Friday, November 9, 2012

What is going on in the minds of young people today?

I got a disturbing phone call from my friend in Ft. Lauderdale this morning, and it again pointed me in the direction of what is wrong with our youth and young people today.  The other day's post was also from a young person (girl in that case) but these two topics have brought me full circle to a thought that has been going around in my head for several days. What is going on with the young people today? Why do they think that someone owes them something? Why are they trading on their looks and not trying to earn an honest living? Why do they think that they can live off of another person?  How is it that they can sleep comfortably at night knowing that they are using other people for their own survival, habits, and gain?  What is the allure of the porn industry to these young men and women that keep them thinking that they are going to make a fortune in the industry. Do they honestly know how the industry works?  I am going to attempt to explore all of this and a bit more in this article and you chime in and tell me if you agree/disagree or what your opinions are on this subject.  Keep in mind that I am writing this from my perspective, and from my own vast experiences dealing with a group of young African-American men in Atlanta and again in Florida before I moved to Atlanta.  I am coming from my past experiences and this has no reflection or bearing on individuals that I have been dealing with this year.  I will also explain why I have made this distinction and where my mind and heart is at in this entry.

It seems like there is an increasing trend in today's youth to think that by dating an older person that they are going to be taken care of.  It is almost like they feel that they are owed something. They refuse to work or to better themselves.  In my past I have dated or supported almost everyone I have ever gone out with. The exception to that was Joe, we worked together, we built up a home, we had a rental property, and eventually started several businesses together.  This how I think a relationship should work. That the two people in it, meet each other half-way.  But many of the younger African-American men that I have dated, rather smoke weed, run the roads, hang with friends then actually work.  It seems like the seek out older white men and exploit them.  Now, before anyone gets upset or defensive about this, remember I am taking this from my own past experiences, and this is not trying to say that ALL African American males do this.  I do not want to make a sweeping generality like that.  I want you my readers to understand where I am coming from and exactly the types of people that I mean.  Because in all honesty it is the younger generations that are out there trying to find the easy way. It really isn't a matter of race at all.  They could be black, white, purple, green, red,  or any other spectrum and still there is a certain percentage of the population that tries to find the easy way out, they trade on their looks to get what they want.  They have the ability to sweet talk their way in and keep themselves there.  Some even have the ability to convince complete strangers that they are in need and get them to buy them whatever they want or need from the store.  I have seen it done.  I have an ex named Bobby who I have talked to you about in earlier blog entries that can do that.  He calls it panhandling, I call it a gift, because no matter what that boy wants he can get another person to buy it for him, and he always seems to have money in his pocket, and during our time together never had to work.

Others, use their body and sell their sexual services to others, or try to make a break into the porn industry or modeling.  They do not understand how cut throat that world is, or how competitive.  Nor do they understand all the ramifications of doing that type of work, the long hours, the way the pay actually works, and the additional services that are required of them. The traveling, the hustling that goes along with it, signing tours where you have to sometimes go out on dates and end up having sex with the clients.  How, especially in the gay porn industry how one screen shot of you can be used over and over again and you are only paid for the initial shot.  Money can be made doing it, but the work and toll is tremendous, and most young people burn out on it very quickly.  Modelling is another career where people think it is glamorous and fun and games, but is actually hard work, you have to have a certain look, the way your hair is styled and makeup is done, will be determined by the directors, photographers, and agencies.  Many of the younger female models end up with inferiority complexes, eating disorders and exhaustion.  Both lines of work are grueling and extremely demanding both physically and mentally.  They warp a person and change them from what they were, and if you deviate from the standard norm, you are released with nothing else left.

In my experience you cannot get nothing for nothing, every job you set out to do requires dedication and work, effort on the part of the participants, and for most young people today, they aren't expecting that, and when the going gets too intense and tough for them they cut an run.  Education is a key to all of this, the more you educate yourself and plan for a career outside of the above mentioned fields will give you an alternative to fall back on.  But people are always looking for the easy way out of things, they shy away from hard and intense labor, and they feel that it is beneath them to try and do other things. So they resort to trading on their looks and looking for vulnerable exploitable people.  Some try turning to selling drugs, they think they get good at it, until they are caught.  Most experiment with drugs and think they know everything there is too know about dealing and selling the stuff, and trust me it is a whole new world with a whole different set of rules.  I know from past experience, I sold all types of drugs for a period of time, and know exactly what I am talking about.  It seems that young men are more likely to fall into these categories then younger women.

There also seems to be a trend in younger ethnic groups to fall into the drug trade, hustling, prostitution and other types of scamming.  Such as stunting, which is a slang term for identity and credit card fraud. In my past I have dealt with quite a few young African American guys that are involved in stunting, they don't think that they are hurting anyone, but the fact of the matter is, is that it does hurt the people they are stealing from, it destroys their credit and will turn back on the stunters in a harsh way.  More and more laws are being passed to protect people from identity theft and the penalties for committing it are harsh, swift and extensive. I have a friend Victor that has gone to jail three times for this type of crime and it isn't pretty.  Life is hard enough without someone coming along and stealing what you have or what you have built up for your future security and a good credit rating will go far toward helping you achieve financial security.  What is troubling to me is that younger men seem to be more inclined to look for the easiest way to make a buck and damn the consequences involved.  I am happy to say that my friend Victor has decided to turn his life around and went back to school and is now willing to work for a living versus stealing.  Trust me when I tell you he is happier now, and doesn't have to sit in jail or prison.  What he buys he owns, and it is a totally rewarding experience.

Now here is what I know, younger males that fall into this category usually come from broken homes, where neither parent have gone to school, they are not familiar with the educational programs that are available to them. They are born or raised in severely depressed economic situations are are searching for or striving for a way out and off the streets.  Some as I have said turn toward, prostitution or hustling, and they don't care if they are having sex with men or women, they usually have some sort of addiction either drugs, or alcohol or both.  They see others like themselves turning to gay porn or porn in general and think they can handle it and start off looking for a way in.  Typically it is easier to get into gay porn than other types but both have an allure and fascination that is appealing.  There is a misguided notion that a person can become rich in the porn industry, but the sad truth of the matter is the only one that is getting rich is the production company, producers and directors.  Actors/actresses and film crew do get paid, but nowhere near their worth.  Males that find them selves out hustling and prostituting end up usually identifying themselves as straight, but in actuality they are gay for pay.  Or just plain bi-sexual, they keep their activity on the low, because they don't want their friends, family and other people to know what they are really about. They try to lead dual lives and it ends up messing with their heads, they have a tendency to lie so much to everyone it becomes second nature and they use what they have to exploit others. I have even had one person tell one of my friends once that he was going to make me fall in love with the dick and then rob me for everything that I had. Fortunately for me I have been around those types of people enough to see it coming.  But it gets to a point that lying, stealing and cheating becomes automatic for them and they don't know how to turn it off.

Once any type of pattern or behavior becomes so ingrained in you that it becomes a matter of habit, there is no way to turn it off. You end up working or hustling everyone and everything, which in turn hurts those you really care about. Meaningful relationships become extremely hard to carry on because you can't be honest with what you do, you have lied so much you have problems stopping them as well.  People catch on to those lies eventually and your credibility is hurt.  I have known some young men to end up in relationships with older gay men thinking that they are going to be taken care of, they hide the fact that they are bisexual, or they are open about it, but always seem surprised when the gay man gets upset when they are caught sleeping with a female.  I had another boyfriend who was also named Bobby, who was very much like that, he wanted to live with me, have me support him, but wanted to be able to date and screw whatever girls he wanted to.  He never really understood why it hurt me and upset me, when he would bring those girlfriends around. As a matter of fact he would introduce me to his girlfriends as his uncle.  Which sort of worked out because my nephew Kodi was his best friend and living with me at the same time.  However, last year Bobby came back to GA where I was living, I had actually gotten an apartment in East Point because that is where he wanted to live, when he came back from North Carolina he brought his girlfriend with him.  For months I was able to keep the secret from her that Bobby and I were ex's, however, Bobby got mad at me for going out and partying and would also get upset when I was doing drugs and sleeping with others, it got to the point where he started fighting with me and the police were called and he ended up having to spend sometime in jail.  During the time that he was in jail, a friend of mine told his girlfriend the truth of the matter and made the situation very messy.  In the end we all lost out because I lost the apartment and everyone had to move.  The damage was done.

Let's continue using Bobby as an example, because he is a typical case in point. He still has feeling for men, me in particular, but has his girlfriend, he wants the best of both worlds.  He told me over and over again, that he wanted me and a girl that we both could love and be in a relationship with both of us.  Honestly, I don't know if he will ever be able to find that in life.  I also realize that even now after a year of being back out in the world away from my help and support that he still isn't working, he is still running game and trying to chase paper the only way he knows how and that is by using and exploiting other people.  He has at times called me and asked me if he could come back or come and stay with me for a while just till he can get back on his feet.  What I know from past experience is that he won't change, he will not get a job, and that him getting on his feet and doing something for himself isn't going to happen.  See I had gotten him into school and instead of going to classes and actually trying college, he decided it was more fun to go out and party with his friends and get high.  His girlfriend Von is still with him and is trying to get him to do better for himself but he is resistant to change, he is used to doing things his way, and because he has a great body and extremely good looking he uses that to get what he wants.

I have often told you that we are creatures of habit, that we follow patterns, and that we are the sum of our experiences.  The reason why I am bring this up again is that as you can see from the few little examples I have given above it is easy for a person to fall into a routine that they are comfortable with and that they know. It is easier for them to continue in that pattern and struggle than to try and break out of it and do something different or unknown.  The unknown is scary, it is hard to understand the risks of doing something different if you don't have the base knowledge or skills, so you continue doing what you know because it is easy for you.  The problem is there will come a time when you are no longer young, attractive and desirable, then what are you going to do?  You have to have a back up plan, something to fall back on.  Just because something is easy at first doesn't make it right or good, and sooner or later all the lies and cheating is going to catch up to you and you are going to have to pay for it.  Nothing comes without consequences, every choice you make, action you take has a direct and opposite reaction.  Karma will come back and bite you in the ass when you least expect it, and you are going to have to atone and pay for everything you have done to others.  It isn't going to be pretty!  But what happens to those that are with you and around you when Karma comes a calling?  They are going to be affected by it too.

I have often wondered why it was so hard for people to get off the street.  I had no idea what they were going through and how that life can pull you into a routine that is so subtle and blinding that it can actually keep your there, till I was on the streets myself last year.  Now I know from first hand experience how you can very easily get trapped in that life, how you can steal, stunt, hustle and still never make it off of them streets.  As I have explained in other blog entries I know exactly what it is like because, I personally allowed myself to experience the streets first hand.  I stayed on them for 6 months, I survived and I did what I had too to survive.  I am not happy at what I did or the people I hurt while doing it, but I do understand the allure and the way it can hold you down.  I am thankful for my experiences, I learned a lot, I also know that the resources that are out there to help people on the streets are being exploited. How easy it is too let your priorities get out of focus and out of alignment, how you can run the streets looking for your next high or fix.  I have been there experienced it and got out.

As you can tell this article is mostly about the young gay/bisexual males that I have encountered in my travels and in my life, because that is the life I am familiar with. What most of you aren't aware of is the fact that I am intimately familiar with the inner workings of the Gay Porn industry, at several points in my life, I have been involved, owned, produced and filmed gay black porn, have exploited the young men and made money off their efforts.  I am still co-owner and partner to a production company now that my ex and I still own.  He operates it now in GA and I am in Florida.  However, I also watched how he would go out and turn tricks, have massage clients, and would sell them drugs, how in the long run he never actually made any money from doing those things because both him and I were constantly paying for our own habits and drugs.  So when I talk to you about these things I am coming at it with an understanding of the inside of the industry, how the drugs are utilized to enhance the feelings and make for a better picture, how these young men get hooked on them and think that they are accomplishing something, and how those addictions can take away the money that they make faster than lightning.

So lets go back and see if I answered all the questions I set out to explore when I started writing this: What is going on with the young people today? They are trying to do whatever they can to get off the streets and resort to doing what they are familiar with and know best. Why do they think that someone owes them something? I don't think it is really about who owes them something as much as it is the only way they know how to deal with the situation they find themselves in.  They see what other people are doing and try to emulate them in order to make it better for themselves, they end up lying and hurting people, which was never their intention it just happened to work out that way. Why are they trading on their looks and not trying to earn an honest living? It is easier to fall back on what they know then to take a leap of faith and step out into the unknown.  Plus, some are not even familiar with how to get back in to school, or have dropped out thinking that they knew a better way to make a living, but didn't count on it trapping them in a pattern that they couldn't break out of.  Why do they think that they can live off of another person?  They find that their looks opens doors for them, and they think they can trade on that.  They are familiar with how to use their bodies and sexual skills and trade on them.  Using a person is just a side effect and not the purpose at first.  Then they figure out how easy it is to exploit other peoples good will and actions and turn them to their own advantage.  They have become accustomed to having to lie to get what they want, it has become second nature to them.  When someone decent and honest comes along they can't stop the deceitful behavior and it causes a rift to form and someone always gets hurt. How is it that they can sleep comfortably at night knowing that they are using other people for their own survival, habits, and gain? It is a matter of conscience for them, see they are doing the only things they know, they don't understand that their behavior is destructive, hurtful or even deceitful, some may actually enjoy what they do, or might actually care for you in their own way, on their own terms, and if you get involved with them you have to come to accept that and deal with it. What is the allure of the porn industry to these young men and women that keep them thinking that they are going to make a fortune in the industry. Do they honestly know how the industry works? The allure is that they either have met or seen someone they identify with that is in the industry and think it is a piece of cake, that all they have to do is have sex and get paid for it. They are doing that already with tricks and others so they think what the hell, these people get paid big bucks for what they are doing.  What they don't understand is only a limited few ever make it in to the big time, big bucks arena.  The rest get what they can and are constantly being asked to do other things to make money for them.  Honestly, they have no idea what they are wanting to get into, or how it will affect them finding meaningful sustainable relationship now and in the future.

Money isn't everything folks, and I know how hard it is to get off them streets and get back to a place where you feel like you are making it.  How hard it is to come by money these days and how hard it is to find work. Everyone is looking for someone with tons of experience or degrees, and there you are, just dropped out of high school, or finished, but have no skills, your friends are out there pushing dope, working the hoes, or the corners themselves and you don't see any other way.  But there are other ways, and you don't have to exploit yourself or others to get there.

I also want you to keep this in mind.  Education is the key to a brighter and bigger future than you have now, it can open doors to you that you never thought existed.  But also remember that money doesn't cure everything and can't always bring you happiness.  Happiness is a state of being, it is found within yourself and can be very elusive.  A friend of mine posted this on Facebook yesterday and it makes a lot of sense to me and I hope it will help you..YOU CAN HAVE EVERY MATERIALISTIC THING IN THE WORLD AND FEEL UNFULFILLED, YOU CAN HAVE NOTHING AND BE TOTALLY CONTENT.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B