Amazing

It is surprising how God works in our daily lives. I was feeling a sense of hopelessness and despair because I have been up here in Jacksonville all by myself.  Since I got here back in December, it has been an endless parade of doctor appointments and tests. This in itself made feel very alone and it hasn't left anytime for me to make any new friendships since I have been up here. But, all of that changed about 2 weeks ago. In just one day I got a direct message from God in a very unique experience in how these 3 people came into my life in the matter of just two days at the beginning of February.

But before these 3 individuals were to come in to my life, I made one new friend on January 18th. She also came into my life in a strange way but was just the person I needed that day and I am very glad that she was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on an ear to bend when my partner didn't get on the bus and never came up from Daytona Beach. She was also the person who took care of me that first afternoon of chemotherapy and helped me as I choked on food and threw up all the way home from Gainesville. She wasn't even supposed to be my driver that day, as a matter of fact she just was in the right place at the right time to take me to my appointment.  Because the original transportation driver decided not to take my trip and tried to cancel my trip. Luckily Tara was in Jacksonville and was available to take me to my appointment, even though we were late getting there. I believe God put me and Tara together that day, not only because I was going to need her, but she needed me as well. I got to share my story with her and I found out that she was going through a difficult time in her life as well. We have kept in touch since our meeting that day and I am very glad that we hit it off so well.

On February 1st I went to have some MRIs done. But much to my disappointment I was unable to get them done that morning, because my kidney levels were not good enough for me to be able to tolerate the contrast that the doctor had ordered. Though, had it not been for my tests being cancelled that I was ready to leave the imaging center early. Which put me in the direct path of a really cool lady whose name is Elaine. She was outside looking for a lighter and we ended up going on a little adventure together while we were both waiting for our transportation to come and pick us up.  Because I had been waiting for my ride to come and get me and they were very late, Humana sent another driver to get me.  As I was being driven home I talked to the driver telling him that the radiologist at the imaging center had told me that I needed to go the hospital that my kidney function indicated that I was experiencing renal failure. I honestly don't remember his name, but the more we talked together it became apparent that there was a reason why I  was in his car that afternoon. His sister-in-law had just been discharged from the hospital under hospice care. Apparently, she had given up all hope and had surrendered to the diagnosis that the doctors had given her that she was going to die.  He told me that he really needed to hear my story and history. That it was exactly what he needed to share with her to give her hope and might actually get her to change her mind and decide to fight for her life. I told him to tell her that God is the ultimate physician and only He could decide when it was her time to leave this world behind.

That very afternoon I had already spoken to Dom, and was telling Travis what the radiologist had said about me going to the hospital. Travis's partner was already in the hospital fighting for his life against pneumonia and a collapsed lung.  His recommendation was to call an ambulance and get to the hospital.  Trying to procrastinate and take my time I called my mother and was talking to her on the phone telling her that I needed to go to the hospital. She encouraged me to go and stop waisting time. However, I knew that I was probably going to get admitted so I packed clothes and colostomy supplies. This kept me busy and prevented me from laying down which apparently was a good thing because the ER doctor told me that had I taken a nap that afternoon I would have died in my sleep because my blood pressure was so low my heart would have just stopped while I was sleeping.

The final person whom I was bound to meet is Richard who was my food service attendant that would take care of all of my food orders while I was in the hospital. He was also one of the only people who I had the ability to talk to multiple times a day and kept my mind off of what was going with me. It also gave me some distance between me and my feelings of being abandoned and having to deal with this crisis on my own.  I will admit that I still was upset and angry that Dom isn't keeping in touch with me like I feel he should.  He still isn't talking to me every day like I think he should since that was his promise to me if I bonded him out of jail. However, I should have known that he never means what he tells me when he is in jail, it never works out.  He begged me to keep him out of trouble, but he left and never came back after he had me buy his return trip ticket. Then to top it all off he never went to court and I have no idea what's going to happen now. I don't know if the bondsman is going to come after me for the money. I am not even sure if they can, I think that I might have a fight on my hands when it comes down to it.

Can you see how amazing God is? How that He brought just the right people into my life at the right moment?  How great these interactions have been on me and my well being?

I believe that if you look carefully at your life you will find that God is working in your life and performing miracles on your behalf daily.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you.

Uncle B

What are some Suicidal Warning Signs?

Over the past couple of days I have been talking to you about Suicide.  We talked about what it means to be a Gatekeeper, how to be an attentive listener, and then we went over some of the risk factors that can possibly contribute to someone contemplating or even committing suicide.  Today I want to take the discussion a little bit further and talk to you about some of the warning signs that you should be aware of and looking and listening for when talking with a person that is depressed and could possibly be at risk for suicide.  Remember it is always better to be safe than sorry, and it is good to ask as many questions as you can to get to the heart of the matter and really understand what the person is going through and experiencing.  Keep in mind that just by listening and demonstrating that you are someone that cares you may just be saving someone's life.

Do you remember the other day when I told you that the two biggest factors or risks are the feelings of hopelessness and depression?  What you might not realize is that these two things go hand in hand.  They act upon a persons mind in such away that they cannot think or see clearly and they begin to feel trapped.  Every problem, emotion and crisis because larger and even harder to manage much less handle.  Depression alone can make a person feel like they aren't capable of dealing with the issue, it robs them of clarity of mind and purpose and certainly can make a small problem or issue seem like an insurmountable mountain. Now, throw in the sense of hopelessness and you will find a person that is paralyzed, looking for a way out but cannot seem to see a light in the darkness anywhere.  Hopelessness + Depression = Suicidal Risk.

In this article I am making the assumption that the person you are talking too is someone that you know or might have known, which is why they have decided to speak with you regarding what they are feeling and going through, though this might not always be the case.  So when I am discussing potential warning signs, I am going to be trying to speak in general terms.  Behaviors that you may have personally observed or might have been told about during your conversation.   Keep in mind that if this isn't someone that you know or see on a regular basis you might have to ask some invasive questions to get the answers you are looking for. However, if this is someone that you know well, or have a good deal of contact with you may have picked up some of these warning signs through casual observation, but you still need to explore them and ask questions to make sure that you haven't made an assumption or jumped to the wrong conclusion about something.  So here we go, here are some suicidal warning signs that you should be aware of and looking for either by direct observation or through your casual conversation.

Has there been an uncharacteristic decline in job performance or school attendance?  Do they seem isolated and withdrawn from you or other people?  Have you noticed or has there been any change in behavior or personality?  Keep in mind this can be positive or negative behavior, you cannot tell by looking at a person alone and tell if they are feeling suicidal.  Is there emotional or mental state of highs and lows?  Moodiness?  Has there been any change to their sleeping or eating habits?  People who are depressed and or feeling hopeless may not be able to shut down their mind at night, it keeps racing over all of their problems and situations and they can't shut down to sleep.  Has there been an increase in agitation?  Always angry or lashing out at others?  Have the begun to exhibit behaviors of acting out?  As I prefaced this part earlier these maybe signs that you being around the person you have noticed.  If you are not always around this person or have much interaction with them you may have to get them to open up to you, you have to ask them questions like the ones listed above to draw them out.  Here are some other things to look for.  Do they demonstrate or have indicated in some way that they are having trouble concentrating?  Do they feel a low self-worth or are they demonstrating this in some way?  Have you notice them displaying symptoms of being a failure?  Or have they indicated to you that they feel like they are a failure in some way? Has everything thing they have done worked out the way that they had planned?  If it hasn't this can lead them to thinking that they are a failure.  Have you ever tried to accomplish something, taken a step forward, but felt like for the step forward you have gone 5 steps backward at the same time? This also can lead to feelings of failure! Do they say or feel a sense of helplessness?  Demonstrate or express feelings of guilt?  Cry a lot? Or get emotional at the drop of a hat?  Ever talked about or attempted suicide before?

Is there a demonstrated or perceived preoccupation with death? Death-taking or writing about suicide?  Any signs of self-harm or cutting? Self mutilation?  Any open talk of suicide or death?  A demonstrated or perceived notion that they might be getting their affairs in order?  Giving away cherished items unexpectedly? I know it might be hard for you to identify these things if they are not close personal friends of yours.  You may not see them on a regular basis, therefore you are going to have to pry and dig to get to the answers to these questions but as I have said in the previous entries that I have written on suicide you have to have a complete picture.  You cannot just assume that someone is contemplating suicide, you need to be blunt and ask them.  Remember you are not going to push them into committing suicide by asking them about it. You may even draw them into discussion about it and eliminate some of their worry and anxiety about their situation and it may even save their lives.

Here are some factors that you should be on the look out for, these are imminent warning signs.  By imminent I mean they could act at any moment and these are signs that might indicate an immediate action.  If there has been a significant increase of alcohol and drug use. A trend of isolating themselves from friends and family.  They appear to be engaging in behaviors that are risk taking, they lack concern for their safety and they demonstrate no fear when committing them.  An increase of persistent physical complaints, dramatic mood changes and profound lack of concentration, or sudden mood improvement.  During conversations they display expressions of sadness or laughter that are in context of the conversation.  They are acting like they don't have a clue as too what everyone has been talking about.  Keep in mind that if you notice these things that they could be an unconscious cry for help and you should try and pull them aside and talk to them, try to get them to open up about what they are going through, push to find out what they are doing to themselves.  If you have to use pointed and open ended questions to draw them out into conversation. Getting them to talk will if nothing else fill in some of the pieces of the puzzle for you.  However, it might just get them to express themselves enough to cut down their anxiety, dispel their fear that they are alone and might turn the whole situation around.  You would be surprised sometimes how your biggest problems or worries don't seem so big once you begin talking about them and get them out into the open.

The main thing that you have to remember that the right combinations of stress, trouble, sense of being all alone and trapped, make it easy for depression to come into the picture, through in a sense of hopelessness and you have a situation that is ripe for suicide.  As always I encourage you to look at those around you, notice any odd behaviors, whether they are fitting in with others well, are they integrating well with the people and places around them.  Be a conscientious listener, compassionate, demonstrating a genuine concern and regard for them.  Show them that you are there for them and willing to help them.  As I said before, you maybe the only thing standing in this person's way and suicide.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B