Today I sat on the computer and sprouted some heavenly epiphanies with everyone. Just random thoughts that entered my head, they made a lot of sense and may have helped a couple of people, but the truth is that sometimes good thoughts come to me and I don't always put them down and when I do they are quickly read and forgotten on Facebook and other mediums. I continue to write in my blog and every once in a while I will get a response and an email from someone encouraging me to keep writing, but the problem is that some of the things I talk about are repetitious, there are bits and pieces of lessons that are shared in one post that are referenced and brought up again another post. I have been giving advice and writing in this blog since 2012 and I have repeated some of the lessons that I have learned multiple times. Most of the time it is on purpose because I have this feeling come over me that someone is needing to hear that message right then and there and so I sit down at the computer and I begin writing.
2018 was supposed to be my year, because at the end of 2016 I lost the trailer and ended up on the streets and Dominic was arrested and I was on my own and I didn't have a clue what to do. Luckily Miss Milly came into my life and let me come stay with her. But, she ended up losing her place and we landed smack down on North Street in Daytona, and because of foolish decisions Dominic and I both got arrested the summer of 2017 and we ended up losing the house on North and Spruce. Since then Dom and I have been on the street bouncing around and finally landing at Tattoo's house we started to get ourselves together then things started going crazy again and I ended up get robbed several times and everyone got really heavy into drug use. Finally in December of 2017 I called my dad and I asked him to take me to my friends place in Jacksonville and I started over, I had invited Dominic to go with me, but he didn't want to and he asked me to stay with him and not leave him. But thinking I knew best I took off and I got on my feet, only to have to rug pulled out from under me again when tragedy struck in Jacksonville, Demario passed away rather unexpectedly, he had been sick since late January early February but we were thinking that he would get well enough to travel home to Boston and get a full recovery. But in May it all went wrong and before I knew it he was gone and things started getting crazy and I felt totally different. Around that time I also found out the my dad and brother were both sick, I had finished chemotherapy for esophagus cancer and I was on the mend and thought it would be okay to head back to Daytona.
I should have known better from the moment I stepped into town the forces aligned against me and everyone who claimed to be my friend ended up trying to scam me and use me, they used guilt and against me and even took my car and left me stranded multiple times. I got so sick while I was there and so many other things happened that I thought I would never be able to escape. Luckily I was able to, I was able to finally get away and got out of the situation that I was in. But, I didn't do it on my own, I had to have the help of a couple of friends, one who was kind enough to open her home to me and the other who was willing to help me get the bus ticket to get to my other friends house. Both of them knew that I was strong enough to recover if I could just escape the influences that were holding me back and fighting for control of my life. You may think I am crazy but I am going to tell you that demons exist and are on the earth today in many different shapes and forms and they are great at possessing people and using them for their own gains.
This summer when I went back to Daytona, I took note of the evil that had taken control of my friends and how seemingly innocent actions had severe and extreme impacts on my life, how my kindness was turned against me and they would play on my feelings and insecurities to get me to do what they wanted. But more importantly I began to realize that these weren't my friends anymore, these were individuals that had lost their identities and their life to drugs and the lifestyle that accompanies it. I watched how each and everyone of them was actually homeless and was bouncing around from place to place, staying with friends or family and using everyone they came in contact with to get the next high or hit. I also started to realize that it was designed as a trap to lure in people and lock them in. I began to see a pattern develop that was consistent with other friends in other cities that were dealing with the same lifestyle and understood how we had all been fooled and possessed by a very powerful demon and how that demon feeds on our misery and homelessness and our discontentment. How when I got away from those that were affected by this entity I felt better and stronger about myself and I could think clearly.
I also realized that none of us are willing to change until we get fed up and are tired of the struggle, when the despair and depression gets great enough it forces us to think about ourselves and helps us break free from the hold of the demon. I am seeing how others that are finally getting clean and joining the ranks of sobriety are feeling and they have shown me that it is possible to end it's hold over us and move forward and get ourselves together and clean up our lives. Many times in order to accomplish this task it means getting away from those that are still under the influence and out of the area where that influence is the strongest. I called it in one of my older posts changing your venue and friends. You have to get away and consciously decide that you deserve better and want better for yourself and that you are tired of struggling and fighting a loosing battle. You are fed up with people stealing from you and using you for their own selfish games. Believe me it is entirely possible to get yourself off the street and recover everything that you have lost. But in order to do that you have to surrender your use of the drugs and stand up and decide that you have had enough and you can't stand to be treated that way anymore, that you are worth more, deserve more and then demand more from yourself and everyone around you. They are going to be against your change, they are going to want to pull you back to your usage, they aren't going to offer you support or help, because they are fully under the control of the substance and the demon, and they want you to be in misery just like them.
Yet, once you get away from the influence and you are off the drug for awhile you will start to feel better and be able to think more clearly. Then things will start to get a little easier, it will take some time, you didn't start doing drugs over night and you will not stop over night, it is a process and a daily struggle. I will admit that I sometimes have feelings of wanting to go back and do it again, but then I see how far I have come and what I have to lose by going back and I am not willing to sacrifice anything that I have gained for the minute of a high and then those terrible hours of regretting what I had done. I learned my lesson this time when I went back to Daytona, I saw exactly the cost and the toll that my dependence cost me. But, because I had the strength to do it once, I was strong enough to be able to do it all over again this time. My bounce back and recovery was much faster than the first attempt. It took me 4 months to get back on my feet when I left Daytona for Jacksonville, this time it took me less than a month. I was able to clean up my bank account, clear up my debt, get my cell phones back and the lines caught up. I was able to get a computer, laptop, Ipad, android tablet and a Macbook laptop, a brand new bed and a new clothes and shoes. If I can do it and all it took was me to turn and walk away from those that were trying to hold me back and I surrendered my dependence on the drug and went sober (cold turkey), you can do it too.
I am telling you that you have the power to effect change in your life, you can accomplish anything that you want, it is all possible and within your grip. First you must recognize you have a problem, you have to have reached a point in your life where you unhappiness outweighs your need for the drug, you have reached a point where you are tired of being stolen from and broke, you are tired of not having your own things and depending on others, and you are tired of having to struggle every day just so that you have food to eat and a place to lay your head. Once you have gotten there everything else is cake and all you need to do is walk away, start over and make the change for yourself. Unfortunately, this is a solitary journey and unless your partner or friend is willing to make the same changes you are they may end up getting left behind. I know it is hard and almost impossible to do, I thought I was going to fail because it was so hard leaving Dominic behind after spending 4 years of my life with him, but I did it, and I am still doing it. I have offered to bring him with me, to move anywhere in the country that he wants to move, on the condition that he is ready to walk away from the drugs and is ready to start living instead of existing. He hasn't gotten there yet, maybe he will never get there, but I know that one day the demons hold over him is going to weaken and when it does it will be his chance to get through this and move on to something better in life than what he has right now.
They tell me that I was always a go getter and when I was younger I would go after things I wanted and rarely would I come back empty handed. I put myself through college, got my bachelors and masters degrees and my first job with the state just because I wanted to. I had the drive and the ambition to succeed and that is exactly what I did. Then cancer came back into my life and I lost myself for a very long time. I turned to drugs to help myself cope with my limitations and disfigurement of my body. The drugs made it easier to have sex and helped me deal with the pain a little better, but for that temporary relief I relinquished my freedom, my will and lost myself in a world where I fell into a pattern of use and abuse and it would continue for years and I thought it was an acceptable trade, but somewhere along the line it got more of hassle to get high, I no longer felt the joy or the rush of the drug and I only felt disappointment and regret and let down because I stopped finding the sex and the joy that I used to have when I would shoot up or smoke, somehow I lost the magic and all I was left with was the drudgery and the loss that my addiction brought me. I was constantly struggling to replace those things that were stolen, and I ended up losing my roof and my independence and became homeless and despondent.
You are a powerful being, God gave you a powerful mind, a living computer capable of restoring and functioning when tragedy and illness hit you. It is so powerful that it can alter your perceptions and change your reality. Take back the control of your life, exorcise your demons, strive for sobriety, set your mind to doing and discovering new things and become an achiever a go-getter and make a change in your life. You have the ability to come back from where you are at, you are stronger than you know and you have been given and extraordinary power to change your environment for the better, you just have to regain control of your life and reality. Attain what is right in front of you and consciously choose to change your life and you will succeed. Effecting change in your life will affect everything and everyone around you and you will become an inspiration for others to follow. Lead by example and triumph over that which has held you down and back from everything you ever wanted.
Trust me if I can do it, SO CAN YOU! God gave you free will so use it! Exercise it today and Exorcise your Demon and leave it powerless behind you. Let it feed on someone else's misery and pain. You deserve so much better, and trust me you will be so much stronger because you have lived through it and survived.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you!
Uncle B
Showing posts with label addictions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addictions. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Love cannot change another person!
I need to tell you my friends, that love is not a cure all. It cannot be the catalyst for change. No matter how much you love someone you cannot expect them to change to fit your ideal person. Love is something that is flexible and if you truly love someone you accept them for the whole package you shouldn't want them to change anything about themselves.
Yet, I can tell you that no one is perfect and each of us has preconceived notions of what life and love is supposed to be. But, to be honest our ideals and opinions are skewed by our perceptions and what we have gone through before. See you cannot compare one relationship to another. That would be like comparing apples and oranges. Both are fruits but they have different tastes, textures and flavors, each relationship is different. As are the people that you are in a relationship with, no two people are the same no matter what the circumstances are.
If you know a person, and let's say you have dated them in the past and you truly know them. How can you expect them to be anything other than what they are? Truly, take me and my ex as an example we came from a world where sex and drugs were the norm. We had sex parties and had experiences with others in our relationship, yet when I got sick and couldn't party like we used to I expected him to change with me. I had hoped that the love we had for each other would be enough. But, I realized that I didn't have the strength to save him, nor was I his mother or father, I couldn't inspire change. Katy Perry said it best in her song "Circling the Drain" I wanted to be his lover not his mother, couldn't be his savior I didn't have the power. I thought I was the exception, that I could rewrite his addiction, but he would make a hundred excuses why he needed to do it. I hoped and prayed for change, it never came.
See, I was talking to my best friend this morning and I came to the realization that if you take an animal from their natural environment you cannot expect them to change. They will still have their carnal nature to contend with. It is true you can tame a lion, domesticate a cat or dog, but take something wild and bring it into your home, and see if you can change it's nature. It can be done with skill, patience, and lots of dangerous experimentation. However, I took my partner from the drug scene in Atlanta and moved us here to Daytona, I thought that by taking him out of the drug filled environment we used to live in, to a place where we knew absolutely no one that I could influence and inspire change in him. Problem was the addiction was too strong and I watched as our lives started circling the drain like Katy Perry had said.
He was going to start writing music and I was going to continue writing in my blog and for almost 2 years neither of us did what we had planned and the drugs crept back into our lives and soon our relationship was over. We were both on an emotional roller coaster and neither of us could or would let go of the past and the drugs that were in our lives.
I tried to change someone against their will. I wanted and hoped that the love that I felt for him would be enough to get him to change. But it wasn't and he finally left and went back to Atlanta where for the first couple of months he was heavily stuck in the drugs and bounced around. His leaving was the impetus for change in my life and I walked away from the drugs altogether and I started writing again and started to re-evaluate my life.
I have noticed that since he was gone that the feelings that I have had for him weren't reciprocated. I loved him, but in actuality he didn't love me. No matter what my feelings for him were, and how hard I tried at the relationship it was doomed to fail because he wasn't totally in it.
Now, I have learned that it is so very easy to fall in love, but it is hard to stay in love. You have to work at it. You have to nurture it and make it work. You have to be willing to compromise and you have to be able to change yourself. Two people weren't necessarily meant to be together, this partnership or union is something that man created because of the need to feel complete. But if we look out in nature the wolf is the only animal that I can think of the mates for life. All other animals and creatures have multiple mates, they come together during the mating season and they have relations.
I think the concept of marriage and unions was initially something that was created by religion and has now become secular. Florida just started granting same-sex partners Holy Union certificates. Which means that these two individuals have come together to spend the rest of their life with. No matter what or who comes into their lives, they have committed to face it and fight it together. Temptation is always going to spring up, but if you are truly committed to your vow, you will be able to withstand. I know that my grandfather never cheated on my grandmother. I am sure there were some times that his eyes wandered but he remained true. In our society today it is so easy to throw your hands up and walk away. Forget that their are children and real lives involved in your decision. Not only are you hurting each other but everyone around you that knows you.
It is hard work making any relationship work, but I think it can still be done in today's world. It will take effort on both parties part. There can be no short cuts, no deceptions, you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and your partner if it is going to work. Remember we aren't all mind readers and we will never actually know what is going on in the head of our partner. But if we share the same goals, same desires and we are helping each other to get there then let it be. Relationships work better when the two individuals come together and maintain a sense of self and a sense of commitment. It is important to remain true to yourself and have your own friends and go out and hang with them every once in a while. Yet, maintaining a mutual relationship with your partner, it is impossible to be around one another 24/7. Tempers flair, interest are harbored and resentments creep in. Maintaining a healthy sense of self and commitment can forestall and possibly prevent this from happening in your life.
None of us are perfect. Therefore if we are not perfect creatures how can our ideals and ideas be realistic and perfect? Simple answer is they can't! So if none of us are perfect, and we are trying to be together, how can that work? The answer is hard work and preserverance, you must want to be together and stay together. Don't expect love to be a miracle worker and change the person into your ideal because it isn't going to happen you will have to change your ideal and thought process.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Yet, I can tell you that no one is perfect and each of us has preconceived notions of what life and love is supposed to be. But, to be honest our ideals and opinions are skewed by our perceptions and what we have gone through before. See you cannot compare one relationship to another. That would be like comparing apples and oranges. Both are fruits but they have different tastes, textures and flavors, each relationship is different. As are the people that you are in a relationship with, no two people are the same no matter what the circumstances are.
If you know a person, and let's say you have dated them in the past and you truly know them. How can you expect them to be anything other than what they are? Truly, take me and my ex as an example we came from a world where sex and drugs were the norm. We had sex parties and had experiences with others in our relationship, yet when I got sick and couldn't party like we used to I expected him to change with me. I had hoped that the love we had for each other would be enough. But, I realized that I didn't have the strength to save him, nor was I his mother or father, I couldn't inspire change. Katy Perry said it best in her song "Circling the Drain" I wanted to be his lover not his mother, couldn't be his savior I didn't have the power. I thought I was the exception, that I could rewrite his addiction, but he would make a hundred excuses why he needed to do it. I hoped and prayed for change, it never came.
See, I was talking to my best friend this morning and I came to the realization that if you take an animal from their natural environment you cannot expect them to change. They will still have their carnal nature to contend with. It is true you can tame a lion, domesticate a cat or dog, but take something wild and bring it into your home, and see if you can change it's nature. It can be done with skill, patience, and lots of dangerous experimentation. However, I took my partner from the drug scene in Atlanta and moved us here to Daytona, I thought that by taking him out of the drug filled environment we used to live in, to a place where we knew absolutely no one that I could influence and inspire change in him. Problem was the addiction was too strong and I watched as our lives started circling the drain like Katy Perry had said.
He was going to start writing music and I was going to continue writing in my blog and for almost 2 years neither of us did what we had planned and the drugs crept back into our lives and soon our relationship was over. We were both on an emotional roller coaster and neither of us could or would let go of the past and the drugs that were in our lives.
I tried to change someone against their will. I wanted and hoped that the love that I felt for him would be enough to get him to change. But it wasn't and he finally left and went back to Atlanta where for the first couple of months he was heavily stuck in the drugs and bounced around. His leaving was the impetus for change in my life and I walked away from the drugs altogether and I started writing again and started to re-evaluate my life.
I have noticed that since he was gone that the feelings that I have had for him weren't reciprocated. I loved him, but in actuality he didn't love me. No matter what my feelings for him were, and how hard I tried at the relationship it was doomed to fail because he wasn't totally in it.
Now, I have learned that it is so very easy to fall in love, but it is hard to stay in love. You have to work at it. You have to nurture it and make it work. You have to be willing to compromise and you have to be able to change yourself. Two people weren't necessarily meant to be together, this partnership or union is something that man created because of the need to feel complete. But if we look out in nature the wolf is the only animal that I can think of the mates for life. All other animals and creatures have multiple mates, they come together during the mating season and they have relations.
I think the concept of marriage and unions was initially something that was created by religion and has now become secular. Florida just started granting same-sex partners Holy Union certificates. Which means that these two individuals have come together to spend the rest of their life with. No matter what or who comes into their lives, they have committed to face it and fight it together. Temptation is always going to spring up, but if you are truly committed to your vow, you will be able to withstand. I know that my grandfather never cheated on my grandmother. I am sure there were some times that his eyes wandered but he remained true. In our society today it is so easy to throw your hands up and walk away. Forget that their are children and real lives involved in your decision. Not only are you hurting each other but everyone around you that knows you.
It is hard work making any relationship work, but I think it can still be done in today's world. It will take effort on both parties part. There can be no short cuts, no deceptions, you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and your partner if it is going to work. Remember we aren't all mind readers and we will never actually know what is going on in the head of our partner. But if we share the same goals, same desires and we are helping each other to get there then let it be. Relationships work better when the two individuals come together and maintain a sense of self and a sense of commitment. It is important to remain true to yourself and have your own friends and go out and hang with them every once in a while. Yet, maintaining a mutual relationship with your partner, it is impossible to be around one another 24/7. Tempers flair, interest are harbored and resentments creep in. Maintaining a healthy sense of self and commitment can forestall and possibly prevent this from happening in your life.
None of us are perfect. Therefore if we are not perfect creatures how can our ideals and ideas be realistic and perfect? Simple answer is they can't! So if none of us are perfect, and we are trying to be together, how can that work? The answer is hard work and preserverance, you must want to be together and stay together. Don't expect love to be a miracle worker and change the person into your ideal because it isn't going to happen you will have to change your ideal and thought process.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
It really is surprising how many of my friends lives are stuck on Repeat!
You know I went back to Atlanta recently for a little visit. I saw quite a few of my friends while I was up there and I was surprise at how many of them are still doing the same things they have been doing. Of course this is really nothing new because for the most part every where I go I see old friends and acquaintances all doing the same things. When I go to Orlando I run into the same people that I knew from when I lived there 15 years ago at the bar and I wonder how and why they are still there. At least I went away for a long time and came back. I went to school and got 2 degrees, had a career and battled cancer. These poor people are still hanging at the bar, doing the same thing, some of them actually do have jobs now and are doing something with their lives, but the majority of them are still not working, still hanging out, still getting high, drinking and not doing a damn thing with their lives. First off I wonder how they can afford it,?Because I know I struggle and I make good money. So how can they still be doing the same thing after all these years?
Maybe this is just a phenomena in the gay community, and the drug community too which I used to be associated with. Or maybe it is just the way I am looking at things. But I often wonder how a friend of mine who I have known since he was twenty-four, is still bouncing around from place to place with no where to really call home, he is out every night chasing his high and looking for the next fix. He is trading on his looks to get what he wants. So far it is working for him. But one day and probably pretty quickly that is all going to run out. No one stays young forever, and what happens when people get tired of supporting your habits, and you crashing on their couch. The community isn't that big that you aren't going to eventually wear out your welcome at all your friend's places.
What I have found out that these people are just stuck on repeat, they found something that works for them and they continue to do it. Unless something changes, and they are forced to make a change they are going to continue in the same pattern. David Guetta is one of my favorite musicians right now and he has a song called "Repeat" and it sort of talks about this. The bridge goes something like this "So go out and party, cause I'm just getting started And I'm dancing to a brand new beat Cause you're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat...So go out and party, like you're not broken-hearted Cause you'll always just be stuck on repeat Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat."
This song really speaks too me, it reminds me of my past. The days when I sat around getting high and following in my friends footsteps. It also reminds me that a lot of my friends are stuck, they are in a rut and they cannot seem to break free from the hold that the drugs and alcohol has on them and their lives. They are just stuck in repeat mode. It is almost like watching a bad version of "Groundhog Day" where Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over again. How many of us get stuck by habits and bad choices, and we fall into a rut or pattern that we cannot break free of? Honestly, I think a lot of us do. We just learn how to hide it differently. In last nights blog entry I talked about patterns and filters, and I again stress that all of our lives revolves around patterns. That if we watch a person long enough we can see the pattern and can predict their actions based on that pattern.
I have a friend named Tony that is in Atlanta, he is stuck in a pattern, and is stuck on the streets of Atlanta, and I would do anything to help him get off those streets and help him change his life. Because years ago someone did that for me, helped me see that the self-destructive pattern my life was on and helped me see a different way of doing things and gave me the opportunity to change my life, and so I feel that I should repay that favor by paying it forward. However, I have lost touch with my friend and have been unable to locate him. Surprisingly I have gotten myself into a position where I am going out on my own and I will be in a better spot to help him. I have another friend that I love with all of my heart, but unfortunately he is far away, I have offered to bring him here and help him face the medical needs that he is going to be going through soon. He too is in a rut and a pattern. Unfortunately, even though I know he loves me and cares about me his weighted down with what is happening too him and he has closed himself off from me and his other friends and there is nothing I can do. I am being patient and waiting for him to reach out to me, but it is driving me crazy not hearing from him. But I have to respect and understand what he is going through and since I know what he is facing, all I can do is wait here patiently and offer my support the only way he is allowing me at this point. Both of these friend are in ruts and holding patterns and their life is on "repeat".
As you know I enjoy helping people and I do so by writing about my experiences and those of my friends, to try and help steer others from following in our footsteps and making the same mistakes we have made. I don't judge and I try to be understanding. I understand the power of addiction and I have spent my time fighting it. I know how drugs and alcohol can hold us in the same spot, and we never move forward. So here I am trying to help others recognize those patterns, realize that the drugs and other addictions we face are holding us back and keeping us from progressing and moving forward.
Trust me it isn't easy to get away from them. Addictions can be subtle and tricky things that manipulate us, they hold us back and we don't even realize that time is moving forward. I hope that others can see what I am talking about and maybe realize that they have to do something to make a change so that they can break free of the rut that they are currently in.
I will write more on this subject and talk to you about how to break the cycle and the chains that hold us in our patterns, and how we can recognize when we are actually in a rut or pattern that is holding us still.
But for now, all I want you to do is realize that there are friends of yours and mine that are hopelessly stuck on repeat and we must help them to realize this. We need to offer them the assistance and guidance they need to get their life back on track and break free of those chains that are binding them and keeping them stuck. If we don't reach out and help them who will. Don't wait till it is too late and they are gone from our lives because they have over dosed or been locked up. See them for the victims that they are and like the person from my past that looked beyond the addiction and the sex and really saw the real me and struggle to lift me out of my rut and pattern we need to do the same for others. Don't judge them, be kind and understanding, see the real person, look at their heart and see the potential that is locked within struggling to find a break and get out of their situation and offer them a helping hand, with love.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Maybe this is just a phenomena in the gay community, and the drug community too which I used to be associated with. Or maybe it is just the way I am looking at things. But I often wonder how a friend of mine who I have known since he was twenty-four, is still bouncing around from place to place with no where to really call home, he is out every night chasing his high and looking for the next fix. He is trading on his looks to get what he wants. So far it is working for him. But one day and probably pretty quickly that is all going to run out. No one stays young forever, and what happens when people get tired of supporting your habits, and you crashing on their couch. The community isn't that big that you aren't going to eventually wear out your welcome at all your friend's places.
What I have found out that these people are just stuck on repeat, they found something that works for them and they continue to do it. Unless something changes, and they are forced to make a change they are going to continue in the same pattern. David Guetta is one of my favorite musicians right now and he has a song called "Repeat" and it sort of talks about this. The bridge goes something like this "So go out and party, cause I'm just getting started And I'm dancing to a brand new beat Cause you're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat...So go out and party, like you're not broken-hearted Cause you'll always just be stuck on repeat Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat."
This song really speaks too me, it reminds me of my past. The days when I sat around getting high and following in my friends footsteps. It also reminds me that a lot of my friends are stuck, they are in a rut and they cannot seem to break free from the hold that the drugs and alcohol has on them and their lives. They are just stuck in repeat mode. It is almost like watching a bad version of "Groundhog Day" where Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over again. How many of us get stuck by habits and bad choices, and we fall into a rut or pattern that we cannot break free of? Honestly, I think a lot of us do. We just learn how to hide it differently. In last nights blog entry I talked about patterns and filters, and I again stress that all of our lives revolves around patterns. That if we watch a person long enough we can see the pattern and can predict their actions based on that pattern.
I have a friend named Tony that is in Atlanta, he is stuck in a pattern, and is stuck on the streets of Atlanta, and I would do anything to help him get off those streets and help him change his life. Because years ago someone did that for me, helped me see that the self-destructive pattern my life was on and helped me see a different way of doing things and gave me the opportunity to change my life, and so I feel that I should repay that favor by paying it forward. However, I have lost touch with my friend and have been unable to locate him. Surprisingly I have gotten myself into a position where I am going out on my own and I will be in a better spot to help him. I have another friend that I love with all of my heart, but unfortunately he is far away, I have offered to bring him here and help him face the medical needs that he is going to be going through soon. He too is in a rut and a pattern. Unfortunately, even though I know he loves me and cares about me his weighted down with what is happening too him and he has closed himself off from me and his other friends and there is nothing I can do. I am being patient and waiting for him to reach out to me, but it is driving me crazy not hearing from him. But I have to respect and understand what he is going through and since I know what he is facing, all I can do is wait here patiently and offer my support the only way he is allowing me at this point. Both of these friend are in ruts and holding patterns and their life is on "repeat".
As you know I enjoy helping people and I do so by writing about my experiences and those of my friends, to try and help steer others from following in our footsteps and making the same mistakes we have made. I don't judge and I try to be understanding. I understand the power of addiction and I have spent my time fighting it. I know how drugs and alcohol can hold us in the same spot, and we never move forward. So here I am trying to help others recognize those patterns, realize that the drugs and other addictions we face are holding us back and keeping us from progressing and moving forward.
Trust me it isn't easy to get away from them. Addictions can be subtle and tricky things that manipulate us, they hold us back and we don't even realize that time is moving forward. I hope that others can see what I am talking about and maybe realize that they have to do something to make a change so that they can break free of the rut that they are currently in.
I will write more on this subject and talk to you about how to break the cycle and the chains that hold us in our patterns, and how we can recognize when we are actually in a rut or pattern that is holding us still.
But for now, all I want you to do is realize that there are friends of yours and mine that are hopelessly stuck on repeat and we must help them to realize this. We need to offer them the assistance and guidance they need to get their life back on track and break free of those chains that are binding them and keeping them stuck. If we don't reach out and help them who will. Don't wait till it is too late and they are gone from our lives because they have over dosed or been locked up. See them for the victims that they are and like the person from my past that looked beyond the addiction and the sex and really saw the real me and struggle to lift me out of my rut and pattern we need to do the same for others. Don't judge them, be kind and understanding, see the real person, look at their heart and see the potential that is locked within struggling to find a break and get out of their situation and offer them a helping hand, with love.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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