No matter how much we fuss and fight with each other we keep coming back for more. The truth is that we can't get enough of each other. You complete the other half of me, the fit might not be perfect but you are the only thing that makes me feel the way that you do.
It is true that I pick and find fault it is just my way of telling you that I love you. but the truth is I wouldn't want you any other way. Love is an impossible creature to hold down and name, but we have tried on so many different names and styles, but is you that I have always dreamed of.
You are my one and only and I hope that I am the same to you. I have found home in your arms and comfort in your eyes. I surrender to you because you are the light I follow in the darkness, I know that in you find safe harbor and rest.
No matter how from you I roam it is you that is always on my mind. I miss your kiss, you touch and your sweet embrace. I count the minutes, hours and days till I see you again. No matter what we have been through I just can't get enough of you.
So, if you were to throw me out the door, I want you to know that I would keep coming back for more. Because you are my Love, light and everything. Yes, it is true I treasure and love everything about you.
As always, my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Friday, November 2, 2012
On Your Darkest Day
I can see the storm clouds gathering, I know it is going to be a beaut. Full of howling fury and torrential rains, lightning that is going to burst the gray and heavy leaden clouds. The sun is hidden, twilight has descended upon the world. Every chore and task is done in grim sullen silence. There is a heaviness in the air, as if someone has been holding their breathe. The air is charged with electricity and cold fingers are clutching at your exposed skin. You have known other storms, you have waded through the high waters and strong winds, and know that you can brave this one as you have all others. Your secret is that you plod along keeping your focus on the tasks at hand, knowing that the quicker they are done the faster you can return the the warmth and safety of your house. You know in the back of your mind that the warm glow of the fire will chase the chill away, your favorite chair is there waiting for you, and no matter the gale and force that assails the world your four walls are a sanctuary and solitude against its marauding onslaught.
Home is where the hearth and heart reside, it is where we feel safe from all things. You have stored up your prized possessions there and know that they are safe and secure. Just as you feel safe and secure there. You let nothing and no one disturb that solitude and place of refuge. It is your shelter, your safe harbor and your own. Time has no meaning there, it is as if it matters naught while you are inside. For, your comfort, rest and peace is all important within those walls. Each of us needs a place like this, a place we call home and our own. We need a shelter and refuge from the storms of life. But we also need to know that when the storms befall us, that there are still things that must be done, we need to muddle through them the best we can, and make it back to our haven of rest and security.
The storm that I am talking about above can be a physical storm or a mental one. When you are fraught and worried about bills and other things your security and safety may feel threatened. You have to work still and endure the storm, but if you keep your mind on the task and keep the thought of your haven in your mind you will be able to make it through. In today's economy money never seems to stretch the distance, and each of us goes through each day and week worrying how we are ever going to make it through the storm. Despite how dark and threatening the clouds may look and how hard the wind is blowing, you know that you can succeed. It might take everything you got but you can do it. Despite your doubts and reservations, a way will be presented to you and though it may be difficult and tough you can weather through.
Even when despair is looming over your shoulder and filling your mind with doubts. Search the darkness and the sky, look for that glimmer of light that can just barely be seen. Focus your mind on that and plod on. Strive for the light, try to reach it with all your might, and when your strength seems to flag, do not despair because help is near. You may not see it, or recognize it's presence but trust me it is there close at hand. Give it your all, give your strength and will to the fight and be victorious, because you know it will happen. Light dispels the darkness, chases away the shadows, and will eat away at the doubts and depression that are filling your mind. It is that speck of light in the distance that gives you hope, and pulls you ever onward toward it.
Today was a dark day for me, it seemed like everything I had thought and believed was falling apart. I was contacted by the landlord and told that I owed 200 more than I had thought, and I scurried around in a tizzy wondering how I was going to cover the extra expense. I was weary and warn by worry and thoughts that I might fail, it seemed as if my life were being tossed on a dark and violent sea, ravaged and torn by a mighty storm, but in the distance I had a faint hope that something would change and make the situation more bearable. At 5pm tonight the light broke the horizon and shone brightly down on me. I could now see the edges of the storm and I knew that I had journeyed through. See at 5 this evening I got a call that I have been waiting for for several weeks if not longer. It was a call from my partner, my friend and lover, who told me that he had weathered his own storm and had finally made a decision. Reach the end of an epic journey and at the end was me. Though things might be tough for me for a little while I know now that I can wait it out that he will soon be joining me and when he does things won't be so tight anymore. I told him what was happening and what I was going through and how I was worried that I might have to rent out the extra room. That I didn't think that I could make ends meet on my own and that I was hurting because I wanted to make everything work out alright and not have to struggle.
What he said is that he is coming down here, that he would be able to help me and pay half the rent, which is going to end up helping me out and get me back on track with everything else. He was the hope and the light that I was focused upon. His announcement that he was coming and wanted to be with me made every struggle, pain and doubt all worthwhile. For him to acknowledge and tell me that he still loved me and wanted me made all the difference. Once those words were said the heaviness in the air seemed to break, the charge also seemed to disparate and I felt relief. See I can weather anything as long as I know that I am loved and wanted, that help is on the way. That I won't have to struggle alone, and that it won't be long till I see his face and hold him close. These are the things that have brought me joy.
So even on your darkest day when everything feels wrong and all full of disarray, look for the light, seek it out, though it might be dim and far from you, cling to it strive for it. You will be surprised at how it feels when you reach it and victory is in your hands. There is always light, and always hope even when your world feels like it is breaking apart. You may have to look for it, mount a search and head in its direction, for in the light comes your help your rest and respite. The storm won't last forever, and if you are holding on to the light your hope and might will out last the darkest and mightiest of storms. With in the light you will find your home your place of rest and refuge, the help you seek and the walls to withstand the assault. They say it is always darkest before the dawn, but it is also the darkest before you are found. Fear and doubts can cloud your mind and judgment and make you take the wrong path, you can get lost and mired down, but if your eyes are on the light, you are sure to make it through. Help and rest is in the light just like your waiting chair and roaring fire. In your darkest times and darkest hour God will send you help and strength to fight. You are never alone, and if your feet should falter or your mind a fright with fret, the Lord will carry you. He is our rock and are fortress, He sends His champions and angels to guide us and help us, even if we cannot see them they are all about, you cannot fail or falter if you have Him in your heart.
Today was a rough and dark day for me, I thought and was fraught with doubt and fears, and didn't think I would be able to stay in my home, that I would have to give it up that I wouldn't be able to make ends meet that I had bitten off more than I could chew, and as these thoughts were assailing my brain, I began to despair and wondered how I would make it through, that is when God sent my partner to call me. We hadn't spoken in almost a full month, and I felt and was worried I was on my own. Just as those thoughts entered my mind my phone rang and all my fears were laid to rest. Before the New Year my partner will be here. I know I can hold out to till then, and though it might be tight and tough, I know without a shadow of doubt that I will be delivered and I will survive.
God sometimes tests us, gives us challenges to see how we react, but He won't ever give us more than we can bear, and though I had my doubts, He made it clear that the end was drawing near. God still answers prayer and works miracles in our lives, we just have to be open and receptive to receive them. We have to look hard into the darkness to spot the light sometimes but it is always there. Just as a storm isn't permanent neither is a problem. Both shall pass away and a calm will be left behind in its wake. Wait for the calm and know that you are favored and blessed because God will deliver you, just have faith and wait and see.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Home is where the hearth and heart reside, it is where we feel safe from all things. You have stored up your prized possessions there and know that they are safe and secure. Just as you feel safe and secure there. You let nothing and no one disturb that solitude and place of refuge. It is your shelter, your safe harbor and your own. Time has no meaning there, it is as if it matters naught while you are inside. For, your comfort, rest and peace is all important within those walls. Each of us needs a place like this, a place we call home and our own. We need a shelter and refuge from the storms of life. But we also need to know that when the storms befall us, that there are still things that must be done, we need to muddle through them the best we can, and make it back to our haven of rest and security.
The storm that I am talking about above can be a physical storm or a mental one. When you are fraught and worried about bills and other things your security and safety may feel threatened. You have to work still and endure the storm, but if you keep your mind on the task and keep the thought of your haven in your mind you will be able to make it through. In today's economy money never seems to stretch the distance, and each of us goes through each day and week worrying how we are ever going to make it through the storm. Despite how dark and threatening the clouds may look and how hard the wind is blowing, you know that you can succeed. It might take everything you got but you can do it. Despite your doubts and reservations, a way will be presented to you and though it may be difficult and tough you can weather through.
Even when despair is looming over your shoulder and filling your mind with doubts. Search the darkness and the sky, look for that glimmer of light that can just barely be seen. Focus your mind on that and plod on. Strive for the light, try to reach it with all your might, and when your strength seems to flag, do not despair because help is near. You may not see it, or recognize it's presence but trust me it is there close at hand. Give it your all, give your strength and will to the fight and be victorious, because you know it will happen. Light dispels the darkness, chases away the shadows, and will eat away at the doubts and depression that are filling your mind. It is that speck of light in the distance that gives you hope, and pulls you ever onward toward it.
Today was a dark day for me, it seemed like everything I had thought and believed was falling apart. I was contacted by the landlord and told that I owed 200 more than I had thought, and I scurried around in a tizzy wondering how I was going to cover the extra expense. I was weary and warn by worry and thoughts that I might fail, it seemed as if my life were being tossed on a dark and violent sea, ravaged and torn by a mighty storm, but in the distance I had a faint hope that something would change and make the situation more bearable. At 5pm tonight the light broke the horizon and shone brightly down on me. I could now see the edges of the storm and I knew that I had journeyed through. See at 5 this evening I got a call that I have been waiting for for several weeks if not longer. It was a call from my partner, my friend and lover, who told me that he had weathered his own storm and had finally made a decision. Reach the end of an epic journey and at the end was me. Though things might be tough for me for a little while I know now that I can wait it out that he will soon be joining me and when he does things won't be so tight anymore. I told him what was happening and what I was going through and how I was worried that I might have to rent out the extra room. That I didn't think that I could make ends meet on my own and that I was hurting because I wanted to make everything work out alright and not have to struggle.
What he said is that he is coming down here, that he would be able to help me and pay half the rent, which is going to end up helping me out and get me back on track with everything else. He was the hope and the light that I was focused upon. His announcement that he was coming and wanted to be with me made every struggle, pain and doubt all worthwhile. For him to acknowledge and tell me that he still loved me and wanted me made all the difference. Once those words were said the heaviness in the air seemed to break, the charge also seemed to disparate and I felt relief. See I can weather anything as long as I know that I am loved and wanted, that help is on the way. That I won't have to struggle alone, and that it won't be long till I see his face and hold him close. These are the things that have brought me joy.
So even on your darkest day when everything feels wrong and all full of disarray, look for the light, seek it out, though it might be dim and far from you, cling to it strive for it. You will be surprised at how it feels when you reach it and victory is in your hands. There is always light, and always hope even when your world feels like it is breaking apart. You may have to look for it, mount a search and head in its direction, for in the light comes your help your rest and respite. The storm won't last forever, and if you are holding on to the light your hope and might will out last the darkest and mightiest of storms. With in the light you will find your home your place of rest and refuge, the help you seek and the walls to withstand the assault. They say it is always darkest before the dawn, but it is also the darkest before you are found. Fear and doubts can cloud your mind and judgment and make you take the wrong path, you can get lost and mired down, but if your eyes are on the light, you are sure to make it through. Help and rest is in the light just like your waiting chair and roaring fire. In your darkest times and darkest hour God will send you help and strength to fight. You are never alone, and if your feet should falter or your mind a fright with fret, the Lord will carry you. He is our rock and are fortress, He sends His champions and angels to guide us and help us, even if we cannot see them they are all about, you cannot fail or falter if you have Him in your heart.
Today was a rough and dark day for me, I thought and was fraught with doubt and fears, and didn't think I would be able to stay in my home, that I would have to give it up that I wouldn't be able to make ends meet that I had bitten off more than I could chew, and as these thoughts were assailing my brain, I began to despair and wondered how I would make it through, that is when God sent my partner to call me. We hadn't spoken in almost a full month, and I felt and was worried I was on my own. Just as those thoughts entered my mind my phone rang and all my fears were laid to rest. Before the New Year my partner will be here. I know I can hold out to till then, and though it might be tight and tough, I know without a shadow of doubt that I will be delivered and I will survive.
God sometimes tests us, gives us challenges to see how we react, but He won't ever give us more than we can bear, and though I had my doubts, He made it clear that the end was drawing near. God still answers prayer and works miracles in our lives, we just have to be open and receptive to receive them. We have to look hard into the darkness to spot the light sometimes but it is always there. Just as a storm isn't permanent neither is a problem. Both shall pass away and a calm will be left behind in its wake. Wait for the calm and know that you are favored and blessed because God will deliver you, just have faith and wait and see.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Saturday, October 20, 2012
My Dearest love: ( A poem of Loss)
I honestly don't know what to feel. My heart is aching wondering what did I do to you? Just a few months ago you said I was the one. The world so bright your moon and sun. Now here we are, I'm lost and alone. Remembering all the words and things you had spoken. You told me that I was going to be the very last one, that you would ever give your heart too. You told me to look at your past and see what he had done to you. So I did, I was there, and I remember all too well what he put your through, but here I sit and you do the same to me. When you begged me to never do the same. Still I am the one feeling all the pain and shame. You asked me to love you to give you a chance. You said you could prove our love would last, but that never came to pass.
For months you told me that you cared for me. That you loved me and hadn't we been through enough. Both of us had health issues and we needed to spend what time we had left building a life together you and I. You told me that we need each other, life was too short to bear it alone. Didn't you say to me that it was better to spend what time we had holding my hand then being alone? But where are you? Where have you gone? Why can't you talk to me, what's gone wrong?
You said that you couldn't wait to see me. I bought you a ticket to come. Even went to meet you and you weren't there. You got angry which wasn't fair, I did it all for you! When we talked we worked it through and you promised it would all work out. I wrote poems and stories, posted blog entries all inspired by you. I was never lonely when I could hear your voice even though we were far apart. The promise of us being together kept me grounded and focused.
We are meant for each other you said, you told me I taught you how to be more kind and generous. You told me that it was because of me that you changed how you treated and cared for others. That I inspired you and made you a better man. Gave you joy and love that birthed lyrics and song. Oh how you missed me, to feel my touch, my lips and see my smile. How beautiful my blue eyes were and how they shone when I looked at you. It was those words and feelings that touched my heart and soul, that made me reconsider and announce the feelings I had for you. Your very words, and the pictures I have of you made me happy. You encouraged me to write again, you praised the words that I have written, but they were a gift of inspiration that came from you. You made me feel like I was wanted, loved and alive. You made me forget the pain, the loneliness and misery of almost dying this spring. You know how fragile life is, and how sick I have been, but you were there for me when I needed it. Why haven't you let me be there for you when you needed me?
Your last words to me were never goodbye, what you said was that you loved me and missed me! That everything between us was alright. You said you needed time to deal with what you were going through, but asked me to find us a place because you were coming to stay. You wanted to be here to celebrate our anniversary in November. What about all the plans we have made, the dogs, the home, the career? Where do we go from here, I have heard nothing from you not even goodbye.
We were friends long before all else and friendship just doesn't end. A friend is a friend to the end. They stay and fight, have your back They even scream and fight, which you and I have never done. I am standing here and telling you what's right. How I feel in my heart. Letting you know for the first time how I truly feel, because as you know me so well, how hard it is for me to let my feelings out.
It's alright you have moved on. It's okay you have chosen a different way. Just remember what you said. Be true to yourself if nothing else. It's you who have to feel good in the end. I put my trust in you and believed your words. They brought me peace, joy and hope, Thank you for that at least.
Remember this i have been and always shall be your friend. Just like like when I say the words "I love you" they mean something to me. so does"friend" and I will be yours till the end. One day I hope you will once again be able to talk to me. Look me in the eye and tell me why you had to lie. I wasn't just another guy I have been through it all with you. I know you so well. You were what made me complete. Now I am just a shadow of myself. No courage or strength, no confidence or care.
Your silence was just too much for me to bear. Not knowing what I had done to make you run like you have begun. Remember this and keep it clear. I love you with all my heart and you have ripped and made it just a smudge and smear..
Goodbye my love I wish you only joy, success and happiness.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
For months you told me that you cared for me. That you loved me and hadn't we been through enough. Both of us had health issues and we needed to spend what time we had left building a life together you and I. You told me that we need each other, life was too short to bear it alone. Didn't you say to me that it was better to spend what time we had holding my hand then being alone? But where are you? Where have you gone? Why can't you talk to me, what's gone wrong?
You said that you couldn't wait to see me. I bought you a ticket to come. Even went to meet you and you weren't there. You got angry which wasn't fair, I did it all for you! When we talked we worked it through and you promised it would all work out. I wrote poems and stories, posted blog entries all inspired by you. I was never lonely when I could hear your voice even though we were far apart. The promise of us being together kept me grounded and focused.
We are meant for each other you said, you told me I taught you how to be more kind and generous. You told me that it was because of me that you changed how you treated and cared for others. That I inspired you and made you a better man. Gave you joy and love that birthed lyrics and song. Oh how you missed me, to feel my touch, my lips and see my smile. How beautiful my blue eyes were and how they shone when I looked at you. It was those words and feelings that touched my heart and soul, that made me reconsider and announce the feelings I had for you. Your very words, and the pictures I have of you made me happy. You encouraged me to write again, you praised the words that I have written, but they were a gift of inspiration that came from you. You made me feel like I was wanted, loved and alive. You made me forget the pain, the loneliness and misery of almost dying this spring. You know how fragile life is, and how sick I have been, but you were there for me when I needed it. Why haven't you let me be there for you when you needed me?
Your last words to me were never goodbye, what you said was that you loved me and missed me! That everything between us was alright. You said you needed time to deal with what you were going through, but asked me to find us a place because you were coming to stay. You wanted to be here to celebrate our anniversary in November. What about all the plans we have made, the dogs, the home, the career? Where do we go from here, I have heard nothing from you not even goodbye.
We were friends long before all else and friendship just doesn't end. A friend is a friend to the end. They stay and fight, have your back They even scream and fight, which you and I have never done. I am standing here and telling you what's right. How I feel in my heart. Letting you know for the first time how I truly feel, because as you know me so well, how hard it is for me to let my feelings out.
It's alright you have moved on. It's okay you have chosen a different way. Just remember what you said. Be true to yourself if nothing else. It's you who have to feel good in the end. I put my trust in you and believed your words. They brought me peace, joy and hope, Thank you for that at least.
Remember this i have been and always shall be your friend. Just like like when I say the words "I love you" they mean something to me. so does"friend" and I will be yours till the end. One day I hope you will once again be able to talk to me. Look me in the eye and tell me why you had to lie. I wasn't just another guy I have been through it all with you. I know you so well. You were what made me complete. Now I am just a shadow of myself. No courage or strength, no confidence or care.
Your silence was just too much for me to bear. Not knowing what I had done to make you run like you have begun. Remember this and keep it clear. I love you with all my heart and you have ripped and made it just a smudge and smear..
Goodbye my love I wish you only joy, success and happiness.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Saturday, October 13, 2012
I want to tell you how amazing things can turn out!
Last nights entry was all about me embarking on a new phase of my life and how I had taken a leap of faith and just moved out of my parents house, and how things were going. Well, let me tell you about the day that I have had today! Because miracles and wonders never stop around me. Remember how I told you last night that you just need to step out, take a leap of faith and trust that God has your back. Well, God surely looks out for those of us that are working hard to improve ourselves, let me tell you. I moved all of my stuff last night to the hotel like I told you I was going to do. I also told you that as I was unloading my car one of my co-workers came up to me and told me that I was going to have to pay a $200.00 deposit for staying there on top of the $363.28 I had already paid them. It hurt my feelings and really kind of upset me if the truth must be told. Instead of wallowing and storing that anger, I wrote in my blog and then I prayed on the situation, left it at God's feet and went to sleep.
I had a really rough night, because apparently no one has stayed in that room in rather a long time. Because in the middle of the night I woke up with my sinus full, eyes watering and me sneezing. All I could smell was dust, the pillows were filled with, so was the blankets and the sheets, with me being allergic to dust I really wasn't feeling all that well. Anyhow, I survived through the night and woke up this morning to make myself some coffee, and the coffee maker was filled with mold. Now, you can imagine how upset I was about all of this, because the $200.00 deposit was to make sure that the room was clean and ready for the next person to just come right on in. Well, long story short once I saw the state of the coffee maker I decided to start looking around the room, and it was filthy. The air conditioner was also full of dust, the bathtub had black foot prints in it and the floors throughout needed to be swept.
I got out the broom and was about to start cleaning up the place when my cell phone rang, and this guy Aaron called. A woman I had met through work had given him my information, and told him that I was looking for a place to move into. She told him a little about my situation and told him what a nice guy I am and so forth. So, he decided to call me and offer to show me his condo that he has for rent. He went on to explain to me that it is a very large 2 bedroom with 1 bath, a nice size eat in kitchen with all new appliances. He told me that the rent would be $700.00 a month, and that included everything but electric. I explained to him that I had already given my money out on the hotel, and that I had no idea if I would get my money back. He patiently listened to me and then said to me, well you know what the place is ready to move in and already has electric, you can either move in right away or stay at the hotel and move your stuff in slowly over the next two weeks, which ever I wanted to do, he had already paid the bills for this month, so he really wasn't losing any money at this point. He told me to just go look at the place and make a decision.
So I went and looked at the place, and I loved it, it is large and quiet and perfect for me. As a matter of fact it seemed like it was just made for me. It looks a lot like the apartment I had in East Point last year that I lost and I like the location of the place, it is convenient to everything the stores, walmart, work and only 12 miles away from my parents. I honestly couldn't ask for anything better at this point. But, this isn't all to the story, Aaron went on to tell me that I could stay in the apartment till the end of the month and owe him nothing and just work on getting the electric turned over into my name as soon as I could. He also told me that he was willing to work with me on the deposit. That we would split it up over three months and that on the 3rd of November I would just have to pay him part of the deposit and the rent of $700.00. Now, can you see the Hand of God working here? I can, this man doesn't know me at all. I took a leap of faith and stepped out of the comfort of home earlier than expected to make sure that everything was ready for my step-brother and his girlfriend's arrival, that way my step-mom wouldn't have to work so hard to get the room ready with just a little time before they get here. Aaron is taking a leap of faith that he can trust me, letting me use the place and live here till we can get everything finalized and in writing. That is God's work! He is taking care of me just like I told you He would.
We never really know what the outcome of any decision we make is going to be. We hope for the best and plan for the worst, and when we leave the situation in God's hands it always works out just exactly as it is meant too. I knew that God had my back and I knew that no matter what I did I was going to make out okay. That is exactly what happened. I am so thankful for this and all of the many other blessings that God has given me this year. All it take is a little patience, effort and faith and things turn out just the way God wants them too. I am now safe and in my new home, and since I never took possession of the hotel, on Monday I am going to go back and ask for a refund of my money. I may loose a little bit of it, but guess what in the long run it was worth the effort.
Yesterday when I was writing to you I had no idea how things were going to turn out for me. I didn't know if I would ever find a place to call home, nor did I think I was going to be able to make it with how tight money is for me right now, and I was worried about all of these things and a whole lot more. Now if my boyfriend comes around we have a place that is our home, and I am happy that everything worked out exactly as it did. There might be a little friction trying to get my money back, but I think that once I take my coworker up and show her the room and prove that I haven't been in there, that she will stand by me as I try to get my cash back from my boss.
So again I tell you that sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and do something, anything, put forth some effort, because as the Bible tells us God helps those that help themselves and here is living testimony of that fact.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I had a really rough night, because apparently no one has stayed in that room in rather a long time. Because in the middle of the night I woke up with my sinus full, eyes watering and me sneezing. All I could smell was dust, the pillows were filled with, so was the blankets and the sheets, with me being allergic to dust I really wasn't feeling all that well. Anyhow, I survived through the night and woke up this morning to make myself some coffee, and the coffee maker was filled with mold. Now, you can imagine how upset I was about all of this, because the $200.00 deposit was to make sure that the room was clean and ready for the next person to just come right on in. Well, long story short once I saw the state of the coffee maker I decided to start looking around the room, and it was filthy. The air conditioner was also full of dust, the bathtub had black foot prints in it and the floors throughout needed to be swept.
I got out the broom and was about to start cleaning up the place when my cell phone rang, and this guy Aaron called. A woman I had met through work had given him my information, and told him that I was looking for a place to move into. She told him a little about my situation and told him what a nice guy I am and so forth. So, he decided to call me and offer to show me his condo that he has for rent. He went on to explain to me that it is a very large 2 bedroom with 1 bath, a nice size eat in kitchen with all new appliances. He told me that the rent would be $700.00 a month, and that included everything but electric. I explained to him that I had already given my money out on the hotel, and that I had no idea if I would get my money back. He patiently listened to me and then said to me, well you know what the place is ready to move in and already has electric, you can either move in right away or stay at the hotel and move your stuff in slowly over the next two weeks, which ever I wanted to do, he had already paid the bills for this month, so he really wasn't losing any money at this point. He told me to just go look at the place and make a decision.
So I went and looked at the place, and I loved it, it is large and quiet and perfect for me. As a matter of fact it seemed like it was just made for me. It looks a lot like the apartment I had in East Point last year that I lost and I like the location of the place, it is convenient to everything the stores, walmart, work and only 12 miles away from my parents. I honestly couldn't ask for anything better at this point. But, this isn't all to the story, Aaron went on to tell me that I could stay in the apartment till the end of the month and owe him nothing and just work on getting the electric turned over into my name as soon as I could. He also told me that he was willing to work with me on the deposit. That we would split it up over three months and that on the 3rd of November I would just have to pay him part of the deposit and the rent of $700.00. Now, can you see the Hand of God working here? I can, this man doesn't know me at all. I took a leap of faith and stepped out of the comfort of home earlier than expected to make sure that everything was ready for my step-brother and his girlfriend's arrival, that way my step-mom wouldn't have to work so hard to get the room ready with just a little time before they get here. Aaron is taking a leap of faith that he can trust me, letting me use the place and live here till we can get everything finalized and in writing. That is God's work! He is taking care of me just like I told you He would.
We never really know what the outcome of any decision we make is going to be. We hope for the best and plan for the worst, and when we leave the situation in God's hands it always works out just exactly as it is meant too. I knew that God had my back and I knew that no matter what I did I was going to make out okay. That is exactly what happened. I am so thankful for this and all of the many other blessings that God has given me this year. All it take is a little patience, effort and faith and things turn out just the way God wants them too. I am now safe and in my new home, and since I never took possession of the hotel, on Monday I am going to go back and ask for a refund of my money. I may loose a little bit of it, but guess what in the long run it was worth the effort.
Yesterday when I was writing to you I had no idea how things were going to turn out for me. I didn't know if I would ever find a place to call home, nor did I think I was going to be able to make it with how tight money is for me right now, and I was worried about all of these things and a whole lot more. Now if my boyfriend comes around we have a place that is our home, and I am happy that everything worked out exactly as it did. There might be a little friction trying to get my money back, but I think that once I take my coworker up and show her the room and prove that I haven't been in there, that she will stand by me as I try to get my cash back from my boss.
So again I tell you that sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and do something, anything, put forth some effort, because as the Bible tells us God helps those that help themselves and here is living testimony of that fact.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
It really is surprising how many of my friends lives are stuck on Repeat!
You know I went back to Atlanta recently for a little visit. I saw quite a few of my friends while I was up there and I was surprise at how many of them are still doing the same things they have been doing. Of course this is really nothing new because for the most part every where I go I see old friends and acquaintances all doing the same things. When I go to Orlando I run into the same people that I knew from when I lived there 15 years ago at the bar and I wonder how and why they are still there. At least I went away for a long time and came back. I went to school and got 2 degrees, had a career and battled cancer. These poor people are still hanging at the bar, doing the same thing, some of them actually do have jobs now and are doing something with their lives, but the majority of them are still not working, still hanging out, still getting high, drinking and not doing a damn thing with their lives. First off I wonder how they can afford it,?Because I know I struggle and I make good money. So how can they still be doing the same thing after all these years?
Maybe this is just a phenomena in the gay community, and the drug community too which I used to be associated with. Or maybe it is just the way I am looking at things. But I often wonder how a friend of mine who I have known since he was twenty-four, is still bouncing around from place to place with no where to really call home, he is out every night chasing his high and looking for the next fix. He is trading on his looks to get what he wants. So far it is working for him. But one day and probably pretty quickly that is all going to run out. No one stays young forever, and what happens when people get tired of supporting your habits, and you crashing on their couch. The community isn't that big that you aren't going to eventually wear out your welcome at all your friend's places.
What I have found out that these people are just stuck on repeat, they found something that works for them and they continue to do it. Unless something changes, and they are forced to make a change they are going to continue in the same pattern. David Guetta is one of my favorite musicians right now and he has a song called "Repeat" and it sort of talks about this. The bridge goes something like this "So go out and party, cause I'm just getting started And I'm dancing to a brand new beat Cause you're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat...So go out and party, like you're not broken-hearted Cause you'll always just be stuck on repeat Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat."
This song really speaks too me, it reminds me of my past. The days when I sat around getting high and following in my friends footsteps. It also reminds me that a lot of my friends are stuck, they are in a rut and they cannot seem to break free from the hold that the drugs and alcohol has on them and their lives. They are just stuck in repeat mode. It is almost like watching a bad version of "Groundhog Day" where Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over again. How many of us get stuck by habits and bad choices, and we fall into a rut or pattern that we cannot break free of? Honestly, I think a lot of us do. We just learn how to hide it differently. In last nights blog entry I talked about patterns and filters, and I again stress that all of our lives revolves around patterns. That if we watch a person long enough we can see the pattern and can predict their actions based on that pattern.
I have a friend named Tony that is in Atlanta, he is stuck in a pattern, and is stuck on the streets of Atlanta, and I would do anything to help him get off those streets and help him change his life. Because years ago someone did that for me, helped me see that the self-destructive pattern my life was on and helped me see a different way of doing things and gave me the opportunity to change my life, and so I feel that I should repay that favor by paying it forward. However, I have lost touch with my friend and have been unable to locate him. Surprisingly I have gotten myself into a position where I am going out on my own and I will be in a better spot to help him. I have another friend that I love with all of my heart, but unfortunately he is far away, I have offered to bring him here and help him face the medical needs that he is going to be going through soon. He too is in a rut and a pattern. Unfortunately, even though I know he loves me and cares about me his weighted down with what is happening too him and he has closed himself off from me and his other friends and there is nothing I can do. I am being patient and waiting for him to reach out to me, but it is driving me crazy not hearing from him. But I have to respect and understand what he is going through and since I know what he is facing, all I can do is wait here patiently and offer my support the only way he is allowing me at this point. Both of these friend are in ruts and holding patterns and their life is on "repeat".
As you know I enjoy helping people and I do so by writing about my experiences and those of my friends, to try and help steer others from following in our footsteps and making the same mistakes we have made. I don't judge and I try to be understanding. I understand the power of addiction and I have spent my time fighting it. I know how drugs and alcohol can hold us in the same spot, and we never move forward. So here I am trying to help others recognize those patterns, realize that the drugs and other addictions we face are holding us back and keeping us from progressing and moving forward.
Trust me it isn't easy to get away from them. Addictions can be subtle and tricky things that manipulate us, they hold us back and we don't even realize that time is moving forward. I hope that others can see what I am talking about and maybe realize that they have to do something to make a change so that they can break free of the rut that they are currently in.
I will write more on this subject and talk to you about how to break the cycle and the chains that hold us in our patterns, and how we can recognize when we are actually in a rut or pattern that is holding us still.
But for now, all I want you to do is realize that there are friends of yours and mine that are hopelessly stuck on repeat and we must help them to realize this. We need to offer them the assistance and guidance they need to get their life back on track and break free of those chains that are binding them and keeping them stuck. If we don't reach out and help them who will. Don't wait till it is too late and they are gone from our lives because they have over dosed or been locked up. See them for the victims that they are and like the person from my past that looked beyond the addiction and the sex and really saw the real me and struggle to lift me out of my rut and pattern we need to do the same for others. Don't judge them, be kind and understanding, see the real person, look at their heart and see the potential that is locked within struggling to find a break and get out of their situation and offer them a helping hand, with love.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Maybe this is just a phenomena in the gay community, and the drug community too which I used to be associated with. Or maybe it is just the way I am looking at things. But I often wonder how a friend of mine who I have known since he was twenty-four, is still bouncing around from place to place with no where to really call home, he is out every night chasing his high and looking for the next fix. He is trading on his looks to get what he wants. So far it is working for him. But one day and probably pretty quickly that is all going to run out. No one stays young forever, and what happens when people get tired of supporting your habits, and you crashing on their couch. The community isn't that big that you aren't going to eventually wear out your welcome at all your friend's places.
What I have found out that these people are just stuck on repeat, they found something that works for them and they continue to do it. Unless something changes, and they are forced to make a change they are going to continue in the same pattern. David Guetta is one of my favorite musicians right now and he has a song called "Repeat" and it sort of talks about this. The bridge goes something like this "So go out and party, cause I'm just getting started And I'm dancing to a brand new beat Cause you're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat...So go out and party, like you're not broken-hearted Cause you'll always just be stuck on repeat Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat."
This song really speaks too me, it reminds me of my past. The days when I sat around getting high and following in my friends footsteps. It also reminds me that a lot of my friends are stuck, they are in a rut and they cannot seem to break free from the hold that the drugs and alcohol has on them and their lives. They are just stuck in repeat mode. It is almost like watching a bad version of "Groundhog Day" where Bill Murray repeats the same day over and over again. How many of us get stuck by habits and bad choices, and we fall into a rut or pattern that we cannot break free of? Honestly, I think a lot of us do. We just learn how to hide it differently. In last nights blog entry I talked about patterns and filters, and I again stress that all of our lives revolves around patterns. That if we watch a person long enough we can see the pattern and can predict their actions based on that pattern.
I have a friend named Tony that is in Atlanta, he is stuck in a pattern, and is stuck on the streets of Atlanta, and I would do anything to help him get off those streets and help him change his life. Because years ago someone did that for me, helped me see that the self-destructive pattern my life was on and helped me see a different way of doing things and gave me the opportunity to change my life, and so I feel that I should repay that favor by paying it forward. However, I have lost touch with my friend and have been unable to locate him. Surprisingly I have gotten myself into a position where I am going out on my own and I will be in a better spot to help him. I have another friend that I love with all of my heart, but unfortunately he is far away, I have offered to bring him here and help him face the medical needs that he is going to be going through soon. He too is in a rut and a pattern. Unfortunately, even though I know he loves me and cares about me his weighted down with what is happening too him and he has closed himself off from me and his other friends and there is nothing I can do. I am being patient and waiting for him to reach out to me, but it is driving me crazy not hearing from him. But I have to respect and understand what he is going through and since I know what he is facing, all I can do is wait here patiently and offer my support the only way he is allowing me at this point. Both of these friend are in ruts and holding patterns and their life is on "repeat".
As you know I enjoy helping people and I do so by writing about my experiences and those of my friends, to try and help steer others from following in our footsteps and making the same mistakes we have made. I don't judge and I try to be understanding. I understand the power of addiction and I have spent my time fighting it. I know how drugs and alcohol can hold us in the same spot, and we never move forward. So here I am trying to help others recognize those patterns, realize that the drugs and other addictions we face are holding us back and keeping us from progressing and moving forward.
Trust me it isn't easy to get away from them. Addictions can be subtle and tricky things that manipulate us, they hold us back and we don't even realize that time is moving forward. I hope that others can see what I am talking about and maybe realize that they have to do something to make a change so that they can break free of the rut that they are currently in.
I will write more on this subject and talk to you about how to break the cycle and the chains that hold us in our patterns, and how we can recognize when we are actually in a rut or pattern that is holding us still.
But for now, all I want you to do is realize that there are friends of yours and mine that are hopelessly stuck on repeat and we must help them to realize this. We need to offer them the assistance and guidance they need to get their life back on track and break free of those chains that are binding them and keeping them stuck. If we don't reach out and help them who will. Don't wait till it is too late and they are gone from our lives because they have over dosed or been locked up. See them for the victims that they are and like the person from my past that looked beyond the addiction and the sex and really saw the real me and struggle to lift me out of my rut and pattern we need to do the same for others. Don't judge them, be kind and understanding, see the real person, look at their heart and see the potential that is locked within struggling to find a break and get out of their situation and offer them a helping hand, with love.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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