It is amazing the things that you can hear when you just sit there and listen. Last evening a friend of mine from the Snellville days contacted me via Facebook. She talked and I listened to what she was willing to share with me. As she was talking she said that a true friend never gives up on another friend. As I lay in the bed I began to think on this and ponder it some more. If you are my friend on Facebook you know that I was unable to sleep last night because my brain seemed to be working in over time. That simple statement tugged at me and pulled at me, so I began to think about my life long friends. The ones that I have had for 30 + years. I analyzed the characters of these friends and their caliber. I wanted to know what made them tick and how we remained friends for so long.
I can honestly say that two of my friends have been through it all with me, the thick, the thin, the boyfriends, the relationships, the moves from Atlanta, to Pennsylvania, to Arlington, back to East Point and so forth. These two people are rare in the fact that if they had not been in my life I would have died a long time ago. One of them gave me inspiration and hope while the other one held my hand and cried with me. Sa'corey knows what I am talking about because he was the one that sat on my bed with me and cried with me when I found out I was HIV + and again when I found out that they were going to have to remove my large intestines. He wiped my tears, held my hand and let me cry on his big shoulders. My friend John pulled my head out of depression and set me straight on the path that I am on now. He looked at me one day shortly after they had removed all the staples from my abdomen and told me that he wanted to know where I was, where was the real Bryan, because the Bryan he was seeing wasn't the person he grew up with. He told me that he admired me and that I had been the type of person that would set their mind to a task and just go out an get it. A person who was confident and sure of what he was doing and wasn't afraid to learn new things.
That night I thought about what he had said and I wondered if he was correct if I had lost a part of me. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that they were both right. Sa'corey told me that I was a strong person and I could face what was happening too me and I would win and beat it. John had pointed out that I was a leader and not a follower, that I had given a part of myself away and that I needed to reclaim it, for if I did I would be able to conquer anything that was thrown at me.. Now you can imagine what my life was like at that time. I had serious doubts about everything, I had seen the specialist in New York and I knew that nothing could be done about my condition. The damage was done when they operated the first time. Dreading and fretting that my life as a gay man was over terrified me and weakened me. But, because of my best friends surrounding me and encouraging me to stay vigilant and strong, because they knew I was going to own this dragon or demon that had attached itself too me.
Upon reflection John was absolutely right I had lost my focus, my drive and my will to survive, and those were the very things I was going to need to rise up and fight this battle. Sa'corey and John saw something in me and knew that God was with me. Sa'corey sat with me the night before my surgery and he told me that there were angels all around me and that the light coming from me was brighter than ever. I knew in that moment just how Love, Blessed and Anointed I was, and I was to learn that I was also favored. I knew in my heart that I was going to make it through the surgery and live, because I knew that God had work for me to do. This is how awesome God is, that surgery that I had in September of 2007 was more extensive and invasive than the first surgery that I had back in 2005, yet I felt no pain. My original surgery the pain was so great that I had to walk around the house for hours to lessen it's grip on me. But I swear to you that I had no pain with this surgery at all. I did however lose a lot of weight and started running a high temperature it got as high as 103.7 and when the fever hit me I was unable to walk.
My mother and her friend literally picked me up and put in the car and drove me to the hospital. Under my staples and abscess had formed and my body was getting weaker and weaker. The doctors were relying on antibiotics, but that wasn't what was needed at all. On the third day of the IV antibiotics the surgeon came in and told me that if something didn't change soon that my body was going to shut down and I would drift to sleep and never wake up. I don't know why I thought that was funny but at that very moment I started to laugh and it was a good laugh it filled my lungs, and bolstered my courage. So I asked the doctor for some hydrogen peroxide and some que-tips because I couldn't stand how crusty and nasty my staples had become. He told the nurse to bring it too me that I couldn't hurt myself that I had already gone septic. She brought me those long wooden que-tips and a small cup full of hydrogen peroxide. She left the room and I set about to start cleaning my wounds and staples. Maybe it was the hands of an angel that guided my hand as I made the first mistake, which turned out to be the proper course of action.
I had started cleaning the middle staples because these were the worst crusted of all of them. Because that was where the initial infection had started and where the puss came from. I dipped the cotton end into the solution and I set out to get all the gunk off of me. If I was going to die then no one was ever going see this. That is when it happened my hand slipped and the cotton end glided across the staple surface and went directly into the wound and when I pulled it out the puss and infections started erupting from my abdomen. I called the nurse who brought me sterile gauze and peroxide. For almost and hour and half that wound drained. The very next morning I woke up feeling great I looked down at my stomach and the infection seemed to have vanished. The doctor came in a bit later and told me that I did what modern medicine couldn't do. I saved my self by accidentally slipping and puncturing the main pocket of infection and as we were cleaning it out my body went on over drive and defeated what was remaining.
Why am I telling you all of this? It is because if I can come through all this adversity and survive so can you. I was born with a fractured skull, my parents were told that I would have brain damage and that I probably would never walk or talk. Well I started talking a little after my first birthday and they haven't been able to shut me up yet. My mother and father will tell you I have never met a stranger, that I look and bring out the good in people. I am very social and love helping others and. of course I love to write and talk. But why the title Do not Surrender? What am I trying to tell you?
My friends whenever someone is told that they have cancer they automatically believe that their life is going to end and they are going to wither away and die. Some of them might, but most will find that the new treatments are not as harsh as the ones I had to take and there is a much higher success rate with the newer drugs. So there is hope . Look I am going lay it out for you straight and to the point. Last year in 2014 I was told that I had 6 terminal illnesses and I had an aneurysm which caused me to need 28 blood transfusions. I also suffered from a severe case of osteomilitis and was almost paralyzed my spinal cord was seriously compromised. Yet, when Grace from physical therapy came in that first day and told me that I was going to be stuck in that chair for the rest of my life. I literally laughed at her like I did the doctor in 2007. Difference this time was some permanent damage, my spinal column has collapsed due to hundreds of microfractures in my thoracic spine. The damage has been confirmed to be between the T5 and the T10 vertebrea. With that being said my rib cage is compressed and I cannot fully expand my lungs because it hurts too bad. Oh and by the way within 2 weeks of her telling me that I would never walk again I carried myself to the gym after training hours and I worked out on the balance bars, I drug my feet along and forced them to work and I was rewarded by being able to walk. Once i left the wheel chair I went to the 2 wheeled walker and had that for about a month or so and then I had the 4 wheeled walker and though I still have the 4 wheeled walker I no longer need it. I walked out of the nursing home using my cane and today I don't have to have any type of device to help me walk at all.
Now I have gone through all of these things to show you that no matter what you are going through or what you have to face that God has got you. You do not need to worry, lay your problems at His feet and walk away leaving them there because He will take care of them. Just keep in mind that our time is not His time. We might begin to panic but remember that God is always on time.
Do not surrender to your illness, do not surrender to depression, do not surrender to peer pressure, and do not surrender to temptation. Remember that God has got you, He has a host of angels that surround you. But, most importantly keep in mind that this too shall pass. No problem is as permanent as the solution.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label wealth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wealth. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Monday, October 1, 2012
Why are some of us travelers and others are builders? Even today we still have our nomads..read and see what I mean
Well for those of you who are avid readers of my blog you will note that September was an awful month for me with tons of set backs and of course the blog suffered for it greatly. As many of you are aware I took an unexpected trip to Atlanta that didn't turn out at all as was planned or expected. However, I will say that a few decent things came out of the trip, some are note worthy and will be explored more in-depth here in the annals of blogdom. However for today's entry I want to take you on the trip that I had to see the doctor this morning. Because for some reason on these trips is when my brain seems to go into hyper-drive and I think of some of the most obscure and deep rooted thoughts. Maybe it is the open road and my love to travel that opens my mind up to the inner and outer awareness and consciousness that I need to focus my mind and intellect into.
Whatever the reason, I took it into my head to explore my incessant need to move around to not plant roots of a lasting sort. While it is true that in my younger years I was content to grow as Orlando grew, I soon realized that there was much more to the world than my little pond and I wanted to see it and explore it first hand. I believe it is for that reason alone that I joined the Navy right after high school and was disappointed with the fact that I got assigned to a ship that was in dry dock and undergoing refit for active duty. The last time my ship had seen any action was for a few years during the Korean War. She had been mothballed shortly after WWII and was activated for a brief tour during the Korean War only to be put back away in the Naval shipyards once more. It wasn't until President Reagan decided that we needed a 600 ship fleet to protect our country that the mothballs were put away and she was rolled back into active duty. I was fortunate to be a member of the precommissioning unit, and was made a plank owner of the U.S.S. Wisconsin (BB-64) the last of the Iowa class battleships. Being a plank owner gives you certain rights and a piece of history to boot. We were each given a piece of the original teak deck and our names are forever written in the history books as members of the team that brought the old girl back to life.
My need for travel and the exploring of the world would have to wait for several years but it was worth the wait I can tell you. I experienced a different sort of Navy than most traditional sailors. I was made a flag member of the MWR team (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) I had the captain, command Master Chief and the XO's ears, I had meetings with Admirals and other Captains and did things that no other 20 year olds can claim to have done. I got to travel before the ship to exotic ports and set up recreational activities for the crew and I had a power that was unparalleled. I came in on the ground floor of the movement and was in charge of everything. It was hard to leave that post and move on, yet I did. Only to head back to it over and over again throughout my career. I received a Navy Achievement medal for my conduct and activities and my name was well known throughout the Navy. I parlayed the networking skills that I learned in the Navy to different occupations I held after I got out and I can't complain, I did pretty well for myself all things considered.
But, my story doesn't end there, I returned to Orlando after the Navy to battle cancer, but was only there for a short time before I moved on to the big city life of Atlanta. I found myself working for different Governor's and holding quite of bit of power for a little time. However, as all good things do it passed. I got sick again with Cancer and Radiation disease from my treatments with the first bout of cancer. In the blink of an eye everything I had worked for and built up disappeared around me. This was the first time that I realized how fragile and fleeting life can be. But also how wondrous and fulfilling it can be at the same time. See, I learned that a person can live a lifetime in just 10 short years and accomplish things that take others a lifetime to build. I also saw how fast it all can disappear depending on the situation and circumstance one finds themselves in. Years have now passed since then and I am embarking on a new chapter of life and a new phase, yet the transitory calling of my nature is still there. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I would have stayed in Orlando and did things differently. One thing I realize is that I wouldn't have met some of the most extraordinary people that I have met in my life, nor would I have cultivated the vast network of friendships that I have amassed over the years. See I count myself lucky, I am in contact with most of the people I went to High School with and served in the Navy with. This is something that was brought about by the internet and Facebook. But, also through the endeavors of those of us that struggled to find and reconnect using the tools available to us as provided by the current technology.
The world hasn't changed much except that information is now more available than it ever was, yet, it is still controlled by the powerful and what was once opened, is now becoming closed. It has taken me a while to understand that life is but a series of cycles and circles that repeat at intervals, that our lives are nothing but a series of patterns that we follow. Let me digress here for a brief moment, because my background is in Information Technology, the Internet and E-commerce. However, something amazing and yet heinous is happening with our technology. See we went from single computers that were housed in a single unit, like the TRS-80 which was one of the first computers I learned to program on back in the 80's. Now in 2012, I see that All-in-one computers are making a come back. However, with some minor adjustments. There are now hard drives and wireless cards, modems and network cards installed on all of the new machines, things that were not even thought of in the past. However, it is plain that technology that society is embracing is that from an older era. Cloud computing is just another utilization of what was once called main-frames and smart terminals. There was a time when the main frame was connected by dumb terminals, but now each computer has it's own processor and access to the internet or what it is morphing into. There once was a time when the information super highway was just that a series of webpages posted in the ether that could be reached by addresses. Now we are back to fencing off that open area with our smart phones and apps. Fences and walls are being built around the point of service. This is to provide instant and reliable information, with less loss of data. See in the old days when we used the web to get around packets were sometimes lost, this was deemed acceptable at time because information was the goal. Today we want information at our fingertips with speed and accuracy hence the advent of apps to bring that data to you through a closed platform isolated and separate from the information stored on the world wide web.
If you are following what I am talking about you will begin to see that the old is coming back with just a different bit of style and sophistication added to it, more bells and whistles, but it is the same and the information and data is once again being controlled by corporations like Google, Apple, Yahoo and others. But, this is just one point of many that I want to make, what comes around goes around as the old saying goes. Soon you will be seeing other things from earlier years making a comeback and the nostalgia buffs in us will embrace it, however, don't be fooled into thinking that anything new or genuine is being offered to you because it really isn't, they are just dressing up what was done before and repackaging it for greater exposure and the capture of the almighty buck. But let's continue talking about what I really wanted to talk to you about in this blog entry, before I digressed.
What I wanted to talk to you about was how you find some people that have lived in an area their whole life, they never wanted change or to experience anything different from what they had expected. I am not one of those people, I was born a nomad of some sort apparently because I have no roots or ties to any one area. Yet, I have family and friends that have never left Pennsylvania nor do they plan too. They have made their life there and have been content and successful.
I could see if my family was close to a big city and career opportunities, but they weren't they remained and maintained a life in the rural and suburban areas of the state. I wonder how they accomplished that, I often think they are the lucky ones, the ones that will have a legacy to leave once they are gone, what will I have to show for my time on this planet. Not much, no family home to leave to a relative or excess of money from my pursuits. The only thing that I will leave behind when I go is the legacy of my writing which I found late in my life. So what makes me different from my family, why were my parents different from their siblings and family and what caused them to move around and strive to build something away from the nuclear family unit that gave them life and sustained them. Now, one thing that I have recognized is that the family that remained behind remains close, they communicate with each other and get together when it is possible. Those of us that have drifted away from the core family are not included in these events or get together's and I am wondering if it just happened that way or was there a bond that was severed when the family moved away. It is impossible for me to tell you at this point as this is just something that I started thinking about today. I can tell you that when my grandmother was alive things were different. It seemed that as the Matriarch of the family she held it together with her will and love alone and when she passed the communication and closeness of the family seemed to suffer greatly. Though others have tried to pull the family back together over the years after her passing it seemed like an impossible task.
What I have learned is this the family that remained behind and close, have a network between them that supports and uplifts them. They help each other and have a fellowship that those of us that have moved away lack. Not saying that our satellite families are not close, because my family is pretty close and we all talk often. But, it is the aunts, uncles, cousins, and other family members that we lack contact with. Our roots have been shunted and we drift aimlessly. Or at least in my case that is what I do. As I said earlier, I was thinking on the drive over to the doctors today why did I choose to move around and not plant roots? Why am I still without a base of operations and I am in my mid 40's now? Answer, is that I don't have the extensive family network that my nuclear family has, I am not as connected to my cousins, aunts and uncles like I was when I was younger and my grandmother was still alive. I also realized that my goals and perceptions were different from the rest of the family. They wanted to have children, homes and grow together, and I chose to follow money and my own personal glory instead of investing in family and home and a base of operations. This I believe is where I have made the choice and this is the place to which it has led me.
I can only speak from personal experience and from what I have seen in my own life, but those of us that uproot and move ourselves away from the core family are transitory in nature, nomads by choice and choose to follow money, glory, fame or recognition. Sometimes the path that our feet initially are place are by our parents and you have to find your own way back to the core family if you want to experience the growth and life of having one. I was seven years old when my dad moved my family halfway across the nation to start a new life, it isn't till now that I actually have thought about what that decision meant and what path it put me on. Had I take the time to consider what I was doing with my life and explored a little more on my own I might have come to the realization much sooner in my life. I am not sorry for what I have accomplished or where I have been, nor what I am still yet to do, I just see that the choice that was made all those years ago could have been undone by my making a conscious choice to go back and find out. Yet, I chose to follow the nomadic path that I was on and chase after the money. Funny about that is once you find it and achieve it, there never seems enough and you are driven to other things. I was fortunate that fate or God took an active role in my life at the point in which he did, because I could still be in that world and bashing my head against the grind and striving to make more, have more and attain more and never be truly happy.
I learned back in 2007 that easy come easy go, see I have had my fortune, built it spent, built it again and lost it. But in the process I was never satisfied and I always wanted more, strove to do better, it became a game and an obsession and it could have easily destroyed me, but because my health took a turn and things worked out differently for me, I have learned and what I have learned I became determined to share with others. So I started helping those around me that were less fortunate than I was, and guess what I found everyone was less fortunate than I and I still messed things up. Gave away more than I could and hurt myself in the process. However, it was well worth it for the lessons that I have learned and now I help hundreds more in my new way than I ever could doing it single handed and headless of my own regard. See I took what Jesus did literally and tried to walk and help the down trodden, what I didn't know was how easily it was to become a target and labelled a sucker. But again, I cannot and will not complain about anything I have been through because I learned and that is what life is all about.
The point that I want to make to you is this, you have choices that are open to you that you may not even be aware of. If you want to build a lasting family and home then that is what you should focus on. The money and other things will come once your priorities are in order. Trust me when I say that God provides because believe me he always does, and it comes when you need it the most and you least expect it. Be open to change, embrace it, trust me it is nothing to fear and only good can come from it. Take each experience you have and learn from them. Grow from them and build upon them, and you will see that you are well on your way on the philosophers journey toward enlightenment and spiritual wisdom. Nothing is ever what it seems, but always take things at face value and when you find the hidden meaning you will grow from it like I did. Money is not the end all be all and doesn't ensure happiness. The search for it and the seeking of it can be your undoing.
Be wary of the path your are on, ask yourself questions and grow that is what we are here for. You can make a difference in the world no matter where you are at. In a small town or in a big city, it is all up to you and how you handle the things that life throws at you. Keep in mind that anything worth having is never easy to achieve, and if it was you wouldn't appreciate it anyway. So work hard, live hard, and play fair and have fun. That is what life is all about.
As always my thoughts and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Whatever the reason, I took it into my head to explore my incessant need to move around to not plant roots of a lasting sort. While it is true that in my younger years I was content to grow as Orlando grew, I soon realized that there was much more to the world than my little pond and I wanted to see it and explore it first hand. I believe it is for that reason alone that I joined the Navy right after high school and was disappointed with the fact that I got assigned to a ship that was in dry dock and undergoing refit for active duty. The last time my ship had seen any action was for a few years during the Korean War. She had been mothballed shortly after WWII and was activated for a brief tour during the Korean War only to be put back away in the Naval shipyards once more. It wasn't until President Reagan decided that we needed a 600 ship fleet to protect our country that the mothballs were put away and she was rolled back into active duty. I was fortunate to be a member of the precommissioning unit, and was made a plank owner of the U.S.S. Wisconsin (BB-64) the last of the Iowa class battleships. Being a plank owner gives you certain rights and a piece of history to boot. We were each given a piece of the original teak deck and our names are forever written in the history books as members of the team that brought the old girl back to life.
My need for travel and the exploring of the world would have to wait for several years but it was worth the wait I can tell you. I experienced a different sort of Navy than most traditional sailors. I was made a flag member of the MWR team (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) I had the captain, command Master Chief and the XO's ears, I had meetings with Admirals and other Captains and did things that no other 20 year olds can claim to have done. I got to travel before the ship to exotic ports and set up recreational activities for the crew and I had a power that was unparalleled. I came in on the ground floor of the movement and was in charge of everything. It was hard to leave that post and move on, yet I did. Only to head back to it over and over again throughout my career. I received a Navy Achievement medal for my conduct and activities and my name was well known throughout the Navy. I parlayed the networking skills that I learned in the Navy to different occupations I held after I got out and I can't complain, I did pretty well for myself all things considered.
But, my story doesn't end there, I returned to Orlando after the Navy to battle cancer, but was only there for a short time before I moved on to the big city life of Atlanta. I found myself working for different Governor's and holding quite of bit of power for a little time. However, as all good things do it passed. I got sick again with Cancer and Radiation disease from my treatments with the first bout of cancer. In the blink of an eye everything I had worked for and built up disappeared around me. This was the first time that I realized how fragile and fleeting life can be. But also how wondrous and fulfilling it can be at the same time. See, I learned that a person can live a lifetime in just 10 short years and accomplish things that take others a lifetime to build. I also saw how fast it all can disappear depending on the situation and circumstance one finds themselves in. Years have now passed since then and I am embarking on a new chapter of life and a new phase, yet the transitory calling of my nature is still there. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I would have stayed in Orlando and did things differently. One thing I realize is that I wouldn't have met some of the most extraordinary people that I have met in my life, nor would I have cultivated the vast network of friendships that I have amassed over the years. See I count myself lucky, I am in contact with most of the people I went to High School with and served in the Navy with. This is something that was brought about by the internet and Facebook. But, also through the endeavors of those of us that struggled to find and reconnect using the tools available to us as provided by the current technology.
The world hasn't changed much except that information is now more available than it ever was, yet, it is still controlled by the powerful and what was once opened, is now becoming closed. It has taken me a while to understand that life is but a series of cycles and circles that repeat at intervals, that our lives are nothing but a series of patterns that we follow. Let me digress here for a brief moment, because my background is in Information Technology, the Internet and E-commerce. However, something amazing and yet heinous is happening with our technology. See we went from single computers that were housed in a single unit, like the TRS-80 which was one of the first computers I learned to program on back in the 80's. Now in 2012, I see that All-in-one computers are making a come back. However, with some minor adjustments. There are now hard drives and wireless cards, modems and network cards installed on all of the new machines, things that were not even thought of in the past. However, it is plain that technology that society is embracing is that from an older era. Cloud computing is just another utilization of what was once called main-frames and smart terminals. There was a time when the main frame was connected by dumb terminals, but now each computer has it's own processor and access to the internet or what it is morphing into. There once was a time when the information super highway was just that a series of webpages posted in the ether that could be reached by addresses. Now we are back to fencing off that open area with our smart phones and apps. Fences and walls are being built around the point of service. This is to provide instant and reliable information, with less loss of data. See in the old days when we used the web to get around packets were sometimes lost, this was deemed acceptable at time because information was the goal. Today we want information at our fingertips with speed and accuracy hence the advent of apps to bring that data to you through a closed platform isolated and separate from the information stored on the world wide web.
If you are following what I am talking about you will begin to see that the old is coming back with just a different bit of style and sophistication added to it, more bells and whistles, but it is the same and the information and data is once again being controlled by corporations like Google, Apple, Yahoo and others. But, this is just one point of many that I want to make, what comes around goes around as the old saying goes. Soon you will be seeing other things from earlier years making a comeback and the nostalgia buffs in us will embrace it, however, don't be fooled into thinking that anything new or genuine is being offered to you because it really isn't, they are just dressing up what was done before and repackaging it for greater exposure and the capture of the almighty buck. But let's continue talking about what I really wanted to talk to you about in this blog entry, before I digressed.
What I wanted to talk to you about was how you find some people that have lived in an area their whole life, they never wanted change or to experience anything different from what they had expected. I am not one of those people, I was born a nomad of some sort apparently because I have no roots or ties to any one area. Yet, I have family and friends that have never left Pennsylvania nor do they plan too. They have made their life there and have been content and successful.
I could see if my family was close to a big city and career opportunities, but they weren't they remained and maintained a life in the rural and suburban areas of the state. I wonder how they accomplished that, I often think they are the lucky ones, the ones that will have a legacy to leave once they are gone, what will I have to show for my time on this planet. Not much, no family home to leave to a relative or excess of money from my pursuits. The only thing that I will leave behind when I go is the legacy of my writing which I found late in my life. So what makes me different from my family, why were my parents different from their siblings and family and what caused them to move around and strive to build something away from the nuclear family unit that gave them life and sustained them. Now, one thing that I have recognized is that the family that remained behind remains close, they communicate with each other and get together when it is possible. Those of us that have drifted away from the core family are not included in these events or get together's and I am wondering if it just happened that way or was there a bond that was severed when the family moved away. It is impossible for me to tell you at this point as this is just something that I started thinking about today. I can tell you that when my grandmother was alive things were different. It seemed that as the Matriarch of the family she held it together with her will and love alone and when she passed the communication and closeness of the family seemed to suffer greatly. Though others have tried to pull the family back together over the years after her passing it seemed like an impossible task.
What I have learned is this the family that remained behind and close, have a network between them that supports and uplifts them. They help each other and have a fellowship that those of us that have moved away lack. Not saying that our satellite families are not close, because my family is pretty close and we all talk often. But, it is the aunts, uncles, cousins, and other family members that we lack contact with. Our roots have been shunted and we drift aimlessly. Or at least in my case that is what I do. As I said earlier, I was thinking on the drive over to the doctors today why did I choose to move around and not plant roots? Why am I still without a base of operations and I am in my mid 40's now? Answer, is that I don't have the extensive family network that my nuclear family has, I am not as connected to my cousins, aunts and uncles like I was when I was younger and my grandmother was still alive. I also realized that my goals and perceptions were different from the rest of the family. They wanted to have children, homes and grow together, and I chose to follow money and my own personal glory instead of investing in family and home and a base of operations. This I believe is where I have made the choice and this is the place to which it has led me.
I can only speak from personal experience and from what I have seen in my own life, but those of us that uproot and move ourselves away from the core family are transitory in nature, nomads by choice and choose to follow money, glory, fame or recognition. Sometimes the path that our feet initially are place are by our parents and you have to find your own way back to the core family if you want to experience the growth and life of having one. I was seven years old when my dad moved my family halfway across the nation to start a new life, it isn't till now that I actually have thought about what that decision meant and what path it put me on. Had I take the time to consider what I was doing with my life and explored a little more on my own I might have come to the realization much sooner in my life. I am not sorry for what I have accomplished or where I have been, nor what I am still yet to do, I just see that the choice that was made all those years ago could have been undone by my making a conscious choice to go back and find out. Yet, I chose to follow the nomadic path that I was on and chase after the money. Funny about that is once you find it and achieve it, there never seems enough and you are driven to other things. I was fortunate that fate or God took an active role in my life at the point in which he did, because I could still be in that world and bashing my head against the grind and striving to make more, have more and attain more and never be truly happy.
I learned back in 2007 that easy come easy go, see I have had my fortune, built it spent, built it again and lost it. But in the process I was never satisfied and I always wanted more, strove to do better, it became a game and an obsession and it could have easily destroyed me, but because my health took a turn and things worked out differently for me, I have learned and what I have learned I became determined to share with others. So I started helping those around me that were less fortunate than I was, and guess what I found everyone was less fortunate than I and I still messed things up. Gave away more than I could and hurt myself in the process. However, it was well worth it for the lessons that I have learned and now I help hundreds more in my new way than I ever could doing it single handed and headless of my own regard. See I took what Jesus did literally and tried to walk and help the down trodden, what I didn't know was how easily it was to become a target and labelled a sucker. But again, I cannot and will not complain about anything I have been through because I learned and that is what life is all about.
The point that I want to make to you is this, you have choices that are open to you that you may not even be aware of. If you want to build a lasting family and home then that is what you should focus on. The money and other things will come once your priorities are in order. Trust me when I say that God provides because believe me he always does, and it comes when you need it the most and you least expect it. Be open to change, embrace it, trust me it is nothing to fear and only good can come from it. Take each experience you have and learn from them. Grow from them and build upon them, and you will see that you are well on your way on the philosophers journey toward enlightenment and spiritual wisdom. Nothing is ever what it seems, but always take things at face value and when you find the hidden meaning you will grow from it like I did. Money is not the end all be all and doesn't ensure happiness. The search for it and the seeking of it can be your undoing.
Be wary of the path your are on, ask yourself questions and grow that is what we are here for. You can make a difference in the world no matter where you are at. In a small town or in a big city, it is all up to you and how you handle the things that life throws at you. Keep in mind that anything worth having is never easy to achieve, and if it was you wouldn't appreciate it anyway. So work hard, live hard, and play fair and have fun. That is what life is all about.
As always my thoughts and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Reflections on Happiness
I have been thinking a great deal about happiness lately. We are raised in our society to go out and pursue happiness. We set expectations and goals thinking that these are going to bring us happiness. Some people struggle to find happiness in their work, others in their possessions, some in their children, home, car, etc.
What I have realized after this last meeting with my own mortality is that happiness is not some external force or item. It isn't attained by reaching a goal or landing that fabulous job we have always wanted. Happiness is a state of being.
Happiness comes from with in ourselves, it is the joy of helping others, it is becoming comfortable with who you are. But lets go a little further. Happiness is the key ingredient needed to become truly prosperous. Now by prosperity, I am not talking just financial wealth, I am talking about a truly happy and prosperous person.
Happiness comes from an inner harmony of your mind and your heart. Happiness is becoming self aware, content and happy with where you are at in your life. Happiness is understanding that everyday is a blessing and we need to be thankful for the things that we have in our lives and what we have achieved to that point.
Now Prosperity builds on this: you see a truly prosperous person has become content and accepting of who and what they have at every given moment of their life. It doesn't mean that they don't have any goals or aspirations, it means that they have accepted themselves for who they are, they acknowledge their limitations and shortcomings, regroup and stay focused on their next endeavor. Being happy is a state of consciousness that allows positive energy to flow around you and through you. It enables you to draw more positive energy into your life. Prosperity utilizes that energy and allows you to be open and receptive to your blessings.
Now that I have brought up the subject of positive energy, I would like to explain it to you in as simple a way as I can. Spiritual energy or energy of the soul or ethereal energy is an energy force that is around us all throughout nature. Now this energy field (which auras and the current that flows through our human body) acts and reacts differently than the electrical energy or current of the physical or real universe ie: our conscious reality of daily life. You have to understand that in our physical world that is governed by science and the natural laws of physics opposite energies attract one another. An example of this can be conducted by a simple experiment using two magnets. If you remember from physics class each magnet has two poles a positive and a negative pole. Now, if you place the two magnets with poles facing each other the positive pole to positive pole the magnet is pushed away from each other..The opposite is also true that the negative sides will also repel each other. The magnets when put in close proximity with the opposite poles facing each other will be pulled together. This is commonly referred to as the law of attraction.
Using that knowledge as a basis, you will begin to understand that spiritual energy or ethereal energy operates in a totally opposite fashion. Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. The more positive energy we send out into the world the more positive we receive back. So you may be asking yourself at this point what has all of this to do with being happy. This is the basis of becoming aware of yourself and the energy around you. You will be more receptive through prayer, meditation, or positive visualization, these harmonize the mind, body and soul, into a higher state of consciousness and open us up for our desires to be manifested from our mind into the spiritual world, which in turn manifests them in the physical world. So yes, you can make yourself well, you can achieve anything that you truly set your mind upon.
However, happiness is a man made vice that if you go off to seek it you will never find it. You must reach within yourself and see what you have accomplished, who you have helped and touched and be comfortable with where you are at each stage your life. You must know that the road is long and when you hit a road bump or a fork in the road, that it is just that it is a thing to overcome or a place to make a choice, but if you are content and comfortable with yourself you will have happiness throughout your journey. You don't know the future or what it holds, but you do know where you were, where you have come from and you know how you have grown, rejoice and enjoy see the happiness and seize it. Because the next phase is going to be so much easier once you have done it.
Have you ever come to a place where all the doors are closed? Have you stopped and wondered why? Think about this...maybe all the doors are closed so when you open one it will lead you to the right road you need to be upon.
Thanks for reading this and staying with me this far...let me know what you think....I will write some more of my reflections hopefully they will be able to uplift and help someone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
What I have realized after this last meeting with my own mortality is that happiness is not some external force or item. It isn't attained by reaching a goal or landing that fabulous job we have always wanted. Happiness is a state of being.
Happiness comes from with in ourselves, it is the joy of helping others, it is becoming comfortable with who you are. But lets go a little further. Happiness is the key ingredient needed to become truly prosperous. Now by prosperity, I am not talking just financial wealth, I am talking about a truly happy and prosperous person.
Happiness comes from an inner harmony of your mind and your heart. Happiness is becoming self aware, content and happy with where you are at in your life. Happiness is understanding that everyday is a blessing and we need to be thankful for the things that we have in our lives and what we have achieved to that point.
Now Prosperity builds on this: you see a truly prosperous person has become content and accepting of who and what they have at every given moment of their life. It doesn't mean that they don't have any goals or aspirations, it means that they have accepted themselves for who they are, they acknowledge their limitations and shortcomings, regroup and stay focused on their next endeavor. Being happy is a state of consciousness that allows positive energy to flow around you and through you. It enables you to draw more positive energy into your life. Prosperity utilizes that energy and allows you to be open and receptive to your blessings.
Now that I have brought up the subject of positive energy, I would like to explain it to you in as simple a way as I can. Spiritual energy or energy of the soul or ethereal energy is an energy force that is around us all throughout nature. Now this energy field (which auras and the current that flows through our human body) acts and reacts differently than the electrical energy or current of the physical or real universe ie: our conscious reality of daily life. You have to understand that in our physical world that is governed by science and the natural laws of physics opposite energies attract one another. An example of this can be conducted by a simple experiment using two magnets. If you remember from physics class each magnet has two poles a positive and a negative pole. Now, if you place the two magnets with poles facing each other the positive pole to positive pole the magnet is pushed away from each other..The opposite is also true that the negative sides will also repel each other. The magnets when put in close proximity with the opposite poles facing each other will be pulled together. This is commonly referred to as the law of attraction.
Using that knowledge as a basis, you will begin to understand that spiritual energy or ethereal energy operates in a totally opposite fashion. Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. The more positive energy we send out into the world the more positive we receive back. So you may be asking yourself at this point what has all of this to do with being happy. This is the basis of becoming aware of yourself and the energy around you. You will be more receptive through prayer, meditation, or positive visualization, these harmonize the mind, body and soul, into a higher state of consciousness and open us up for our desires to be manifested from our mind into the spiritual world, which in turn manifests them in the physical world. So yes, you can make yourself well, you can achieve anything that you truly set your mind upon.
However, happiness is a man made vice that if you go off to seek it you will never find it. You must reach within yourself and see what you have accomplished, who you have helped and touched and be comfortable with where you are at each stage your life. You must know that the road is long and when you hit a road bump or a fork in the road, that it is just that it is a thing to overcome or a place to make a choice, but if you are content and comfortable with yourself you will have happiness throughout your journey. You don't know the future or what it holds, but you do know where you were, where you have come from and you know how you have grown, rejoice and enjoy see the happiness and seize it. Because the next phase is going to be so much easier once you have done it.
Have you ever come to a place where all the doors are closed? Have you stopped and wondered why? Think about this...maybe all the doors are closed so when you open one it will lead you to the right road you need to be upon.
Thanks for reading this and staying with me this far...let me know what you think....I will write some more of my reflections hopefully they will be able to uplift and help someone.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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