I was thinking a lot about things that have been going on in my life over the past several months, and I realized something really important. See back in August I was in so much pain in my back and I didn't have a clue what was going on with me. I had been to the emergency room 19 times and all they ever kept telling me was that I had a back strain. But, the pain started out as a small pain between my shoulder blades, I thought that maybe I was just extremely tired or since I had just bought the stick shift car maybe it was from all the shifting I had been doing.
I really didn't have too much time to dwell on the pain, because during this same time period, Alicia, Lonnie, Kim, and others kept making random appearances at my apartment and so many things were going to hell in a hand basket and I just couldn't get the situation under control. It was during this time that I ended up getting arrested 3 times in just a months period. I was also told by my landlord that I had to move at the beginning of July. I was running out of time and with my back hurting so badly, I couldn't do much. For the first 2 weeks, I ended up laying around in bed, and as time started closing in on me. I began to worry so much that I became afraid. My whole world was crashing down around my ears. Because of the friends of Kim I ended up being robbed and lost everything important I owned.
Because of my back pain, and the constant visits to the emergency room. My dad and step mother allowed me to come back to live at their house. I was only there about 2 weeks when I had an MRI which was the very beginning of a long and painful journey. The morning of the MRI it took me almost 30 minutes to get out of bed. When I finally got out to the living room, my father noticed that something was wrong and asked what the matter was. I told him that my back hurt so bad that I wasn't sure I could drive to the appointment. When I got to the imaging center it was all I could do to get in the door and walk up to the desk. The receptionist noticed how I was walking and rushed to get me a wheel chair. I even ran into two close friends while I was there and was in so much pain that I couldn't really even talk to them to let them know what was going on.
Time clicked by so slowly, and my mind was running through all these different scenarios. I was worrying and worrying the longer it took the more heavy the weight on my shoulders became. Long story short I was wheeled into the MRI room, the tech put me on the table, the machine was made only one pass when the tech came back and helped me up saying that the radiologist needed to talk to me. I was wheeled in to the guys office and he promptly asked me how I got to the imaging center. I told him that I drove, and he asked me if there was someone that could come and pick up my car and get me to the hospital ASAP. The image that he showed me had an infection centered in the thoracic spine, it appeared to be through the center of my spine and right into my spinal column. I was told that the infection was so severe and was strangling my spinal cord and that if I didn't get treated immediately I could become paralyzed for life.
I stayed in the hospital for 14 days, and given IV antibiotics, it is here where I learned that I needed to be a warrior and not a worrier. See I was freaked out because once I got to the hospital, my legs gave out and I had to have my dad get a wheel chair and for the next 2 months, I couldn't get them to move at all. The antibiotics worked slowly and because of that I ended up having to go to a nursing/rehab facility for continued IV treatments. I was admitted at night to the facility and by the time I got settled in it was after midnight. So I didn't get to meet anyone at that time. But at 8 am the next morning I was assaulted by a myriad of people, nurses, doctors, cna's, administrators, therapists. All the information overloaded my mind but the one thing that struck home and hit me squarely between the eyes was what the physical therapist said. She told me that she was sorry but I was never going to walk again. Now, as you can imagine this was my fear from the beginning.
That night as I lay in my bed and continued worrying. I decided to pray instead of letting my mind run away with me. The head can only take so much information and process it, the shoulders can only stand so much weight before you feel like the world was resting on them. The weight was overwhelming I felt like nothing was ever going to be the same, that I was stuck and I would never be able to move again, both figuratively and literally. So I did the only thing I knew what to do, I turned to God in prayer. I prayed continuously through the night, and when the sun broached the horizon and sunrise started. A peace descended upon me, it was like something I never felt before, and I had the calm assurance that if I did all I could on my own, I would be rewarded and I would get my legs back. So when therapy came in to start my rehab, I diligently did as I was told. Then that afternoon I started going back to the gym, this was a routine that I established. I would drag myself up on the balance bars, and I would shuffle along. I literally taught myself to walk again. I prayed diligently and had the calm reassurance that I was going to be healed.
It took me 3 weeks to start walking with a 2 wheeled walker and 3 to 4 weeks later I had graduated to the 4 wheeled walker. and just 2 weeks after that I graduated to a cane. I used that for 2 weeks before I had a fall in the parking lot and they put me back to the 4 wheel walker. But when I was finally released from the home 18 weeks later. I went home using only the cane. I continued to pray and do the exercises that I was taught in the home. I am now off of any type of walking assistance, and I have stopped taking the pain medication. I do go back there to visit my friends and staff members that work at the home every Sunday. this past Sunday my friend Jonathan and I went back to the home and every one there was amazed at the progress I have made. My back is straight, and my posture is good, and they keep telling me that I am looking so good. I am pleased and excited by the progress I have made, but I am not surprised because I knew in my heart all those months ago that I was going to be healed and I was.
See, don't let your worry over life add weight to your shoulders, because if you keep worrying the weight will pile up and before you know it you won't be able to move. See worrying is never an answer, it will lock you into place. You can't get past it and it weighs you down and make it hard to think.
What am I trying to tell you? I am telling you that if you go from worrier to warrior your life is going to be so much better. You will also find that by leaving your problems and concerns at the feet of Jesus you are no longer weighed down by all those heavy thoughts and worries.
Practice praying daily, give all your concerns, problems and desires over to the Lord and you will begin to experience a brighter countenance and life seems to be easier to get through. I challenge you to stop being a worrier and become a pray warrior and you will see changes in your life and miracles all around you.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Showing posts with label concern. Show all posts
Showing posts with label concern. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Settling for other than you want and second guessing yourself is wrong
Life is full of changes, and when you come to a point in your life when you really want something, you have the means to achieve it but you are afraid that it will strain you financially. I want you to stop second guessing yourself, go for it! Don't settle for something less because it is less risky or expensive. When you start to settle for things that you don't want, or doesn't quite meet your expectations, you set a pattern for yourself that you might not be able to break out of.
Even when I was making good money, and doing alright for myself, I would be the last one to order a meal when out for dinner, I would wait and see what everyone else ordered, and then choose something less expensive. This wasn't because I had too, it was because I felt uncomfortable with the expense, and I always feared that I wouldn't be able to afford it. Even when I was in a relationship of 12 years, I sometimes still found myself in that mind frame, and would revert back to my old pattern of behavior. What is worse is that every time I would make a decision about a purchase, I would feel guilty about it. I would second guess myself and begin to worry. This is often referred to as buyers remorse. Believe it or not, millions of people suffer and are often plagued by this worry and guilt.
Ingrained patterns of behavior become habits over time and are extremely hard to break. In stressful situation, or situations where we feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable we can easily revert back to those old habits or patterns, even if we have left them behind for many years. So as life changes and hurtles and obstacles are put in our way, we need to change and adapt to them, or we are going to find ourselves unable to make a decision, be overwhelmed with stress over bills and sick with worry about where and how we are going to be pay for whatever it is that we have chosen to do. I know that this might be a little hard to follow, but I believe that once a worrier always a worrier. But I also know from previous experience that no matter how much I have worried and stressed out over situations, I was unable to change the outcome of the choice I had made. I also found that if I am constantly worried over something, I am not able to think of anything but the situation, much less try and figure out a solution to the problem. Sometimes, as the momentary panic had died down and the stress receded a little I found out that the universe or God always provides. Now, I am not saying go out there and get crazy spending large sums of money that you don't have and have no way of paying back. What I am saying is that if you are in a situation and you need or desire something and you are working hard and what you are wanting is not going to immediately cause damage.
Go for it, do what you feel comfortable with and what makes you happy. Even if things get tight for awhile a way will be provided to help you through, we are not left to fend for ourselves. Don't deny yourself things that are necessary, and don't choose to be second rate. Go for what you want, make yourself happy. As I have told you over and over again, life is too short. I don't want you to sweat the small shit in life! Let them pass, they will take care of themselves in the long run. Now, you have to understand that I am talking about small things, necessary items, and so forth. I am not telling you to go out and buy a Ferrari, unless you have the money to make the down payment, and the payments aren't going to cripple you to the point that you cannot take care of any other bill or yourself. Be reasonable, but if it really is something you want then I think you should go for it.
This weekend my father and I went out car shopping, he found a car for $1295.00 he thought that I should buy it. But, it wasn't me, and I knew I wouldn't be happy driving it. I stood my ground and went looking for something more my style and that I would feel comfortable with. I decided to stand my ground and get something that I liked and wanted. Now, I have a car payment and collision insurance, bills that I honestly wasn't wanting or planning on. However, I realized that if I didn't take matters into my own hands and make some sort of decision I was going to end up with car I wasn't comfortable with. Yes, the payments are monthly and that wasn't in my budget either, I was planning on buying a cash car, and making due. But, in the end I wasn't going to be happy at all. So I did what I thought was best. I bought something that I was interested in and I liked, I fretted and worried about the amount of money that I was spending and how much it is going to cost me over the next 2 1/2 years, but I stuck to my guns and got something that I liked.
How many times have you chosen to settle without thinking about your wants, needs and desires? I bet it has been a lot, and you were never really happy with the choice you made. I want you to know that I have been there right with you. As with all things you have to do them in moderation and at small manageable chunks at a time. You have to be willing to think and find a solution, confront your fear that you have over extended yourself and push aside the feeling that you are doomed because you don't know how you are going to cover the added expense. In this situation you have to be open minded and willing to work toward a solution. You aren't the first one that has made a decision that was extremely costly and had to think outside of the box to find a workable solution to the issue at hand.
Have you ever heard the saying " God helps those that help themselves" this is sincerely true. He is not going to let you falter or fall, He doesn't put us in situations that are greater than our ability to confront them and overcome them. Like I said earlier the universe or God will provide. He will make a way for you to come through the situation in a much better and stronger place. Some how and someway that you have never dreamed of the money to cover the situation will come. Seemingly it will come from nowhere, and you will look back at all the posturing and stress and realize that you had made the right decision and that everything will work itself out. You can do this, you can disrupt your pattern of behavior and break the habit, and what seemed so daunting a task will begin to become manageable and you will succeed.
Again, I am not telling you to go out and run up your credit cards, or buy things you want just so you can have them, you need to act moderately and work toward getting them. You have to be willing to work hard and do what you can, because I promise you the rest will come. Don't try to put on airs and live above your means because if you do this, I guarantee you will be continue to struggle, and won't be able to come up with a solution to help you out. Keep the things that you buy down to necessary items, food, housing, transportation, utilities, etc. If you do this I promise you that if you need something really desperately a way will be made for you to have it. Same thing with wanting something, if it truly is something you cannot live without, a way will be provided to help you through the struggle. As I have said before nothing worth doing is ever easy and I mean that.
The reason why I am telling you this is because I want you to understand, that settling for something and making yourself miserable is not going to get you anywhere. Only you can make yourself happy, you have to do for yourself and provide for yourself, no matter how much it hurts you, because a way will be made to help you through. In the example above about the car, I was in desperate need of my own reliable transportation, I was being pushed one way and instead of settling for just old anything, I was determined to get what I want. I know that I am going to be struggling for the next few months till I can get everything back under control, but I know that I am not going to worry about it because God has my back. He isn't going to let me fail, because He alone knows how hard I have been trying to reach this goal. Yes, I will admit that I am a bit worried about the payments and other things because that takes a big chunk out of my disability check. But I know in my heart that if I am short, a way will be provided for me to have what I need to make this work.
Stressing over money is one of the biggest problems we have in this world today. But I am hear to tell you that if you keep the Faith, God will help you and keep you afloat. Be sure to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do, then just do it. After that God will help you manage it. Remember to always to make yourself happy, don't worry about how other people feel about what you are doing. Remember you can't please everyone all of the time, but you sure can make sure you please yourself.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Even when I was making good money, and doing alright for myself, I would be the last one to order a meal when out for dinner, I would wait and see what everyone else ordered, and then choose something less expensive. This wasn't because I had too, it was because I felt uncomfortable with the expense, and I always feared that I wouldn't be able to afford it. Even when I was in a relationship of 12 years, I sometimes still found myself in that mind frame, and would revert back to my old pattern of behavior. What is worse is that every time I would make a decision about a purchase, I would feel guilty about it. I would second guess myself and begin to worry. This is often referred to as buyers remorse. Believe it or not, millions of people suffer and are often plagued by this worry and guilt.
Ingrained patterns of behavior become habits over time and are extremely hard to break. In stressful situation, or situations where we feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable we can easily revert back to those old habits or patterns, even if we have left them behind for many years. So as life changes and hurtles and obstacles are put in our way, we need to change and adapt to them, or we are going to find ourselves unable to make a decision, be overwhelmed with stress over bills and sick with worry about where and how we are going to be pay for whatever it is that we have chosen to do. I know that this might be a little hard to follow, but I believe that once a worrier always a worrier. But I also know from previous experience that no matter how much I have worried and stressed out over situations, I was unable to change the outcome of the choice I had made. I also found that if I am constantly worried over something, I am not able to think of anything but the situation, much less try and figure out a solution to the problem. Sometimes, as the momentary panic had died down and the stress receded a little I found out that the universe or God always provides. Now, I am not saying go out there and get crazy spending large sums of money that you don't have and have no way of paying back. What I am saying is that if you are in a situation and you need or desire something and you are working hard and what you are wanting is not going to immediately cause damage.
Go for it, do what you feel comfortable with and what makes you happy. Even if things get tight for awhile a way will be provided to help you through, we are not left to fend for ourselves. Don't deny yourself things that are necessary, and don't choose to be second rate. Go for what you want, make yourself happy. As I have told you over and over again, life is too short. I don't want you to sweat the small shit in life! Let them pass, they will take care of themselves in the long run. Now, you have to understand that I am talking about small things, necessary items, and so forth. I am not telling you to go out and buy a Ferrari, unless you have the money to make the down payment, and the payments aren't going to cripple you to the point that you cannot take care of any other bill or yourself. Be reasonable, but if it really is something you want then I think you should go for it.
This weekend my father and I went out car shopping, he found a car for $1295.00 he thought that I should buy it. But, it wasn't me, and I knew I wouldn't be happy driving it. I stood my ground and went looking for something more my style and that I would feel comfortable with. I decided to stand my ground and get something that I liked and wanted. Now, I have a car payment and collision insurance, bills that I honestly wasn't wanting or planning on. However, I realized that if I didn't take matters into my own hands and make some sort of decision I was going to end up with car I wasn't comfortable with. Yes, the payments are monthly and that wasn't in my budget either, I was planning on buying a cash car, and making due. But, in the end I wasn't going to be happy at all. So I did what I thought was best. I bought something that I was interested in and I liked, I fretted and worried about the amount of money that I was spending and how much it is going to cost me over the next 2 1/2 years, but I stuck to my guns and got something that I liked.
How many times have you chosen to settle without thinking about your wants, needs and desires? I bet it has been a lot, and you were never really happy with the choice you made. I want you to know that I have been there right with you. As with all things you have to do them in moderation and at small manageable chunks at a time. You have to be willing to think and find a solution, confront your fear that you have over extended yourself and push aside the feeling that you are doomed because you don't know how you are going to cover the added expense. In this situation you have to be open minded and willing to work toward a solution. You aren't the first one that has made a decision that was extremely costly and had to think outside of the box to find a workable solution to the issue at hand.
Have you ever heard the saying " God helps those that help themselves" this is sincerely true. He is not going to let you falter or fall, He doesn't put us in situations that are greater than our ability to confront them and overcome them. Like I said earlier the universe or God will provide. He will make a way for you to come through the situation in a much better and stronger place. Some how and someway that you have never dreamed of the money to cover the situation will come. Seemingly it will come from nowhere, and you will look back at all the posturing and stress and realize that you had made the right decision and that everything will work itself out. You can do this, you can disrupt your pattern of behavior and break the habit, and what seemed so daunting a task will begin to become manageable and you will succeed.
Again, I am not telling you to go out and run up your credit cards, or buy things you want just so you can have them, you need to act moderately and work toward getting them. You have to be willing to work hard and do what you can, because I promise you the rest will come. Don't try to put on airs and live above your means because if you do this, I guarantee you will be continue to struggle, and won't be able to come up with a solution to help you out. Keep the things that you buy down to necessary items, food, housing, transportation, utilities, etc. If you do this I promise you that if you need something really desperately a way will be made for you to have it. Same thing with wanting something, if it truly is something you cannot live without, a way will be provided to help you through the struggle. As I have said before nothing worth doing is ever easy and I mean that.
The reason why I am telling you this is because I want you to understand, that settling for something and making yourself miserable is not going to get you anywhere. Only you can make yourself happy, you have to do for yourself and provide for yourself, no matter how much it hurts you, because a way will be made to help you through. In the example above about the car, I was in desperate need of my own reliable transportation, I was being pushed one way and instead of settling for just old anything, I was determined to get what I want. I know that I am going to be struggling for the next few months till I can get everything back under control, but I know that I am not going to worry about it because God has my back. He isn't going to let me fail, because He alone knows how hard I have been trying to reach this goal. Yes, I will admit that I am a bit worried about the payments and other things because that takes a big chunk out of my disability check. But I know in my heart that if I am short, a way will be provided for me to have what I need to make this work.
Stressing over money is one of the biggest problems we have in this world today. But I am hear to tell you that if you keep the Faith, God will help you and keep you afloat. Be sure to do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do, then just do it. After that God will help you manage it. Remember to always to make yourself happy, don't worry about how other people feel about what you are doing. Remember you can't please everyone all of the time, but you sure can make sure you please yourself.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Monday, April 30, 2012
What do you do when the person you are trying to help won't help themselves?
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a huge heart and I am always trying to help another person. But what do you do when the person you are trying to help won't help themselves? They don't contribute to the household or even work? This is actually a tough question and one that sometimes you cannot see when you are in the situation. However, what I have found is that these people may claim that they are your friend, they may even have good intentions, but they are disappointing and fail to deliver. No matter how many times you give them a chance they continue to remain the same.
An example of this can be seen from my last attempt to live in Atlanta. I moved there but had 2 friends that had once lived with me before when I lived in Atlanta previously, yet before I relocated back to Atlanta I had spoken with both of them and both guaranteed me that they would get a job with in 2 weeks of coming there. We spoke constantly and laid out ground rules..these rules were agreed to but to my dismay neither one ended up getting a job after being at my apartment for three months, and none of the rules were adhered too. One did help with keeping the kitchen clean but the other one never wanted to do anything complained when I told him he needed to get a job or go to school or do something. He would get irate and start yelling at me and then nothing ever changed.
It got to the point that after 8 months they were both still living with me and I was paying for everything. I was beginning to feel distinctly used. I actually didn't know what to do at this point. They wouldn't work, had no money to help, stole my car, damage it and I had to pay to get it fixed and the bills kept getting higher and higher. What eventually happened is that I couldn't cover the bills and the apartment complex evicted us. I ended up loosing everything including my two dogs, and my car and everything that was in the apartment.
But I learned something that has become the foundation for most of my writings so far. That sometimes if you really care about someone you have to be stern and say no, you must stop, cease, remain strong and steadfast. In other words you must demonstrate what is know as tough love. This means that you must not shirk from confrontation you must embrace it and confident that you are in the right. Now, what I mean by this is if you realize that someone is using you and not helping themselves then they need to be cut loose. You must let them go. If you continue to help them when they aren't helping themselves or even doing their own part to move forward in some way then it is in your best interest to let them go. Someone sent me a picture that says "If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account."
This is exactly what I have been trying to tell you in this entry. But more than that I want you to think about this, if someone you know in your life is at the same place and isn't moving forward and going some place then they aren't helping themselves and they definitely aren't helping you. Remember this always, anyone who is not helping you and adding to your life and trying to help you get to the next level then they are using you and holding you back. They are stumbling blocks and are keeping you from moving forward yourself.
Another way to put this is if you know someone who hasn't moved forward for years and years they are still the same and still doing the same. Then they aren't doing anything to better themselves. If you help them and let them continue in their lifestyle never changing and never moving forward, then they are using you as a crutch and you are enabling them to never change. This is a very detrimental relationship and needs to be ended. Please if you have a bad friendship or relationship like the ones I described here...please do me a favor and realize that you must let them go, They are not your friends and they are only trying existing on your charity and using your kindness for weakness. Please be wary and don't get caught like I did and have to learn this the hard way. A friend is someone who has your best interest at heart. They are there when you need them and are supportive and caring. They give just as much as they take and are always willing to build and grow with you.
I know that this sounds like a simple thing, but trust me there are people out there that fall victim to this all the time, and because they are inside the situation they cannot see that they are being used and being hurt by the people claiming to be their friends.
So here in recap if a person or relationship is not benefiting you and them and you both are not moving forward toward the next station in life then you must be strong and steadfast in your resolve cut the friendship and move on by yourself.
As always give me your thoughts and feedback. Let me know if there is a topic you would like to discuss.
Uncle B
An example of this can be seen from my last attempt to live in Atlanta. I moved there but had 2 friends that had once lived with me before when I lived in Atlanta previously, yet before I relocated back to Atlanta I had spoken with both of them and both guaranteed me that they would get a job with in 2 weeks of coming there. We spoke constantly and laid out ground rules..these rules were agreed to but to my dismay neither one ended up getting a job after being at my apartment for three months, and none of the rules were adhered too. One did help with keeping the kitchen clean but the other one never wanted to do anything complained when I told him he needed to get a job or go to school or do something. He would get irate and start yelling at me and then nothing ever changed.
It got to the point that after 8 months they were both still living with me and I was paying for everything. I was beginning to feel distinctly used. I actually didn't know what to do at this point. They wouldn't work, had no money to help, stole my car, damage it and I had to pay to get it fixed and the bills kept getting higher and higher. What eventually happened is that I couldn't cover the bills and the apartment complex evicted us. I ended up loosing everything including my two dogs, and my car and everything that was in the apartment.
But I learned something that has become the foundation for most of my writings so far. That sometimes if you really care about someone you have to be stern and say no, you must stop, cease, remain strong and steadfast. In other words you must demonstrate what is know as tough love. This means that you must not shirk from confrontation you must embrace it and confident that you are in the right. Now, what I mean by this is if you realize that someone is using you and not helping themselves then they need to be cut loose. You must let them go. If you continue to help them when they aren't helping themselves or even doing their own part to move forward in some way then it is in your best interest to let them go. Someone sent me a picture that says "If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account."
This is exactly what I have been trying to tell you in this entry. But more than that I want you to think about this, if someone you know in your life is at the same place and isn't moving forward and going some place then they aren't helping themselves and they definitely aren't helping you. Remember this always, anyone who is not helping you and adding to your life and trying to help you get to the next level then they are using you and holding you back. They are stumbling blocks and are keeping you from moving forward yourself.
Another way to put this is if you know someone who hasn't moved forward for years and years they are still the same and still doing the same. Then they aren't doing anything to better themselves. If you help them and let them continue in their lifestyle never changing and never moving forward, then they are using you as a crutch and you are enabling them to never change. This is a very detrimental relationship and needs to be ended. Please if you have a bad friendship or relationship like the ones I described here...please do me a favor and realize that you must let them go, They are not your friends and they are only trying existing on your charity and using your kindness for weakness. Please be wary and don't get caught like I did and have to learn this the hard way. A friend is someone who has your best interest at heart. They are there when you need them and are supportive and caring. They give just as much as they take and are always willing to build and grow with you.
I know that this sounds like a simple thing, but trust me there are people out there that fall victim to this all the time, and because they are inside the situation they cannot see that they are being used and being hurt by the people claiming to be their friends.
So here in recap if a person or relationship is not benefiting you and them and you both are not moving forward toward the next station in life then you must be strong and steadfast in your resolve cut the friendship and move on by yourself.
As always give me your thoughts and feedback. Let me know if there is a topic you would like to discuss.
Uncle B
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)