Last night we talked about how life comes out of darkness and from strife comes change. I wanted to talk to you more about darkness and moments in our lives when we need to sit back and reflect. Each of us comes to a point in our lives when we look back over our life and are disheartened by where we are at. Most of the time this comes when we are down and are trying to figure out which way we have to go. Darkness has descended on our lives and our emotions are all embroiled. I reflect back and I look at where I am today and I am saddened because I sometimes feel like I have been a complete failure. My father said once that Bryan look at your life and what you have lost, you are 46 years old and you should know better. You cannot help everyone, some people don't want saving, and they just want to take advantage of you and your kindness. You should be so much more secure in your life and situation. FAILURE is what that message screamed to me, making me feel even worse about myself and the my life.
See, I never thought that at 46 I would be living back at my dad's struggling to get back on my feet and to turn my life around. If you look back at where I have been and what I had you will begin to realize that my life wasn't so bad. But from my current vantage point it is just so much easier to see where I am and not where I have been. Yes, I miss my home, my cars, my friends, my old life, but the loss was not of my own doing. I had some fault in the matter, but illness took the center stage in my life and rewrote my story. This can happen to anyone, no matter where you are at in life and what you have achieved, illness can come in and with a wide sweeping reach can take everything away in a blink. I have been going through a very dark place for a very long time, and it will never be over. What I look forward to is the bits of light that break through that darkness and for a little bit light my path. In other words, from 2005 till now I have been in and out of hospitals constantly and have been fighting for my life. I have been sick and there doesn't seem to be an end to this in sight. Yet, there have been spots in this turmoil where I have met friends, partners and lovers, that have made life bearable.
During those times of darkness and when the doubt and despair creep in, I need to take the time to reflect and make time stand still. I need to look back at my life and see the whole thing. See the bigger picture. See, it isn't where I am at that is important. No, it was the journey that brought me here. It is what has molded me, crafted me and made me into the person I am today. When I look at all I have done, been and accomplished my life doesn't seem so bleak at all. As a matter of fact my life starts looking to like a plot to a movie or a great fast paced book. I have had such a colorful past, many interesting friends and have been into so many things and through so much drama that you would think that I couldn't have possibly lived like that. Trust me, anyone that knows me can tell you that I have had a very blessed and magical life. So, when I take the time to actually reflect and see the entire picture the story doesn't seem so hopeless or tragic, on the contrary it starts to look pretty darn good.
In our darkest times and we are stuck without light I believe that there comes a point just before the light crests the horizon that we come to terms with whatever it is that we are going through and just at the perfect precise moment that all things seem possible to us. Like life is renewing itself and everything starts to seem right again in the world. Now, you might be wonder what in the world am I talking about. If you remember back to an article I wrote in 2012 I told you that there are no perfect moments in our lives, that time waits for no one and we have to create those special moments by doing little things to make those moments memorable forever. It is my belief that during our trials, tribulations and pain, there comes a single moment when we have made a decision to change and have started to take steps on that new path that a moment of clarity comes to us and we know that what we are doing is possible.
This is just another point in my discussion that strengthens my argument that out of darkness comes life. That the strife that we face in life (darkness) is the catalyst for change. During our journey through that time of darkness there comes a moment in our thought process where we begin to look for answers and an escape from the trouble that is hounding us. I believe that when we sit back and reflect on our lives, and see the journey and the destinations we have had along the way we make time still and our mind calms and we can see all the possible solutions to our situation.
Just keep this in mind that everything changes, and you have to too in order to evolve. Nothing last forever, and in the darkness everything seems possible at some points.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label catalyst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label catalyst. Show all posts
Friday, January 23, 2015
Catalyst for change!
Someone told me last week that out of darkness comes life, and I have been thinking on that all week. I had been sick and I am sorry that I haven't been able to write, but I am starting to feel a little better with the antibiotics. Anyhow we were talking about life coming from darkness. The Bible tells us in the beginning there was darkness and God spoke and there was light, then He created the earth.
Have you ever noticed when your life is turned upside down and you can't seem to figure out which way to turn, let alone figure out what to do and how to solve the issue or the problem that your life seems to take on a new direction and path that you have no idea where it is going to lead you? Well, I have several times and at these moments my life totally changed and went in a different direction and brought me to a new destination. I believe that these dark times or trouble times are way points on the road of life. They make us re-evaluate our entire situation, and though it may seem bleak and you feel desperate and alone you are not. God is with you!
I know it is difficult sometimes to just let go and leave it up to God, Fate, or whatever you believe. But, the saying that my grandmother used to say to me all the time, this too shall pass. Trust me everything has it's time and season. Nothing last forever and even though our problems don't always go away when we want them too or get resolve exactly as we thought they should. They are resolved exactly as the should. Fate takes us to where we need to be.
So, what exactly do I mean catalyst for change? It is my opinion and belief that we, mankind, only learn our lessons through pain. Follow me on this, there is a certain amount of grief and pain we feel whenever we hit the dark spots in our lives. They always say it's "always darkest before the dawn" and I believe that to be true. What do I exactly mean by this, well for each trial we go through a lesson is learned and I bet there was either physical or emotional pain involved in this life changing event.
Like this month, I ended up running short on money because of some very poor management of my funds. I thought I was going to have to struggle and that I wouldn't have enough food to eat for the rest of the month or gas to get to the appointments that I have. I was worried, upset at myself for the frivolous spending and full of regret. However, I left the situation in God's hands, was completely honest with myself that I was foolish to purchase what I did. However the damage, was done and I was eagerly awaiting the UPS to deliver what I had order. I think most people go through something like this whenever they make a big purchase, I call it buyers remorse, guilt over buying something that you wanted. It would be different if what you purchased was needed. But this item was a want and a must have.
Needless to say this was a bit of a dark period for me. Just a minor storm on the sea of life and just a little example. A bigger example would be the point when in August I went to the imaging center to have an MRI of my back. I could hardly get up from the bed let alone do much of anything else because my back hurt so bad. But, I drove to the center, got in the door and was in a wheelchair and in less than an hour I was in the hospital to stay till November. It was a long hard journey, I was told I would never walk again that my life would be forever altered because I would need to have extra aid in walking and getting around. But, I did as I always do, I prayed and I plodded on, did what I could and let go of the rest. Here I am now out of the hospital and I still have pain in my back but nothing like I did when I went to the hospital. I have trouble coughing or yawning because my rib cage is partially compressed which doesn't allow my lungs to fully expand.
Because of that infection and the damage done to my spine, my life will forever be changed. I will not be able to lift heavy objects, fully expand my lungs and I will have to stay on some form of pain pills or substance to keep me going. I have had to change my lifestyle quite a bit to make the concessions this new body is requiring. Now I have to depend on other people for help grocery shopping, carrying items too and from my car, doing my laundry and anything requiring me to stand for any length of time. The pain becomes so great then my legs stop working, I have loss of strength on the left side of my body still and my leg still gives out whenever it wants too.
I made it through. I kept remember that everything has an expiration date, and moves on with time. No matter the trouble you are going through, someone else out there is going through something worse. If you try and keep that in mind your mountain might not seem to be as high as it was a first glance. Humans have a tendency to over-react to situations, they panic, and worry especially me. I am the worrier, I have a vivid imagination and every possible bad thing seems to run through my mind before I have even analyzed the problem correctly. So my molehill becomes a giant mountain and I don't know how to climb it, scale its sides or make it around. These are the things that I call darkness in our lives. Another, could be the loss of a loved one, the repossession of a house or car. Any disaster that hits our lives head on without any warning.
Pain causes us to change our course. We either have to climb and scale the mountain or go around somehow. We aren't perfect and we make bad choices and decisions and we have to live with the consequences. So when is it that we make this life altering changes? Not in the average every day problem. But those disasters that derail us from our goals. They rob us of our breathe and cause us great anxiety or suffer some huge loss. My friend lost her mother, and her brother within seven months of each other, and while she was planning the funeral for her brother, still mourning her mother's passing, her house was repossessed and she was given a court order to abandon the family home within 3 days. Now, that is a disaster, a life changing event. It was a dark time for her, and even now 9 months later she is still reeling from that disaster, but she did what she had to do and stayed true to herself and her faith.
I was trying to figure out the amount of pain it takes to make us change our ways, habits, lifestyles. I would say it takes and earth shattering, mind blowing, rock bottom place before we change and make a new path for ourselves to walk upon. I recently lost my best friend and partner, he decided to leave and fulfill other obligations. But, because of his decision and lack of communication it caused a great deal of hurt, pain and eventually loss. Not to mention right after that I got the infection in my back and started the downward spiral in my health. This loss caused me to re-evaluate my needs and desires. I went from a 2 bedroom to a one bedroom and started to minimize my possessions. I took and fulfilled my needs and not my wants.
So, darkness, light, pain, trouble. are these the catalyst for change? Yes and no. Trouble and pain are found in the darkness, and when they are exposed to the light the change occurs. So in a way light at the end of the tunnel is a sign that change is coming to you. That you have journey over the mountain or made your way around it. Keep in mind that anything done in the darkness eventually comes to light. Meaning whatever you have done in secret or in a hurtful manner will eventually be exposed. Things that flourish in darkness such as despair, loneliness, depression, anxiety all of these things fade when expose to the light because the light cannot tolerate them, happiness, truth, and change are things of the light and they can't survive long in darkness.
Putting out positive bring you positive back. No one can make you change anything except you. You have to hit the absolute rock bottom, see no way out, no future, have no hope and even then if you don't have the desire to change you won't. All you will do is wallow in your self-pity, indulge your sense of despair and hopeless. You will wander around in the darkness and suffer until you make the change. Your tolerance for pain, humiliation and degradation are great and I have myself wallowed in self-pity and been on self-destructive paths, so I know what I am talking about. Take a chance, walk out in faith and grab the light, for in it you will excel and you will see that your issue, problem, addiction or whatever the issue is cannot keep you down forever. Remember, everything in this life has and expiration date and that means it isn't permanent and won't last forever, you can and will come through it. Whether or not it changed you is totally up to you.
Change comes in many forms, and the road of life is not a straight shot, it is rocky, got lots of potholes, obstacles and way point along the way. It is this journey that makes us into the people we are today. Keep an open mind be flexible and not afraid of change. Keep moving forward and do the best that you can do and learn from every obstacle you hit. Because if you aren't learning you aren't actually living you are just surviving. You could be lost or stuck in a rut but you will never get out if you aren't open to change. You don't have to continually endure the pain, there is a way out, you just have to find it.
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Have you ever noticed when your life is turned upside down and you can't seem to figure out which way to turn, let alone figure out what to do and how to solve the issue or the problem that your life seems to take on a new direction and path that you have no idea where it is going to lead you? Well, I have several times and at these moments my life totally changed and went in a different direction and brought me to a new destination. I believe that these dark times or trouble times are way points on the road of life. They make us re-evaluate our entire situation, and though it may seem bleak and you feel desperate and alone you are not. God is with you!
I know it is difficult sometimes to just let go and leave it up to God, Fate, or whatever you believe. But, the saying that my grandmother used to say to me all the time, this too shall pass. Trust me everything has it's time and season. Nothing last forever and even though our problems don't always go away when we want them too or get resolve exactly as we thought they should. They are resolved exactly as the should. Fate takes us to where we need to be.
So, what exactly do I mean catalyst for change? It is my opinion and belief that we, mankind, only learn our lessons through pain. Follow me on this, there is a certain amount of grief and pain we feel whenever we hit the dark spots in our lives. They always say it's "always darkest before the dawn" and I believe that to be true. What do I exactly mean by this, well for each trial we go through a lesson is learned and I bet there was either physical or emotional pain involved in this life changing event.
Like this month, I ended up running short on money because of some very poor management of my funds. I thought I was going to have to struggle and that I wouldn't have enough food to eat for the rest of the month or gas to get to the appointments that I have. I was worried, upset at myself for the frivolous spending and full of regret. However, I left the situation in God's hands, was completely honest with myself that I was foolish to purchase what I did. However the damage, was done and I was eagerly awaiting the UPS to deliver what I had order. I think most people go through something like this whenever they make a big purchase, I call it buyers remorse, guilt over buying something that you wanted. It would be different if what you purchased was needed. But this item was a want and a must have.
Needless to say this was a bit of a dark period for me. Just a minor storm on the sea of life and just a little example. A bigger example would be the point when in August I went to the imaging center to have an MRI of my back. I could hardly get up from the bed let alone do much of anything else because my back hurt so bad. But, I drove to the center, got in the door and was in a wheelchair and in less than an hour I was in the hospital to stay till November. It was a long hard journey, I was told I would never walk again that my life would be forever altered because I would need to have extra aid in walking and getting around. But, I did as I always do, I prayed and I plodded on, did what I could and let go of the rest. Here I am now out of the hospital and I still have pain in my back but nothing like I did when I went to the hospital. I have trouble coughing or yawning because my rib cage is partially compressed which doesn't allow my lungs to fully expand.
Because of that infection and the damage done to my spine, my life will forever be changed. I will not be able to lift heavy objects, fully expand my lungs and I will have to stay on some form of pain pills or substance to keep me going. I have had to change my lifestyle quite a bit to make the concessions this new body is requiring. Now I have to depend on other people for help grocery shopping, carrying items too and from my car, doing my laundry and anything requiring me to stand for any length of time. The pain becomes so great then my legs stop working, I have loss of strength on the left side of my body still and my leg still gives out whenever it wants too.
I made it through. I kept remember that everything has an expiration date, and moves on with time. No matter the trouble you are going through, someone else out there is going through something worse. If you try and keep that in mind your mountain might not seem to be as high as it was a first glance. Humans have a tendency to over-react to situations, they panic, and worry especially me. I am the worrier, I have a vivid imagination and every possible bad thing seems to run through my mind before I have even analyzed the problem correctly. So my molehill becomes a giant mountain and I don't know how to climb it, scale its sides or make it around. These are the things that I call darkness in our lives. Another, could be the loss of a loved one, the repossession of a house or car. Any disaster that hits our lives head on without any warning.
Pain causes us to change our course. We either have to climb and scale the mountain or go around somehow. We aren't perfect and we make bad choices and decisions and we have to live with the consequences. So when is it that we make this life altering changes? Not in the average every day problem. But those disasters that derail us from our goals. They rob us of our breathe and cause us great anxiety or suffer some huge loss. My friend lost her mother, and her brother within seven months of each other, and while she was planning the funeral for her brother, still mourning her mother's passing, her house was repossessed and she was given a court order to abandon the family home within 3 days. Now, that is a disaster, a life changing event. It was a dark time for her, and even now 9 months later she is still reeling from that disaster, but she did what she had to do and stayed true to herself and her faith.
I was trying to figure out the amount of pain it takes to make us change our ways, habits, lifestyles. I would say it takes and earth shattering, mind blowing, rock bottom place before we change and make a new path for ourselves to walk upon. I recently lost my best friend and partner, he decided to leave and fulfill other obligations. But, because of his decision and lack of communication it caused a great deal of hurt, pain and eventually loss. Not to mention right after that I got the infection in my back and started the downward spiral in my health. This loss caused me to re-evaluate my needs and desires. I went from a 2 bedroom to a one bedroom and started to minimize my possessions. I took and fulfilled my needs and not my wants.
So, darkness, light, pain, trouble. are these the catalyst for change? Yes and no. Trouble and pain are found in the darkness, and when they are exposed to the light the change occurs. So in a way light at the end of the tunnel is a sign that change is coming to you. That you have journey over the mountain or made your way around it. Keep in mind that anything done in the darkness eventually comes to light. Meaning whatever you have done in secret or in a hurtful manner will eventually be exposed. Things that flourish in darkness such as despair, loneliness, depression, anxiety all of these things fade when expose to the light because the light cannot tolerate them, happiness, truth, and change are things of the light and they can't survive long in darkness.
Putting out positive bring you positive back. No one can make you change anything except you. You have to hit the absolute rock bottom, see no way out, no future, have no hope and even then if you don't have the desire to change you won't. All you will do is wallow in your self-pity, indulge your sense of despair and hopeless. You will wander around in the darkness and suffer until you make the change. Your tolerance for pain, humiliation and degradation are great and I have myself wallowed in self-pity and been on self-destructive paths, so I know what I am talking about. Take a chance, walk out in faith and grab the light, for in it you will excel and you will see that your issue, problem, addiction or whatever the issue is cannot keep you down forever. Remember, everything in this life has and expiration date and that means it isn't permanent and won't last forever, you can and will come through it. Whether or not it changed you is totally up to you.
Change comes in many forms, and the road of life is not a straight shot, it is rocky, got lots of potholes, obstacles and way point along the way. It is this journey that makes us into the people we are today. Keep an open mind be flexible and not afraid of change. Keep moving forward and do the best that you can do and learn from every obstacle you hit. Because if you aren't learning you aren't actually living you are just surviving. You could be lost or stuck in a rut but you will never get out if you aren't open to change. You don't have to continually endure the pain, there is a way out, you just have to find it.
As always my hope and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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