Thursday, February 21, 2013

Sometimes you find yourself in unfamiliar places

Life isn't always what it is cracked up to be.  We can find ourselves in unfamiliar territory without any compass to guide us and our past experiences haven't prepared us for what we are facing.  I have found myself in these types of situations recently, and I can report that from those experiences I have learned how not to handle them.  What I have learned is that we need to take a step back and just see what the lay of the land is, and not react to the situation.  You have to let it unfold around you, observe and try and make educated decisions, even if you have no reference points to guide you, the situation itself may provide you with enough information to help you navigate the rough waters that surround you.

I have also learned that nothing is perfect, that we need to accept the limitations of ourselves and our partners, and when new situations arise you need to stick together and work it out.  Too often in today's society it is easier to throw in the towel and run away from the situations that you find yourself in. However, if you love someone, and you truly want to spend your life with them, you have to be willing to compromise.  I have told you before that communication is the key to everything, but there is more to communicating then just talking about things, you have to take the time and really listen to your partner. You have to stop your tongue from engaging before you hear out the entire situation.  It is important to realize that even though you have been doing things your way all your life, there may be an easier way to do it, or the way that you have been going about something has been totally wrong.  Be open to try new things and listen intently, because as I said earlier everyone goes through things, and even though they maybe a little different, you can still benefit from their trials, lessons learned and mistakes.

I know this from recent experience, no relationship is perfect in every way, there are going to be arguments, there are going to be times when you want to shut down and close off from the other person, but there will also be time for you to talk about the situation, but you have to be willing to be open.  This is often harder than you may think.  Remember no one is perfect least of all you. I know we all have expectations and when your partner falls short or you do, it hurts.  But I can tell you this, if you really love someone, you are willing to take the time and explore all options before you throw in the towel! You can survive anything together. Let me explain that some times there are going to be a needs or desires that you cannot fulfill for your partner or demands that life presents you with that you are not equipped to deal with.  It is these times that you have to decide within yourself if you are strong enough to let your partner or life itself reach outside of you and your relationship to fulfill that need.

There are times when you have to be able to compromise come to an agreement and accept the limitations that life has dealt you.  If you can do that and you can communicate effectively you might just be able to weather whatever storm life or relationships throw at you.  I can speak with some certainty on this point.  Another thing that I have come to understand over the past 2 months that I have been separated from you my readers is that we each have preconceived notions and expectations about relationships and we are easily disappointed and discouraged when things don't exactly work out as planned.  However, it has become my understanding that we are given exactly what we need and can handle at those moments, it is how we deal with them as they arise that makes the difference.  See, if everything was easy and perfect, there would be nothing to strive for or work towards.  If everything was given to us exactly we wanted or expected we wouldn't be satisfied and we wouldn't value it or cherish it.

Life is unpredictable and will throw you some curves.  There are going to be challenges, stresses and outside influences that are going to threaten you and your relationship. You have to be willing to face these challenges head on. You have to be willing to mitigate the risks and exposure that you allow into your relationship.  There are so many people out there that are unhappy and they want everyone around them to be as unhappy as they are.  These are the individuals that you don't need to have in your life or influencing your relationship. Nothing ever comes without work, and nothing is ever perfect.  Remember, words are just words, yet they can cause hurts that never actually heal.  They are just words, you have to look to the actions that surround those words to see if they have merit or meaning in your life or situation.  I have told you before that in the heat of the moment anyone can say anything and they usually are hurtful.  However, you have to take those times in perspective, as I have told you in the past, you have to judge the person by the way they have always acted and not by the outburst because the person is going to be the same as they have always been after they calm down and the incident has passed.    In every argument there are two sides. Who is to say you are right and your partner is wrong, or whomever you are having a dispute with.  Keep in mind that each person you encounter has their own personality, point of view and way of doing things, you have to be mature and willing enough to understand their motivations and try to comprehend what they are all about, if you do this you will be amazed at how those conflicts evaporate.

As with all things in life, when you have two or more individuals together you have to take into account that each person has had their own life experiences, encounters and been taught different ways to do things than you have.  It is impossible for 2 people to have the same life lessons and experiences. Because neither of you are going to experience the same things in the same way even if you grew up together.  We all process and deal with things in our own internal way.  This is what makes it hard when two people come together and try to become a couple.  It takes patience, understanding, compassion, caring and listening and hearing for it too work.

I am hoping that you will take away from this entry, is that no situation is ever going to perfect.  That we can't expect others to live up to our expectations and that we can't handle everything by ourselves.  By truly listening and hearing what others are telling us we can survive and thrive through any situation.

My hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B