Recently I went through an aneurysm near my liver, I ended up in intensive care for 11 days and had to have 28 blood transfusions. Since then I have been told that my blood pressure will not stabilize and that I may need to have surgery in order to correct this issue.
However, the odds of surviving such a procedure with all of the other surgeries I have had over the past 12 years isn't promising. After speaking with several people that are very close to me and praying deeply on this subject I believe it is in my best interest to follow through with the second opinion. But, in the long run I must think of myself and what this surgery might mean. See, I am determined that I can beat this without surgery. I have started taking iron supplements which stimulates blood production and calcium to strengthen my bone marrow. i know that in the long run if I continue with these supplements I may be able to boost my hemacrit to a level that is safe.
I have been been doing this for about a month and the blood results that my primary care doctor got from the lab are promising. It seems that my blood level has increased almost by an entire point and which means that it is working. Like I said earlier this is all about the quality of life that I am expecting to have once I am on the mend. With open heart surgery there would have to be certain limitations placed on my body that I am not sure I am ready to agree too at this point. Since the specialist haven't receive the lab results from my primary care doctor as of yet they can't possibly make an informed decision. Luckily I was called by the doctors office yesterday afternoon, because my doctor is going to be out of the country the rest of the month.
I haven't even had a chance to share these test results with my best friend and partner yet because we talked right before Dr, Chris called me. No matter what happens to me at this point I have to say that I am content in the knowledge that those who love me are behind me and support me in this decision. I know it may be hard for some of you to understand, but I am not willing at this point to limit myself any further then I have with the past surgeries. i am finally on the mend both mentally and physically and for that I am greatful.
I remember my grandmother once telling me that we can dictate how we feel with our attitude and outlook. I hold myself with confidence and knowledge and I know that I can beat this. I know my better than any doctor and I know when things are changing within it. I am sure that it is the same with any person that has a terminal illness. We become intimately familiar with every nuance of our body and when change or illness occurs we are aware of it almost immediately.
I honestly don't know what the future holds in store for me. I don't know if things between me and my partner are going to ever get back to where they were. But I do have hope and faith that no matter what happens at this point he will always and forever be a part of my life. I have told him many times in the past that I have never felt the way I feel for him with anyone else. Yes I have loved others but i have never wrapped myself and totally lost myself in another person like I did him. Sometimes, I know he felt under appreciated but trust me when I tell you that I wouldn't be here today without him and his strength. I don't think he knows how strong he really is, but it is his faith in me and quiet hope that has kept my spirits up throughout this past year of hospitalizations and doctors visits.
I hope that he reads this and knows how much I appreciate him. He always took very good care of me and made sure that I was eating and doing the right things. I wouldn't have been able to recover as fully as I have, if it wasn't for him.
What I have learned through all of this is that you cannot let anyone or anything interfere with you health and happiness. Because no one but you and the person you are with knows exactly what goes on between the both of you. There are two sides to a relationship, there is the public side that everyone on the outside sees and then there is the private side. This is the side that only the two of you see and because of that no one can really know the importance of the other person in your life. So take advice and criticsm of your relationship with a grain of salt, remember that they only see the one side.
Your happiness is the key to your health, as well as your mental attitude. Please keep that in mind as you go forward in life.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,