Often times when you are discussing something and you are trying to get your point across to another person, the impact of your words are lost in translation. See it isn't what you say, but the manner in which it is said. Believe it or not attitude, body language, tone and a myriad of other factors are interpreted by the person you are speaking with. Often times I have been accused of saying something in a tone that is demeaning or derogatory towards the other person. You see it was the tone in which my words were spoken that were heard louder than what was being said. Unfortunately, in most of the cases I was only looking out for the other persons well-being, but because of the tone that I used when speaking to them, I was met with resistance and anger.
No matter what you have to say be sure that you are saying with genuine concern and alacrity because the last thing you want is to turn the ears that you are trying to help to become deaf, because of the tone and attitude in which the message was delivered. I know from personal experience that you can get more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. The words you say can end up being used as weapons instead of inspiring the trust and sincerity that you are looking for. I have tried very hard over my life to help those around me, and I have been accused of many things, but the one thing I can assure you is that I have always put my friends over my own well being, even if it hurt myself in the process.
I moved back to Atlanta in 2011 for nine months, and during that time I learned a very valuable lesson. No matter how hard you want to help someone, want them to better themselves and strive for perfection, that I could see in them. I found that my words were always tinged with bitterness and anger because the one person I had high hopes for couldn't or wouldn't rise to the occasion. No matter what promises were made to me when they came to Atlanta, they failed to live up to them no matter what I did or said to try and get them to excel. Many arguments and fights occurred because of the manner and tone in which I couched my words. In the long run I finally gave up on the person and I let nature take it's course. Unfortunately, because of the way I handled the situation I ended up loosing a friend, and for that I am forever sorry. However, I realize now that because that person didn't want to change and wanted to continue down the same path that he was always on, was enough of an indicator that I needed to cut my losses.
I do ask that when you are talking with another person that you do so with clear purpose and intention. Try to moderate your tone and body language so that the proper message comes across. Don't let your words get lost in translation so to speak, being hidden in your tone. None of this should be a surprise to you. It is important to realize that people interpret your body language and tone as much as they do your words.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label interpretation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label interpretation. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
You know it is alright to agree to disagree.
I am sure that you have heard somewhere before in your life that everyone has an opinion and they are entitled to it. I have been following a lively debate on Google + over Chick-fil-A, and trust me my opinion hasn't changed at all. It is alright to agree to disagree with someone over their differing opinion. Who is to say that you are right or they are wrong or vice-versa. See, in this country everyone has a right to say what their opinion is, regardless of who it hurts or is insulted by it. But that is okay because you have the right to voice your objections just as strongly. Where the problem comes in if one person is so opinionated that they try to force their beliefs on everyone around them.
It is true that everyone has an opinion, it is further true that sometimes those opinions should be unspoken to the general public, but hey who am I too say? Sometimes a remark can come off as derogatory or even inflammatory, so be careful how you state your case. I am not saying that you should hold in your opinion, unless of course it will get you killed. Like telling the gunman that he is a bully and you aren't going to give him your money. I don't think anyone would do that anyway. I am just recommending that if you have something negative to say couch it in a way where people aren't necessarily going to be offended by it.
One of my defense mechanisms is that I make jokes about people when they do something that bothers me. Most of the time the person I am directing it at has no clue that I am annoyed, and it takes them awhile to figure out that the joke was meant to get them to stop whatever it is. People that have known me for years can tell right off when it is getting bad, and usually try to warn the person off. Because if they don't get it the first or second time, shame on them because when I get to the point I can't stand it anymore I go off like a cannon and I usually tear them apart. Verbally that is, in the gay world they call it reading someone.
Anyhow, there are some people that disagree with some of the things that I write, and that is okay because I expect them too. The purpose of me writing these things is to stir up conversation and to get people to think about the things that are going on around them. I don't care if people see it my way or not. Because at the end of the day the only opinion that matters to me is my own. So yes, I have perfected the right to agree to disagree, because I think it is healthy to talk about things and discuss them, because maybe in the long run both of us are wrong, but unless we explore and talk about it how will we ever know.
So the next time someone says something that catches you off guard, and makes you immediately think "No you are wrong about this", stop a minute don't say anything, listen to their opinion and in a kind manner explain your position. Again, the point is this will save you from an argument, which trust me most of the time they are pointless. Arguments are hard to win because it is almost impossible to persuade someone that what they think is wrong. I am just saying. I have been there and I am one that likes to argue just for arguments sake really. I don't care if I am right or wrong, with some people I automatically take the opposite side, just because I can. There are times when I like to play devil's advocate and chose to word my opinion differently than someone else's and if they aren't quick enough they start to argue, and all I have done is repeat what they have said back to them slightly different, and guess what, an argument breaks out. Until I point out that I agree with them and just had been twisting it around so they couldn't understand it. I know that is mean but it can be a lot of fun.
Anyhow, the point I am trying to make is this, your opinion is neither right nor wrong, it is just your interpretation of something is. Another person's opinion is also neither right or wrong, it is just how they see something. Take the time to fully listen to the other person, don't interrupt or cut them off (because you know that is so annoying to have someone start talking right over what you are saying). Of course I have been known to do that to others, so I cannot condemn anyone for it, just saying it is annoying. Anyhow, if you can come to a point in a discussion to say I agree to disagree with you and leave it at that, neither side gets their feelings truly hurt and an argument may be avoided. Unless you are hanging out with me and I don't let it go...LOL...Just kidding. Anyhow, point is take everything you hear with a grain of salt, and keep what is pertinent and push the other stuff aside, life is too short, to fight over whether you were right or they were.
Anyhow, that is all I really have to say on the subject is that if you really care about people and the person who is talking to you, give them the courtesy of listen to them totally out, and if you want give your own impression, but if you disagree with their position, maybe the better part of valor is to just let it go and chalk it up to the game of life and move on. As I said life is too short and the precious moments we have don't need to be shared in arguments. I would say keep your opinion to yourselves, but that would be falling on deaf ears, especially since I cannot seem to do. But be respectful of another's opinion and give them benefit of the doubt and then just let it go. What can it hurt? right?
Anyhow, this week has been tough been job hunting and trying to update my blog and write entries and then squeeze in doctors on top of all of it. So, just remember your opinion is as right and true as anyone else's and if you want to share them you can, but when someone disagrees, be ready to agree to disagree and let it be.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
It is true that everyone has an opinion, it is further true that sometimes those opinions should be unspoken to the general public, but hey who am I too say? Sometimes a remark can come off as derogatory or even inflammatory, so be careful how you state your case. I am not saying that you should hold in your opinion, unless of course it will get you killed. Like telling the gunman that he is a bully and you aren't going to give him your money. I don't think anyone would do that anyway. I am just recommending that if you have something negative to say couch it in a way where people aren't necessarily going to be offended by it.
One of my defense mechanisms is that I make jokes about people when they do something that bothers me. Most of the time the person I am directing it at has no clue that I am annoyed, and it takes them awhile to figure out that the joke was meant to get them to stop whatever it is. People that have known me for years can tell right off when it is getting bad, and usually try to warn the person off. Because if they don't get it the first or second time, shame on them because when I get to the point I can't stand it anymore I go off like a cannon and I usually tear them apart. Verbally that is, in the gay world they call it reading someone.
Anyhow, there are some people that disagree with some of the things that I write, and that is okay because I expect them too. The purpose of me writing these things is to stir up conversation and to get people to think about the things that are going on around them. I don't care if people see it my way or not. Because at the end of the day the only opinion that matters to me is my own. So yes, I have perfected the right to agree to disagree, because I think it is healthy to talk about things and discuss them, because maybe in the long run both of us are wrong, but unless we explore and talk about it how will we ever know.
So the next time someone says something that catches you off guard, and makes you immediately think "No you are wrong about this", stop a minute don't say anything, listen to their opinion and in a kind manner explain your position. Again, the point is this will save you from an argument, which trust me most of the time they are pointless. Arguments are hard to win because it is almost impossible to persuade someone that what they think is wrong. I am just saying. I have been there and I am one that likes to argue just for arguments sake really. I don't care if I am right or wrong, with some people I automatically take the opposite side, just because I can. There are times when I like to play devil's advocate and chose to word my opinion differently than someone else's and if they aren't quick enough they start to argue, and all I have done is repeat what they have said back to them slightly different, and guess what, an argument breaks out. Until I point out that I agree with them and just had been twisting it around so they couldn't understand it. I know that is mean but it can be a lot of fun.
Anyhow, the point I am trying to make is this, your opinion is neither right nor wrong, it is just your interpretation of something is. Another person's opinion is also neither right or wrong, it is just how they see something. Take the time to fully listen to the other person, don't interrupt or cut them off (because you know that is so annoying to have someone start talking right over what you are saying). Of course I have been known to do that to others, so I cannot condemn anyone for it, just saying it is annoying. Anyhow, if you can come to a point in a discussion to say I agree to disagree with you and leave it at that, neither side gets their feelings truly hurt and an argument may be avoided. Unless you are hanging out with me and I don't let it go...LOL...Just kidding. Anyhow, point is take everything you hear with a grain of salt, and keep what is pertinent and push the other stuff aside, life is too short, to fight over whether you were right or they were.
Anyhow, that is all I really have to say on the subject is that if you really care about people and the person who is talking to you, give them the courtesy of listen to them totally out, and if you want give your own impression, but if you disagree with their position, maybe the better part of valor is to just let it go and chalk it up to the game of life and move on. As I said life is too short and the precious moments we have don't need to be shared in arguments. I would say keep your opinion to yourselves, but that would be falling on deaf ears, especially since I cannot seem to do. But be respectful of another's opinion and give them benefit of the doubt and then just let it go. What can it hurt? right?
Anyhow, this week has been tough been job hunting and trying to update my blog and write entries and then squeeze in doctors on top of all of it. So, just remember your opinion is as right and true as anyone else's and if you want to share them you can, but when someone disagrees, be ready to agree to disagree and let it be.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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