T'was the night before Christmas and just another plain old night. Sleepless and restless I was up all night. The weather was warm and balmy, listen can't you hear the oceans roar. It has been a long time since this holiday was fun for me. My stormy past has been fraught with pain and disappointment. Since my aunt died all the bad and painful memories seemed to occur between October and February that happen in my life.
It is true, in the late 80's my aunt and grandmother both passed away between Thanksgiving and New Years. My grandfather passed away around New Years in 2000, then just 4 years later I was to end up facing the biggest changes and challenges of my life.
My life took a dramatic turn of events January 27, 2005 when I went in for an exploratory surgery and emerged from the operating room with a colostomy. From that day forward, I faced each day with pain and trepidation. Always afraid that I wouldn't fit in, that I would be shunned and never find anyone else to love me. By this time my relationship was ending and I didn't think that anyone would want to be with me with these dramatic changes to my body. I didn't know then that my life was never going to be the same again.
So when you look back you can see why the Christmas season holds no appeal for me. Make this holiday season a time for love and understanding. Enjoy the life you have been given, think about those who are in your life and what they mean to you. The spirit of Christmas is of love, joy and acceptance.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,