.
There are haters out there that once your down, are more than happy to keep kicking holding you and down. They fear you, they don't understand, the are ignorant of the facts. Please understand that you can face them and over come their comments, their pettiness and you deserve, and demand to be treated with dignity and respect. Keep in mind that if we say nothing, do nothing, we are propagating the paranoia, the myths, the misconceptions, we are turning our backs on each other. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Even in the gay community we are outsiders and outcasts, if we do not come together, build our own network, our own advocacy groups, and raise our voices in a chorus of one. We will never truly be accepted, the demands of a cure will never be forced. United we are that much more powerful, our voices can and will be heard. We will not stand to be put on the back burner, we will not let our unfortunate encounter with this disease silence us and put us back in the closet, or hide us in the shadows. We are the past, We are the Future, We are the Hope and We are no longer going to be quite victims. And You know why? Because you can only be a victim if you allow it. You are a champion and you are not ever truly alone. You have strength, courage, and a life to live. So live it to the fullest, acknowledge your limitations, and move into the light! Remember that EVIL lurks in darkness, plays in shadows and causes mischief. LOVE lives in the light, dispels the shadows and brings forgiveness.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, August 19, 2012
True Friendship
As I have told you before finding those true friends is a rare and beautiful thing. When you find them you need to hold on to them and cherish them. I have one friend that pops into mind almost immediately. This man has been with me through so many things, yes, we have had our problems, and fights, but somehow we have always managed to get past them and work it out. My best friend Jason was there with me the night that I found out I was HIV Poz. He sat with me on my bed at my house and held me, and we talked and talked for hours. This was a very cold night back in December of 2006, it was just a week after he had learned himself that he was HIV positive. I drew strength and courage from him even though he was a lot younger than me.
But, let me tell you a little bit about my friend Jason, see we had met several years earlier when I was still in the Navy and he lived in Chicago, we had lost touch and drifted far apart. However, our story was far from finished. See in 1997 I moved to Atlanta with my lover Joe Royer, and shortly after us being in Atlanta we bought a house in the suburbs. Now, Joe and I were in the party scene and for those of you who have been following my blog from the beginning will immediately realize that when I say party scene, I am talking about methamphetamines. Joe and I had met a guy who was a porn star, who just so happened to have the same birthday as Joe. This young man and I eventually became deeply connected in many ways, and through him I met a lot of people. I mean a lot! Anyhow this guy kept talking about wanting to meet up with this other guy, Joe kept saying that he knew him that he had paid the guy to have sex with him before I ever met Joe. Now, they kept talking about this person that they both knew by a different name, which turned out to be his middle name. Which I won't reveal here because no one needs to know and those that are involved in this story already know, so it doesn't matter.
Vito, who was the young porn star, that Joe and I met convinced me one day to take him out to meet his friend. So I drove out to Roswell, GA to pick up this friend and from what I gathered we were all coming back to my place to party and have a good time. Now when we got there Vito told me to park and stay in the car, he didn't want his friend to know he was hanging out with a white guy at first, he didn't know how his friend would react, and that he wanted to break it to him slowly. Well, long story short they sat outside of the car talking for almost an hour, and when they got in the car, Vito went to introduce us. I looked over my shoulder and started laughing because here was my best friend Jason, as I have said someone I met while I was in Chicago. Now, the reason why I never put the Vito and Joe's friend together with Jason was because they kept calling him by his middle name, which like I said I won't reveal here, but that is why as they were talking about this guy it never dawned on me that I might already know him. Here is an interesting tidbit that you might want to keep in mind, whenever I am introduced to someone, that is the name I remember them by. So years ago in Chicago I was introduced to Jason as Jason and to this day that is what I still call him. Though everyone one else uses his middle name.
Vito, and Jason started seeing each other, Vito was staying at my house with me and Joe, so Jason was around quite a bit. The thing with this is that there has always been a bond with Jason that has transcended that of other people. I grew close and attached to him in such a way, that it is hard to explain. Everybody, and I mean everybody loved Jason and wanted to jump in the sack with him and have sex. I will be honest with you that he is a gorgeous man, and yes I am physically attracted to him, he is a very light skinned black man, with an amazing body and a piece of equipment that was beyond large...let's just say OMG! But, there was something different about my relationship with Jason that made others so jealous and curious about. Yes, we have had sex on several occasions and we partied together for years and years, but it has never been about that for us truly. Here was somebody that I could talk to, confide in, who despite our different backgrounds and culture seem to be able to do the same with me. What is sad is that a week before I found out that I was positive Jason had found out he was positive. He was angry with Joe and Vito, because Joe knew that Vito was positive and hadn't warned Jason. I can tell you in all honesty I don't think there was any love lost between Jason and Joe anyway, because as I have mentioned above, Joe had been bragging that he had slept with Jason and had paid him to have sex. Now, Jason and I had talked extensively about this topic and anything else you can think of and I knew that Jason had done it because he needed the money that he wasn't attracted to Joe and had no feelings for him in that capacity at all. I can tell you this to this day Joe still questions why my relationship with Jason is different from his, and why was Jason comfortable having sex and being around me but didn't feel the same ways about Joe. Honestly, I think the difference was that, Jason and I never intended to have a sexual relationship, it happened, but we were friends first and foremost and everything else just followed.
So here you have our history, but I want to talk to you about the man and the friend that I have in Jason and others, because yes my friends it is possible to have more than one best friend in your life, and I will admit that I have 6 total. I am going to talk about all of them, and show you how each one of them has been the embodiment of "True Friendship". But since we are already talking about Jason, I am going to finish up with him and his ex Vito, who I guess in a round about way I can say was our ex, because both Jason and I had a sexual relationship with Vito and were together for quite awhile. You could even liken it to a 3-way relationship, I don't know if Jason will agree with me, but pretty much it is true, they were dating and I was right there in it with them from beginning to end, and having sex with both, so in a way, yeah it was definitely a bizarre love triangle.
Let me tell you why my friendship with Jason is so special and important to me, and why no matter what we are going through or where we are at, we shall always be friends. All of you should know that I have been battling cancer since 1992, but it wasn't till 2005 that I had to have bowel resection surgery and have the colostomy bag put in place. This man, my friend Jason was there through it all, he knew me before I had the bag and he stayed my friend well after it was put into place. Jason was the first to realize how the bag had shattered my self-confidence and plunged me into a deep dark depression, how I felt like I was a cripple and thought that I was always going to be an outcast and unwanted in the Gay world because I was broken and not a whole man anymore. But you know what he accepted me for who I was, he saw past those bags, he forced me to face the world. He proved to me that I was someone worthwhile and that I had a lot to offer. Literally he helped me find my self-esteem again. He was also the one who stood up for me, he backed anyone down that wanted to criticize or hurt me. Let me digress again quickly to tell you about this guy that I had met on Adam4Adam a gay hook up site, how everything was good and cool until I told him that I had cancer and I had the bag. Now I told this guy about the bag so that there wouldn't be any surprises, even then I felt that I needed to let people know ahead of time what they were getting into. Well, when I told the guy about the bag, he wrote "Oh my god you freak, your a monster, you almost made me throw up, you totally fucked up my buzz". Let me tell you how I burst into tears, and broke down because this was my greatest fear come to life. You know what Jason did, he fixed the guy good, got him on line and got him to come over. Not revealing that he was at my house or knew me, and when the guy got to the house, I opened the door and let him have it. By the way I am still friends with the guy today, his name is Xander and after he got to know me he turned out to be not such a bad guy at all but it was Jason who got him there and got me to face him and overcome my fear.
Jason and I have been through a lot, he has always been my biggest defender and champion. Though we are from different worlds and cultures I know that he has my back, he would never let anyone ever hurt me. I know he knows I'd do the same for him. There were nights/mornings back in 2011 that he would call me up at 2 or 3 am and ask me to come and rescue him and pick him up and get him out of messy situations. There was a time when my ex Sterling was talking to another guy name Jo-Jo and how Sterling was telling him how our relationship ended and how he was going to get back at me for all the things I had done to him, when I least expected it and it couldn't be traced back to him. I called Jason and Nathan and asked them to come and get me, to make sure that nothing happened to me and without questioning it they came. Nathan, is Jason's best friend and old roommate, someone that I was madly in love with and dated for a short period of time. He too is a great friend and someone that I know I can trust. Nathan, found out I was out of the hospital back in 2010, just showed up, wrapped his arms around me when I opened the door and hugged and kissed me and told me he was glad I was alright and he would be back in a bit, after he dropped the truck and his friend off. Nathan came back and stayed for 4 days, to make sure I ate and nursed me back to health. I love him still to this day.
Before I go any further, about what true friendship is and what it means to me, there are still several other people that I have to mention and bring to your attention, two of these I have known a very very long time. The first is my best friend John, we met while I was in the Navy and home on leave and he had just graduated high school. John and I have been friends all this time, we have lived together, moved to Atlanta and went to college together and been through some really hellatious times together. John was the person that helped me realize that I had lost myself somewhere in my relationship with Joe, that I had let the physical and mental abuse rob me of the person that I was. He pointed out to me that I used to be the person that knew where he wanted to go and made my own path, and when I saw something I just went out there and did it. That I didn't need people making decisions for me that I was a leader, and others drew strength from me. If it wasn't for the efforts of John that November day in 2010 when I had left Jason in my apartment, yes we were living together, and I ask John to come and get me because my dog Little Bit was taken from me which was the straw that broke the camels back, the Bryan that is writing all of this for you would still be lost today. Everything I have been through all the challenges and lost years I wouldn't change any of that for the world. The next friend is Patrick, we went to the same church when we were younger. His father was the minister and my mother was the church secretary. I spent a lot of time at their house growing up and actually became a part of the family. His mother and sisters are still in my life today and are really close. As a matter of fact earlier this evening I had to go to the emergency room because of an infection in my abdomen. Patrick, John, Kerry, and Lorna and I were texting and chatting via Facebook the entire time I was in the hospital. Kerry I just mentioned above, is also a good friend, always has kind words of encouragement and is a great inspiration to me, because he had a brain aneurysm, and never let it slow him down, he is a song writer, composer and singer and just signed a record deal. I can honestly say I knew him when. Now, just to give you a little more background on Kerry and I, once again I found myself in a strange love triangle 3-way relationship with him and Will that lasted almost 4 years off and on. But through all the stress, trials, abuse, anger, and drugs, we are still so very close today. He was also the only friend that I have that offered to drop whatever he was doing and come and take care of me when he found out how sick I was. Last but not least is my friend Judy whom I met in 1992 and we are still friends today, she is my rock my sounding board, and when my life and energy is out of alignment, one phone call to her and my world starts going right again.
The point that I was wanted to make, is pretty simple. There are few really genuine and sincere people that are going to come into your life, you are going to feel an almost immediate connection with them, and from that develops a life long friendship that nothing is ever going to break. But what is a true friend? It is some who you can talk to, confide in. They are there for you and you are there for them no matter what the circumstance. They are there to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered heart when your relationships go south, they are who you lean on when the world has turned upside and you are lost and don't know where to turn. You do the same for them. A true friend is someone that you need to have in your life, they are the holders of your secrets and you theirs. In other words, these are your confidants, those you know who you can totally trust one hundred percent. You know beyond any shadow of doubt that they have only your best interest and welfare at heart.
A true friend is someone that you keep coming back too time and again no matter how many problems and fights you have had. Time has a way of healing and easing the pain more quickly with these people. There is an empty hole inside of you when you are fighting and you feel complete and whole once you have made up. They are steadfast, stalwart, trustworthy, and accept you unconditionally for who you are, including your faults and strengths. They are the ones that are going to think of you first when both of you are in trouble, and they come running whenever you need them.
Cherish them, love them, tell them how much you appreciate them. Let them know that you realize what they had done for you, and how they have been therefore you and saved you. Let them know how much you care because relationships come and go, people come and go, but true friends stick it out, hang tough, and are very rare.
I love you Jason, Judy, Nathan, John, Patrick, Kerrion, Vito you are my friends my network of people, the only ones who have taken the time to get to know the real me, and inspite of that you love me just the same. My life wouldn't be the same without you, I might not have made it as far as I have if wasn't for your kindness and your support. Thank You, for all you have done and continue to do. Thank you Dear Lord for putting them in my life and letting us still be friends after all these years.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
But, let me tell you a little bit about my friend Jason, see we had met several years earlier when I was still in the Navy and he lived in Chicago, we had lost touch and drifted far apart. However, our story was far from finished. See in 1997 I moved to Atlanta with my lover Joe Royer, and shortly after us being in Atlanta we bought a house in the suburbs. Now, Joe and I were in the party scene and for those of you who have been following my blog from the beginning will immediately realize that when I say party scene, I am talking about methamphetamines. Joe and I had met a guy who was a porn star, who just so happened to have the same birthday as Joe. This young man and I eventually became deeply connected in many ways, and through him I met a lot of people. I mean a lot! Anyhow this guy kept talking about wanting to meet up with this other guy, Joe kept saying that he knew him that he had paid the guy to have sex with him before I ever met Joe. Now, they kept talking about this person that they both knew by a different name, which turned out to be his middle name. Which I won't reveal here because no one needs to know and those that are involved in this story already know, so it doesn't matter.
Vito, who was the young porn star, that Joe and I met convinced me one day to take him out to meet his friend. So I drove out to Roswell, GA to pick up this friend and from what I gathered we were all coming back to my place to party and have a good time. Now when we got there Vito told me to park and stay in the car, he didn't want his friend to know he was hanging out with a white guy at first, he didn't know how his friend would react, and that he wanted to break it to him slowly. Well, long story short they sat outside of the car talking for almost an hour, and when they got in the car, Vito went to introduce us. I looked over my shoulder and started laughing because here was my best friend Jason, as I have said someone I met while I was in Chicago. Now, the reason why I never put the Vito and Joe's friend together with Jason was because they kept calling him by his middle name, which like I said I won't reveal here, but that is why as they were talking about this guy it never dawned on me that I might already know him. Here is an interesting tidbit that you might want to keep in mind, whenever I am introduced to someone, that is the name I remember them by. So years ago in Chicago I was introduced to Jason as Jason and to this day that is what I still call him. Though everyone one else uses his middle name.
Vito, and Jason started seeing each other, Vito was staying at my house with me and Joe, so Jason was around quite a bit. The thing with this is that there has always been a bond with Jason that has transcended that of other people. I grew close and attached to him in such a way, that it is hard to explain. Everybody, and I mean everybody loved Jason and wanted to jump in the sack with him and have sex. I will be honest with you that he is a gorgeous man, and yes I am physically attracted to him, he is a very light skinned black man, with an amazing body and a piece of equipment that was beyond large...let's just say OMG! But, there was something different about my relationship with Jason that made others so jealous and curious about. Yes, we have had sex on several occasions and we partied together for years and years, but it has never been about that for us truly. Here was somebody that I could talk to, confide in, who despite our different backgrounds and culture seem to be able to do the same with me. What is sad is that a week before I found out that I was positive Jason had found out he was positive. He was angry with Joe and Vito, because Joe knew that Vito was positive and hadn't warned Jason. I can tell you in all honesty I don't think there was any love lost between Jason and Joe anyway, because as I have mentioned above, Joe had been bragging that he had slept with Jason and had paid him to have sex. Now, Jason and I had talked extensively about this topic and anything else you can think of and I knew that Jason had done it because he needed the money that he wasn't attracted to Joe and had no feelings for him in that capacity at all. I can tell you this to this day Joe still questions why my relationship with Jason is different from his, and why was Jason comfortable having sex and being around me but didn't feel the same ways about Joe. Honestly, I think the difference was that, Jason and I never intended to have a sexual relationship, it happened, but we were friends first and foremost and everything else just followed.
So here you have our history, but I want to talk to you about the man and the friend that I have in Jason and others, because yes my friends it is possible to have more than one best friend in your life, and I will admit that I have 6 total. I am going to talk about all of them, and show you how each one of them has been the embodiment of "True Friendship". But since we are already talking about Jason, I am going to finish up with him and his ex Vito, who I guess in a round about way I can say was our ex, because both Jason and I had a sexual relationship with Vito and were together for quite awhile. You could even liken it to a 3-way relationship, I don't know if Jason will agree with me, but pretty much it is true, they were dating and I was right there in it with them from beginning to end, and having sex with both, so in a way, yeah it was definitely a bizarre love triangle.
Let me tell you why my friendship with Jason is so special and important to me, and why no matter what we are going through or where we are at, we shall always be friends. All of you should know that I have been battling cancer since 1992, but it wasn't till 2005 that I had to have bowel resection surgery and have the colostomy bag put in place. This man, my friend Jason was there through it all, he knew me before I had the bag and he stayed my friend well after it was put into place. Jason was the first to realize how the bag had shattered my self-confidence and plunged me into a deep dark depression, how I felt like I was a cripple and thought that I was always going to be an outcast and unwanted in the Gay world because I was broken and not a whole man anymore. But you know what he accepted me for who I was, he saw past those bags, he forced me to face the world. He proved to me that I was someone worthwhile and that I had a lot to offer. Literally he helped me find my self-esteem again. He was also the one who stood up for me, he backed anyone down that wanted to criticize or hurt me. Let me digress again quickly to tell you about this guy that I had met on Adam4Adam a gay hook up site, how everything was good and cool until I told him that I had cancer and I had the bag. Now I told this guy about the bag so that there wouldn't be any surprises, even then I felt that I needed to let people know ahead of time what they were getting into. Well, when I told the guy about the bag, he wrote "Oh my god you freak, your a monster, you almost made me throw up, you totally fucked up my buzz". Let me tell you how I burst into tears, and broke down because this was my greatest fear come to life. You know what Jason did, he fixed the guy good, got him on line and got him to come over. Not revealing that he was at my house or knew me, and when the guy got to the house, I opened the door and let him have it. By the way I am still friends with the guy today, his name is Xander and after he got to know me he turned out to be not such a bad guy at all but it was Jason who got him there and got me to face him and overcome my fear.
Jason and I have been through a lot, he has always been my biggest defender and champion. Though we are from different worlds and cultures I know that he has my back, he would never let anyone ever hurt me. I know he knows I'd do the same for him. There were nights/mornings back in 2011 that he would call me up at 2 or 3 am and ask me to come and rescue him and pick him up and get him out of messy situations. There was a time when my ex Sterling was talking to another guy name Jo-Jo and how Sterling was telling him how our relationship ended and how he was going to get back at me for all the things I had done to him, when I least expected it and it couldn't be traced back to him. I called Jason and Nathan and asked them to come and get me, to make sure that nothing happened to me and without questioning it they came. Nathan, is Jason's best friend and old roommate, someone that I was madly in love with and dated for a short period of time. He too is a great friend and someone that I know I can trust. Nathan, found out I was out of the hospital back in 2010, just showed up, wrapped his arms around me when I opened the door and hugged and kissed me and told me he was glad I was alright and he would be back in a bit, after he dropped the truck and his friend off. Nathan came back and stayed for 4 days, to make sure I ate and nursed me back to health. I love him still to this day.
Before I go any further, about what true friendship is and what it means to me, there are still several other people that I have to mention and bring to your attention, two of these I have known a very very long time. The first is my best friend John, we met while I was in the Navy and home on leave and he had just graduated high school. John and I have been friends all this time, we have lived together, moved to Atlanta and went to college together and been through some really hellatious times together. John was the person that helped me realize that I had lost myself somewhere in my relationship with Joe, that I had let the physical and mental abuse rob me of the person that I was. He pointed out to me that I used to be the person that knew where he wanted to go and made my own path, and when I saw something I just went out there and did it. That I didn't need people making decisions for me that I was a leader, and others drew strength from me. If it wasn't for the efforts of John that November day in 2010 when I had left Jason in my apartment, yes we were living together, and I ask John to come and get me because my dog Little Bit was taken from me which was the straw that broke the camels back, the Bryan that is writing all of this for you would still be lost today. Everything I have been through all the challenges and lost years I wouldn't change any of that for the world. The next friend is Patrick, we went to the same church when we were younger. His father was the minister and my mother was the church secretary. I spent a lot of time at their house growing up and actually became a part of the family. His mother and sisters are still in my life today and are really close. As a matter of fact earlier this evening I had to go to the emergency room because of an infection in my abdomen. Patrick, John, Kerry, and Lorna and I were texting and chatting via Facebook the entire time I was in the hospital. Kerry I just mentioned above, is also a good friend, always has kind words of encouragement and is a great inspiration to me, because he had a brain aneurysm, and never let it slow him down, he is a song writer, composer and singer and just signed a record deal. I can honestly say I knew him when. Now, just to give you a little more background on Kerry and I, once again I found myself in a strange love triangle 3-way relationship with him and Will that lasted almost 4 years off and on. But through all the stress, trials, abuse, anger, and drugs, we are still so very close today. He was also the only friend that I have that offered to drop whatever he was doing and come and take care of me when he found out how sick I was. Last but not least is my friend Judy whom I met in 1992 and we are still friends today, she is my rock my sounding board, and when my life and energy is out of alignment, one phone call to her and my world starts going right again.
The point that I was wanted to make, is pretty simple. There are few really genuine and sincere people that are going to come into your life, you are going to feel an almost immediate connection with them, and from that develops a life long friendship that nothing is ever going to break. But what is a true friend? It is some who you can talk to, confide in. They are there for you and you are there for them no matter what the circumstance. They are there to help you pick up the pieces of your shattered heart when your relationships go south, they are who you lean on when the world has turned upside and you are lost and don't know where to turn. You do the same for them. A true friend is someone that you need to have in your life, they are the holders of your secrets and you theirs. In other words, these are your confidants, those you know who you can totally trust one hundred percent. You know beyond any shadow of doubt that they have only your best interest and welfare at heart.
A true friend is someone that you keep coming back too time and again no matter how many problems and fights you have had. Time has a way of healing and easing the pain more quickly with these people. There is an empty hole inside of you when you are fighting and you feel complete and whole once you have made up. They are steadfast, stalwart, trustworthy, and accept you unconditionally for who you are, including your faults and strengths. They are the ones that are going to think of you first when both of you are in trouble, and they come running whenever you need them.
Cherish them, love them, tell them how much you appreciate them. Let them know that you realize what they had done for you, and how they have been therefore you and saved you. Let them know how much you care because relationships come and go, people come and go, but true friends stick it out, hang tough, and are very rare.
I love you Jason, Judy, Nathan, John, Patrick, Kerrion, Vito you are my friends my network of people, the only ones who have taken the time to get to know the real me, and inspite of that you love me just the same. My life wouldn't be the same without you, I might not have made it as far as I have if wasn't for your kindness and your support. Thank You, for all you have done and continue to do. Thank you Dear Lord for putting them in my life and letting us still be friends after all these years.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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