They keep telling me that life is what you make of it. I have yet again taken a wrong turn and before I realized it I was back to where I started.
It is sad when you really like someone and they take advantage and end up pretty much just used you. You know it used to be that way in my life not to very long ago. There was always and excuse or false hood that had been concocted and I would allow myself to be dragged in.
Ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and pretty much the norm these days. This new generation feels that they have to hide what is really going on.
I am hurt, betrayed, angry, frustrated, and laughing and crying at the same time. Why not just tell me that you want to party and have some fun. Why put me through Atlanta all over again? Why do what he did?
I have learned my lesson, a true friend would not have encouraged me to stay off the drugs and walk away. However, the temptation was there and then it got so easy to take advantage, purchase, and even take extra money out of my account. All under the guise I know only too well "Lets go half, and I got you, don't worry, I am going to give the money back.'
I am not sure why you played with my heart, you should have just asked for the money. But, I take responsibility, I could have walked away anytime and come home. I chose to stay, because I thought I saw an honest and kind person. But as the weekend progressed, I heard things and realized that I never should have come down there. It was a set up from the get go.
Okay I accept that and now are letting go of all the animosity, hurt and pain that I am feeling. See the writing gets it out of my system. Now that I have written about this I am going to be fine emotionally that is, any other way I don't think you honestly give a crap about my health or well being.
I only stayed because my heart wanted to believe that I had met someone that truly liked me. But, the day that you hit me you told me I was ugly. Which only confirmed the other little comments that were said under your breathe. You knew what happened to me every time I went to Atlanta and you orchestrated it well, yet I stayed. I stayed because I think there were some sincere moments when the real you surfaced for just a minute, and that was the person I was trying to get too.
You knew the limitations I continually told you that I needed at least 700 in my account to keep the rent check from bouncing. Yet you manipulated me, told me you were going to take 40 out of my account yet when you came back you took 100 out of my account. I am not sure why you did it. Once again, if I would have been told the entire situation, I could have bought more stuff and saved some money. But here we are and I am sitting negative 500.00. That come on you know I got you. I am going half with you, everything is going to be alright. Guess what it isn't alright.
A real friend and someone that wants to get to know you. Would have been up front told you what the plans were and that drugs were going to be involved. Second they would have shown some interest in you which never happened.
What I find even more funny is that I was buying the sTuff, and I was shorted all weekend. You gave everyone more than me. I didn't say anything it was just drugs. But for you to actually get mad at me and punched me in the face and told me that I shorted and stole the sTuff, which was impossible it was mine to begin with I paid for it.
But, through everything that you did too me, I still turned around and picked you up and took you to your mom's house. I still wanted to be a friend and made sure you weren't stranded.
Damn if you were just a fraction of the man I thought you were and what you portrayed yourself to be while talking to me on the phone, I would have been happy.
How disappointing!
But I have to give credit where credit is due. My ex never, ever, hit me first off especially over drugs. Second him and I always made sure the the bills were paid first they were priority. Over and over I kept telling him that I didn't have the money and that my rent check still hadn't processed. He didn't care, just kept on pushing and nagging and wheedling and eventually I caved in. Now, I have to face the consequences of all of this alone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Be a Warrior not a worrier!
I was thinking a lot about things that have been going on in my life over the past several months, and I realized something really important. See back in August I was in so much pain in my back and I didn't have a clue what was going on with me. I had been to the emergency room 19 times and all they ever kept telling me was that I had a back strain. But, the pain started out as a small pain between my shoulder blades, I thought that maybe I was just extremely tired or since I had just bought the stick shift car maybe it was from all the shifting I had been doing.
I really didn't have too much time to dwell on the pain, because during this same time period, Alicia, Lonnie, Kim, and others kept making random appearances at my apartment and so many things were going to hell in a hand basket and I just couldn't get the situation under control. It was during this time that I ended up getting arrested 3 times in just a months period. I was also told by my landlord that I had to move at the beginning of July. I was running out of time and with my back hurting so badly, I couldn't do much. For the first 2 weeks, I ended up laying around in bed, and as time started closing in on me. I began to worry so much that I became afraid. My whole world was crashing down around my ears. Because of the friends of Kim I ended up being robbed and lost everything important I owned.
Because of my back pain, and the constant visits to the emergency room. My dad and step mother allowed me to come back to live at their house. I was only there about 2 weeks when I had an MRI which was the very beginning of a long and painful journey. The morning of the MRI it took me almost 30 minutes to get out of bed. When I finally got out to the living room, my father noticed that something was wrong and asked what the matter was. I told him that my back hurt so bad that I wasn't sure I could drive to the appointment. When I got to the imaging center it was all I could do to get in the door and walk up to the desk. The receptionist noticed how I was walking and rushed to get me a wheel chair. I even ran into two close friends while I was there and was in so much pain that I couldn't really even talk to them to let them know what was going on.
Time clicked by so slowly, and my mind was running through all these different scenarios. I was worrying and worrying the longer it took the more heavy the weight on my shoulders became. Long story short I was wheeled into the MRI room, the tech put me on the table, the machine was made only one pass when the tech came back and helped me up saying that the radiologist needed to talk to me. I was wheeled in to the guys office and he promptly asked me how I got to the imaging center. I told him that I drove, and he asked me if there was someone that could come and pick up my car and get me to the hospital ASAP. The image that he showed me had an infection centered in the thoracic spine, it appeared to be through the center of my spine and right into my spinal column. I was told that the infection was so severe and was strangling my spinal cord and that if I didn't get treated immediately I could become paralyzed for life.
I stayed in the hospital for 14 days, and given IV antibiotics, it is here where I learned that I needed to be a warrior and not a worrier. See I was freaked out because once I got to the hospital, my legs gave out and I had to have my dad get a wheel chair and for the next 2 months, I couldn't get them to move at all. The antibiotics worked slowly and because of that I ended up having to go to a nursing/rehab facility for continued IV treatments. I was admitted at night to the facility and by the time I got settled in it was after midnight. So I didn't get to meet anyone at that time. But at 8 am the next morning I was assaulted by a myriad of people, nurses, doctors, cna's, administrators, therapists. All the information overloaded my mind but the one thing that struck home and hit me squarely between the eyes was what the physical therapist said. She told me that she was sorry but I was never going to walk again. Now, as you can imagine this was my fear from the beginning.
That night as I lay in my bed and continued worrying. I decided to pray instead of letting my mind run away with me. The head can only take so much information and process it, the shoulders can only stand so much weight before you feel like the world was resting on them. The weight was overwhelming I felt like nothing was ever going to be the same, that I was stuck and I would never be able to move again, both figuratively and literally. So I did the only thing I knew what to do, I turned to God in prayer. I prayed continuously through the night, and when the sun broached the horizon and sunrise started. A peace descended upon me, it was like something I never felt before, and I had the calm assurance that if I did all I could on my own, I would be rewarded and I would get my legs back. So when therapy came in to start my rehab, I diligently did as I was told. Then that afternoon I started going back to the gym, this was a routine that I established. I would drag myself up on the balance bars, and I would shuffle along. I literally taught myself to walk again. I prayed diligently and had the calm reassurance that I was going to be healed.
It took me 3 weeks to start walking with a 2 wheeled walker and 3 to 4 weeks later I had graduated to the 4 wheeled walker. and just 2 weeks after that I graduated to a cane. I used that for 2 weeks before I had a fall in the parking lot and they put me back to the 4 wheel walker. But when I was finally released from the home 18 weeks later. I went home using only the cane. I continued to pray and do the exercises that I was taught in the home. I am now off of any type of walking assistance, and I have stopped taking the pain medication. I do go back there to visit my friends and staff members that work at the home every Sunday. this past Sunday my friend Jonathan and I went back to the home and every one there was amazed at the progress I have made. My back is straight, and my posture is good, and they keep telling me that I am looking so good. I am pleased and excited by the progress I have made, but I am not surprised because I knew in my heart all those months ago that I was going to be healed and I was.
See, don't let your worry over life add weight to your shoulders, because if you keep worrying the weight will pile up and before you know it you won't be able to move. See worrying is never an answer, it will lock you into place. You can't get past it and it weighs you down and make it hard to think.
What am I trying to tell you? I am telling you that if you go from worrier to warrior your life is going to be so much better. You will also find that by leaving your problems and concerns at the feet of Jesus you are no longer weighed down by all those heavy thoughts and worries.
Practice praying daily, give all your concerns, problems and desires over to the Lord and you will begin to experience a brighter countenance and life seems to be easier to get through. I challenge you to stop being a worrier and become a pray warrior and you will see changes in your life and miracles all around you.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
I really didn't have too much time to dwell on the pain, because during this same time period, Alicia, Lonnie, Kim, and others kept making random appearances at my apartment and so many things were going to hell in a hand basket and I just couldn't get the situation under control. It was during this time that I ended up getting arrested 3 times in just a months period. I was also told by my landlord that I had to move at the beginning of July. I was running out of time and with my back hurting so badly, I couldn't do much. For the first 2 weeks, I ended up laying around in bed, and as time started closing in on me. I began to worry so much that I became afraid. My whole world was crashing down around my ears. Because of the friends of Kim I ended up being robbed and lost everything important I owned.
Because of my back pain, and the constant visits to the emergency room. My dad and step mother allowed me to come back to live at their house. I was only there about 2 weeks when I had an MRI which was the very beginning of a long and painful journey. The morning of the MRI it took me almost 30 minutes to get out of bed. When I finally got out to the living room, my father noticed that something was wrong and asked what the matter was. I told him that my back hurt so bad that I wasn't sure I could drive to the appointment. When I got to the imaging center it was all I could do to get in the door and walk up to the desk. The receptionist noticed how I was walking and rushed to get me a wheel chair. I even ran into two close friends while I was there and was in so much pain that I couldn't really even talk to them to let them know what was going on.
Time clicked by so slowly, and my mind was running through all these different scenarios. I was worrying and worrying the longer it took the more heavy the weight on my shoulders became. Long story short I was wheeled into the MRI room, the tech put me on the table, the machine was made only one pass when the tech came back and helped me up saying that the radiologist needed to talk to me. I was wheeled in to the guys office and he promptly asked me how I got to the imaging center. I told him that I drove, and he asked me if there was someone that could come and pick up my car and get me to the hospital ASAP. The image that he showed me had an infection centered in the thoracic spine, it appeared to be through the center of my spine and right into my spinal column. I was told that the infection was so severe and was strangling my spinal cord and that if I didn't get treated immediately I could become paralyzed for life.
I stayed in the hospital for 14 days, and given IV antibiotics, it is here where I learned that I needed to be a warrior and not a worrier. See I was freaked out because once I got to the hospital, my legs gave out and I had to have my dad get a wheel chair and for the next 2 months, I couldn't get them to move at all. The antibiotics worked slowly and because of that I ended up having to go to a nursing/rehab facility for continued IV treatments. I was admitted at night to the facility and by the time I got settled in it was after midnight. So I didn't get to meet anyone at that time. But at 8 am the next morning I was assaulted by a myriad of people, nurses, doctors, cna's, administrators, therapists. All the information overloaded my mind but the one thing that struck home and hit me squarely between the eyes was what the physical therapist said. She told me that she was sorry but I was never going to walk again. Now, as you can imagine this was my fear from the beginning.
That night as I lay in my bed and continued worrying. I decided to pray instead of letting my mind run away with me. The head can only take so much information and process it, the shoulders can only stand so much weight before you feel like the world was resting on them. The weight was overwhelming I felt like nothing was ever going to be the same, that I was stuck and I would never be able to move again, both figuratively and literally. So I did the only thing I knew what to do, I turned to God in prayer. I prayed continuously through the night, and when the sun broached the horizon and sunrise started. A peace descended upon me, it was like something I never felt before, and I had the calm assurance that if I did all I could on my own, I would be rewarded and I would get my legs back. So when therapy came in to start my rehab, I diligently did as I was told. Then that afternoon I started going back to the gym, this was a routine that I established. I would drag myself up on the balance bars, and I would shuffle along. I literally taught myself to walk again. I prayed diligently and had the calm reassurance that I was going to be healed.
It took me 3 weeks to start walking with a 2 wheeled walker and 3 to 4 weeks later I had graduated to the 4 wheeled walker. and just 2 weeks after that I graduated to a cane. I used that for 2 weeks before I had a fall in the parking lot and they put me back to the 4 wheel walker. But when I was finally released from the home 18 weeks later. I went home using only the cane. I continued to pray and do the exercises that I was taught in the home. I am now off of any type of walking assistance, and I have stopped taking the pain medication. I do go back there to visit my friends and staff members that work at the home every Sunday. this past Sunday my friend Jonathan and I went back to the home and every one there was amazed at the progress I have made. My back is straight, and my posture is good, and they keep telling me that I am looking so good. I am pleased and excited by the progress I have made, but I am not surprised because I knew in my heart all those months ago that I was going to be healed and I was.
See, don't let your worry over life add weight to your shoulders, because if you keep worrying the weight will pile up and before you know it you won't be able to move. See worrying is never an answer, it will lock you into place. You can't get past it and it weighs you down and make it hard to think.
What am I trying to tell you? I am telling you that if you go from worrier to warrior your life is going to be so much better. You will also find that by leaving your problems and concerns at the feet of Jesus you are no longer weighed down by all those heavy thoughts and worries.
Practice praying daily, give all your concerns, problems and desires over to the Lord and you will begin to experience a brighter countenance and life seems to be easier to get through. I challenge you to stop being a worrier and become a pray warrior and you will see changes in your life and miracles all around you.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Are you Insane?
I have always thought that a little bit of crazy would carry me far in the world today. But, now I am realizing that I am not crazy, I am totally insane. Follow me on this, I handle each confrontation with humor. I am a person that doesn't like to confront anyone. It is so bad, that I sometimes suppress my emotions and hold them in. Let me tell you that it wasn't good for me or anyone around me. Because I was hiding how I felt from everyone, it stayed bottled up inside of me. The least little thing that someone did would trigger an emotional and very verbally damaging barrage. I realized that I wasn't even really angry with the person, I was just taking out the pain and bitterness I was harboring on them. Not a good thing at all. It is never a good idea to bottle up your emotions like that, because you will find yourself like I did blowing up at the wrong person at the wrong time. Hell, they didn't really do anything major it was just a trigger.
Today, I hold nothing in. I tell you exactly how I feel and the brutal honest truth. Because I believe that I owe you only the truth. Because if I don't tell you the truth about whatever is going on and you find out from someone else guess who you are going to be mad at? It is going to be me. So, when I was recently diagnosed as being terminal. I decided that life is to short to go around sugar coating things. If I can't tell you the truth about yourself or a situation then am I really your friend? Throughout the blog I keep telling you that the way to keep a relationship together is a multi-part process. I believe that it starts with you. You have to be brutally honest to yourself and stop rationalizing things and lying to yourself. When you do that you are going to feel so much better about yourself. Things are probably going to start falling into place and you are going to find that there are less things to find fault about in the world. The second part of the equation is open and direct communication. Most of us aren't mind readers and we honestly don't have a clue what is going on in your heart or your head. No one wants to get hurt, and we try to protect ourselves by telling that little white lie. It does no one any good to tell people exactly what you think they want to hear. Actions speak louder than words my friend.
You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with insanity? Well, I guess I should explain what I mean when I ask you if you are insane. Albert Einstein stated that "insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result each time". It is my contention that we are creatures of habit. We figure out a way to do something an easy way or what we think is an easy way. We continue to do it that way and it becomes part of your routine and if done long enough you will become set in your way and won't accept any other way to complete that task. I can tell you that I met a woman like that just recently, for 66 years she did the same things over and over again. She has a certain way she puts stuff in her washer, as well as set ideas on cooking and cleaning and everything else. But, here is the rub with this lady, she has been diagnosed with ALS and can no longer take care of herself. I was asked to help take care of her for a week. Boy, I was glad to leave because I am used to doing things my own way and it irritated me that she wanted me to redo everything her way. I am not good at doing things twice.
Okay, but as I was saying we are creatures of habit, and if you as you observe a person for any length of time you will notice the pattern of behavior of that person. I have noticed that some women are attracted to the same type of guys over and over again. Even though they have been hurt by that type over and over again. Think about this: You are standing on the cereal isle at your favorite store. You are looking at the packaging and they all look different, but surprise when you open the box the inside are the same corn flakes. Another, example is that I have reached out my hand to help certain people from my past, and got burned over and over again. Men are also attracted to certain types of people as well, and we all have preferences. So, what happens we end up dating not necessarily the same person, but the same type of person. Then the comparisons start between your last relationship and the present one, and we know that no two relationships can ever be exactly alike. Different people and different circumstances.
I was trying to help out a young friend of mine that I met about a year ago, when I had first met him he was only smoking herb, and when I got out of the nursing home he was totally screwed up, he was stuck with a bad habit and addiction. He and his girlfriend are both 18 and he has gotten her pregnant, and he is addicted to crack. This has caused terrible problems for his girlfriend and her baby because he can't be responsible adult and help support his family, she is the one working and getting money which he spends up as fast as she can make it. I have tried to help him out, get him into a rehab program. He refused and what happened. He stole my computer and my tablet, which I ended up having to buy back. Several weeks later he ended up stealing my sterling silver rings. Once that happened I had to change my pattern of behavior and tell him he can't come around my house anymore. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
So am I insane? Yes, because I keep giving out my heart and trying to help people and so many times I have been hurt. I finally have realized that they were using my kindness for granted and using me. I can't do this again, because the results are usually the same, I end up getting hurt because I have invested time and energy on helping others. Everyone tells me that I am a strong person because I still talk to my ex and have helped him out from time to time when he needed it, even though he is dating someone else now. Also, I have become friends with his new partner. True insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again hoping that someone will understand and help you break free from the pattern and habits that are holding you in place.
Just keep in mind that insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. Make sure that you break out of your habits and patterns, because they keep you stuck in a rut. Crazy is my way to deal with the mundane pitfalls and obstacles that come your way. If you keep your head up and a positive mental attitude. There is nothing that you can't overcome and accomplish. Remember whatever the Mind can Conceive and Believe you will Achieve.
In order to get to the next level in life you have to become content with where you are at in life, and comfortable with what you have got. When you reach this state, I believe you are going to find that you have everything you need right in front of you. This my friends is called Prosperity.
No one is perfect, yet we seek an ideal in a relationship, a concept of what we think we want, and yet how can anyone measure up to an image that they know nothing about. You have to be flexible and roll with the punches if you are in a relationship, if you don't the patterns are just going to continue to repeat and you are going to find the same thing happening all over again. If you truly are going to conquer insanity you have to keep moving forward, and let go of your preconceptions and take some risks, you have to break the rigidity that comes with having ingrained habits, be willing and open to change and even try something new or different. Look for patterns of behavior, seek them out and physically change them. You have to step out of the box, take a chance on trying something new and wild. You might be surprised that the one you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time, but you were so wrapped up in yourself and the same boring outlook that you have totally missed an opportunity to blossom and experience true love. Patterns and rigid habits can keep you in a stagnant environment doing the same monotonous things over and over again and getting no fulfillment or joy out of it. If you are not happy with the life you have then get up and do something about it. Because only you can make the necessary changes.
So, now you tell me are you insane? I know that I am sometimes, but now that I have realized my pattern and my problem I am going to make that change. Walk with me on this new road lets see where it will take us and where we end up...I think it will be fun.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Today, I hold nothing in. I tell you exactly how I feel and the brutal honest truth. Because I believe that I owe you only the truth. Because if I don't tell you the truth about whatever is going on and you find out from someone else guess who you are going to be mad at? It is going to be me. So, when I was recently diagnosed as being terminal. I decided that life is to short to go around sugar coating things. If I can't tell you the truth about yourself or a situation then am I really your friend? Throughout the blog I keep telling you that the way to keep a relationship together is a multi-part process. I believe that it starts with you. You have to be brutally honest to yourself and stop rationalizing things and lying to yourself. When you do that you are going to feel so much better about yourself. Things are probably going to start falling into place and you are going to find that there are less things to find fault about in the world. The second part of the equation is open and direct communication. Most of us aren't mind readers and we honestly don't have a clue what is going on in your heart or your head. No one wants to get hurt, and we try to protect ourselves by telling that little white lie. It does no one any good to tell people exactly what you think they want to hear. Actions speak louder than words my friend.
You maybe wondering what all of this has to do with insanity? Well, I guess I should explain what I mean when I ask you if you are insane. Albert Einstein stated that "insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result each time". It is my contention that we are creatures of habit. We figure out a way to do something an easy way or what we think is an easy way. We continue to do it that way and it becomes part of your routine and if done long enough you will become set in your way and won't accept any other way to complete that task. I can tell you that I met a woman like that just recently, for 66 years she did the same things over and over again. She has a certain way she puts stuff in her washer, as well as set ideas on cooking and cleaning and everything else. But, here is the rub with this lady, she has been diagnosed with ALS and can no longer take care of herself. I was asked to help take care of her for a week. Boy, I was glad to leave because I am used to doing things my own way and it irritated me that she wanted me to redo everything her way. I am not good at doing things twice.
Okay, but as I was saying we are creatures of habit, and if you as you observe a person for any length of time you will notice the pattern of behavior of that person. I have noticed that some women are attracted to the same type of guys over and over again. Even though they have been hurt by that type over and over again. Think about this: You are standing on the cereal isle at your favorite store. You are looking at the packaging and they all look different, but surprise when you open the box the inside are the same corn flakes. Another, example is that I have reached out my hand to help certain people from my past, and got burned over and over again. Men are also attracted to certain types of people as well, and we all have preferences. So, what happens we end up dating not necessarily the same person, but the same type of person. Then the comparisons start between your last relationship and the present one, and we know that no two relationships can ever be exactly alike. Different people and different circumstances.
I was trying to help out a young friend of mine that I met about a year ago, when I had first met him he was only smoking herb, and when I got out of the nursing home he was totally screwed up, he was stuck with a bad habit and addiction. He and his girlfriend are both 18 and he has gotten her pregnant, and he is addicted to crack. This has caused terrible problems for his girlfriend and her baby because he can't be responsible adult and help support his family, she is the one working and getting money which he spends up as fast as she can make it. I have tried to help him out, get him into a rehab program. He refused and what happened. He stole my computer and my tablet, which I ended up having to buy back. Several weeks later he ended up stealing my sterling silver rings. Once that happened I had to change my pattern of behavior and tell him he can't come around my house anymore. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
So am I insane? Yes, because I keep giving out my heart and trying to help people and so many times I have been hurt. I finally have realized that they were using my kindness for granted and using me. I can't do this again, because the results are usually the same, I end up getting hurt because I have invested time and energy on helping others. Everyone tells me that I am a strong person because I still talk to my ex and have helped him out from time to time when he needed it, even though he is dating someone else now. Also, I have become friends with his new partner. True insanity is making the same mistakes over and over again hoping that someone will understand and help you break free from the pattern and habits that are holding you in place.
Just keep in mind that insanity is doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. Make sure that you break out of your habits and patterns, because they keep you stuck in a rut. Crazy is my way to deal with the mundane pitfalls and obstacles that come your way. If you keep your head up and a positive mental attitude. There is nothing that you can't overcome and accomplish. Remember whatever the Mind can Conceive and Believe you will Achieve.
In order to get to the next level in life you have to become content with where you are at in life, and comfortable with what you have got. When you reach this state, I believe you are going to find that you have everything you need right in front of you. This my friends is called Prosperity.
No one is perfect, yet we seek an ideal in a relationship, a concept of what we think we want, and yet how can anyone measure up to an image that they know nothing about. You have to be flexible and roll with the punches if you are in a relationship, if you don't the patterns are just going to continue to repeat and you are going to find the same thing happening all over again. If you truly are going to conquer insanity you have to keep moving forward, and let go of your preconceptions and take some risks, you have to break the rigidity that comes with having ingrained habits, be willing and open to change and even try something new or different. Look for patterns of behavior, seek them out and physically change them. You have to step out of the box, take a chance on trying something new and wild. You might be surprised that the one you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time, but you were so wrapped up in yourself and the same boring outlook that you have totally missed an opportunity to blossom and experience true love. Patterns and rigid habits can keep you in a stagnant environment doing the same monotonous things over and over again and getting no fulfillment or joy out of it. If you are not happy with the life you have then get up and do something about it. Because only you can make the necessary changes.
So, now you tell me are you insane? I know that I am sometimes, but now that I have realized my pattern and my problem I am going to make that change. Walk with me on this new road lets see where it will take us and where we end up...I think it will be fun.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, February 2, 2015
Food for Thought Feb 2, 2015
This is a little teaser to get you to start thinking about yourself and where you want to go. I call these little tidbits Food for Thought:
Life is what you make of it. Remain positive, smile at everyone, laugh at adversity, and be confident in your actions. Remember you are a work in progress, strive for perfection one day at a time. At the end of your journey you are going to find out that you have been molded and sculpted into a priceless and precious work of art. We are all unique, we have our own personalities, let your light shine to the world. Be yourself, love unconditionally, learn something new each day. Remember when trouble comes your way "This too Shall pass and fade away".
If you remember this throughout the day today, I think you will find that you have been blessed.
Life is what you make of it. Remain positive, smile at everyone, laugh at adversity, and be confident in your actions. Remember you are a work in progress, strive for perfection one day at a time. At the end of your journey you are going to find out that you have been molded and sculpted into a priceless and precious work of art. We are all unique, we have our own personalities, let your light shine to the world. Be yourself, love unconditionally, learn something new each day. Remember when trouble comes your way "This too Shall pass and fade away".
If you remember this throughout the day today, I think you will find that you have been blessed.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Ideas on friendship and relationships
Did you know that when I approach a new person, a stranger to myself, that I approach them exactly the same exact way. I plan on developing a life long friendship with that person. When I extend my hand in friendship to you, it is not something that I do lightly. When I tell you that you are my friend you are till the end. I would say that 85 percent of the friends in my life I have known more than 10 years, or darn close too it.
I have been guided by the philosophy that my grandfather told me almost 30 years ago. He told me "Bryan a person doesn't leave their mark on this world by how much material possessions they accumulate or how much wealth they have, or houses or anything like that. A man leaves his mark on the world by how many lives he has touched and how many people remember him after he is gone. " I don't take my friendships lightly, if extend my hand to you I mean it to be a bond that is going to last forever.
I feel that there are always room for more friendships in this life. I don't think one person is supposed to handle everything that life has on their own. They need an extended family, a support network and friends that all pull together when things go wrong. People that you can depend on, trust with your life and know that they value you just as much. I have been so very blessed since I moved back to Florida in March of 2012. I was introduced by Donna Wood (my original case manager here) to Jeff Allen and his partner Jim Geary and was told about PCHAAP and the Daytona Speakers Bureau (Now the Positive Champions Speakers Bureau) through Jeff and Jim I met Omar Mayes and Mary Benefield, Jack Garcia and Robert Moyer. These people helped me transition from my old life in Atlanta to the slower more moderate pace of Daytona.
I am so very happy that each and everyone of them has come into my life, and though over the past 2 years my life and health has been a constant roller coaster ride. They have stuck with me and encouraged me to get back on my feet and healthy. I don't think that I would have stayed in Daytona if it wasn't for this wonderful group of people that have been in my life since the 2nd week I was here. Over the years we have all been through our own ups and downs but we have remained close through everything that has come at all of us. Now, more and more people are coming into my life from exposure to this dynamic group and all I can say is that I am so excited and happy that I am still here and participating once again.
But do you know what friendship means too me? These are the folks I turn too when I am sad, hurt, sick and down. They are my friends whether I am healthy or ill. They stay in touch with me and make me feel like I am a part of their group and family. They have become my extended family. I saw a picture tonight and it said "Blood means we are related, Loyalty means we are family". What an honest and universal truth that is.
So you know more about me now than you did before, but here is some interesting tidbits of information that I would like to share with you. I am not the kind of person that is going to be super clingy, I am a person who is always there just at the edge of sight that you can call or holler at. I am going to come to your aid and defense whenever I am needed no matter what. I am also the one that tries to put myself in the other persons shoes and think about what they are going through and I explain it to everyone else around me in terms that they can understand. Understand that there is a significant difference in explaining things in terms that people can understand and talking down to people.
I learned along time ago that it necessarily isn't what you say but the manner in which is spoken that is the cause of strife in life. You have to be very careful how you put thing out there. Remember that anything put into the universe by you comes back ten fold whether good or bad it comes back at you trust me on this.
I have also learned that no matter how much you want someone to change, or how much help you offer others that you see in need, that they are not going to change unless they really want too. The old adage "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink" holds true with individuals as well. You can put yourself out there and try and help those around you, but unless they have reached a point in their own life that they want to change they aren't going too no matter what you do. A person has to reach rock bottom before they turn their lives around. It hurts to watch someone you love spiral downward and crash, but sometimes you have to give tough love and let them make their own decisions. Keep in mind that it is their life not yours. They have to live and learn their own way.
You don't owe anyone any explanation for what you are feeling and what your decisions are. See, you must be concerned with yourself first and foremost then what others think or feel about you. It is your time, your life, and you have to do for you because no one else will do for you. Hold your head high and move forward you owe no one an explanation, you have your own mind and are blessed with intelligence to make your own decisions. Do not let others make you feel guilty for what you have decided is best for you and your life, because it is you who has to live with your decision no one else.
I am also a person who loves hard and gives 100 percent of myself in a relationship and I have certain expectations from the person that I am dating. I am hurting and hunting for someone to love me as much as I love them. I would love to find a person who can and wants to spend the rest of their life with me building a future together. I believe that a relationship is something that should not be entered into lightly, I believe that it takes a combination of love, trust, faith and honesty for a relationship to work. I think that it is a mutual partnership that helps each party of the relationship to build on and move towards the next level.
In a nut shell you are agreeing that no matter what the circumstances are, the situations you find yourselves in, and no matter who or what comes into or through your lives you do not let them interfere with the two of you. It takes a total change in mindset, for a relationship to work. You are now making decisions and choices for two. You have to consider your partners feelings, thoughts, expectations before you make any choice. You have to think of we before you think of I. If you can't do that then you shouldn't be in a relationship anyway, because you are not going to remain faithful to the commitment that you have made to each other.
Love is just a minor part of the relationship equation. There is so much work involved and it constantly needs to be tended and watered, nurtured and taken care of. So if you are of the fainthearted sort you may want to avoid them as long as you can. Because when you are thinking for two it is much more difficult than thinking for one person. See when you are in a relationship you owe your partner an explanation for everything you do. They deserve that respect and consideration.
See my last relationship wasn't based on trust, loyalty and love. I gave love and a hundred percent of myself, but it wasn't returned. Every chance my ex got to talk and speak to other guys he did. He would often mislead me into going on trips to Atlanta because he had been flirting with someone either on Facebook or Adam4Adam. Every single time we would go to Atlanta, I would come back to Florida and have to spend 3 or more days in the hospital. We were constantly battling the past and addictions and couldn't move forward together, because it wasn't what he really wanted.
I tried to build a home and a new life in Florida, and all he longed for was to go back to his old life in Atlanta. But even going back to Atlanta he found that he couldn't bring back that old life no matter how hard he tried. I believe that he has finally battled and defeated the demon that was holding him in check here. He no longer has a need for the drug that kept us fighting and in trouble. He has moved on and is in a new relationship and I am glad that he is doing well for himself. But I can tell that he isn't where he wants to be mentally. He still feels he needs to get out there and get his own place and stuff again. I don't think he can actually do that when he is struggling in a relationship.
I have found a happy place in the middle for myself. I am out on my own and surrounded by a loving network of friends that are close by and I can reach out and pick up the phone and call them. I have my own little one bedroom place close to the causeway that will take me over to beach side and I am enjoying a certain sense of freedom and independence. I have even started talking to someone that I had met on one of mine and my ex's adventures to Atlanta. As a matter of fact I am planning on going down to South Florida to see him and celebrate his birthday with him. I am wanting to take my time and explore and learn everything I can about this person. He caught my imagination, my mind and has intrigued my soul. He likes the fact that I am an intellectual and he supports my passion for writing and feels that I am extremely gifted when it comes to putting thoughts on paper. I believe that this is a person who is close enough in age to me that we have lot's of things in common and can come together and build a strong relationship based on mutual trust, understanding and respect, with a healthy dose of attraction and love thrown into the mix.
So do you think you know me pretty well now? We have just scratched the surface of my beliefs and desires. But if you take the time to explore my blog from the beginning to now, I think you will have a better understanding of who I am and what I am looking for in life. You will learn the cold hard facts of the addictions I have faced and overcome. You will also learn about my fears, desires, random thoughts and the journey that I am on.
I am not sure if a person can ever truly know another person. You can begin to understand them a little better, you can see their motivations, but I don't think you can ever really truly know what is going on in their head or what they are thinking. In my past I have been blindsided by hidden agendas and half-truths that it makes it hard for me to 100 percent trust anyone. But I am not letting my past color my future, and I will not let that same past interfere with my happiness and my ability to get to know this new person that has come into my life.
See for right now everything is about me and him and it might eventually become a WE thing, but I am going to have to wait and see. I do know that I care about him and that I have made him 2 promises that I know will be very easy for me to keep. The first promise is that I will never lie to him, he will always know my heart and mind before anyone else does, and the second is that no matter how busy I am in my life I will never be too busy for him. See I know that if I want him to take a central role in my life that I am going to have to be completely open, and honest with him and myself. I can't rationalize, generalize or kid myself into thinking something that isn't the whole truth.
I also have to be flexible, open to change and be non judgmental. I have caught myself attempting to compare previous relationships to the one that I am currently in, and I have learned that no two people are the same, therefore the relationship are as varied as the people that are in them. No two relationships can be compared because if you start doing that you have condemned it from the moment that you start, because no one can live up to someone that is in your past.
I hope that you take away from this rambling on about friendships and relationships that they all start out the same. You must be a friend with someone and build a measure of trust before you can explore a relationship side with them. Please keep in mind that if you really want your relationship to stand the test of time, you have to be open, honest, trustworthy, and committed. You have to be flexible to change and emotionally involved, you have to kill off the I and substitute We into it. For a relationship cannot withstand only the I's and forget to consider the We. We is the important unit of measure here.
Don't fool yourself into believing that love is the only thing it takes to make a relationship work, because Love is not a cure-all. It does have it limitations and cannot change another person into what you think they should be. You have to have total acceptance of each other if you are going to work.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you!
Uncle B
In a nut shell you are agreeing that no matter what the circumstances are, the situations you find yourselves in, and no matter who or what comes into or through your lives you do not let them interfere with the two of you. It takes a total change in mindset, for a relationship to work. You are now making decisions and choices for two. You have to consider your partners feelings, thoughts, expectations before you make any choice. You have to think of we before you think of I. If you can't do that then you shouldn't be in a relationship anyway, because you are not going to remain faithful to the commitment that you have made to each other.
Love is just a minor part of the relationship equation. There is so much work involved and it constantly needs to be tended and watered, nurtured and taken care of. So if you are of the fainthearted sort you may want to avoid them as long as you can. Because when you are thinking for two it is much more difficult than thinking for one person. See when you are in a relationship you owe your partner an explanation for everything you do. They deserve that respect and consideration.
See my last relationship wasn't based on trust, loyalty and love. I gave love and a hundred percent of myself, but it wasn't returned. Every chance my ex got to talk and speak to other guys he did. He would often mislead me into going on trips to Atlanta because he had been flirting with someone either on Facebook or Adam4Adam. Every single time we would go to Atlanta, I would come back to Florida and have to spend 3 or more days in the hospital. We were constantly battling the past and addictions and couldn't move forward together, because it wasn't what he really wanted.
I tried to build a home and a new life in Florida, and all he longed for was to go back to his old life in Atlanta. But even going back to Atlanta he found that he couldn't bring back that old life no matter how hard he tried. I believe that he has finally battled and defeated the demon that was holding him in check here. He no longer has a need for the drug that kept us fighting and in trouble. He has moved on and is in a new relationship and I am glad that he is doing well for himself. But I can tell that he isn't where he wants to be mentally. He still feels he needs to get out there and get his own place and stuff again. I don't think he can actually do that when he is struggling in a relationship.
I have found a happy place in the middle for myself. I am out on my own and surrounded by a loving network of friends that are close by and I can reach out and pick up the phone and call them. I have my own little one bedroom place close to the causeway that will take me over to beach side and I am enjoying a certain sense of freedom and independence. I have even started talking to someone that I had met on one of mine and my ex's adventures to Atlanta. As a matter of fact I am planning on going down to South Florida to see him and celebrate his birthday with him. I am wanting to take my time and explore and learn everything I can about this person. He caught my imagination, my mind and has intrigued my soul. He likes the fact that I am an intellectual and he supports my passion for writing and feels that I am extremely gifted when it comes to putting thoughts on paper. I believe that this is a person who is close enough in age to me that we have lot's of things in common and can come together and build a strong relationship based on mutual trust, understanding and respect, with a healthy dose of attraction and love thrown into the mix.
So do you think you know me pretty well now? We have just scratched the surface of my beliefs and desires. But if you take the time to explore my blog from the beginning to now, I think you will have a better understanding of who I am and what I am looking for in life. You will learn the cold hard facts of the addictions I have faced and overcome. You will also learn about my fears, desires, random thoughts and the journey that I am on.
I am not sure if a person can ever truly know another person. You can begin to understand them a little better, you can see their motivations, but I don't think you can ever really truly know what is going on in their head or what they are thinking. In my past I have been blindsided by hidden agendas and half-truths that it makes it hard for me to 100 percent trust anyone. But I am not letting my past color my future, and I will not let that same past interfere with my happiness and my ability to get to know this new person that has come into my life.
See for right now everything is about me and him and it might eventually become a WE thing, but I am going to have to wait and see. I do know that I care about him and that I have made him 2 promises that I know will be very easy for me to keep. The first promise is that I will never lie to him, he will always know my heart and mind before anyone else does, and the second is that no matter how busy I am in my life I will never be too busy for him. See I know that if I want him to take a central role in my life that I am going to have to be completely open, and honest with him and myself. I can't rationalize, generalize or kid myself into thinking something that isn't the whole truth.
I also have to be flexible, open to change and be non judgmental. I have caught myself attempting to compare previous relationships to the one that I am currently in, and I have learned that no two people are the same, therefore the relationship are as varied as the people that are in them. No two relationships can be compared because if you start doing that you have condemned it from the moment that you start, because no one can live up to someone that is in your past.
I hope that you take away from this rambling on about friendships and relationships that they all start out the same. You must be a friend with someone and build a measure of trust before you can explore a relationship side with them. Please keep in mind that if you really want your relationship to stand the test of time, you have to be open, honest, trustworthy, and committed. You have to be flexible to change and emotionally involved, you have to kill off the I and substitute We into it. For a relationship cannot withstand only the I's and forget to consider the We. We is the important unit of measure here.
Don't fool yourself into believing that love is the only thing it takes to make a relationship work, because Love is not a cure-all. It does have it limitations and cannot change another person into what you think they should be. You have to have total acceptance of each other if you are going to work.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you!
Uncle B
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