There are times when you need to shake your head and walk away

I have been watching two different couples over the past few days tear each other apart with words. Something has to give in these relationships if they are going to survive. "I am sorry" may not be enough to overcome the pain that we inflict upon one another. I am learning that in my own relationship that there has to be a certain amount of give, we cannot expect our partners to do everything the way that we would. See at the end of the day the results are what matter, not the method.

Each of us is taught a certain way to do things and it may differ from how they were taught. We each have our own unique strengths and skills. These attributes are what compliment our partner and complete us making us whole. But no one is perfect and often we lash out with words that are aimed at inflicting maximum pain to those that are close to us. We must remember that words can be lethal and can cause serious wounds that even time can't heal. Be careful with what you say, and more importantly be mindful of how they are spoken. Too often we can get caught up in the heat of the moment and lash out without really thinking. It's those times when we need to try and slow things down and engage our brains before we speak.

I have found myself in these predicaments before and before I realize what is actually happening I get pulled into an argument time and again. So before I open my mouth to speak. I honestly try to think about how my partner may react to what I have to say. I try to couch the words in such away as to avoid unnecessary fallout from what I have to say. However, when this doesn't work I have to divorce myself from the situation and just shake my head and walk away. I know that this might be the best option for me because no matter what at the end of everything an argument might erupt and trouble might be lurking right before me.

Only I have the power stop and argument from happening and only I have the power to walk away and not cause the issue to progress any further. The same is true for each one of you. Remember that it takes 2 to fight and carry on.  One person cannot possibly win an argument with themselves. Try to keep in mind that it might not be what is said, but how it is said that can trigger the undesirable argument that you are trying to avoid. No one is perfect and you can't expect someone else to do what you would do. Because you can only control you and your own actions.

Words used in anger or as weapons can be devastating and extremely hurtful. You must take into consideration this when you are fighting. Because if you don't you one day might find yourself very alone with no one to stand by your side. Words should be used to encourage, uplift and reinforce the positive aspects of your life. Shy away from negativity and focus only on the positive for this will build a solid foundation for your relationship to stand on. Keep in mind that another person whose feelings are a reflection of your own should always be given the benefit of the doubt. Because they are the only ones that are going to have your back.

As always Live well, love much, laugh often.

Uncle B

When is enough enough?

Sometimes in life you have to weigh whether each situation warrants our continuance or our separation.  Each situation has to be weighed carefully so that we don't hurt ourselves or others.  Many times we enter into agreements or arrangements without thought to the future. You must be true to yourself and honest as well in order to know the appropriate time on which to make our exit. 

Knowing when to fold your hand and throw in, is just as important as understanding the odds of the cards stacked against you. Yes you have made a promise or an agreement, but if all facts were not known at the time of making such agreement can you be truly blamed for ​changing your mind. Though it is never pleasant backing out of an agreement or arrangement it sometimes becomes necessary when your health, wealth and stability are threatened.

Always gather as much knowledge as you can before entering into such arrangements and be sure to keep your​options open for as long as you can. It is easier to change your mind before agreeing than afterwards. Because there are always consequences for terminating an agreement ahead of the prescribed time. Always be wary and aware.

As always Live well, Love much and Laugh often.

Uncle B

From the frying pan to the fire

There are some days that it just isn't worth getting out of bed. Today was one of those such days for me. How much trouble can one Sunday bring. Well if you are wondering it can bring a whole handful of them. Trust me when I say that it was no picnic here in the glorious gleaming metropolis of Daytona, just a continuation of a terrible week, that was full of stress and aggravation. It has been already two whole weeks here in this house and still I am waiting on the owner's to finish up the extremely long list of unfinished items. Thank God the bedroom and bathroom doors were finally put in.

As the severe winds and storms lashed out at my new home I understand the reasoning why the rest of the windows have to be totally replaced. The makeshift curtain that I made out of a bedsheet flew across my room as the wind came rushing in around the old rotted frame. Hail fell from the sky and the rotten wood along the edges of the roof finally ripped off and fell to the ground. All of this should have been done prior to anyone occupying the house, but alas it hasn't been.

The weekend has passed and I never saw any of the owner's show up to paint the house, which by the way I was called Tuesday morning of last week to remind me that they would be here bright and early Saturday morning to begin painting. I was also told that later Tuesday afternoon that someone needed to be at the house because the electrician would be here to looking to why the second bedroom has no power. Here it is early Monday morning a week later and little has been done to our house. It is awfully funny how the landlord had told us prior to moving in that everything had been finished and that the house had been sitting empty for 3 months till he could find just the right tenants to move in. Well if this place is finished then I am probably the exact tenant that he needs here. 

But enough of that aside for now, why was today the perfect day for me to stay in bed? Well for one my best friend's ex boyfriend who stole my pain pills, got himself arrested and then showed up at my house the very next day apologizing for his behavior and assuring me that he had over $300.00 for me. All he has to do was go down to police property and get his things. This took over 5 hours to complete and when he got back instead of the $300 he only had $120. My friend needed to borrow most of that to get caught up on his bills but low and behold the guy took off again with not only my $120 he also got my friend for $50 more dollars. I waited all day and dude never came back or reached out to me at all. So not only am I out my pain pills, I am also broke and I feel bad that my friend lost his money and I have been unable to help him out.

On top of all of this it was 4 years ago that I was notified that my sister had died and left this tired old world behind. Now truly her two sons are orphans and I am the only person left to take care of them. Not that I haven't been doing this already for over 15 years.  In all honesty it was knowing that she was still here even though she was paralyzed and on respirators that gave me the strength to try and be a good parent and role model. I know that in many ways I was not prepared for the responsibility, nor had I experienced enough if my own life to be much more than a good friend to these young boys. Much too my shame it is also when I learned about drugs and the hard truths about addiction.  As I lay under my blankets and think of all these things something comes to me just before midnight. I must have done a fairly good job with both of the boys, neither of them have really ever been in trouble, both of them are working, both of them are married and I am a grandfather/granduncle 4 times over. I ended up legally adopting them when it became clear that there was no hope of recovery for my sister.

So even though today was a very hard and lonely day for me. I at least realized that everything happens for a reason and though I did so many things wrong, I must have done some very right. I may be stressed out about this house, my health and my troubled relationship, my lack of money and my deep feelings of dispair, depression and loneliness. I have still got my family and everything that I have accomplished and been through to sustain me during these especially hard times. I just have to keep in mind that this too shall pass as all things before them. Much love my family. I love you dearly you keep me going even when I feel that all has been lost.

As always Live well, love much and laugh often.

Uncle B

Lazy Days and Rainy Days

Man I honestly thought that 2017 was going to be a better year than last year. As you have read December was my all time worst month, everything just cascaded and life became a huge cluster fuck.

Already 2017 has started off to such a rocky start that I am pretty much ready to throw in the towel and just ask Heaven for a do over.  January 5th  the sheriff showed up at the door to the place that I was staying and issued a 24 hour vacate notice. The judge in her infinite wisdom decided that she wasn't going to hear any arguments in Ms. Millie's eviction case. She arbitrarily sided with the landlord.

I was caught totally off guard and very ill prepared for removing everything from that house in just 24 hours. Further, I knew that neither of us had enough money to really get into anywhere and I was worried that I was going to be back out on the streets this time with an 83 year old woman in tow.  But heaven does provide for our needs and that night we went and looked at a small two bedroom house, I knew that it was going to be very tight financially for us to get in there, however the landlord was willing to work with us so Friday morning at 9:00 am my father arrives with his truck and we started the move. After making 4 or 5 trips back and forth my father had to call it quits. He really wasn't feeling well and we were all extremely tired. Unfortunately, there were quite a few things that ended up getting left behind. Many of the lady's clothes were left behind with all the food items we had and a whole cabinet of cups and coffee mugs.

Much to my dismay I was not able to find her a ride back out to the house. So all of the stuff that was left behind is more than likely lost forever by now. Not too mention that Friday night and almost all of Saturday it rained and the temperature plummeted leaving us very cold and miserable.  Tonight is now Sunday and we have gone the whole weekend without water or electricity. It being so cold out really made our brief stay in our new home pretty much a miserable disaster.

I am actually looking forward to this upcoming week with great anticipation, because I am so much closer to finally having my surgery that has been talked about for months. If you recall the local hospital decided that they were not equipped to handle such a complicated case as mine. So I have been referred to Shands hospital at the University of Florida in Gainesville.  It is about time that this surgery has been scheduled. It has been 9 months since the operation has been discussed.

But as you can see 2017 really hasn't started off that great and is nothing to get excited about. However, like most things in life a slow start can lead to unexpected rewards.

One thing that you can be certain of is rainy days and Monday's will always get you down

As always Live well, Love much and Laugh often.

Uncle B

It all comes down to timing

I know that you have heard the old saying "timing is everything", and I would have to agree. See no matter what decision you make or path that you take is governed by timing. Let's look at it a little more closely and I think you might begin to see what I am talking about and where I am coming from.

For example you choose to start a new business venture, three months after you started your new enterprise the county decided that the road in front of your business needs to be torn up and redone. Had you wait just 6 months longer to open up this construction wouldn't have disturbed your business in the slightest and might have already been completed. Yet, you didn't wait and getting to your place becomes a nightmare and business drops to almost zero. Now, if you can afford a setback like that the timing of your opening may not have caused any concerns. But, if you are like most of us these delays could bankrupt your business.

Another example could be of being at the right place at just the right time. In this scenario your timing was on point and you benefitted from it. However, the inverse could also invariably be true as well in the wrong place at the wrong time and inevitably you end up in a non beneficial situation or worse. You could end up finding yourself much worse off then you might have otherwise been.

Timing has relative meaning to each one of us. The perfect time for you might be an adverse time for someone else. Each decision that you find yourself faced with you have to weigh not only the potential gains but the losses as well. There isn't a standard that you can use for every decision, each must be weighed carefully by the pros and cons that you can see visibly, and gains and losses that could be received if conditions and timing are right. This is what loss mitigation is all about.

But, as most of are far from perfect and we tend to suffer from impatience, we end up rushing our decision making process without really assessing the risks involved and therefore end up choosing the wrong timing altogether. I recommend wholeheartedly to look at every decision from every angle you can possibly think of, do a full risk assessment and make as educated decision as possible. Your timing might not be perfect, but it probably could have been a lot worse if you didn't take the time to weigh out everything as thoroughly as possible.

Remember that there is no such thing as the perfect moment, that you have to take time and create each moment as they come to you and make them as perfect and memorable as you can. Weigh every single option you are presented with for each and every decision to figure out the optimal timing for everything.

Trust me no one gets it right every single time. However, by taking the time and researching every angle you might find yourself in a pretty good situation most of the time. Honestly friends timing is everything, and can mean the most towards your happiness.  It is never to late to start assessing your life, situation and decisions. I think once you do you will find that you have more control and flexibility towards the outcomes that come your way.

Sit back and reflect on this I think if you put your mind too it you can see where I am coming from.

Until we meet again Live well, Love much and Laugh often.

Uncle B

When time stands still

Years ago I talked to you about time. How I believe that time is a man made device that regulates our lives and makes us into a frenzied mess. However yesterday I was thinking about certain times that time seems to stand still for us under certain circumstances.

For those who are incarcerated time takes on a different meaning. While you are in jail time becomes leaden and flows at a much slower pace. While in jail life continues on the outside at a regular normal pace.

Another time that time seems to take on a different feel and flow is when you move to a new place or state. With that change comes a new feel of anticipation as you explore your new surroundings. I would suppose any type of travel would tend to elicit a similar type of feeling.

Separation from loved ones effects both our feelings of loneliness and our longing for the parting to end. Time feels like it literally comes to a halt. Hospitalizations often feels like you are locked up in jail though the circumstances are definitely different in just about every single way imaginable.

As I have gotten older the fluid March of time hasn't increased but days, weeks, months and even years seem to fly by faster now than they ever did when I was younger. It also seems like I could fit more into my day back then better than I can now.

So if time which is measured by ticks on a clock how does this feeling of acceleration actually take place. Possibly it is through the lenses in which we view time from or just the perspective we look at our life by.  Or even better yet time could be limited by our focus and attention span.

I believe that our mind is what perceives the flow of time and time itself actually never changes. If you don't believe me think long and hard on this. Or just wait a few years and you will be surprised at what you might feel then.

Until we meet again Live well, Love much, Laugh often.

Uncle B

Contemplations and decisions

2017 has already opened up a whole new group of contemplations and decisions for me to consider. My partner and I have been talking for several months about relocating out west.

On New Year's day I spoke to my friend in Washington state and talked to her about moving out there. I should be hearing something back from her tomorrow. My ex lives in Los Angeles California and has told me that I can move out there with him. So, here I sit wondering what I should do. Money is tight for me being paid just once a month, but my experience here in Daytona Beach has been less than stellar.

I have never lived in a place where so many people steal from one another. Even in Atlanta where people are constantly moving in and out because of job transfers have I experienced as many thieves. So even though I could probably get a new place here. I feel like life is pulling me in another direction.

Yesterday I was telling you about my partner losing his grandmother and that certainly is one thing that is weighing heavily on my mind. Another is my friend being arrested last night, I am staying with her mother and I really want to make sure that she is taken care of and not left without help or alone.

So what is a person supposed to do? Lord knows that I have my own health issues to think about as well as my own well being. Then, you have to add on my concern for my own parents that are in their 70's. My father is going to be fine my brother and step-mother will be there to take care of him. My my mother on the hand is not in the best of health. 2 years ago she lost the use of her legs and has become paralyzed from the waist down. She would love it if I came up to Pennsylvania to help take care her. The only problem with that is she wants me to come alone. But after almost 3 years being together I just can't up and leave my partner, especially when we aren't having problems.

Now, a couple of months ago when I was so sick and him and I were breaking up every other day it might have been an option for me.  So what are my thoughts on this relocation plan? California is rather expensive compared to where I am living in Florida. But, having lived in Hollywood, I think that it would be some place I could see myself settling down in. But on the other hand I have heard that Seattle is a beautiful place and I have always wanted to go out there and see how it works for me and my health issues. The only drawback that I can see with that is I am no longer used to the cold. Seattle has a fall and winter that I have not had to experience since 2010 when I last stayed up in Pennsylvania. In 2014, I was in California and 2012 and 13 I was here in Florida. Now 2015 and 16 I was here as well.  I am leaning towards Washington state if the truth be told. I know that it is clear across the country from where I am currently living but I believe that it is time for a change and I believe that the time is also right.

Change is in the air and after the year I had I am truly ready to get out of this area.

May your 2017 be filled with joy and laughter. I will keep you informed as to what my decision finally turns out to be. You will also notice that now that 2017 has come my tag line has changed.

As always you are in my hopes and dreams.
Live well, love much  and laugh often.

Uncle B

The New Year 2017

Well another year has passed me by, one that seemed to be less trouble than the years that have gone before. Oh how I wish that was true. But to my chagrin I spent so much of this past year in the hospital. There for awhile it seemed like I had a permanent residence right there in Florida Memorial Center.

2016 was a year that I am extremely glad to put behind me. It was a year that brought me in contact with the most unsavory of characters. People who would gladly claim they were your friend and then rob you blind. It was a year where I lost everything of value and taught me that things can get much worse then what they were. 

It was in 2016 that I turned 48, it was also the year that cancer decided to crop up in both my kidney and my lungs. When Halifax hospital turned me away and said that the cancer was too complex for them to handle and I was referred to the University of Florida hospital (Shands) for follow up and surgery. I also learned over again that I no longer want to do drugs anymore, that my life was worth more than a needle in my arm.

In 2016, I gave in to my suicidal nature and tried unsuccessfully to drug myself to an early grave.  I lost most of my good friends and became homeless. It became a time in my life for introspection and self evaluation which culminated in my decision that 2017 was going to be a time for change.  Daytona Beach is not the place that I want to stay much longer.

2017 rang in at midnight and I was safe at home reading a book and keeping to myself. My partner got out of jail Thursday December 29th, but he had no way to get in touch with me. I still haven't seen him and it is January 1st. I have talked with him and I have to say that December hasn't been nice to either of us. He just got out of jail on December 3rd he missed Thanksgiving then he was arrested on December 15th and missed Christmas. I spoke with him today via Facebook Messenger and found out that his grandmother had passed away on Thursday. I am sad that I am not there with him as he deals with this tragedy. But, he really hasn't tried to get out to where I am staying. I have told him that I am here for him if he needs me

This first day of the New Year has already turned out to be not so hot. I am thinking that it maybe one of those slow burn types of situations where everything just starts out but gets better as it goes along. Here's keeping my fingers crossed for that one. So let me tell you how 2017 has started for me. I spent time this afternoon with the family, told them of my upcoming trip to Gainesville to meet with the surgical and urological teams at Shands, how from this meeting a plan of care will be developed and surgery planned. Then I came back to the place I was staying took a little nap, read a book for awhile then the police came. Tonight was the night that they came and took my friend Lisa away. She had been trying to stay under the radar, but apparently they were looking for her and decided tonight was the night.

I feel bad for Ms. Millie to have to watch her daughter be taken out of the house and off to jail. Then she called and said that she thought that I had something to do with her being arrested. It makes me feel even worse that Lisa thinks that I had something to do with her getting arrested, she said while speaking to her mother that someone called on her. Told Ms. Millie to not trust me, and I have been the only one who has been trying to help out buying food and trying to make sure that Ms. Millie has been taken care of.

So 2017 may be off to a rocky start but surely it will start to get better for everyone.

I hope your 2017 is going good, no great, for you and your family.  May all your resolutions be fulfilled and your dreams be realized Happy New Year my friends.

God bless you and keep you.

As always you are in my hopes and dreams.

Uncle B