No where to run no where to hide

Recently I went to Gainesville FL to have surgery and when I came back I found that my landlord rented out the garden shed in my back yard to a pretty big drug dealer and his friends.

Over the next month or so those individuals migrated into my life and literally took over my house. Pretty much making it a trap house. So many times I felt like I was a prisoner in my own home. Felt like I needed to run and get away. But here is the thing I had no where to run to nor did I anywhere to go.

At one point it got so bad that I had people in my house 24 hours a day and most of them I didn't even know. I spoke to the landlord several times expecting help and there was no real response. Until one day just recently he got a letter in the mail saying that my place was about to be raided. At that point he began to try and clean up the back yard and get rid of some of the people out there.

I have been given strict orders that there is not supposed to be anyone other than me and my partner here​in the house though he did say that my family could come and visit, but even that seems to be stretching it. I got home from the hospital yesterday afternoon and the landlord and her son we're here, they had planned on evicting me and giving me 30 days notice. I am not happy about that, but I convinced them that I would make sure that the traffic ends. Right now I seem to be in a no win situation. I am being watched from every corner, and I feel like now my life is being dictated and as far as everything goes I pay my rent on time. I don't have loud music playing and disturbing other's. Shouldn't I be allowed to have any number of guests and visitors I want. My rent is always on time without any problems. Yet now I am being told that none of that matters, the traffic through my place is now enough to evict me.  As a matter of fact, just this past Friday when I got home from the hospital my landlord had tried to force his mom into finalizing my eviction.  Had this actually taken place this would have been the third place that my partner and I have lived but it certainly will be the shortest place we have lived.

It seems like i am in a no win situation and maybe it is true. People in and out of the shed, traffic in and out of my yard. But as luck would have it. Just during the past week, I was feeling under the weather and went to bed several nights early. Iguess it was Wednesday or Thursday, the police kicked in the door of the shed and started searching for the young man who had rented it. apparently they had been watching the traffic that had been coming and going from the shed as well. The long and the short of it is that I may have felt like there was no way out nor was there anyway to escape my fate the truth of the matter is that maybe everyone of us was in a no win situation. Since that night when the police had stormed into the garden shed we have cleaned up the traffic in and out of my house. We eliminated some of the key factors which were making my place so attractive for people to congregate over here. The amount of visitors we allow now is limited to a hand picked few. In part this was to cut down on traffic, but it was also done to eliminate stuff from being stolen. The chief among the items stolen was my brand new cell phone. I just bought it only bought it on June the 3rd and on June the 14th it vanished from my side while i slept own bed.

What gets me about the whole situation is that no one saw or heard anything. My super large screen phone was able to pass right from my sleeping bedside right out the door with no one knowing anything. I am discouraged by the lack of attention my so called friends paid towards me or my things. It is so unfortunate that one or two people caused so many others to miss out on the benefit of hanging out just because they couldnt resist stealing from me.  Another thing that I have noticed hapoening is that a lot of my stuff is being thrown away and isnt cleaned or taken care of like it should be. This is showing me that people around me have no respect for me or my personal belongings and that too is something that maskes me pause and wonder exactly what people are thinking when they come atound me and my house. Because true friends do not dishonor friends like that at all. All of these things have made me question whether or not Ifeel that it is worth my time and effort to stay here on North Street any longer. No one seems to be getting the message that i am putting out.

So no matter what you are going through or what is happening around you. when all hope seems to be lost and you see no where to turn, nowhere to hide and cant find anywhere to run. Know that everything in this life is temporary and that in just a few moments they will pass and be gone forever. That no matter what it is, it cannot and will not last forever. That there are options heading your way that you havent even seen yet, and that all you have to do is endure for just a little longer and it too shall pass.

As always you are in my thoughts and prayers,

Uncle B

Medical update time

Well folks the official news has come in and I am finally cancer free at this time.  Now,  this doesn't mean that cancer can't or won't come back.  What it does mean is that at the present time all markers and indicators seem to point to the fact that the cancer is gone. I had surgery on March 28, 2017, today is the one month mark of my recovery period. The procedure lasted 5 1/2 hours and I spent 5 full days in the hospital.

Life is funny and full of little turns and twists that keeps us guessing from moment to moment.  Nothing is ever
A 11 smooth or goes exactly the way we planned.  If it wasn't this way our lives would be so monotonous and boring we wouldn't know what to do.

Well they were able to remove a golf ball sized tumor from my right kidney.  From all indications it appears that for the first time in 26 years I am cancer free. Now this doesn't mean that cancer will never come back, because it more than likely will. It just means that at this time my doctor's are pretty sure that it is gone for awhile.

I ended up back in the hospital last week on Wednesday because I had walking pneumonia, but I am home now and doing well. Other than that I can't complain about my health. As always you continued well wishes and prayers are appreciated. Thank you so very much for being my support network and venting board. I want you to know it means the world to me that you are out there reading my blog.

As always live well love much and laugh often.

Uncle B

Time and Again

This post is meant to give thanks to the many healthcare providers that have been extremely instrumental in my continued health. Yes it is true that almost weekly I have a myriad of medical appointments and lab work that needs to be done. Yet, if it wasn't for the diligent work of these health care professionals I would probably withered away and have died way before now.

As I am sitting here waiting to be seen by yet another doctor, I am reminded of how much hard work and long hours these professionals put in just to keep​ me as well as their other​ patients healthy and alive. I know that I would be hard pressed if I had to go without the medications that I am on. Monitoring of these medications and the effects that they have on my body are essential to my good health.

There was a period not so long ago when I was on an HIV regimen that wasn't closely monitored and my health severely suffered because of that. It was determined that the regimen that I was on had severely and irrevocably damaged my kidneys. Once it was discovered a monitoring program was soon put in place, but the damage was already extensive and done there was no coming back from it. Less than a year later a small tumor was found on my right kidney and my new journey had begun.

It has been a little more than a year that the tumor on my right kidney was found. The myriad of doctor's and healthcare providers I have been through in just that year alone has been staggering. I'm currently under the care of a urologist at the University of Florida in Gainesville and it looks like the year long journey that I have been on is finally drawing to a close.  This journey has been long and arduous starting with ultrasounds, then CT scans and ultimately ending in a series of MRI'S all of which had indicated continuous growth and the possibility of spreading.

You would think that after 25 years of battling this disease that I might have finally become used to all the test, treatments and surgeries that have resulted from having this disease. But, time and again cancer seems bound and determined to come back. It keeps these myriads of healthcare professional working harder than ever to get me to the state of wellness. Sometimes I dream of having just a few moments of good health to consider myself​ normal and healthy.

I guess as dreams go it isn't a bad one to have. But, no matter the circumstances I am under no illusions that I will ever be able to live my life as a healed, whole individual. That even through their best efforts medical science can only do so much to correct the damage that cancer has done to my body. I must accept the limitations and restrictions that have become my norm and rejoice in the continued life that God has granted me.

Remembering always that man can only do so much when it comes to this vehicle our mind resides in. God who is the Ultimate Physician is the only one with the power to restore me back to full health. I can never truly trust the findings of the world of medicine, because as been my case in the past the predictions that they provide me with have been far from accurate. Only God knows the time and place of my demise. Because everything that I have been through and continue to go through are what strengthens me and gives me the experience I need to get through the next phase of my existence.

See, I have become very familiar with living on borrowed time knowing that any moment might be my last. Knowing that each time I have to have an operation or treatment might be my very last. There seems to always be a new treatment or procedure that has yet to be tried. I'm comforted knowing that in all things God has me in the palms of His hands and that as long as I am needed here on Earth I will continue to make these recoveries and be able to give witness and testament to the miracles of God.

So no matter if time and again I have to be seen by doctor's, nurses, lab techs or other healthcare professionals I will always be in God's Grace and He will take care of my needs .

Rejoice for God is the Healer and architect of your body and can and will restore you according to His detailed plan regarding your life and work.

As always Live well, Love much and Laugh often.

Uncle B

Borrowed Time

Every day that I draw a breath I am living on borrowed time. I was diagnosed with large cell lymphoma in 1992. I was told that I had eighteen months to live, that by the time I was diagnosed the cancer was in stage four and that even with extensive chemotherapy and radiation the  outlook was grim.

The truth of the matter is that I got better with the treatment and went seven years without a recurrence of the cancer. Yet, the next time cancer reared it's head it was in the form of polyps in my large intestines. I had them removed and was healthy for several more years.  Then in December of 2004 portions of my large intestines suffered damage from the initial radiation that I was treated with in '92. January of 2005 I was given my first colostomy and would go through series after series of bowel resections and abdominal surgeries. Finally in the fall of 2007 my worst fears came to life and the colostomy was turned into an ileostomy and would have to remain in place for the rest of my life.

Again, the doctor's and staff thought that I wouldn't make it through all of this and predicted that I would get seriously ill and pass by Christmas of 2007. Yet once again their predictions were far off the mark. It was December 6, 2007 that I found out that I had contracted the HIV virus and diagnosed as positive. The doctor's fearing that because my immune system was suppressed due to the cancer thought that the virus would spread through my body like wildfire and would soon kill me. So I was put on a strict and powerful regimen immediately.

No one could have guessed that in five short years that these same drugs would irrevocably damage my kidneys and I would end up eventually with kidney cancer.  Since 2011, I have had kidney stones and bladder infections as well as two bowel resections, and an aneurysm. Then in March of 2012, I was told that not only did I have leukemia (large cell lymphoma is considered a form of) I was also suffering from radiation enteritis (disease) which is acting like cancer eating up my pelvic organs. I was also told that the radiation perforated the bowel wall in '92 and had made my pelvis very porous and weakened the walls of my colon and made them thin like tissue paper.

So you can see that I know a little bit about living on borrowed time. One thing I have done in this entry is gloss over a lot of my illnesses and just hit the pertinent information. Just know that today I am facing and dealing with 6 terminal illnesses . 

So, from '92 till now everyday has been a gift from God and gives me something to give thanks about daily. I am about to head to Gainesville, to have the latest tumor removed​ from my body through surgery. Funny when I was diagnosed with kidney cancer I was told 6-12 months were all that I had left. Once again medical science is wrong on this account. My doctor assures me that I am going to come through this surgery and that they would be able to get all the cancer and I should expect a full recovery.

Living on borrowed time is something that not everyone gets. It is a blessing that I have been granted and a luxury that I have been able to enjoy. I am still here 25 years after the first occurrence of cancer. It was not something that I had planned or envisioned, but I am thankful for each and every day.  I had never imagined that I would survive this long. Nor, could I have imagined that 25 years later I would have 6 terminal illnesses and have another surgery looming over my head.

Living each day to the fullest and staying in the moment is the only way to enjoy the precious gift that God has granted us. So, if you are like me and living on borrowed time. Make the best of your situation, share your life lessons with those around you and make everyday worth living. I embrace my illness and I use my life as an example for others so that they might benefit from my experience.

I love you all and wish you only the best​. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I have surgery on March 28th.  God bless you all.

As always Live well, Love much, and Laugh often.

Uncle B

Time and place

When you have reached the fill of bullshit that others throw your way you are going to change major components of your life. This may entail changing your venue and restarting your life over again or simply adjusting the current way you are living.

This prospect is usually unappealing and daunting, but trust me there may come a time and place where this may be the only available option. Each of us have different breaking points just like each of us has different levels of patience and when that runs out tester beware because the resulting explosion may actually take their head off. It is never fun or pleasant to see someone reach their wits end not is it fun to be the recipient of of such a cataclysm.

Life presents each of us with challenges and problems in which we must strive to overcome. We may not know the first steps we have to take, we may even be blindsided by these issues, just know that everything in time has an ending. Nothing lasts forever and all issues seek their own resolution in their own time. Though we may not know the correct actions to take each problem will present it's own resolution in time, be patient and trust that God has you and will carry you through.

I don't know what my point of no return is, and I hope that I am never pushed that far. I am patient and try to be understanding in all things that deal with others. Though I will admit that there are times when my buttons are pushed and my patience is tried, especially lately, my​ health is steadily decreasing due to the advancing of cancer throughout my body and those around me seek to undermine me and test the limits of my nature.

On March 28th I will be heading to Gainesville, FL where at Shand's Hospital they will be operating on me to remove a portion of my right Kidney. To some this might be a routine operation, but for someone like me that has had so many abdominal surgeries in the past this is going to be a tricky procedure. One in which my doctor's feel that I will be successful and recover from. Though, I have my misgivings about such risky surgery since I have suffered near death on a few occasions.

Yet, for all things there is a time and a place. I am reminded of something that I once told you about how it is not the ending of the road but the path we take that creates the character and strength of who we become. We are all works in progress and the journey is what molds and shapes us. Fate and Destiny work hand in hand to bring us to the exact place we are supposed to be at exactly the right time. You will see that no matter the path that you choose you are going to reach the exact spot you were meant to be, at exactly the precise time. This is just one of the immutable facts of cyclical living. Our lives are a basis of cycle and circles, think about it this way everything has a way of coming back around. What's​old will come back in fashion, when one relationship ends another begins and so forth. Life is a series of circles​and cycles.

So, as this time of surgery and recovery looms near, I know that it is but for a mere fraction of time and then I will be on to face something else just as harrowing as this, though if luck holds maybe not as adruous or hard. But again only time will tell.  I just keep firmly entrenched in my mind that "This too shall pass" and remember that nothing lasts longer than it is supposed to. Because everything has it's own time and place.

As always Live well, Love much and Laugh often.

Uncle B

Checks and balances

Most actions and decisions have severe consequences these are the checks and balances that keep our lives in check.

However, there are some actions that can call for jail time. I am going through a really tough time right now and I am not sure what the outcome is going to be. I made a bad choice and I am now between a rock and a hard place.

This afternoon a detective came to the house to talk to me about a check that I cashed at Amscot. Unfortunately, I didn't want to get anyone in trouble so I only told part of the story. I know that the detective could tell that the story wasn't complete and he thought that I was lying about a lot of the story. I did have to drop a name, but I was trying to protect everyone, what I might have done is seal my own fate and could possibly end up having to do some time in jail.

I was given 2 days to get one of the other people to talk to the detective and to reveal more of the details to the story to convince the detective that I had absolutely nothing to do with the robbery and that I was used as a dupe to cash the check. Luckily I did not cash more than one check. If I would have I would be in so much more trouble than I am now.

I am here to tell you that no matter what you do, there are natural checks and balances in place that keep our lives in check and helps preserve the natural order of things. I am hoping that with all of my medical issues and other concerns that the court will be willing to work with me and allow me to escape this charge with the absolute minimum consequence.

As always, Live well, Love much and laugh often.

Uncle B

There is a thief in the midst

Over the past week or so I have noticed things disappearing from NY room and my wallet. I am not sure what has prompted this latest round of rash thefts but it has become troubling to say the least.

Just on Saturday evening I put $14.00 in the front pocket of my wallet. I folded it up so that it would easily for behind my social security card. This is particularly troubling because no one in the house seems to have the faintest idea of where the money went.  Now, keep in mind that just several days earlier $210.00 disappeared right off of my bed.

Still after all the finger pointing and name calling, I came no closer to the whereabouts of my money. This has really hurt me financially and has put me further behind in catching up with the bills that I owe. At this point I am at a loss as too who I can actually trust and who I should continue to allow to stay in my home.

As the Valentine's day holiday is upon us I have no extra money to treat my partner to anything special for this special occasion. i am no closer to solving my mystery of the
disappearing money than I was last week. It is also very stressful living in such close quarters as we do, not knowing who to trust and who has your back. It is not every day that I am called upon to solve such a mystery. Nor is it any fun that one of the suspects is my partner and another one my best friend. I just don't know what to think at this point. Clearly I have done something to someone for them to do anything like this to me. Yes it was done directly towards me cannot be in doubt. But why when given several opportunities to return the money no questions asked. Silence has remained constant.

So as my financial worries continue to grow my sense if mistrust also seems to be growing as well. I think that if I am patient whomever the culprit might be will end up making a mistake and will reveal themselves to me. Sad as it is to say I also may never actually figure out what happened to that money. But here is to hoping that the perpetrator might eventually let me know that it was them.

As always Live well, Love much, laugh often.

Uncle B