Well for those of you who are avid readers of my blog you will note that September was an awful month for me with tons of set backs and of course the blog suffered for it greatly. As many of you are aware I took an unexpected trip to Atlanta that didn't turn out at all as was planned or expected. However, I will say that a few decent things came out of the trip, some are note worthy and will be explored more in-depth here in the annals of blogdom. However for today's entry I want to take you on the trip that I had to see the doctor this morning. Because for some reason on these trips is when my brain seems to go into hyper-drive and I think of some of the most obscure and deep rooted thoughts. Maybe it is the open road and my love to travel that opens my mind up to the inner and outer awareness and consciousness that I need to focus my mind and intellect into.
Whatever the reason, I took it into my head to explore my incessant need to move around to not plant roots of a lasting sort. While it is true that in my younger years I was content to grow as Orlando grew, I soon realized that there was much more to the world than my little pond and I wanted to see it and explore it first hand. I believe it is for that reason alone that I joined the Navy right after high school and was disappointed with the fact that I got assigned to a ship that was in dry dock and undergoing refit for active duty. The last time my ship had seen any action was for a few years during the Korean War. She had been mothballed shortly after WWII and was activated for a brief tour during the Korean War only to be put back away in the Naval shipyards once more. It wasn't until President Reagan decided that we needed a 600 ship fleet to protect our country that the mothballs were put away and she was rolled back into active duty. I was fortunate to be a member of the precommissioning unit, and was made a plank owner of the U.S.S. Wisconsin (BB-64) the last of the Iowa class battleships. Being a plank owner gives you certain rights and a piece of history to boot. We were each given a piece of the original teak deck and our names are forever written in the history books as members of the team that brought the old girl back to life.
My need for travel and the exploring of the world would have to wait for several years but it was worth the wait I can tell you. I experienced a different sort of Navy than most traditional sailors. I was made a flag member of the MWR team (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) I had the captain, command Master Chief and the XO's ears, I had meetings with Admirals and other Captains and did things that no other 20 year olds can claim to have done. I got to travel before the ship to exotic ports and set up recreational activities for the crew and I had a power that was unparalleled. I came in on the ground floor of the movement and was in charge of everything. It was hard to leave that post and move on, yet I did. Only to head back to it over and over again throughout my career. I received a Navy Achievement medal for my conduct and activities and my name was well known throughout the Navy. I parlayed the networking skills that I learned in the Navy to different occupations I held after I got out and I can't complain, I did pretty well for myself all things considered.
But, my story doesn't end there, I returned to Orlando after the Navy to battle cancer, but was only there for a short time before I moved on to the big city life of Atlanta. I found myself working for different Governor's and holding quite of bit of power for a little time. However, as all good things do it passed. I got sick again with Cancer and Radiation disease from my treatments with the first bout of cancer. In the blink of an eye everything I had worked for and built up disappeared around me. This was the first time that I realized how fragile and fleeting life can be. But also how wondrous and fulfilling it can be at the same time. See, I learned that a person can live a lifetime in just 10 short years and accomplish things that take others a lifetime to build. I also saw how fast it all can disappear depending on the situation and circumstance one finds themselves in. Years have now passed since then and I am embarking on a new chapter of life and a new phase, yet the transitory calling of my nature is still there. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I would have stayed in Orlando and did things differently. One thing I realize is that I wouldn't have met some of the most extraordinary people that I have met in my life, nor would I have cultivated the vast network of friendships that I have amassed over the years. See I count myself lucky, I am in contact with most of the people I went to High School with and served in the Navy with. This is something that was brought about by the internet and Facebook. But, also through the endeavors of those of us that struggled to find and reconnect using the tools available to us as provided by the current technology.
The world hasn't changed much except that information is now more available than it ever was, yet, it is still controlled by the powerful and what was once opened, is now becoming closed. It has taken me a while to understand that life is but a series of cycles and circles that repeat at intervals, that our lives are nothing but a series of patterns that we follow. Let me digress here for a brief moment, because my background is in Information Technology, the Internet and E-commerce. However, something amazing and yet heinous is happening with our technology. See we went from single computers that were housed in a single unit, like the TRS-80 which was one of the first computers I learned to program on back in the 80's. Now in 2012, I see that All-in-one computers are making a come back. However, with some minor adjustments. There are now hard drives and wireless cards, modems and network cards installed on all of the new machines, things that were not even thought of in the past. However, it is plain that technology that society is embracing is that from an older era. Cloud computing is just another utilization of what was once called main-frames and smart terminals. There was a time when the main frame was connected by dumb terminals, but now each computer has it's own processor and access to the internet or what it is morphing into. There once was a time when the information super highway was just that a series of webpages posted in the ether that could be reached by addresses. Now we are back to fencing off that open area with our smart phones and apps. Fences and walls are being built around the point of service. This is to provide instant and reliable information, with less loss of data. See in the old days when we used the web to get around packets were sometimes lost, this was deemed acceptable at time because information was the goal. Today we want information at our fingertips with speed and accuracy hence the advent of apps to bring that data to you through a closed platform isolated and separate from the information stored on the world wide web.
If you are following what I am talking about you will begin to see that the old is coming back with just a different bit of style and sophistication added to it, more bells and whistles, but it is the same and the information and data is once again being controlled by corporations like Google, Apple, Yahoo and others. But, this is just one point of many that I want to make, what comes around goes around as the old saying goes. Soon you will be seeing other things from earlier years making a comeback and the nostalgia buffs in us will embrace it, however, don't be fooled into thinking that anything new or genuine is being offered to you because it really isn't, they are just dressing up what was done before and repackaging it for greater exposure and the capture of the almighty buck. But let's continue talking about what I really wanted to talk to you about in this blog entry, before I digressed.
What I wanted to talk to you about was how you find some people that have lived in an area their whole life, they never wanted change or to experience anything different from what they had expected. I am not one of those people, I was born a nomad of some sort apparently because I have no roots or ties to any one area. Yet, I have family and friends that have never left Pennsylvania nor do they plan too. They have made their life there and have been content and successful.
I could see if my family was close to a big city and career opportunities, but they weren't they remained and maintained a life in the rural and suburban areas of the state. I wonder how they accomplished that, I often think they are the lucky ones, the ones that will have a legacy to leave once they are gone, what will I have to show for my time on this planet. Not much, no family home to leave to a relative or excess of money from my pursuits. The only thing that I will leave behind when I go is the legacy of my writing which I found late in my life. So what makes me different from my family, why were my parents different from their siblings and family and what caused them to move around and strive to build something away from the nuclear family unit that gave them life and sustained them. Now, one thing that I have recognized is that the family that remained behind remains close, they communicate with each other and get together when it is possible. Those of us that have drifted away from the core family are not included in these events or get together's and I am wondering if it just happened that way or was there a bond that was severed when the family moved away. It is impossible for me to tell you at this point as this is just something that I started thinking about today. I can tell you that when my grandmother was alive things were different. It seemed that as the Matriarch of the family she held it together with her will and love alone and when she passed the communication and closeness of the family seemed to suffer greatly. Though others have tried to pull the family back together over the years after her passing it seemed like an impossible task.
What I have learned is this the family that remained behind and close, have a network between them that supports and uplifts them. They help each other and have a fellowship that those of us that have moved away lack. Not saying that our satellite families are not close, because my family is pretty close and we all talk often. But, it is the aunts, uncles, cousins, and other family members that we lack contact with. Our roots have been shunted and we drift aimlessly. Or at least in my case that is what I do. As I said earlier, I was thinking on the drive over to the doctors today why did I choose to move around and not plant roots? Why am I still without a base of operations and I am in my mid 40's now? Answer, is that I don't have the extensive family network that my nuclear family has, I am not as connected to my cousins, aunts and uncles like I was when I was younger and my grandmother was still alive. I also realized that my goals and perceptions were different from the rest of the family. They wanted to have children, homes and grow together, and I chose to follow money and my own personal glory instead of investing in family and home and a base of operations. This I believe is where I have made the choice and this is the place to which it has led me.
I can only speak from personal experience and from what I have seen in my own life, but those of us that uproot and move ourselves away from the core family are transitory in nature, nomads by choice and choose to follow money, glory, fame or recognition. Sometimes the path that our feet initially are place are by our parents and you have to find your own way back to the core family if you want to experience the growth and life of having one. I was seven years old when my dad moved my family halfway across the nation to start a new life, it isn't till now that I actually have thought about what that decision meant and what path it put me on. Had I take the time to consider what I was doing with my life and explored a little more on my own I might have come to the realization much sooner in my life. I am not sorry for what I have accomplished or where I have been, nor what I am still yet to do, I just see that the choice that was made all those years ago could have been undone by my making a conscious choice to go back and find out. Yet, I chose to follow the nomadic path that I was on and chase after the money. Funny about that is once you find it and achieve it, there never seems enough and you are driven to other things. I was fortunate that fate or God took an active role in my life at the point in which he did, because I could still be in that world and bashing my head against the grind and striving to make more, have more and attain more and never be truly happy.
I learned back in 2007 that easy come easy go, see I have had my fortune, built it spent, built it again and lost it. But in the process I was never satisfied and I always wanted more, strove to do better, it became a game and an obsession and it could have easily destroyed me, but because my health took a turn and things worked out differently for me, I have learned and what I have learned I became determined to share with others. So I started helping those around me that were less fortunate than I was, and guess what I found everyone was less fortunate than I and I still messed things up. Gave away more than I could and hurt myself in the process. However, it was well worth it for the lessons that I have learned and now I help hundreds more in my new way than I ever could doing it single handed and headless of my own regard. See I took what Jesus did literally and tried to walk and help the down trodden, what I didn't know was how easily it was to become a target and labelled a sucker. But again, I cannot and will not complain about anything I have been through because I learned and that is what life is all about.
The point that I want to make to you is this, you have choices that are open to you that you may not even be aware of. If you want to build a lasting family and home then that is what you should focus on. The money and other things will come once your priorities are in order. Trust me when I say that God provides because believe me he always does, and it comes when you need it the most and you least expect it. Be open to change, embrace it, trust me it is nothing to fear and only good can come from it. Take each experience you have and learn from them. Grow from them and build upon them, and you will see that you are well on your way on the philosophers journey toward enlightenment and spiritual wisdom. Nothing is ever what it seems, but always take things at face value and when you find the hidden meaning you will grow from it like I did. Money is not the end all be all and doesn't ensure happiness. The search for it and the seeking of it can be your undoing.
Be wary of the path your are on, ask yourself questions and grow that is what we are here for. You can make a difference in the world no matter where you are at. In a small town or in a big city, it is all up to you and how you handle the things that life throws at you. Keep in mind that anything worth having is never easy to achieve, and if it was you wouldn't appreciate it anyway. So work hard, live hard, and play fair and have fun. That is what life is all about.
As always my thoughts and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, October 1, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Health update...once again
I have been back to the hospital yet once again. This time was pretty major, apparently a cyst formed on my kidney and pelvis. It started out on Wednesday afternoon as a 2 mm cyst and by Friday Morning it was 8 cm in diameter, 40 ml of fluid were drained from it, there was no sign of bacteria or infection. I am seriously wondering what caused this phenomena after 3 days of testing and draining of the cyst, I am still no closer to an answer than I was the day I was admitted to the hospital. Ever since I got back from Atlanta, my kidneys have been giving me a lot of trouble. I spent 3 days in the hospital when I got back to Florida, and I spent a day in the hospital in Atlanta before I left. I knew that I was severely dehydrated and that my kidneys were in jeopardy. This new addition of fluid building up in my body in areas that it isn't supposed to has made me wonder what is really going on with my body.
This is the first time in 20 years that I haven't been able to put a finger on what is happening with my body and knowing what I am supposed to do to fix it. Unfortunately, with this new information comes a whole new series of questions. I have been constantly on top of my bodies health ever since I was diagnosed with cancer 20 years ago. This is the first time that something new has cropped up that I haven't had the answers too. It has also made my mind go into overdrive to come up with a solution. Unfortunately with the information that I have I cannot for the life of me understand what is going on inside of me this time. So as with all things unexplained I leave it to the good Lord to sort out on His own, because in my mind He is the ultimate authority on the body since He created it. It has to be His will that I go through this or it wouldn't be happening to me at all.
I have to keep in mind that even as I walk there are times when my strength has failed to move me forward and it has been His unwavering steps that I glimpse in the sand as I look back over my path. I know it is Him who has carried me through those dark moments. I know it will be His divine wisdom that guides the physicians as the struggle to answer the newest mystery in my bodies physiology. I have to keep in mind that all answers are not always self apparent and have to be searched for and researched. I know that I wouldn't have been brought this far for an answer to be hidden and obscured that there is meaning in each of our lives and it is ours to seek out the answers.
I believe beyond a shadow of doubt that we are provided with all the answers to every question we will ever face when we are born onto the Earth, it is also my belief that if we look deep within ourselves that the answers to each question will be revealed in it's due course. See, I have unwavering faith, that when man was still in the Garden of Eden, and the first sin took place, that the knowledge of the ages was imparted to man, and was passed on through our blood. It is the philosopher's journey to unlock those hidden things within our mind. Most of you know that we only use a fraction of our brain during our lifetime, so why is it so large? It is my belief that in our own ignorance or arrogance which ever may have been the case for Adam and Eve's blatant refusal to obey the only commandment they were given, they ate of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. For which we have ever been separated from God and the divine.
Now, I know that you were not expecting a Sunday school lesson when you opened up my blog this evening, so I will leave it at this point, but remember that we are each on a journey and that journey is the search for the ultimate truth. Is is not? I hope it is, but it may just be what is the meaning of life or why am I here! These are also good questions and one's that can be answered on the inward journey that I am proposing. See within us is the knowledge of the ages and we need to educate ourselves as we move forward in this life to unlock the secrets of that knowledge, that is the true test that we are faced with in our daily life.
Yet, even as I struggle to grasp the meaning of life and all the other things that are yet obscured by my vision of reality, I seek to find the answers to the my health questions as well. I know the answers are there and that God is waiting for me to reach the level of understanding or enlightenment to reveal these answers to me, and in time I know I will get there. So with all my thoughts and prayers going out, I keep firmly my belief that all things known or will be known will be revealed to us through our journey and our learning. It is my hope that my health will hold out long enough for me to reach the place where I need to be to understand all of this.
So with all of that being said, I will continue to fill you in on what is happening with my health. When I was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday night it was apparent that the fluid build up was not normal from the reaction of the medical staff, however, it was surprising to find that my kidney's which had been such a problem just the week before seemed to be functioning at normal levels and all traces of kidney disease were gone. Now that got me really thinking. See sometimes it is the situation or circumstance that makes us break the mold of our thoughts and think outside of the box so to speak, and what was discovered is that despite the miraculous discovery that the kidneys were once again functioning as they should be there was still something not quite right with the whole situation, and what came to mind was that they had left the stint in place between my kidney's and bladder back in December for 2 months, now the normal length of time that a temporary stint should be in place is 30 days, anything longer the tissue grows back up around the stint and when removed a tear or rip in the organ can take place. So now, we have to search the left kidney for a possible tear or rip that might be minuscule in size which might be allowing fluid to leak into the body unnoticed and be the cause of the cysts that seem to be forming. The fluid is vacuous and not infected by bacteria or contagion which seems to mean that the fluid is sterile as it enters the body cavity. Urine is sterile until it is exposed to air. Could this not mean that the leak might be from the kidney through a rent or tear that was made when the stint was removed?
This is a question I will be following up with in the morning with my doctor to try and get to the bottom of this mystery. I am hoping that it is something as simple as this to my situation and that by now knowing what to look for might make it easier for the doctors to find. Otherwise, I may end up back in the hospital with the same problem all over again.
So tell me what do you think? Might there be something to what I have written here or is it my imagination just grasping at some straws to answer that which I cannot answer?
I really would like to know what your thoughts are on this. Could I be on the right track after all and that all the answers to all our questions are locked right inside of us the entire time?
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
This is the first time in 20 years that I haven't been able to put a finger on what is happening with my body and knowing what I am supposed to do to fix it. Unfortunately, with this new information comes a whole new series of questions. I have been constantly on top of my bodies health ever since I was diagnosed with cancer 20 years ago. This is the first time that something new has cropped up that I haven't had the answers too. It has also made my mind go into overdrive to come up with a solution. Unfortunately with the information that I have I cannot for the life of me understand what is going on inside of me this time. So as with all things unexplained I leave it to the good Lord to sort out on His own, because in my mind He is the ultimate authority on the body since He created it. It has to be His will that I go through this or it wouldn't be happening to me at all.
I have to keep in mind that even as I walk there are times when my strength has failed to move me forward and it has been His unwavering steps that I glimpse in the sand as I look back over my path. I know it is Him who has carried me through those dark moments. I know it will be His divine wisdom that guides the physicians as the struggle to answer the newest mystery in my bodies physiology. I have to keep in mind that all answers are not always self apparent and have to be searched for and researched. I know that I wouldn't have been brought this far for an answer to be hidden and obscured that there is meaning in each of our lives and it is ours to seek out the answers.
I believe beyond a shadow of doubt that we are provided with all the answers to every question we will ever face when we are born onto the Earth, it is also my belief that if we look deep within ourselves that the answers to each question will be revealed in it's due course. See, I have unwavering faith, that when man was still in the Garden of Eden, and the first sin took place, that the knowledge of the ages was imparted to man, and was passed on through our blood. It is the philosopher's journey to unlock those hidden things within our mind. Most of you know that we only use a fraction of our brain during our lifetime, so why is it so large? It is my belief that in our own ignorance or arrogance which ever may have been the case for Adam and Eve's blatant refusal to obey the only commandment they were given, they ate of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. For which we have ever been separated from God and the divine.
Now, I know that you were not expecting a Sunday school lesson when you opened up my blog this evening, so I will leave it at this point, but remember that we are each on a journey and that journey is the search for the ultimate truth. Is is not? I hope it is, but it may just be what is the meaning of life or why am I here! These are also good questions and one's that can be answered on the inward journey that I am proposing. See within us is the knowledge of the ages and we need to educate ourselves as we move forward in this life to unlock the secrets of that knowledge, that is the true test that we are faced with in our daily life.
Yet, even as I struggle to grasp the meaning of life and all the other things that are yet obscured by my vision of reality, I seek to find the answers to the my health questions as well. I know the answers are there and that God is waiting for me to reach the level of understanding or enlightenment to reveal these answers to me, and in time I know I will get there. So with all my thoughts and prayers going out, I keep firmly my belief that all things known or will be known will be revealed to us through our journey and our learning. It is my hope that my health will hold out long enough for me to reach the place where I need to be to understand all of this.
So with all of that being said, I will continue to fill you in on what is happening with my health. When I was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday night it was apparent that the fluid build up was not normal from the reaction of the medical staff, however, it was surprising to find that my kidney's which had been such a problem just the week before seemed to be functioning at normal levels and all traces of kidney disease were gone. Now that got me really thinking. See sometimes it is the situation or circumstance that makes us break the mold of our thoughts and think outside of the box so to speak, and what was discovered is that despite the miraculous discovery that the kidneys were once again functioning as they should be there was still something not quite right with the whole situation, and what came to mind was that they had left the stint in place between my kidney's and bladder back in December for 2 months, now the normal length of time that a temporary stint should be in place is 30 days, anything longer the tissue grows back up around the stint and when removed a tear or rip in the organ can take place. So now, we have to search the left kidney for a possible tear or rip that might be minuscule in size which might be allowing fluid to leak into the body unnoticed and be the cause of the cysts that seem to be forming. The fluid is vacuous and not infected by bacteria or contagion which seems to mean that the fluid is sterile as it enters the body cavity. Urine is sterile until it is exposed to air. Could this not mean that the leak might be from the kidney through a rent or tear that was made when the stint was removed?
This is a question I will be following up with in the morning with my doctor to try and get to the bottom of this mystery. I am hoping that it is something as simple as this to my situation and that by now knowing what to look for might make it easier for the doctors to find. Otherwise, I may end up back in the hospital with the same problem all over again.
So tell me what do you think? Might there be something to what I have written here or is it my imagination just grasping at some straws to answer that which I cannot answer?
I really would like to know what your thoughts are on this. Could I be on the right track after all and that all the answers to all our questions are locked right inside of us the entire time?
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
How do you know when you have surrendered your power over to someone else?
I know we have talked about personal power before and I have given you advice on how to take that power back. But how do you recognize the signs? How do you know when someone has power over you? Do you even know that you have given them the power? Is there anyway to stop it from happening? Finally is it really a bad thing? The answer to all of this is not as simple as it might seem and if there are warning signs, they are purely emotional. As we enter into relationships we had a tendency to put our all into them and when we do, we end up giving up a piece of ourselves. For the most part you can control how much you give, by limiting how much of your heart you choose to expose.
However, if you are like me, you sometimes give too much. Usually for me it starts out slowly and picks up momentum as the days and weeks go by before I know it, the other person has the ability to make me feel a certain way about myself. that is when I know I have gone too far. Because even now I am not sure anyone is worthy of having that much power over me. I keep waiting for them to prove themselves and so far I am the only one waiting around. Days go by with no phone calls, texts and emails go unanswered. When I finally do connect with him, there is no real conversation, just the routine and the mundane. I have realized this seems to happen to me a lot. I open my heart, give out love and stand around waiting for it to be returned. When I ask if anything is wrong between us, I am told everything is fine. But why don't I feel fine?
The person used to inspire me, make me feel good about myself. Now all I do it think what have I done now? What has happened? Where has the communication gone? The real answer it hasn't gone anywhere. What has changed is the base of power. I gave my heart away, and now I am looking for a return on that investment.
One of the first noticeable symptoms of power surrender, is when the other person's opinion matters to you more than your own. Because you see they have the ability to make you feel a certain way. No one should have that much power over another person. Developing feelings that strong can lead to problems and can start a very co-dependent relationship. These types of relationships can be detrimental and hurtful to both parties involved. Now, all of this depends on the person you are with and how much you can trust them. Again the keys to any successful relationship are trust, communication, honesty and openness. In co-dependent relationships one partner uses the power that is given to them to control and manipulate every situation. In a wholesome and healthy relationship each partner retains their own sense of self. They are okay with maintaining separate as well as unified gatherings and friends. In other words they are just as comfortable with you and doing things together as they are doing them alone or with a group of their own friends. Leading both separate and together lives.
So how do you know when you have surrendered your power over to someone else? Easy! When you long to hear from them, when it seems like you can't do anything without them. When you care so much about their opinion that you totally ignore your own feelings. I honestly don't believe it is healthy to feel that way at all. You need to regain your sense of self.
You need to feel good about yourself, your decisions and you can't do that if you are dependent on someone else and their feelings and opinions. With all of this being said there is a healthy medium that can be reached. Compromise is still the name of the relationship game. But, you have to have your own independence even in a relationship. You need to be free to do what you want to do with consideration to your partner, but you cannot spend every single second together. It just won't work! So here is where I recommend keep your own friends and continue to do things with them. Encourage your partner to do the same. Make mutual friends together, make time to dow some things together, and still balance them with your own personal me time.
I always like to include my partner, but I do realize that he needs to have his own independence and freedom. Secret to success is communication, open and truthful conversation, plus quality alone time together. If you can enjoy sitting in the same room doing different things, yet still enjoying and sharing each others warmth and company I would say you have reached the perfect and harmonious place in your relationship that I have been talking about. Trust me you are still going to need quality alone time with each other, so that your relationship can grow and flourish. But you also have to have some quality me time so that you can grow and mature as an individual. If you can achieve that in your relationship you too can have a relationship that last 12 or more years.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
However, if you are like me, you sometimes give too much. Usually for me it starts out slowly and picks up momentum as the days and weeks go by before I know it, the other person has the ability to make me feel a certain way about myself. that is when I know I have gone too far. Because even now I am not sure anyone is worthy of having that much power over me. I keep waiting for them to prove themselves and so far I am the only one waiting around. Days go by with no phone calls, texts and emails go unanswered. When I finally do connect with him, there is no real conversation, just the routine and the mundane. I have realized this seems to happen to me a lot. I open my heart, give out love and stand around waiting for it to be returned. When I ask if anything is wrong between us, I am told everything is fine. But why don't I feel fine?
The person used to inspire me, make me feel good about myself. Now all I do it think what have I done now? What has happened? Where has the communication gone? The real answer it hasn't gone anywhere. What has changed is the base of power. I gave my heart away, and now I am looking for a return on that investment.
One of the first noticeable symptoms of power surrender, is when the other person's opinion matters to you more than your own. Because you see they have the ability to make you feel a certain way. No one should have that much power over another person. Developing feelings that strong can lead to problems and can start a very co-dependent relationship. These types of relationships can be detrimental and hurtful to both parties involved. Now, all of this depends on the person you are with and how much you can trust them. Again the keys to any successful relationship are trust, communication, honesty and openness. In co-dependent relationships one partner uses the power that is given to them to control and manipulate every situation. In a wholesome and healthy relationship each partner retains their own sense of self. They are okay with maintaining separate as well as unified gatherings and friends. In other words they are just as comfortable with you and doing things together as they are doing them alone or with a group of their own friends. Leading both separate and together lives.
So how do you know when you have surrendered your power over to someone else? Easy! When you long to hear from them, when it seems like you can't do anything without them. When you care so much about their opinion that you totally ignore your own feelings. I honestly don't believe it is healthy to feel that way at all. You need to regain your sense of self.
You need to feel good about yourself, your decisions and you can't do that if you are dependent on someone else and their feelings and opinions. With all of this being said there is a healthy medium that can be reached. Compromise is still the name of the relationship game. But, you have to have your own independence even in a relationship. You need to be free to do what you want to do with consideration to your partner, but you cannot spend every single second together. It just won't work! So here is where I recommend keep your own friends and continue to do things with them. Encourage your partner to do the same. Make mutual friends together, make time to dow some things together, and still balance them with your own personal me time.
I always like to include my partner, but I do realize that he needs to have his own independence and freedom. Secret to success is communication, open and truthful conversation, plus quality alone time together. If you can enjoy sitting in the same room doing different things, yet still enjoying and sharing each others warmth and company I would say you have reached the perfect and harmonious place in your relationship that I have been talking about. Trust me you are still going to need quality alone time with each other, so that your relationship can grow and flourish. But you also have to have some quality me time so that you can grow and mature as an individual. If you can achieve that in your relationship you too can have a relationship that last 12 or more years.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
It isn't what you say, but how it is said!
Often times when you are discussing something and you are trying to get your point across to another person, the impact of your words are lost in translation. See it isn't what you say, but the manner in which it is said. Believe it or not attitude, body language, tone and a myriad of other factors are interpreted by the person you are speaking with. Often times I have been accused of saying something in a tone that is demeaning or derogatory towards the other person. You see it was the tone in which my words were spoken that were heard louder than what was being said. Unfortunately, in most of the cases I was only looking out for the other persons well-being, but because of the tone that I used when speaking to them, I was met with resistance and anger.
No matter what you have to say be sure that you are saying with genuine concern and alacrity because the last thing you want is to turn the ears that you are trying to help to become deaf, because of the tone and attitude in which the message was delivered. I know from personal experience that you can get more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. The words you say can end up being used as weapons instead of inspiring the trust and sincerity that you are looking for. I have tried very hard over my life to help those around me, and I have been accused of many things, but the one thing I can assure you is that I have always put my friends over my own well being, even if it hurt myself in the process.
I moved back to Atlanta in 2011 for nine months, and during that time I learned a very valuable lesson. No matter how hard you want to help someone, want them to better themselves and strive for perfection, that I could see in them. I found that my words were always tinged with bitterness and anger because the one person I had high hopes for couldn't or wouldn't rise to the occasion. No matter what promises were made to me when they came to Atlanta, they failed to live up to them no matter what I did or said to try and get them to excel. Many arguments and fights occurred because of the manner and tone in which I couched my words. In the long run I finally gave up on the person and I let nature take it's course. Unfortunately, because of the way I handled the situation I ended up loosing a friend, and for that I am forever sorry. However, I realize now that because that person didn't want to change and wanted to continue down the same path that he was always on, was enough of an indicator that I needed to cut my losses.
I do ask that when you are talking with another person that you do so with clear purpose and intention. Try to moderate your tone and body language so that the proper message comes across. Don't let your words get lost in translation so to speak, being hidden in your tone. None of this should be a surprise to you. It is important to realize that people interpret your body language and tone as much as they do your words.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
No matter what you have to say be sure that you are saying with genuine concern and alacrity because the last thing you want is to turn the ears that you are trying to help to become deaf, because of the tone and attitude in which the message was delivered. I know from personal experience that you can get more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. The words you say can end up being used as weapons instead of inspiring the trust and sincerity that you are looking for. I have tried very hard over my life to help those around me, and I have been accused of many things, but the one thing I can assure you is that I have always put my friends over my own well being, even if it hurt myself in the process.
I moved back to Atlanta in 2011 for nine months, and during that time I learned a very valuable lesson. No matter how hard you want to help someone, want them to better themselves and strive for perfection, that I could see in them. I found that my words were always tinged with bitterness and anger because the one person I had high hopes for couldn't or wouldn't rise to the occasion. No matter what promises were made to me when they came to Atlanta, they failed to live up to them no matter what I did or said to try and get them to excel. Many arguments and fights occurred because of the manner and tone in which I couched my words. In the long run I finally gave up on the person and I let nature take it's course. Unfortunately, because of the way I handled the situation I ended up loosing a friend, and for that I am forever sorry. However, I realize now that because that person didn't want to change and wanted to continue down the same path that he was always on, was enough of an indicator that I needed to cut my losses.
I do ask that when you are talking with another person that you do so with clear purpose and intention. Try to moderate your tone and body language so that the proper message comes across. Don't let your words get lost in translation so to speak, being hidden in your tone. None of this should be a surprise to you. It is important to realize that people interpret your body language and tone as much as they do your words.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Update on the Experiment
As you have probably gathered from my previous entries the experiment is on hold for the time being. Unfortunately, plans didn't exactly go as planned and events spiraled out of control. I never ended up meeting my friend in Atlanta and he ended up going back home to Seattle. So as of this time the experiment is on hold, and I will let you know when it is back on track.
Right now as we speak I am trying to get a hold of the situation that I find myself in and getting my feet back under me. I am so far behind on my car payments that I may end up loosing it after going through all the hard work to get it. But, I am trying my best to recover from the damage that was done and regroup at this time.
As far as my relationship status, I think everything is fine, but again I am only seeing my side of the picture at this time. I hope you will keep me in your thoughts as the days and weeks go by so that things end up where they are supposed to be. I am not giving up on anything at this point and I plan on fighting for what I believe is mine. I promised I would keep you up to date on all that was happening in my my life and so I have. You will be the first to know what happens.
As always my hopes and dreams are yours,
Uncle B
Right now as we speak I am trying to get a hold of the situation that I find myself in and getting my feet back under me. I am so far behind on my car payments that I may end up loosing it after going through all the hard work to get it. But, I am trying my best to recover from the damage that was done and regroup at this time.
As far as my relationship status, I think everything is fine, but again I am only seeing my side of the picture at this time. I hope you will keep me in your thoughts as the days and weeks go by so that things end up where they are supposed to be. I am not giving up on anything at this point and I plan on fighting for what I believe is mine. I promised I would keep you up to date on all that was happening in my my life and so I have. You will be the first to know what happens.
As always my hopes and dreams are yours,
Uncle B
People are who they have always been!
I learned something valuable during my misadventures, I learned that people are not who they are during your last conversation with them, they are who they have always been throughout your entire relationship. Things don't change just because of the heat of the moment. They don't change because someone is angry, or sad, desperate or alone. The person who you are talking to at that moment is the product of the emotions and situation that they find themselves in. What remains at the end of the day is who they have always been. You will find that anyone can say anything in the heat of the moment. They say things to hurt when they are hurt, they encourage when they see inspiration, and they are supportive when they feel supported.
The person you know is the same person, take them at their word, believe them at the moment, because what they are feeling is true for them. However, you must remember that after the moment passes, the anger has flared and the temper has died down, they are going to be the same consistent person they have always been. There will be posturing and apologies on both parts, but in the end their strength of character will shine through. Trust me when I tell you that the person you have always known, the person who has demonstrated time and again their unfailing and unflagging self, is going to return. They are going to be consistent with whom they have always been.
It is my belief that people are essentially good and that circumstances and situations make them act in certain ways, sometimes there are external influences that might trigger a sort of behavior that is uncharacteristic with their altruistic nature. One such influence is drugs, but as I said earlier when all is said and done you will see that the person you know and trust is still there behind the mask of anger and drug induced haze. My friends in Atlanta reacted to my situation with sympathy and compassion in almost all cases, except for the one person who thought that I was so much more than what they were seeing. It is true that I am a person of integrity and self-confidence, however, even the most dire circumstances are enough to make one question their beliefs and integrity.
I am guilty of feeling sorry for myself and indulging in a serious case of self pity. However, I do realize that the battle that was going on inside of my mind was evident to all those around me, and when my doubts surfaced, I realized that I had shown my own weakness. In the long run it was their faith in me and the strength they lent me that made it possible for me to carry on. The last words that were spoken between me and my friend Tony were less than pleasant and that I took them seriously too heart at the moment they were spoken. I have since re-evaluated my situation and the words that were spoken, I have come to realize that I shouldn't have put so much stock into what was said as I should have the person who was speaking them. I now know the difference and I know that he was hurting as much as I was at the moment the words were said. I do know that Tony is the same person today, as He was the day I met him and will continue to be the same person, that the words that were spoken have different meaning to me today, as they did that day I left.
So don't judge too harshly what was spoken to you, remember who has said them, remember who they have been throughout your whole relationship and you will see the person that has always been there. I hope you understand what this simple lesson has taught me and what I have learned. Trust your friends and they will be there for you when you need them.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
The person you know is the same person, take them at their word, believe them at the moment, because what they are feeling is true for them. However, you must remember that after the moment passes, the anger has flared and the temper has died down, they are going to be the same consistent person they have always been. There will be posturing and apologies on both parts, but in the end their strength of character will shine through. Trust me when I tell you that the person you have always known, the person who has demonstrated time and again their unfailing and unflagging self, is going to return. They are going to be consistent with whom they have always been.
It is my belief that people are essentially good and that circumstances and situations make them act in certain ways, sometimes there are external influences that might trigger a sort of behavior that is uncharacteristic with their altruistic nature. One such influence is drugs, but as I said earlier when all is said and done you will see that the person you know and trust is still there behind the mask of anger and drug induced haze. My friends in Atlanta reacted to my situation with sympathy and compassion in almost all cases, except for the one person who thought that I was so much more than what they were seeing. It is true that I am a person of integrity and self-confidence, however, even the most dire circumstances are enough to make one question their beliefs and integrity.
I am guilty of feeling sorry for myself and indulging in a serious case of self pity. However, I do realize that the battle that was going on inside of my mind was evident to all those around me, and when my doubts surfaced, I realized that I had shown my own weakness. In the long run it was their faith in me and the strength they lent me that made it possible for me to carry on. The last words that were spoken between me and my friend Tony were less than pleasant and that I took them seriously too heart at the moment they were spoken. I have since re-evaluated my situation and the words that were spoken, I have come to realize that I shouldn't have put so much stock into what was said as I should have the person who was speaking them. I now know the difference and I know that he was hurting as much as I was at the moment the words were said. I do know that Tony is the same person today, as He was the day I met him and will continue to be the same person, that the words that were spoken have different meaning to me today, as they did that day I left.
So don't judge too harshly what was spoken to you, remember who has said them, remember who they have been throughout your whole relationship and you will see the person that has always been there. I hope you understand what this simple lesson has taught me and what I have learned. Trust your friends and they will be there for you when you need them.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Misadventures in Paradise
Well for those of you who aren't aware of current events in my life, I am finally back in Florida, where I should have never left in the first place. I went to meet Kerry in Atlanta that turned into the biggest fiasco the world has ever known. Anyhow, I went up there ended up getting jumped by 3 people that got my money, my ID, and almost lost my car. It was the most terrifying experience of my life and I never felt so alone. I did however make a remarkable discovery about myself and the people I counted as my friends. When push came to shove people only care about themselves and what they can get out of you.
If it wasn't for a special person named Tony Aliguan who actually took the time to look after me and made sure that I was safe. He risked his life and well-being to make sure that I was taken care of. I owe him my life many times over, he made sure that I went to the hospital when it looked pretty scary for me. I had become severely dehydrated, my kidney's failed and I was running on empty. Tony made sure that I was fed, clothed and was safe. I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I cannot tell you how lucky I was to have Tony by my side helping through this ordeal.
I do know that I don't plan on going back to Atlanta, and if I do, it will be under totally different circumstances. See I went as a surprise, I didn't tell a lot of people my plans, so when tragedy struck and I lost everything I didn't know who to turn too, I had no numbers and I was trapped. Finally, a break came when I went to the Buckhead Christian Ministries and they allowed me the use of the computer. I was then able to access my gmail account and my telephone numbers. I got a hold of my dad and he was able to wire me money to make it home. I had already spent the night in the hospital and knew that I was seriously sick, so the best thing for me to do was get in my car as soon as I got the money and head home. Which is what I did. Unfortunately, when I left, I didn't do it gracefully or with tact! I was in a hurry, I didn't take the time to express my thanks to Tony or any of the few others that had helped me out while I was stuck on the streets of Atlanta for 8 days. So here is my opportunity to express how I felt and my feelings toward that situation.
I want to Thank the following people for sticking by me through everything, for taking my calls and listening to my whining and nagging. My bitching and belly-aching. I want to thank Gerard Alexander for sleeping in my car with me and making sure that I was safe my entire stay, Tony, thank you for keeping your promise and making sure that I was fed, taken care of and safe the entire time. Merger, for being there and talking to me when I was desperate and alone with no one to turn too. To Scotty for offering to loan me the money to make the trip home and making sure that I was well taken care of by Tony and Gerard, for checking in with me every couple of days to make sure I was eating and well rested. If it wasn't for all of you pulling together and taking care of me I would have died on that lonely street.
For those of you who took advantage of my situation, pushed me down and tried to hold me down, I feel sorry for you because I will tell you what Karma is a bitch and what comes around goes around. For those of you who stole my money and my cell phone, I know who you are and believe me I will be coming back at you when you least expect it. Beware the wrath of a queen scorned. I am not a vindictive person but I do get back at those that hurt me on purpose. For those of you who were there and turned your back on me, I don't count you as my friends anymore, and you know who you are. You are the ones who got all the voice mails and messages from me but couldn't be bothered to answer the phone or even offer me a word of advice.
Thanks to the Buckhead Christian Ministries for the fabulous work that you are doing for the homeless and destitute people of Atlanta, you are a beacon of light in a darkness that could have swallowed a person whole and left them to die. I appreciate the food, the clothing and the supportive talks that you gave me when I needed the faith and encouragement to keep on going.
As for my adventures, I can honestly say, that I steered myself clear of the drugs, the misdirection that was thrown in my path. I tried very hard to keep my dignity and head held high. I know that I failed at times, and that I complained about how I felt awful the entire time I was there. I know it seemed like I was whining and doing nothing about my situation, however, believe it or not, I was fighting my own internal battle. I won, I triumphed and I made it home alive. Now, as I have said I couldn't have done any of this without the support of my true friends. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. There is a special place inside of me for all of you. I will make it up to you all some how for the sacrifices that you made on my behalf. I love you all and I know we will see each other again soon.
Advice, I would like to give, when you find yourself in a situation and are helpless, try not to cling to those that are helping you. It adds weight and a burden on them that they don't necessarily deserve. I only saw this after the fact and I am so sorry for the lack of grace and dignity in which I left the situation. I owe you all so much and I am thankful that you were there when I needed you the most.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
If it wasn't for a special person named Tony Aliguan who actually took the time to look after me and made sure that I was safe. He risked his life and well-being to make sure that I was taken care of. I owe him my life many times over, he made sure that I went to the hospital when it looked pretty scary for me. I had become severely dehydrated, my kidney's failed and I was running on empty. Tony made sure that I was fed, clothed and was safe. I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I cannot tell you how lucky I was to have Tony by my side helping through this ordeal.
I do know that I don't plan on going back to Atlanta, and if I do, it will be under totally different circumstances. See I went as a surprise, I didn't tell a lot of people my plans, so when tragedy struck and I lost everything I didn't know who to turn too, I had no numbers and I was trapped. Finally, a break came when I went to the Buckhead Christian Ministries and they allowed me the use of the computer. I was then able to access my gmail account and my telephone numbers. I got a hold of my dad and he was able to wire me money to make it home. I had already spent the night in the hospital and knew that I was seriously sick, so the best thing for me to do was get in my car as soon as I got the money and head home. Which is what I did. Unfortunately, when I left, I didn't do it gracefully or with tact! I was in a hurry, I didn't take the time to express my thanks to Tony or any of the few others that had helped me out while I was stuck on the streets of Atlanta for 8 days. So here is my opportunity to express how I felt and my feelings toward that situation.
I want to Thank the following people for sticking by me through everything, for taking my calls and listening to my whining and nagging. My bitching and belly-aching. I want to thank Gerard Alexander for sleeping in my car with me and making sure that I was safe my entire stay, Tony, thank you for keeping your promise and making sure that I was fed, taken care of and safe the entire time. Merger, for being there and talking to me when I was desperate and alone with no one to turn too. To Scotty for offering to loan me the money to make the trip home and making sure that I was well taken care of by Tony and Gerard, for checking in with me every couple of days to make sure I was eating and well rested. If it wasn't for all of you pulling together and taking care of me I would have died on that lonely street.
For those of you who took advantage of my situation, pushed me down and tried to hold me down, I feel sorry for you because I will tell you what Karma is a bitch and what comes around goes around. For those of you who stole my money and my cell phone, I know who you are and believe me I will be coming back at you when you least expect it. Beware the wrath of a queen scorned. I am not a vindictive person but I do get back at those that hurt me on purpose. For those of you who were there and turned your back on me, I don't count you as my friends anymore, and you know who you are. You are the ones who got all the voice mails and messages from me but couldn't be bothered to answer the phone or even offer me a word of advice.
Thanks to the Buckhead Christian Ministries for the fabulous work that you are doing for the homeless and destitute people of Atlanta, you are a beacon of light in a darkness that could have swallowed a person whole and left them to die. I appreciate the food, the clothing and the supportive talks that you gave me when I needed the faith and encouragement to keep on going.
As for my adventures, I can honestly say, that I steered myself clear of the drugs, the misdirection that was thrown in my path. I tried very hard to keep my dignity and head held high. I know that I failed at times, and that I complained about how I felt awful the entire time I was there. I know it seemed like I was whining and doing nothing about my situation, however, believe it or not, I was fighting my own internal battle. I won, I triumphed and I made it home alive. Now, as I have said I couldn't have done any of this without the support of my true friends. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. There is a special place inside of me for all of you. I will make it up to you all some how for the sacrifices that you made on my behalf. I love you all and I know we will see each other again soon.
Advice, I would like to give, when you find yourself in a situation and are helpless, try not to cling to those that are helping you. It adds weight and a burden on them that they don't necessarily deserve. I only saw this after the fact and I am so sorry for the lack of grace and dignity in which I left the situation. I owe you all so much and I am thankful that you were there when I needed you the most.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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