Age is an issue

Facebook is a great way for people to keep in touch, track down people that have been absent from their lives for years.  But it is also a way for us to keep up to date on things that are happening to people we care about and what they are facing. I am one who hesitates to engage in conflict, but I am not the type of person who shies away from it when it comes my way.  The past several days I have been sitting at home and I have been thinking, reminiscing about my past, reflecting on what I have been through and planning for what I am am facing.  When a friend of mine shared pictures of himself and a simple statement about age, I saw it and thought about what was written and the pictures that were posted.  Then I started reading the comments and what I found troubled me a bit, because I knew exactly what the others were saying, I have felt the way that they are, were feeling. And in my youth I actually participated in the very practice that I am about to write about.

I like to think of myself as a pioneer, a person who puts themselves out there in the forefront and helps blaze a trail for others to follow.  How could I know that simple actions that I had in my youth would impact the lives of others so deeply.  Only now in retrospect can I see that many of the things that I did in my youth have had a resounding effect on others, and that I was one of the people that help inspire and bring about change throughout the LGBTQ community. Yet I am one of the people in this world that is causing a problem and a break in our community.  Though today my ideas are a little different then they were years ago, I still find that I am an ageist.  This is troubling to me because I have so many friends that are my own age and I care about them, but only once in my entire life did I date someone the same age or older than myself. 

Like many in the community I believed that it was my preference to date younger people, but in a sense it was a blinder that I was wearing, I was looking at the outside person and not the package as a whole.  I was one of those high maintenance queens that searched for perfection and could pinpoint ones flaws and faults within minutes of meeting them.  I was shallow and vapid though I thought that my opinions and thoughts mattered.  But a hard life lesson was soon to come my way.  It first struck me at the age of 24 and literally robbed me of my 20's and 30's and scared me mentally and physically for life.  It left me an outcast in the community that I helped mold and create, and today I stay on the fringes of it.  I still consider myself part of the gay community, but I refrain from many of the things that I should still be involved in.  Because somewhere inside of me is the deep abiding fear that I am not perfect and therefore not worthy of love and acceptance into the community that I love and dedicated my life to building.

When I got sick with cancer and then ended up with not 1 but 2 colostomy bags, I turned away ashamed of my body and my broken form.  I secluded myself and sought refuge in drugs and other means to escape the fear of persecution.  Yet, repeatedly human nature has surprised me and I have found friends and sometimes companions along the way.  I have more scares than most, have had more surgeries than most, and I still have the fear that I can't be accepted for me because somewhere in my mind I have decided that people in the gay community are discriminatory against those that don't fit the ideal image of perfection.  Though I have found and joined groups that accepted me limitation, scars and illness and all.  I have found friends when I never thought I would and I have found a sort of peace within myself that I never thought I would because of my battered and broken body.  I have even found people who don't see me as damaged but as bright and shiny star of hope and comfort.  These are things that I would never have thought possible.

But as I was reading my friends post and the comments I realized that there is still a problem with age in the community, that the young still look at those of us with age and have prejudice.  I have come to the realization that I don't look at people the way that I used to, yes I still look at physical appearance, but that is not the person. I have had the unfortunate experience to love a beautiful looking man who was very ugly and dark inside and that made me realize the truth in the adage "you can't judge a book by it's cover".  Yet, my own insecurities continue to hold me in a pattern. I am afraid to put myself out there again and hope that someone can look past the body and see the person on the inside.  I sit in the house day after day and I watching TV, reading and avoiding the truth.  I am lonely, and afraid, these are my truths. Yet, I continue on and do what is expected of me.

Yet, something that my friends wrote stirred in me a desire to once again get out there and make a change in my life.  In doing so I hope that I can inspire others to do the same.  Life for the gay population is different now then when I was growing up.  I have learned that the superficial is not the way to look at another person. Maybe there are others out there that have begun to see that too.  Maybe it is only something that happens with age and wisdom, but I hope not.  I think that if I were to step out of my comfort zone and do something about my situation I might others doing the same.  I am beginning to understand my limitations, accept my physical appearance, and instead of hiding the person that I am.  I am letting the world see the person that I have become. I live my life by example and have been doing so a long time. I write about my life here in the blog, and I talk about my differences to everyone I meet.  My story is one of survival, it is one of hope, and it is one of comfort.  I have lived with 6 terminal illnesses for a long time now and I have done so with courage, and against overwhelming odds. I do it with a smile and a positive attitude that everyone notices.  So, if I can change and look at my mistakes with grace, knowing that I cannot change what I have been and done in the past, I certainly can make adjustments and do something about it in my future.

So I have taken to writing this piece about age.  I have never let it define me or limit my actions. I have taken care of the things that I must and have been there when others have needed me. But that is not all to my life.  When replying to my friends post, I was reminded of the things that I have done in my past, the accomplishments that I have made, and the triumphs, as well as the defeats.  But in all of this I have been a motivator and an instigator for change.  I have been as I put it a pioneer and I have done things that at the time seemed inconsequential, yet had far ranging affects on my peers and those that have come after me.  I may not have been able to rescue everyone, I haven't been able to save the world, or help as many people as I had wanted too.  But in my life there have been thousands of lives that I have touched and I have helped and they are out there. They know what I have done for them and I am not asking for any praise or thanks.  I am looking to those people to help me spread the word that age is a number, physical beauty is a thing that fades with time, and that we must look at the persons heart, soul and attitude to find the things that we are missing in our own lives.  A friend found a sense of belonging and community in his church, he found acceptance and he also found a feeling of wholeness and completion the likes that I have never really felt other than in fleeting times.

Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but there are things that you need to think about before you wrinkle up your nose at the affections and attentions another casts your way.  Don't let their age be a detractor, because with age comes experience, wisdom and understanding and with those things comes the added bonus of compassion.  I don't know how to change the world or change how the gay community looks at one another, but I can tell you that without my friends of age I wouldn't have made it as far as I have in life.  I wouldn't have been able to face the uncertain times that I have come through or had the strength to persevere when all about me seemed bleak.  I have come through some dark times and very rough medical situations and I have become a stronger person because of them and their advice.  I never gave the appropriate thanks to those that came before me.  The ones that fought for gay rights, however, I have performed in the play Stonewall and celebrated those lives.  It is unfortunate that many of the younger generation know very little to nothing of the days of the 60's and 70's that gave rise to our "Gay Movement" of the 80's and the "Equality Movement" of the 90's and 2000's.  What I can honestly say is that I am grateful to have been a part of those times, I wouldn't change my involvement and actions in anyway. 

So here I sit and I want to begin a new movement, be a voice for compassion and understanding and hopefully change the way the younger generation thinks and feels about us the old guys.  I am tired of being a Yuck or Gross.  I am still an attractive person and I have more to offer today more now than ever.  I am stronger and wiser.  Age hasn't made me less fun, I still can keep up with the 20 years that still are in my life.  But I am not looking for love there anymore either.  I have tried repeatedly to find it in the younger generation and have been left wanting and disappointed.  I am tired of feeling like I am being used and unappreciated.  I am comfortable with who I have become and I have surprised myself that there are those out there that find me attractive and have shown some interest in getting to know me.  Honestly, with my medical situation the way it is I am not really hoping for any new developments, but I am learning that my time isn't always the right time.  I have faith in God and His plan for my life, and if He decides to put a new face in my equations then who am I to argue or find fault.  At least I know that I am not alone right now, I have friends, and people that care about me, and I am not far from my family if something happens that I should need them. 

Let me remind those out there that old is not ugly, old is not boring, old isn't anything but a state of mind.  I am one that can talk about this, I am almost 50 now, and I still do things that I did when I was in my late 20's and things I should have done in my 30's but because I had cancer and missed almost all of those years, it took me some catching up to do.  I have a unique perspective about things because I experienced a lot of them later in life than most.  I found knowledge and wisdom in older friends when I was going through some really tough medical issues.  Those friendships have enabled me to survive and adapt.  It is the job of us that lived through the 80's till now to enlighten those that are younger and teach them about the past and the hardships that we and those before us had to endure.  Gay pride is not a marketing theme, though lately it seems to have become commercialized, no it is a time to celebrate our heritage, our loss, and to remember those that were taken from us early by AIDs.  It is also a time to celebrate the victories that were won and the sacrifices that were made to get us to the place we are at today.  Not only do us of age have things that we can teach the younger generation, we can show them understanding and compassion, offer guidance, and wisdom and help them through the issues that they are facing.  Never forgetting that we still have a long way to go yet in the battle for equality and acceptance.  We have the moral obligation to unveil the myths and misconceptions that surround HIV and AIDs we need to honor the memories of the friends and family that we lost during the height of the epidemic. Plus, we need to remind the world at large that AIDs is still with us we are still loosing brothers and sisters still today to this disease.  Though it isn't the media focus that it once was we would be neglect in thinking that we have vanquished and won.  The war is still being fought, and many are still being persecuted because they have been diagnosed. 

Many of us are tired we have battled long and hard, created a better world for those that come after us, but we are not able to rest just yet, there is much left to be done.  I am reminded every day that I wake up that I am still here way longer than any doctor ever predicted I would be.  I have overcome some incredible odds and I am still fighting today.  We can't let the younger generations forget all that has come before, the heritage, the community, the bonding that we felt and developed in the 80's in the fear of the unknown disease.  Community centers were born, research centers organized and help organizations established that have become the norm.  We need to remind the young that many thousands gave their lives, tears, and suffering for these mediocre changes that we have finally received.  Yes today is a better place, there is a bit more acceptance in the world, but there is much hatred and bigotry still out there.  Our community still suffers from many such forms, and maybe there needs to be a movement inside our own movement that tries to foster change.  Ageism is a form of intolerance, and discrimination that we cannot and shouldn't allow to fester in our community.  We need to look beyond the sexual revolution and think towards a more unifying and holistic love of ourselves.  To look to our elders and still love them and accept them, to show respect and compassion.  Being gay isn't defined by sexual attraction alone, it is being comfortable with those that you are more drawn towards, who you can associate and understand better. We are different yes because of our desire to be loved and we enjoy sex with the same sex, but it goes beyond that I think or at least it does for me.  I feel more comfortable with women as friends, but I feel a kinship and bond with males that I cannot quite describe. 

The human heart has the capacity to love and bond to many different things, and people.  We need to understand ourselves better, look at our motivations, and think about what where we truly feel the most comfortable.  Age is a number, it doesn't define us.  It may limit us physically, but emotionally and mentally we are still those same 20 somethings that we once were in a much more experienced and worn package.  Most of us wear our age well and are proud to do so.  Every year that I am here I am thankful for.  I have worked hard to get here and I plan on hanging around a little longer, if I have to do it alone then so be it.  But, I don't think so there is someone out there looking for the inner me.  When they finally stop looking at the outer me and see the inside they will find what they are looking for. Until then I will keep trying to raise the awareness that age is not something to be afraid of, it isn't something ugly, it is a gift, it is a treasure.  Hopefully others will begin to see that we are of value still and we have things been through situations that can help them, we have lessons we can teach and we still have our voice to make change happen.

So from the age of 49 looking back, I remember the days when I was afraid of being 30, then 40, and of course 50.  But look here I am I have made it this far, have learned much, endured more, and I have something that I can help the world to understand and that is the human spirit.  I know how to give hope, how to inspire through living and comfort just by being there.  Life is a journey that doesn't end.  I can tell you that I am still going through some things even now, but in the end it will have made me that much stronger a person and will give me another lesson that I can teach another person.

So don't wrinkle up your nose at the attentions of those older men that admire you, take it as a compliment, get to know them, maybe just maybe you might find what you have been searching for and it was right in front of you the entire time and you just couldn't see it because of the blinders you have been wearing.  Age is beauty, a gift and something to be cherished.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you. Let me encourage you to live your life full with laughter, love and light.

Uncle B

Saturday December 1st Dual Meaning for me!

You know when I was young December 1st only had one meaning for me, but as I got older and the AIDS pandemic was realized that day was forever changed for me.  Today I am one out of countless people that deal with living with HIV the precursor to AIDS.  Now, a lot has changes since the 80's with the hysteria and rumors running rampant through the country.  The life expectancy of a newly infected person is now close to 30 years with the current drugs that are on the market.  However, that doesn't mean that there still aren't deaths and complications that can arise that can shorten someone's lifespan.  As the title suggest I have now two reasons to celebrate on December 1st.  I guess the first and foremost one would be that it is my birthday, and second is the celebration of Worlds AIDS Day.

This year I am celebrating my 44th birthday, I am blessed and lucky to have such a long life.  Though I have health issues and concerns, I have still outlived some of my closest and dearest friends and loved ones.  See, in the early years of HIV/AIDS there wasn't much knowledge about the disease, how it was spread, and what could be done to treat it.  Many of my friends died a very painful and agonizing death, others became detached because of dementia and other factors.  It was hard for me watching so many of the people I love die, even worse was the fact that a longtime partner didn't even recognize me or know me the day that he died. We had been together for years, I was the lucky one, I didn't contract the disease right away.  As a matter of fact when he died in 95, I was finishing up my first battle with colon cancer and seemed to be none the worse for wear.

I have to be honest I was lost for quite awhile after his death, and so I decided to go back to school and that is when I first discovered my love for writing.  Here we are 20 years later and I am still writing and that is a blessing.  But nothing could take away the pain nor the hole that was left in my life by his passing. However, in 1997 I met an extraordinary person who moved me away from Orlando and my family and took me to the  "Big City" of Atlanta.  Where I actually lived and worked till this year.  I have met some wonderful and beautiful people on my journey, and I have made some big mistakes.  It is also where I contracted the virus that I had so carefully avoided.  I am the type of person that learns everything I can about the diseases and illness I am faced with.  Through that knowledge it led me to a greater understanding of the people that are affected by the disease as well as those infected by it.  See it is important to remember that a person doesn't actually have to be infected by the disease for it to affect them in some way.  None of us are immune to feeling the effects of a friend or loved one becoming infected.  Of course the circumstances and the situations are different still between the affected and the infected.

When I moved to Volusia County in February of 2012 I didn't know what I was going to find.  I came here blind only knowing my father.  Didn't even know the person he was living with. So I was on my own.  No friends, only my dad, no car, no money.  But I came anyway, and I have to tell you that I am happy that I did.  Through my curiosity and wanting to keep up with my medical treatments for HIV, I contacted the Florida AIDS helpline and got some information on resources in my area. Within a matter of days I had set up appointments and began my journey.  My first case manager, was Donna Wood, a wonderful woman who like me cares about people and their welfare.  She took me under her wing and talked to me about several programs that she thought I might be interested in, and by the summer I had joined and became part of several groups that advocate and fight the stigmas, myths and misconceptions about HIV/AIDS.  She also encouraged me to continue my writing and telling my story to anyone and everyone that would listen, for that I am going to be ever grateful.  So this year when the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau talked about doing an event for raising money for our group during the Worlds AIDS Week celebration I quickly volunteered to help.

The group decided that we were going to do a dinner and a play for our fundraiser.  We met with other organizations and coordinated our efforts so that we could do the play and not interfere with anyone else's events.  It was held at the Daytona Beach Museum of Arts and Sciences.  It was a catered affair, with a wine and cheese reception before, a slide presentation during the meal and then our performance.  The turn out was spectacular, and I have to say that we all had a great time.  It was a learning time and a time for coming together.  We took a topic that is highly sensitive, we broke it down into real life examples, told our story, and we did it in such a way that it wasn't heavy or stale, and gave it a human face, and a little humor and it was met with a great response. I am proud to say that I was the co-author the play, and I believe that throughout the work you can see the upbeat and positive energy that was lovingly put into it.  For those of you who didn't get to attend you missed something spectacular and revealing.

But you know, it was after the play was done and everyone was leaving that I had a chance to talk to some of the wait staff and people that were behind the scenes, and you know what was amazing to me was how open and receptive these young people were to the message we were sending out.  Two of the young men that were on the Banquet line and passing through the tables collecting the dirty dishes were 17 years old, they saw and heard the play, and one of them told me that he had learned a lot about the disease that he didn't know from our play, and that we had taken a taboo subject and made it humorous and delivered it with a delicacy that was excellent.  That the facts and figures that were expressed were done in a way that made them memorable and helped him to feel more comfortable about being tested and finding out more about the disease.  Now trust me when I tell you that I was touched by this. Because our goal is to address the younger generation, educate them, help them to understand the stigmas, fears that surround the disease and finding out that you are positive.

The young man went on to say that he was impressed with me because of my response to when I was asked questions about my health and how I managed to stay so upbeat and positive with all that I am facing.  Honestly, it was him and his willingness to talk to me that impressed me.  See, I am living with it, I have been dealing with it for awhile and I have come through the stigmas, social fears, the pressure of when to disclose and when not too, so talking to others about my illness has become second nature to me.  But here was a young man wanting to know more about what he could do to help bring awareness to his peers and friends and that my friends made the whole evening worthwhile.  Yes it is true that we want an end to the disease, the persecution, and the segregation that we feel when we disclose, but we also want to reach these young people. Help them to understand that safe sex, and getting tested routinely is important.  We want them to realize that HIV/AIDS doesn't care if you are gay or straight, male or female, white or black, hispanic or asian, it doesn't care if you are rich or poor, it doesn't care at all! We are all targets for it.  We also want them to realize that there are cultural differences that will be barriers that they may have to overcome and that there are others out there just like them that are going through the same things, and that there are people who care and are willing to help them.  No one has to face this alone.

Now as I close this entry, I want you to think about this, HIV/AIDS can impact your life at anytime, through yourself or those around you.  You can't tell if someone is sick or infected just by looking at them.  Heck three out of five people today are infected and have no signs of illness or even know that hey are infected.  You just can't tell.  We each have a voice and we can do something about this, we have been too quiet for far too long, people are still dying out there, and HIV/AIDS hasn't gone away.  Talk to your friends and family about it.  Volunteer your time if you have some, educate yourself and learn more about how it is affecting your community. Become a light in the darkness and let others know you care.  Though World's AIDS Day is only celebrated once a year, I hope that you will take the initiative in your own life and make it a celebration every day like I do.

I also want to say thank you for all of you who came to the benefit, saw our play and enjoyed yourself. I am glad you came, I am happy that we were able to deliver not hard topic to discuss, but also shared with you a part of ourselves and our stories.  You made all our efforts worthwhile.  Thank you to the Positive Champions Speaker's Bureau for becoming my family, my friends, and letting me be a part of your group.  Thank you for the support you have shown me this entire year as I have been battling my own health issues, and most of all thank you with trusting me with your stories, so that the play could be written and acted out. Thank you for listening to my advice and suggestions when we were rehearsing, and for making this event such a wonderful experience for everyone.

I would also like to say that I am so very proud of you all, for putting yourselves out there and giving of yourselves daily to each other and the community.  Your efforts inspire me and make me happy to have found such a group of loving and supportive people.  I am already looking forward to the coming year and all the things that we can do to help improve our community and our group.

I love you all!

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

HIV Facts...Educate yourself!

Some of you may know that I am working with the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau in Daytona Beach, Florida.  Trying to raise the awareness of HIV/AIDS within the community and trying to dispel some of the myths and misconceptions that surround the disease by working on a play to be performed on World's AIDS Day.

And here are some of the more interesting facts that you should be aware of:

1. HIV/AIDS is not a discerner of persons.  Meaning it doesn't give a shit who you are! You could be rich, famous, poor, unknown, male, female, straight, gay, green, purple or blue. It just doesn't care.
2. You do not have to promiscuous to get it. That's right folks, it is possible to get it the first time out.  Remember even if you haven't been sexually active it doesn't mean your partner hasn't. You are sleeping not only with them, but everyone they have ever been with.
3.  3 out of 5 people walking around today are infected and don't even know it.  Get Tested Often. You owe it to yourself and to your partners
4. You can be infected and never have a symptom or feel sick.  Know your Status!
5. Condoms are only 95% effective in stopping the disease.  Be smart about who you sleep with!
6. Be aware that there are people out there that are looking to get infected.  Bug-Chasers, they are under the misconception that after you get it, you can sleep with whomever, without caution.
7. Bareback is dangerous. If both people are Positive, they can still re-infect each other with different strains and create a super strain that is drug resistant.  Understand the risks you take.
8. Positive and Negative couples cannot survive.  Wrong educate yourselves, know your limitations, and what can be done safely.  You can have a terribly effective relationship if your are honest and know what to expect.
9. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by causal contact. Hugs, sharing drinking glass, eating off a persons fork, using the toilet after. HIV is a fragile virus that dies when exposed to air, soap and water and bleach.
10. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by kissing or through saliva, you would have to drink over a gallon and have some kind of ulcer or soar in the mouth. Saliva's acidity kills the virus.
11. HIV/AIDS doesn't have the ability or the strength to penetrate the outer layer of the body. In other words, unless it finds an open wound or other way passed the epidermis, it cannot get inside of you.
12. HIV/AIDS is an epidemic and affects you whether you are aware of it or not.  It affects those around you, the health care system, the pharmaceutical structure and a myriad of other things. People you love and who love you may be ill.  There is no gulf, anyone you meet or contact may be positive.
13. Remember, you cannot necessarily tell that a person is ill by looking at them. They may have no symptoms.
14. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV doesn't necessarily mean you are going to die.  There are new drugs on the market with more being released all the time that can allow you to live a relatively normal life for 30 years or more now.
15. Undetectable does not mean you are not contagious! You still have the disease at the lowest possible numbers in your blood, but it is still present and can be spread!
16. HIV doesn't mean you have AIDS. Converting to Full AIDS is a process, t-cells must be below 200.  Remember it could take an untreated HIV infection 8 to 10 years to become AIDS.
17. It is the fear of ridicule, the shame and guilt that keep us from revealing our status.  There are others like you, who are going through what you have.  We will be your friends and family if other's abandon you.  www.positivechampions.org You don't ever have to feel alone!
18.  Is there ever a good time to tell your partner or potential partner you're status? No, you must make the effort, make a moment, be responsible.
19. Rejection hurts, yes it does, but you must be fair and honest with your feelings and status to have a successful union.  The other person deserves the right to make the choice! Be understanding. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is my motto.

There are so many more of these that I could write about, but I think you get the picture I am trying to paint.  As I said at the beginning of this entry, I am working on a play.  This play is about these things and so much more.  I have tentatively entitled it "You Just Never Know", it is my dream and goal that once it is performed the first time. That I will be able to publish it, and it will be a program that is put on everywhere to raise awareness and understanding, to quell some of the myths and misconceptions.  It will inspire hope, calm the fears, ease the guilt and shame, and finally to put a face on the disease.  I want you to identify with the characters, feel the angst and trepidation that they face, their isolation, their fear of discovery, and the persecution that follows by family, friends, co-workers and how hard it is to truly find an accepting and loving partner.  No one ever truly wants to be alone, I believe we are all social creatures, we need to feel love, we deserve it.  We are still human after all.  I want you to love me, hate the disease I have, remember that I am still the same person, I have just had a bad turn.

There are haters out there that once your down, are more than happy to keep kicking holding you and down.  They fear you, they don't understand, the are ignorant of the facts.  Please understand that you can face them and over come their comments, their pettiness and you deserve, and demand to be treated with dignity and respect.  Keep in mind that if we say nothing, do nothing, we are propagating the paranoia, the myths, the misconceptions, we are turning our backs on each other.  We are only as strong as our weakest link. Even in the gay community we are outsiders and outcasts, if we do not come together, build our own network, our own advocacy groups, and raise our voices in a chorus of one.  We will never truly be accepted, the demands of a cure will never be forced.  United we are that much more powerful, our voices can and will be heard.  We will not stand to be put on the back burner, we will not let our unfortunate encounter with this disease silence us and put us back in the closet, or hide us in the shadows.  We are the past, We are the Future, We are the Hope and We are no longer going to be quite victims.  And You know why? Because you can only be a victim if you allow it.  You  are a champion and you are not ever truly alone. You have strength, courage, and a life to live. So live it to the fullest, acknowledge your limitations, and move into the light!  Remember that  EVIL lurks in darkness, plays in shadows and causes mischief. LOVE lives in the light, dispels the shadows and brings forgiveness. 

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

The Positive Champions Speakers Bureau

For those of you who have been following my blog for any length of time you know that I am very candid and open about my life and the illnesses that are affecting me.  Some of you maybe aware if you have been following my Facebook account that I dedicate an enormous amount of time to volunteer work.  Recently, as I was attending the Partnership for Comprehensive HIV/AIDS Planning, I learned about an organization that reached out and spoke to me.  During the meeting they had a Positive Champion perspective, which is a person infected with the disease that talks a little bit about their experience and the stigmas and fears that they faced when they found out.  Now, honestly this hit me so close to home and it made me ask for more information about the group and what their mission was.  Since that first meeting back in April, I have joined them in their cause.

The Positive Champions Speakers Bureau is comprised of HIV-Positive individuals who have come together in a setting that feels like home. We talk about our experiences, what our fears are and were, the stigmas we faced and continue to face, and how HIV has affected our friends and community.  We are a group that leans on and supports one another, and through our efforts we speak out to raise awareness of the disease, we seek to educate others about the issues of living with HIV/AIDS and we hope to end the myths and stigmas that surround it.  Just like so many other illness, when you are told that you have HIV/AIDS, you immediately think that you are going to die, that your life is over, and you wonder how you are going to tell your friends and family what has happened to you.  See in the community at large there seems to be this gulf that people assumes or hopes isolates them from it being their problem.  Since it isn't directly affecting them, they feel safe, and don't bother to learn or understand the enormity of the scope of the disease.  The Positive Champions Speakers Bureau hopes to put a face on the disease, to make individuals understand that it is a disease that doesn't care if you are gay, straight, a millionaire, a drug user, a housewife, a deacon in the church, a song writer, singer, or any other such thing. It can strike anyone anywhere.

Did you know that every 9 1/2 minutes someone in the U.S. is infected with HIV?  And it is everyday people, your doctor, your lawyer, the school teacher, the lunch room lady, your neighbor, your child, or you yourself.  It is a deadly disease, and their is a terrible shame that is associated with it and a guilt that is hard to fight.  There are many ways in which you can catch the disease, but the most common are unprotected sex, IV drug use, having multiple sex partners, etc.  There is a latency in which the virus can remain dormant for a number of years and creep up on you unaware.  Take responsibility for your sexual actions and understand that even that one time could be the time you get it...that one time you didn't use protection is all it takes.  Be sure to get tested regularly.  Know your status!  Trust me it is important, because there are people out there that felt fine, had no indication at all that they were Positive and when the test came back they were.  You don't have to be sick or have symptoms to be infected.  There is a myth that you have to be ill or in the hospital to be infected, but honestly it isn't true.  I had no symptoms, I felt fine, was going for my annual physical with my oncologist and the normal battery of test were run, I decided that it had been 3 months since my last HIV test and it came back negative, that I didn't have anything to worry about so I asked my doctor to run a new one for me with my other tests.  Two days later I was called into the office and told that I was Positive, and that they were going to run a phenotype and genotype to see what strand of the virus I had, but before I left his office he had made an appointment to see an infectious disease doctor the next morning. Now this was because of my medical history, I had been battling cancer and leukemia since 1992 and my immune system was already compromised, by the way this was in 2006. I was placed on a drug regimen even though they caught early on and I had less than 200,000 copies in my blood, and my t-cells were in 600's.

The reason why I am writing about this is because I want each of you to check out our website, it is located at  http://www.positivechampions.org  You will definitely find a lot of information on there, we dispel a lot of myths and stigmas and there are youtube videos that you can watch that will tell the story of some of our champion's.  I want you to encourage you to come back often because each of the members will eventually have their stories up there. You can see our upcoming speaking events, you can even request to have a speaker come to your place of employment or your church or any other type of function and we would gladly schedule the event and speak to your group.  If you would like to volunteer your time or know of someone that might be interested in joining us please feel free to get in contact with me or have them contact one of the members at the site.  Honestly we are inclusive group we do not discriminate in any way, even if you aren't positive, but know someone who is, or have a loved one that is infected we invite you to join our group, because you are affected by the disease as much as the infected person.  As I said the group is warm and inviting, it is friendly and open, we talk and listen to each other.  We support one another, and for some of us this is our family, because for whatever reason our real family has declined to accept us, they cannot wrap their heads around the disease or get past the stigmas and myths that surround it.

No one is going to judge you here, we all have our own story, and I am sure you are going to hear it at one point or another. Even if you aren't a speaker we still ask you to come and join us, we will help you work with you, there are people that come in and give us training on public speaking and how to write a speech.  This is an excellent opportunity to get involved and find a group that really does care about you.  We know what you are going through and we are here to help and love and support you.  We are each of us judged too often already by those around us, this is a place of warmth and safety where you can tell your story and share with others what you are going through.  As you get comfortable, you will see how easy it becomes to talk to others about yourself and your experiences, it becomes easier and easier, almost second nature.  Before you know it, you too are going to be a Positive Champion!

You can also see the Positive Champion Videos if you go to  http://www.youtube.com and type in Positive Champions.

Our regular website is http://www.positivechampions.org/

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B