You know I went back to Atlanta recently for a little visit. I saw quite a few of my friends while I was up there and I was surprise at how many of them are still doing the same things they have been doing. Of course this is really nothing new because for the most part every where I go I see old friends and acquaintances all doing the same things. When I go to Orlando I run into the same people that I knew from when I lived there 15 years ago at the bar and I wonder how and why they are still there. At least I went away for a long time and came back. I went to school and got 2 degrees, had a career and battled cancer. These poor people are still hanging at the bar, doing the same thing, some of them actually do have jobs now and are doing something with their lives, but the majority of them are still not working, still hanging out, still getting high, drinking and not doing a damn thing with their lives. First off I wonder how they can afford it,?Because I know I struggle and I make good money. So how can they still be doing the same thing after all these years?
Maybe this is just a phenomena in the gay community, and the drug community too which I used to be associated with. Or maybe it is just the way I am looking at things. But I often wonder how a friend of mine who I have known since he was twenty-four, is still bouncing around from place to place with no where to really call home, he is out every night chasing his high and looking for the next fix. He is trading on his looks to get what he wants. So far it is working for him. But one day and probably pretty quickly that is all going to run out. No one stays young forever, and what happens when people get tired of supporting your habits, and you crashing on their couch. The community isn't that big that you aren't going to eventually wear out your welcome at all your friend's places.
What I have found out that these people are just stuck on repeat, they found something that works for them and they continue to do it. Unless something changes, and they are forced to make a change they are going to continue in the same pattern. David Guetta is one of my favorite musicians right now and he has a song called "Repeat" and it sort of talks about this. The bridge goes something like this "So go out and party, cause I'm just getting started And I'm dancing to a brand new beat Cause you're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat...So go out and party, like you're not broken-hearted Cause you'll always just be stuck on repeat Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat."
This song really speaks too me, it reminds me of my past. The days when I sat around getting high and following in my friends footsteps. It also reminds me that a lot of my friends are stuck, they are in a rut and they cannot seem to break free from the hold that the drugs and alcohol has on them and their lives. They are just stuck in repeat mode. It is almost like watching a bad version of "Groundhog Day" where Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over again. How many of us get stuck by habits and bad choices, and we fall into a rut or pattern that we cannot break free of? Honestly, I think a lot of us do. We just learn how to hide it differently. In last nights blog entry I talked about patterns and filters, and I again stress that all of our lives revolves around patterns. That if we watch a person long enough we can see the pattern and can predict their actions based on that pattern.
I have a friend named Tony that is in Atlanta, he is stuck in a pattern, and is stuck on the streets of Atlanta, and I would do anything to help him get off those streets and help him change his life. Because years ago someone did that for me, helped me see that the self-destructive pattern my life was on and helped me see a different way of doing things and gave me the opportunity to change my life, and so I feel that I should repay that favor by paying it forward. However, I have lost touch with my friend and have been unable to locate him. Surprisingly I have gotten myself into a position where I am going out on my own and I will be in a better spot to help him. I have another friend that I love with all of my heart, but unfortunately he is far away, I have offered to bring him here and help him face the medical needs that he is going to be going through soon. He too is in a rut and a pattern. Unfortunately, even though I know he loves me and cares about me his weighted down with what is happening too him and he has closed himself off from me and his other friends and there is nothing I can do. I am being patient and waiting for him to reach out to me, but it is driving me crazy not hearing from him. But I have to respect and understand what he is going through and since I know what he is facing, all I can do is wait here patiently and offer my support the only way he is allowing me at this point. Both of these friend are in ruts and holding patterns and their life is on "repeat".
As you know I enjoy helping people and I do so by writing about my experiences and those of my friends, to try and help steer others from following in our footsteps and making the same mistakes we have made. I don't judge and I try to be understanding. I understand the power of addiction and I have spent my time fighting it. I know how drugs and alcohol can hold us in the same spot, and we never move forward. So here I am trying to help others recognize those patterns, realize that the drugs and other addictions we face are holding us back and keeping us from progressing and moving forward.
Trust me it isn't easy to get away from them. Addictions can be subtle and tricky things that manipulate us, they hold us back and we don't even realize that time is moving forward. I hope that others can see what I am talking about and maybe realize that they have to do something to make a change so that they can break free of the rut that they are currently in.
I will write more on this subject and talk to you about how to break the cycle and the chains that hold us in our patterns, and how we can recognize when we are actually in a rut or pattern that is holding us still.
But for now, all I want you to do is realize that there are friends of yours and mine that are hopelessly stuck on repeat and we must help them to realize this. We need to offer them the assistance and guidance they need to get their life back on track and break free of those chains that are binding them and keeping them stuck. If we don't reach out and help them who will. Don't wait till it is too late and they are gone from our lives because they have over dosed or been locked up. See them for the victims that they are and like the person from my past that looked beyond the addiction and the sex and really saw the real me and struggle to lift me out of my rut and pattern we need to do the same for others. Don't judge them, be kind and understanding, see the real person, look at their heart and see the potential that is locked within struggling to find a break and get out of their situation and offer them a helping hand, with love.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
HIV Facts...Educate yourself!
Some of you may know that I am working with the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau in Daytona Beach, Florida. Trying to raise the awareness of HIV/AIDS within the community and trying to dispel some of the myths and misconceptions that surround the disease by working on a play to be performed on World's AIDS Day.
And here are some of the more interesting facts that you should be aware of:
1. HIV/AIDS is not a discerner of persons. Meaning it doesn't give a shit who you are! You could be rich, famous, poor, unknown, male, female, straight, gay, green, purple or blue. It just doesn't care.
2. You do not have to promiscuous to get it. That's right folks, it is possible to get it the first time out. Remember even if you haven't been sexually active it doesn't mean your partner hasn't. You are sleeping not only with them, but everyone they have ever been with.
3. 3 out of 5 people walking around today are infected and don't even know it. Get Tested Often. You owe it to yourself and to your partners
4. You can be infected and never have a symptom or feel sick. Know your Status!
5. Condoms are only 95% effective in stopping the disease. Be smart about who you sleep with!
6. Be aware that there are people out there that are looking to get infected. Bug-Chasers, they are under the misconception that after you get it, you can sleep with whomever, without caution.
7. Bareback is dangerous. If both people are Positive, they can still re-infect each other with different strains and create a super strain that is drug resistant. Understand the risks you take.
8. Positive and Negative couples cannot survive. Wrong educate yourselves, know your limitations, and what can be done safely. You can have a terribly effective relationship if your are honest and know what to expect.
9. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by causal contact. Hugs, sharing drinking glass, eating off a persons fork, using the toilet after. HIV is a fragile virus that dies when exposed to air, soap and water and bleach.
10. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by kissing or through saliva, you would have to drink over a gallon and have some kind of ulcer or soar in the mouth. Saliva's acidity kills the virus.
11. HIV/AIDS doesn't have the ability or the strength to penetrate the outer layer of the body. In other words, unless it finds an open wound or other way passed the epidermis, it cannot get inside of you.
12. HIV/AIDS is an epidemic and affects you whether you are aware of it or not. It affects those around you, the health care system, the pharmaceutical structure and a myriad of other things. People you love and who love you may be ill. There is no gulf, anyone you meet or contact may be positive.
13. Remember, you cannot necessarily tell that a person is ill by looking at them. They may have no symptoms.
14. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV doesn't necessarily mean you are going to die. There are new drugs on the market with more being released all the time that can allow you to live a relatively normal life for 30 years or more now.
15. Undetectable does not mean you are not contagious! You still have the disease at the lowest possible numbers in your blood, but it is still present and can be spread!
16. HIV doesn't mean you have AIDS. Converting to Full AIDS is a process, t-cells must be below 200. Remember it could take an untreated HIV infection 8 to 10 years to become AIDS.
17. It is the fear of ridicule, the shame and guilt that keep us from revealing our status. There are others like you, who are going through what you have. We will be your friends and family if other's abandon you. www.positivechampions.org You don't ever have to feel alone!
18. Is there ever a good time to tell your partner or potential partner you're status? No, you must make the effort, make a moment, be responsible.
19. Rejection hurts, yes it does, but you must be fair and honest with your feelings and status to have a successful union. The other person deserves the right to make the choice! Be understanding. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is my motto.
There are so many more of these that I could write about, but I think you get the picture I am trying to paint. As I said at the beginning of this entry, I am working on a play. This play is about these things and so much more. I have tentatively entitled it "You Just Never Know", it is my dream and goal that once it is performed the first time. That I will be able to publish it, and it will be a program that is put on everywhere to raise awareness and understanding, to quell some of the myths and misconceptions. It will inspire hope, calm the fears, ease the guilt and shame, and finally to put a face on the disease. I want you to identify with the characters, feel the angst and trepidation that they face, their isolation, their fear of discovery, and the persecution that follows by family, friends, co-workers and how hard it is to truly find an accepting and loving partner. No one ever truly wants to be alone, I believe we are all social creatures, we need to feel love, we deserve it. We are still human after all. I want you to love me, hate the disease I have, remember that I am still the same person, I have just had a bad turn.
There are haters out there that once your down, are more than happy to keep kicking holding you and down. They fear you, they don't understand, the are ignorant of the facts. Please understand that you can face them and over come their comments, their pettiness and you deserve, and demand to be treated with dignity and respect. Keep in mind that if we say nothing, do nothing, we are propagating the paranoia, the myths, the misconceptions, we are turning our backs on each other. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Even in the gay community we are outsiders and outcasts, if we do not come together, build our own network, our own advocacy groups, and raise our voices in a chorus of one. We will never truly be accepted, the demands of a cure will never be forced. United we are that much more powerful, our voices can and will be heard. We will not stand to be put on the back burner, we will not let our unfortunate encounter with this disease silence us and put us back in the closet, or hide us in the shadows. We are the past, We are the Future, We are the Hope and We are no longer going to be quite victims. And You know why? Because you can only be a victim if you allow it. You are a champion and you are not ever truly alone. You have strength, courage, and a life to live. So live it to the fullest, acknowledge your limitations, and move into the light! Remember that EVIL lurks in darkness, plays in shadows and causes mischief. LOVE lives in the light, dispels the shadows and brings forgiveness.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
And here are some of the more interesting facts that you should be aware of:
1. HIV/AIDS is not a discerner of persons. Meaning it doesn't give a shit who you are! You could be rich, famous, poor, unknown, male, female, straight, gay, green, purple or blue. It just doesn't care.
2. You do not have to promiscuous to get it. That's right folks, it is possible to get it the first time out. Remember even if you haven't been sexually active it doesn't mean your partner hasn't. You are sleeping not only with them, but everyone they have ever been with.
3. 3 out of 5 people walking around today are infected and don't even know it. Get Tested Often. You owe it to yourself and to your partners
4. You can be infected and never have a symptom or feel sick. Know your Status!
5. Condoms are only 95% effective in stopping the disease. Be smart about who you sleep with!
6. Be aware that there are people out there that are looking to get infected. Bug-Chasers, they are under the misconception that after you get it, you can sleep with whomever, without caution.
7. Bareback is dangerous. If both people are Positive, they can still re-infect each other with different strains and create a super strain that is drug resistant. Understand the risks you take.
8. Positive and Negative couples cannot survive. Wrong educate yourselves, know your limitations, and what can be done safely. You can have a terribly effective relationship if your are honest and know what to expect.
9. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by causal contact. Hugs, sharing drinking glass, eating off a persons fork, using the toilet after. HIV is a fragile virus that dies when exposed to air, soap and water and bleach.
10. HIV/AIDS cannot be spread by kissing or through saliva, you would have to drink over a gallon and have some kind of ulcer or soar in the mouth. Saliva's acidity kills the virus.
11. HIV/AIDS doesn't have the ability or the strength to penetrate the outer layer of the body. In other words, unless it finds an open wound or other way passed the epidermis, it cannot get inside of you.
12. HIV/AIDS is an epidemic and affects you whether you are aware of it or not. It affects those around you, the health care system, the pharmaceutical structure and a myriad of other things. People you love and who love you may be ill. There is no gulf, anyone you meet or contact may be positive.
13. Remember, you cannot necessarily tell that a person is ill by looking at them. They may have no symptoms.
14. Just because you have been diagnosed with HIV doesn't necessarily mean you are going to die. There are new drugs on the market with more being released all the time that can allow you to live a relatively normal life for 30 years or more now.
15. Undetectable does not mean you are not contagious! You still have the disease at the lowest possible numbers in your blood, but it is still present and can be spread!
16. HIV doesn't mean you have AIDS. Converting to Full AIDS is a process, t-cells must be below 200. Remember it could take an untreated HIV infection 8 to 10 years to become AIDS.
17. It is the fear of ridicule, the shame and guilt that keep us from revealing our status. There are others like you, who are going through what you have. We will be your friends and family if other's abandon you. www.positivechampions.org You don't ever have to feel alone!
18. Is there ever a good time to tell your partner or potential partner you're status? No, you must make the effort, make a moment, be responsible.
19. Rejection hurts, yes it does, but you must be fair and honest with your feelings and status to have a successful union. The other person deserves the right to make the choice! Be understanding. Hope for the best but plan for the worst is my motto.
There are so many more of these that I could write about, but I think you get the picture I am trying to paint. As I said at the beginning of this entry, I am working on a play. This play is about these things and so much more. I have tentatively entitled it "You Just Never Know", it is my dream and goal that once it is performed the first time. That I will be able to publish it, and it will be a program that is put on everywhere to raise awareness and understanding, to quell some of the myths and misconceptions. It will inspire hope, calm the fears, ease the guilt and shame, and finally to put a face on the disease. I want you to identify with the characters, feel the angst and trepidation that they face, their isolation, their fear of discovery, and the persecution that follows by family, friends, co-workers and how hard it is to truly find an accepting and loving partner. No one ever truly wants to be alone, I believe we are all social creatures, we need to feel love, we deserve it. We are still human after all. I want you to love me, hate the disease I have, remember that I am still the same person, I have just had a bad turn.
There are haters out there that once your down, are more than happy to keep kicking holding you and down. They fear you, they don't understand, the are ignorant of the facts. Please understand that you can face them and over come their comments, their pettiness and you deserve, and demand to be treated with dignity and respect. Keep in mind that if we say nothing, do nothing, we are propagating the paranoia, the myths, the misconceptions, we are turning our backs on each other. We are only as strong as our weakest link. Even in the gay community we are outsiders and outcasts, if we do not come together, build our own network, our own advocacy groups, and raise our voices in a chorus of one. We will never truly be accepted, the demands of a cure will never be forced. United we are that much more powerful, our voices can and will be heard. We will not stand to be put on the back burner, we will not let our unfortunate encounter with this disease silence us and put us back in the closet, or hide us in the shadows. We are the past, We are the Future, We are the Hope and We are no longer going to be quite victims. And You know why? Because you can only be a victim if you allow it. You are a champion and you are not ever truly alone. You have strength, courage, and a life to live. So live it to the fullest, acknowledge your limitations, and move into the light! Remember that EVIL lurks in darkness, plays in shadows and causes mischief. LOVE lives in the light, dispels the shadows and brings forgiveness.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Interracial Relationships and the stigmas that surround them
As if being gay isn't hard enough try dating outside your race and you are going to add a whole new set of variables into the mix. Trust me as a gay man who prefers to date black men there are a lot of different stigmas associated with that preference. You have a cultural difference to contend with first. Then there are social stigmas that also accompany the cultural differences. Believe it or not there is also a slight language barrier as well. Plus there are stereotypes and other barriers that have to be countered and discarded.
Now this applies to any type of interracial relationship. Not just black and white, but hispanic and white, hispanic and black, asian and white, asian and hispanic, asian and black or any other combination you can think of. Plus it really doesn't matter if is a gay relationship or straight either. Each culture is raised differently, have different values, sense of community, they have a certain mindset, language and philosophies.
Though in recent years you see more and more pairings cross the racial divides than in years past. But there are still a lot of hurtles and obstacles that must be overcome. Plus no matter what race you are from and which sexual oriented group you identify with, you are going to occasionally run into bigotry, intolerance and hatred. You may have to overcome racial concepts that are aimed at you that you just don't understand. An example of this is that most African-American men view gay white men to be "pansy's", "powder puffs" or "effeminate""sissy boys", "punks" or some other derivative that paints them as weak, non-masculine, effeminate people.
There is a different sense of community in the African-American culture that seems to exist that puts pressure on the men that differs from the white community. I can't actually explain it adequately. But, I believe it is what makes it more difficult for men of color to come to terms with their sexuality and be totally open about it. This is something that I plan to explore further.
I do know that it seems to be frowned upon by society to cross the lines of races. Even though we are supposed to be such an enlightened society. There are still those that think dating outside your race is wrong, and the looks and comments that are still given today are ridiculous. Yet, as I have said earlier there is still so much intolerance, bigotry and hatred out there that makes dating outside your race hard. The slang and jargon that is used sometimes needs and interpreter to be understood. I was lucky that my boyfriend didn't mind me asking questions and had no problem explaining things to me. Though still sometimes I get lost when he talks. Imagine that!
There are so many things it is hard to put them all down. But, in my experience African-American males are more closely guarded and don't talk about their feelings as much. They are more private and reserved compared to the whites. Motivations are different and so are boundaries. Identification and labeling is also a big difference. Younger males don't like to label themselves for fear of being outted. Most black men that I have met refer to themselves as bisexual though as they get older may come to identify themselves as gay.
Once you get past all of that you have all the drama and stigmas associated with being gay added on top. No matter what anyone believes the gay lifestyle is not the easiest in the world to deal with. You have to deal with the same types of hate and intolerance and even bigotry as before. Plus, a whole slew of other types of drama that seem only to dwell in the gay community. Part of all of this dwells in the fact that there seems to be a solidarity and unity in the black world that doesn't exist in the white world.
Even in the gay community there is a separation of cultures. Maybe it's because people consider gay to be a sub-culture itself. What I do know is that the gay community calls for unity, yet divides itself along lines. Basically the gay community classifies itself internally by sex, sexual identity, and gender assignment and so forth. Inside of our own community we don't do everything we can to promote unity and acceptance. Why have we drawn lines? Shouldn't we all identify as gay or same-sex partnerships? What is the reasoning for the distinction? Shouldn't there be acceptance of others within our community? Shouldn't we love each other? Haven't we been persecuted enough because we are different from societal norms? Does it matter what color skin you have? Whether you are a man or a woman, you love the same, work the same, have the same dreams and ambitions. We want the same things! How can we tear down these walls get past the differences? Shouldn't there be some way to cross the cultural divide? Why the gulf, the gap, the separation?
Unity is the key. Love is the answer and society is the lock. How do we fix what is broken? As I am sitting here I wish I had someone here that I could ask about these things, someone who would try to help me understand just a little bit better the differences between the black world and the white world and how we might be able to bring them together and combine the two into one seamless one. I started out taking about interracial relationships and opened a huge can of worms. Thoughts and topics that I want to explore and understand more fully. To understand why some black hate whites, why some whites would never consider dating a black and so much more. Because aren't we all the same? Aren't we born the same way? Live and breath the same? Sweat and bleed the same? We all have worries, bills, needs, preferences, opinions and voices. We are all going to die!
No one is better than anyone else. No one has the right to choose or dictate who I choose to give my heart too. Take away the guilt, the stigma, the shame and we are the same. We are all one people nothing else matters. Does it? Help me to understand. I just want to make the world a better place and love, be loved, respected and cared about. Don't You?
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Now this applies to any type of interracial relationship. Not just black and white, but hispanic and white, hispanic and black, asian and white, asian and hispanic, asian and black or any other combination you can think of. Plus it really doesn't matter if is a gay relationship or straight either. Each culture is raised differently, have different values, sense of community, they have a certain mindset, language and philosophies.
Though in recent years you see more and more pairings cross the racial divides than in years past. But there are still a lot of hurtles and obstacles that must be overcome. Plus no matter what race you are from and which sexual oriented group you identify with, you are going to occasionally run into bigotry, intolerance and hatred. You may have to overcome racial concepts that are aimed at you that you just don't understand. An example of this is that most African-American men view gay white men to be "pansy's", "powder puffs" or "effeminate""sissy boys", "punks" or some other derivative that paints them as weak, non-masculine, effeminate people.
There is a different sense of community in the African-American culture that seems to exist that puts pressure on the men that differs from the white community. I can't actually explain it adequately. But, I believe it is what makes it more difficult for men of color to come to terms with their sexuality and be totally open about it. This is something that I plan to explore further.
I do know that it seems to be frowned upon by society to cross the lines of races. Even though we are supposed to be such an enlightened society. There are still those that think dating outside your race is wrong, and the looks and comments that are still given today are ridiculous. Yet, as I have said earlier there is still so much intolerance, bigotry and hatred out there that makes dating outside your race hard. The slang and jargon that is used sometimes needs and interpreter to be understood. I was lucky that my boyfriend didn't mind me asking questions and had no problem explaining things to me. Though still sometimes I get lost when he talks. Imagine that!
There are so many things it is hard to put them all down. But, in my experience African-American males are more closely guarded and don't talk about their feelings as much. They are more private and reserved compared to the whites. Motivations are different and so are boundaries. Identification and labeling is also a big difference. Younger males don't like to label themselves for fear of being outted. Most black men that I have met refer to themselves as bisexual though as they get older may come to identify themselves as gay.
Once you get past all of that you have all the drama and stigmas associated with being gay added on top. No matter what anyone believes the gay lifestyle is not the easiest in the world to deal with. You have to deal with the same types of hate and intolerance and even bigotry as before. Plus, a whole slew of other types of drama that seem only to dwell in the gay community. Part of all of this dwells in the fact that there seems to be a solidarity and unity in the black world that doesn't exist in the white world.
Even in the gay community there is a separation of cultures. Maybe it's because people consider gay to be a sub-culture itself. What I do know is that the gay community calls for unity, yet divides itself along lines. Basically the gay community classifies itself internally by sex, sexual identity, and gender assignment and so forth. Inside of our own community we don't do everything we can to promote unity and acceptance. Why have we drawn lines? Shouldn't we all identify as gay or same-sex partnerships? What is the reasoning for the distinction? Shouldn't there be acceptance of others within our community? Shouldn't we love each other? Haven't we been persecuted enough because we are different from societal norms? Does it matter what color skin you have? Whether you are a man or a woman, you love the same, work the same, have the same dreams and ambitions. We want the same things! How can we tear down these walls get past the differences? Shouldn't there be some way to cross the cultural divide? Why the gulf, the gap, the separation?
Unity is the key. Love is the answer and society is the lock. How do we fix what is broken? As I am sitting here I wish I had someone here that I could ask about these things, someone who would try to help me understand just a little bit better the differences between the black world and the white world and how we might be able to bring them together and combine the two into one seamless one. I started out taking about interracial relationships and opened a huge can of worms. Thoughts and topics that I want to explore and understand more fully. To understand why some black hate whites, why some whites would never consider dating a black and so much more. Because aren't we all the same? Aren't we born the same way? Live and breath the same? Sweat and bleed the same? We all have worries, bills, needs, preferences, opinions and voices. We are all going to die!
No one is better than anyone else. No one has the right to choose or dictate who I choose to give my heart too. Take away the guilt, the stigma, the shame and we are the same. We are all one people nothing else matters. Does it? Help me to understand. I just want to make the world a better place and love, be loved, respected and cared about. Don't You?
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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