Well 2016 is well underway and we have all made it through the first month and a half and seem to still be chugging along. For now that is! Just when you think things can't get any worse something creeps up from the shadows of the past and hits you squarely in the head.
The past 5 years haven't been very kind to me or my health and I am always surprised when I think I have something licked and it turns out to just be a recurring item in my bizarre and strange world. I have known for a very long time that my body has a different notion of living than my mind does. My mind doesn't seem to think that there is anything wrong with me physically and my body seems to take pleasure in revealing at the most in appropriate times that the mind is lying to me. It seems almost like a dream now that I suffered from near catastrophic paralysis just 2 years ago when my spinal column was invaded by a nasty bacterial infection. Oh I made it through that lovely situation by living in a nursing home/rehabilitation center, months and months of therapy and intravenous drugs and slowly I recovered. Not fully, my strength never seemed to come back from that and the pain in my spine has never really gone away.
But nothing had prepared me for the news that I received this morning. Nothing could have at all!!
For those of you my faithful friends and followers that have been going through this journey with me you will see that no matter how many things change in ones life, there are just as many things that remain the same. When I got sick with my back trouble in 2014 my mother was going through something very similar. I got better, I can still walk and use my legs and my spine seems to be fusing at right locations to eventually lead to a full recovery. My mother on the other hand wasn't so lucky her doctors operated where my did not. My mother never walked out of that hospital, she was irreversibly paralyzed from the waist down. Damage to her spinal cord has made it impossible for her to walk and has dramatically changed her life. Tuesday she was supposed to go to the doctors about pain that she had been experiencing in her feet and she was hospitalized all over again. I found out this morning when I called her that she is also suffering acute renal failure, something that I am all too familiar with. Since I suffer from it constantly since my initial colon surgery in 2005. Yet, this was not the only thing that my mother was told she was told that the infection in her back is back and that she also has a lump in her breast which appears to be at this point cancerous. Now, please understand that I have known that my mother was experiencing problems that I could not even begin to imagine, but somehow I have always thought that my parents were invincible and that I would be the one that would leave the earth before them. Now, I am not so sure of that anymore and I am scared and worried about my mother.
But that wasn't all the news that I received today that has given me pause and the need to reflect. See the results of my test have come back as well and what I thought was just a benign growth on my right kidney has turned out to be a whole other creature indeed. This morning I was told in no uncertain terms that I need to have surgery that the tumor has grown vastly in just a few months time and now cancer threatens my entire core being once again. Funny just a few short months ago I was given a totally different outlook on my health and wellbeing by the very same doctors that are now telling me that my situation has turned from serious to grave.
Funny using that word to describe a state for which I have been preparing for since 1991. Since June of 1991 I have known that my health had taken a turn for the serious and that I would forever after have a complicated life ahead of me. But the Grace of God has seen fit to give me a pass for a very long time and has allowed me to share my life with many people that would have never had the chance to get to know me had I died all those years ago. Life hasn't been easy and at times I have feared for it, yet somehow I knew that my time and usefulness hadn't come to end. I felt that there were many things that I needed to do and say before I could finish what I had started here on Earth with my birth. So when the doctors told me this news that they were going to have to go in and despite them repeatedly telling me that I would not endure any more surgeries that my body had gone through enough and simply couldn't recover. What am I supposed to think and do now?
I do not fear death as I thought I might, I just don't feel like dying, I am selfish I guess because I want to live. I want to accomplish a few more things before I have to say good bye to this world. However, with the doctors not giving me much hope on this front anymore, I am just wondering how I am going to tell all the people that I love and who love me that I may not be seeing them anymore. I have lost so many people along the way to this point in my life. People who I felt deserved a more full and better life than I did. Yet, for whatever reason God chose them to come home and left me here to carry on. I knew in the back of my mind that things weren't right and that I probably wouldn't make it to my 50th birthday, but I thought as we all do that I would have more time. I am not afraid for myself, because I know that I am about to start a new adventure in a totally different way, I am scared for you those I leave behind in this world that has gone crazy, where total direction and certainty of our entire nation is left in the balance of chance and fate. This election year is shaping up in the most uncanny way, people don't recall history very well at all...Barry Goldwater entered into an election that was rudimentary and fundamentally the same as what is happening now. Untraconservative and Socialist squaring off. Both sides of the parties one so far right and the other so far left are going to cause such an unstable rift in our political landscape that our Nation will not recover fully from it this time.
The world is changing, governments have come and gone and yet the same old bigotry, hate and intolerance survives in the world. I have tried my entire life to bring hope and joy to those around me. I was successful a great many of those times, but there have been other times when I have failed utterly and miserably. I take what I have and what I have been given and I give without failing to those I see in need. My help is never enough but it is always on time. I am leaving this world without a legacy, I don't know who will be crazy enough to give as much as I do, so I don't know what is going to happen from here forward. All I know is that I still love each and everyone of you, there are others with my family name that will carry forth that love after I am gone. They don't know you, and some have never met me, I am sure they all know of me and who I am, but I have lived a life of my own choosing and I know that my death is going to come before any of us are prepared. I just know that time is running out and the my race is no longer important.
So in a flash just like that branch of the family tree that I am apart of seems to be about to disappear shortly and irrevocably forever.
To the rest of the Zepp clan, I stand in awe and amazement of where and how we all started and I am thankful that I was apart of your family. Many of you have accomplished some very amazing things and have overcome so much hardship and turmoil to get to where you are today. But you all have become successful in all your endeavors and have created something that is going to last way after you are gone. I unfortunately was not so lucky, there are many that will remember me in there hearts and minds fondly. But my choices and path have left no one and nothing. I have no children, I only have you my family and I hope that you remember me as I was a kind and gentle person who loved to help others.
I may not make it through the surgery and the treatments that are coming faster than a speeding bullet. My mother might not make it through her treatments and surgeries that are heading her way. So we are preparing you, making sure you are ready to LIVE! Because life is a banquet and there are too many people starving out there. So be true to yourselves and love each other and go forth into the world and make a difference.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you.
Uncle B
Showing posts with label closure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label closure. Show all posts
Friday, February 19, 2016
Friday, April 24, 2015
Unresolved feelings can lead to bitterness and resentment
We may have talked about this before, and if we did, I believe that it is time for a refresher. I went to my psychiatrist this morning and we talked about quite a few items. One was the fact that I am suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that I could use some more counseling to help me deal with the issues surrounding that. I also expressed to her that I had a desire to work on relationships, boundaries, and better interpersonal skills, specifically in the area of being a better judge of character.
During our conversation, we discussed the importance of forgiveness, and the releasing of our inner feelings. Because none of us is perfect and can never hope to achieve perfection, we have to settle for being just a work in progress. I mentioned to her that I learned over the past couple of years that forgiveness isn't for the other person it is for us. It gives us a sense of closure and helps us release the feelings that we had been harboring towards that person. Unresolved feelings that we harbor towards another can lead to resentment, anger and bitterness towards that person. If you cannot release and let go of what was bothering you, can you honestly move forward? Can you talk to the person civilly or will there be outburst of some sort?
I have learned over and over again that if you are wanting to change something you have to learn how to release the burdens, problems, pain and anger that might be holding you back. It is true that we all come with baggage, but how we cope with that baggage determines our ability to move forward. Remember that you have to let go of the past in order to move forward. Therefore, when you release the past you must release all the pent-up emotions that go with the incident. Yet, once again in order for you to achieve this you have to start with yourself.
All change must start with yourself, forgiveness starts from with-in, and if you don't release the feelings that reside in you at the same time, you could start to get bitter and develop resentment, which left unchecked could turn into hate. Like I discussed with you in another article bottling up your emotions causes undue stress in your life, You could blow up at the least little thing and at the wrong person. I also told you that it is impossible to move forward if we hold on to the baggage of the past. You cannot carry anything new if you have all the old stuff hanging around you.
Let me give you a real life example of what I am trying to explain to you about moving forward. Let's say you are on a date with someone. If you talk exclusively about your last relationship the person you on a date with probably will think that you aren't over your ex and aren't ready to move on. See, you haven't let go, or resolved your past, and therefore you cannot move forward, your hands are still full. Once you can find closure with the trauma of the past, you must still deal with the emotions that thinking about the issues bring up. If you don't you can never move past the place where you are at.
If you learn to let go of the small things and just focus on the big ones you might be able to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of life. No one said that it was going to be easy, that you wouldn't have to work hard to make it through? If you worry about every little thing that creeps up in your life you will never have the chance to move forward, and you will soon become frustrated and willing to give up and surrender, and my motto is never give up, never surrender! I also believe that we cherish and adore the things that we had to work the hardest for,
Remember that nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could. All this means is that without hard work and dedication nothing can be accomplished, because we have to put forth some type of effort in order for you to collect a return. The formula actually works out like this mathematically effort x work = positive return.
So my dear readers, you must let go of the past to take that step forward, and you must forgive those who have done you wrong and hurt you, you must forgive yourself and gain the closure you need to move on, and release those burdens of the past so that you can receive the new blessings that are coming your way. Remember you can't move forward with your hands full of your past deeds. Gaining the closure that you need to move on is the hardest thing in the world to achieve, however as I have found if you can forgive yourself and those around you that have caused you the pain, those cares and problems fall away like they never existed. A feeling of total peace will come over you and you will have the strength you need to move on.
Remember always that my hopes and dreams are with you, so take care of yourself and we will see each other on the flip side.
Uncle B
During our conversation, we discussed the importance of forgiveness, and the releasing of our inner feelings. Because none of us is perfect and can never hope to achieve perfection, we have to settle for being just a work in progress. I mentioned to her that I learned over the past couple of years that forgiveness isn't for the other person it is for us. It gives us a sense of closure and helps us release the feelings that we had been harboring towards that person. Unresolved feelings that we harbor towards another can lead to resentment, anger and bitterness towards that person. If you cannot release and let go of what was bothering you, can you honestly move forward? Can you talk to the person civilly or will there be outburst of some sort?
I have learned over and over again that if you are wanting to change something you have to learn how to release the burdens, problems, pain and anger that might be holding you back. It is true that we all come with baggage, but how we cope with that baggage determines our ability to move forward. Remember that you have to let go of the past in order to move forward. Therefore, when you release the past you must release all the pent-up emotions that go with the incident. Yet, once again in order for you to achieve this you have to start with yourself.
All change must start with yourself, forgiveness starts from with-in, and if you don't release the feelings that reside in you at the same time, you could start to get bitter and develop resentment, which left unchecked could turn into hate. Like I discussed with you in another article bottling up your emotions causes undue stress in your life, You could blow up at the least little thing and at the wrong person. I also told you that it is impossible to move forward if we hold on to the baggage of the past. You cannot carry anything new if you have all the old stuff hanging around you.
Let me give you a real life example of what I am trying to explain to you about moving forward. Let's say you are on a date with someone. If you talk exclusively about your last relationship the person you on a date with probably will think that you aren't over your ex and aren't ready to move on. See, you haven't let go, or resolved your past, and therefore you cannot move forward, your hands are still full. Once you can find closure with the trauma of the past, you must still deal with the emotions that thinking about the issues bring up. If you don't you can never move past the place where you are at.
If you learn to let go of the small things and just focus on the big ones you might be able to successfully navigate the treacherous waters of life. No one said that it was going to be easy, that you wouldn't have to work hard to make it through? If you worry about every little thing that creeps up in your life you will never have the chance to move forward, and you will soon become frustrated and willing to give up and surrender, and my motto is never give up, never surrender! I also believe that we cherish and adore the things that we had to work the hardest for,
Remember that nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could. All this means is that without hard work and dedication nothing can be accomplished, because we have to put forth some type of effort in order for you to collect a return. The formula actually works out like this mathematically effort x work = positive return.
So my dear readers, you must let go of the past to take that step forward, and you must forgive those who have done you wrong and hurt you, you must forgive yourself and gain the closure you need to move on, and release those burdens of the past so that you can receive the new blessings that are coming your way. Remember you can't move forward with your hands full of your past deeds. Gaining the closure that you need to move on is the hardest thing in the world to achieve, however as I have found if you can forgive yourself and those around you that have caused you the pain, those cares and problems fall away like they never existed. A feeling of total peace will come over you and you will have the strength you need to move on.
Remember always that my hopes and dreams are with you, so take care of yourself and we will see each other on the flip side.
Uncle B
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Moving forward and letting go! (it can be really hard)
Life is in constant motion, and waits for no one. You don't know the day or hour that it might all come to an end. So, how do you move forward and let go of the past? The answer is not as simple as you might think. History is a bitch, and can cause many problems as you try to sort out your life and take your next steps. I find that 2015 is going to be all about is all about me and my dream. I can't sit back and let the past overtake me again. I have to keep my head up and keep going forward. I can't let anything pull me backwards. Too often my life has been mired down in drama, some of my own creation, most not. As one boyfriend once stated "Bryan it isn't you it is all that extra". At the time I had no idea what he was talking about, but I have seen first hand through the first part of January just how I attract and keep drama close. I have the penchant and desire to try and rescue everyone in my life. I can't do that, I really can't even take care of myself at the present time. So how in the world can I help someone else? The long and the short of it is I can't. So instead of crying over my past actions, I have had to make changes in my life and the people that I hang out with. I am even contemplating changing my location again. I am not real happy where I am at in life. But I know that I am where I am supposed to be at the moment, I just can't help feeling that there is a major change brewing on the horizon, and that it is going to change everything about me and the way that I view life.
It took the loss of a dear friend this past week to pull my head out of the sand and look at the situation I have found myself in. See, I created the environment and made some poor decisions. Which for those of you that know me you know that this is nothing new for me. I have a tendency to push those that love me and want the best for me away and attract the ones that harbor ill interests. But, from my many conversations with Mary Benefield about my relationship issues and the trials that I have found myself in over the past year. I keep hearing her words over and over in my head "Bryan you can't choose who you fall in love with, but you certainly don't have to take the abuse and you have to cut your losses and let go." I finally did that when he left me in April I was devastated but it was my friend Mary that put things into perspective for me she said " you were on an emotional roller coaster and have cried and been hurt so many times, maybe you need to give someone else a chance." I am amazed at how astute her observations were and how well she had read the situation. Because once I stopped caring and took the first step forward, it became easier. Now, as the months have climbed and he has been away, I have finally found someone that has a mutual respect for me. We are closer in age and have so much in common. But, the circumstances under which we met and found ourselves in currently sure is something to write about another time.
It is funny how life bring people in and out of our lives at just the right moment. You know that there just has to be a cosmic hand guiding the choreography of our lives. I can't believe that chance brought you too me. No, I think it was God that planned this a long time before I was born. He knew the trials and fires that I would have to go through that honed and tempered me into the steel that I am today. The heat of the fires have cleansed the impurities from my life and have left sparkling shining steel. Life is a series of adventures, but remember adventures takes us on a circuitous route. When fate intervenes we are taken directly where we need to be. I think that today has been a day of learning and exploration for me. I am sitting with tear filled eyes thinking of my friend Mary, but I know she wouldn't want me to hurt. She would want me to be happy and use my head. So that is what I am doing. I am putting down what I am feeling and thinking about.
Sometimes the past just needs to stay where it is. It can only complicate things and cloud the future if you let it. So let go. Move forward and move onward. I have reached a conclusion this evening when my ex and his new boyfriend phoned and said that they wanted to come and see me. That they want to be my friend. But why now, what is the purpose of the visit? Why did the boyfriend have to ask me if I thought I would be uncomfortable? Something in this is just not adding up for me. So I am going to have to tell them that now is not the time to come. I am not sure why but I have a feeling that if I let them come all sorts of drama from my past is going to come flying up in my face. I think it is best to leave lying dogs lie right?
Mary would tell me that I am stupid, that I haven't thought this through and that I should tell them not to come. The person that I am seeing now has pretty much told me that he isn't down with the drama and that he doesn't feel comfortable with me meeting them without him here with me. See, sometimes you just have to have closure and once you have it you have to let go and move on. You can't be the friend that you were in the past and you don't honestly know how your emotions and feeling are going to react when you are in a situation like this. I am in agreement that I should pass on this visit for now. That I need more time I remember the pain, and the hurt that was caused when the ex left, do I really want to remove the light layer of skin that has finally covered that wound?
You can't take a step forward if you are tied to your past. There has to be a point in your life when you just let go and move on. You let those that left you behind sail on their own way because you have made it through the wilderness and you have made it to the other side. I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would want to cling to their past. I analyzed my own past and realized that it was my own fear of rejection that was holding me in a state of perpetual hibernation and stagnation. I couldn't move forward or backward because I didn't accept myself for the person I am or have become. I was dependent on the images that others had of me. Now for the first time I am seeing the man staring back at me in the mirror and I do understand that in order for me to move forward I have to have complete acceptance of myself and what has become of me. I have to be comfortable in my own skin. I have to love myself and I have to embrace my uniqueness and as Mary would say "embrace your Awesomeness".
It is true each of is unique, we are awesome and have a story that makes us unique. We are an art piece that is coming together under the masters hands and we have to trust that He knows what He is doing. We are being molded, melded and formed for a specific task and everything that we have come through and endured have made it possible for us to be strong in the face of the odds arrayed against us. We are never alone in this world and nothing is beyond our reach and grasp if we embrace and accept ourselves for who we are. Understand and accept your limitations, disabilities and abilities. Take each new day and learn something new from it. For when you learn something new and share it with others it helps you move along the road of life.
No matter what you think or believe no relationship is painless and it won't last forever. True that love never dies truly, that there will always be some sort of feeling there for you, but you can move on when it ends. You can find someone new. Even if you were like my grandparents and endured a relationship for over 50 years. My grandmother died before my grandfather and left him alone. So even in a perfect world nothing lasts forever and nothing is permanent and if you take the chance to love, realize that eventually you are going to feel pain. Everything ends, everything has it season and then it is over. Life doesn't wait for anyone, get on and hold on tight because it is going to be a long and bumpy road with lots of obstacles, hurdles and pitfalls. But just wait till you get through you are going to be a unique piece of artwork, priceless and precious.
Let go of your past, it is holding you back. Embrace your fears, let go of your guilt. Accept that life is challenging and that you are learning new lessons every day. Keep in your mind always that this too shall pass, and you will be okay. Release, take that step, it is never to late for you to change and it is never too late to start over. Many of us have done it plenty of times. Each time we have started over the blessings of letting God have the reigns of your life and lead you is so rewarding you forget about the pain and fears and see only the positive blessings that are flowing your way.
2015 is a year of change, embrace it, jump on and hold on for dear life, because you are in for a journey and you never know where you are going to end up till this cycle is done. I honestly believe that life comes at us in a series of cycles and at the end of each cycle if we take stock of where we started and where we are at the end a great distance has been traveled and many lessons have been learned along the way.
So, I want you to take away something from this entry. I want you to realize that rebirth, renewal and strength are gained by the many trials you have faced and come through. Nothing last forever, nothing ever could. Life, love, happiness and hope are found within yourself and no where else. Complete and total acceptance of yourself is required for you to move onward and upward and when everything is said and done and your life has finally come to an end. You will know in your heart just truly how precious and priceless you really were and that so many lives were touched by your passing that you couldn't have ever guessed. It all starts and ends with you. Let go take that first step. It will be hard but I know you can do it. Embrace your own Awesomeness and let no man hold you down again.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you!
Uncle B
It took the loss of a dear friend this past week to pull my head out of the sand and look at the situation I have found myself in. See, I created the environment and made some poor decisions. Which for those of you that know me you know that this is nothing new for me. I have a tendency to push those that love me and want the best for me away and attract the ones that harbor ill interests. But, from my many conversations with Mary Benefield about my relationship issues and the trials that I have found myself in over the past year. I keep hearing her words over and over in my head "Bryan you can't choose who you fall in love with, but you certainly don't have to take the abuse and you have to cut your losses and let go." I finally did that when he left me in April I was devastated but it was my friend Mary that put things into perspective for me she said " you were on an emotional roller coaster and have cried and been hurt so many times, maybe you need to give someone else a chance." I am amazed at how astute her observations were and how well she had read the situation. Because once I stopped caring and took the first step forward, it became easier. Now, as the months have climbed and he has been away, I have finally found someone that has a mutual respect for me. We are closer in age and have so much in common. But, the circumstances under which we met and found ourselves in currently sure is something to write about another time.
It is funny how life bring people in and out of our lives at just the right moment. You know that there just has to be a cosmic hand guiding the choreography of our lives. I can't believe that chance brought you too me. No, I think it was God that planned this a long time before I was born. He knew the trials and fires that I would have to go through that honed and tempered me into the steel that I am today. The heat of the fires have cleansed the impurities from my life and have left sparkling shining steel. Life is a series of adventures, but remember adventures takes us on a circuitous route. When fate intervenes we are taken directly where we need to be. I think that today has been a day of learning and exploration for me. I am sitting with tear filled eyes thinking of my friend Mary, but I know she wouldn't want me to hurt. She would want me to be happy and use my head. So that is what I am doing. I am putting down what I am feeling and thinking about.
Sometimes the past just needs to stay where it is. It can only complicate things and cloud the future if you let it. So let go. Move forward and move onward. I have reached a conclusion this evening when my ex and his new boyfriend phoned and said that they wanted to come and see me. That they want to be my friend. But why now, what is the purpose of the visit? Why did the boyfriend have to ask me if I thought I would be uncomfortable? Something in this is just not adding up for me. So I am going to have to tell them that now is not the time to come. I am not sure why but I have a feeling that if I let them come all sorts of drama from my past is going to come flying up in my face. I think it is best to leave lying dogs lie right?
Mary would tell me that I am stupid, that I haven't thought this through and that I should tell them not to come. The person that I am seeing now has pretty much told me that he isn't down with the drama and that he doesn't feel comfortable with me meeting them without him here with me. See, sometimes you just have to have closure and once you have it you have to let go and move on. You can't be the friend that you were in the past and you don't honestly know how your emotions and feeling are going to react when you are in a situation like this. I am in agreement that I should pass on this visit for now. That I need more time I remember the pain, and the hurt that was caused when the ex left, do I really want to remove the light layer of skin that has finally covered that wound?
You can't take a step forward if you are tied to your past. There has to be a point in your life when you just let go and move on. You let those that left you behind sail on their own way because you have made it through the wilderness and you have made it to the other side. I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would want to cling to their past. I analyzed my own past and realized that it was my own fear of rejection that was holding me in a state of perpetual hibernation and stagnation. I couldn't move forward or backward because I didn't accept myself for the person I am or have become. I was dependent on the images that others had of me. Now for the first time I am seeing the man staring back at me in the mirror and I do understand that in order for me to move forward I have to have complete acceptance of myself and what has become of me. I have to be comfortable in my own skin. I have to love myself and I have to embrace my uniqueness and as Mary would say "embrace your Awesomeness".
It is true each of is unique, we are awesome and have a story that makes us unique. We are an art piece that is coming together under the masters hands and we have to trust that He knows what He is doing. We are being molded, melded and formed for a specific task and everything that we have come through and endured have made it possible for us to be strong in the face of the odds arrayed against us. We are never alone in this world and nothing is beyond our reach and grasp if we embrace and accept ourselves for who we are. Understand and accept your limitations, disabilities and abilities. Take each new day and learn something new from it. For when you learn something new and share it with others it helps you move along the road of life.
No matter what you think or believe no relationship is painless and it won't last forever. True that love never dies truly, that there will always be some sort of feeling there for you, but you can move on when it ends. You can find someone new. Even if you were like my grandparents and endured a relationship for over 50 years. My grandmother died before my grandfather and left him alone. So even in a perfect world nothing lasts forever and nothing is permanent and if you take the chance to love, realize that eventually you are going to feel pain. Everything ends, everything has it season and then it is over. Life doesn't wait for anyone, get on and hold on tight because it is going to be a long and bumpy road with lots of obstacles, hurdles and pitfalls. But just wait till you get through you are going to be a unique piece of artwork, priceless and precious.
Let go of your past, it is holding you back. Embrace your fears, let go of your guilt. Accept that life is challenging and that you are learning new lessons every day. Keep in your mind always that this too shall pass, and you will be okay. Release, take that step, it is never to late for you to change and it is never too late to start over. Many of us have done it plenty of times. Each time we have started over the blessings of letting God have the reigns of your life and lead you is so rewarding you forget about the pain and fears and see only the positive blessings that are flowing your way.
2015 is a year of change, embrace it, jump on and hold on for dear life, because you are in for a journey and you never know where you are going to end up till this cycle is done. I honestly believe that life comes at us in a series of cycles and at the end of each cycle if we take stock of where we started and where we are at the end a great distance has been traveled and many lessons have been learned along the way.
So, I want you to take away something from this entry. I want you to realize that rebirth, renewal and strength are gained by the many trials you have faced and come through. Nothing last forever, nothing ever could. Life, love, happiness and hope are found within yourself and no where else. Complete and total acceptance of yourself is required for you to move onward and upward and when everything is said and done and your life has finally come to an end. You will know in your heart just truly how precious and priceless you really were and that so many lives were touched by your passing that you couldn't have ever guessed. It all starts and ends with you. Let go take that first step. It will be hard but I know you can do it. Embrace your own Awesomeness and let no man hold you down again.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you!
Uncle B
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Remorse and Regret Can Be Overcome By Helping Others!
Do you feel remorse and regret for an situation or action that occurred but there is no way you can go back and make it up to the person that was hurt? Do you suffer from guilt and anxiety over not being able to make it up to the person that was hurt? If you do, then I want you to try something, now this is not an original idea I got it from the movie "Pay It Forward" but I think it is an excellent way to help you deal with those feelings and maybe in some small way get the closure you need to let those emotions go finally. Because trust me when I tell you, if there is nothing you can do, and you can't actually find or get in touch with the person who you have wronged or hurt, then those emotions are useless and are only holding you back and hurting you. With that in mind if there is a way that you can get in touch with the other person, then I think you should contact them and tell them that you are sorry, give them a heartfelt apology and let those feeling finally move on. Don't try to reopen the wounds by giving a halfhearted apology with excuses and rationalizations attached, because that is just going to make the situation much worse. You would have been better off just living with the guilt, remorse, regret and anxiety.
Each of us searches for closure for all painful things in our lives. Sometimes it is because a relationship went horribly wrong, and both of you got hurt, or if there was some kind of altercation in your life and you parted friends with someone and ugly hateful words were said, or heaven forbid some sort of accident occurred and someone was seriously injured or hurt. Maybe a parent or loved one died and you had a fight and never got the chance to make up or they died suddenly and you never got the chance to say goodbye, whatever the reason, it is true there are times when we need closure but can't find it or get it for whatever the reason. When this happens feelings of regret and remorse can overwhelm us, followed closely by guilt and anxiety, which if left untreated, can lead to severe depression.
Closure is a way of moving past those old hurts and pains and move forward, either with the person or without. Sometimes closure brings answers to unanswered questions or provides explanations for why certain things happened as they did. However, as I have said earlier sometimes closure isn't possible for one reason or another. Sometimes closure can occur over time, however the questions still remain. One thing is for sure that if you cannot find or talk to the other person closure may or may not be possible. Sometimes asking for forgiveness or apologizing brings closure and sometimes it doesn't. But, I want you to keep in mind that forgiveness is for you and you alone, even if someone does say that they forgive you, it doesn't really help them out. It is for you. You are the one that is going to feel better in the end. However, just like with closure and moving on, forgiveness may not be able to be had.
But there might be a way for you to use the emotions of regret, remorse, guilt and anxiety to help someone else out. In other words "paying it forward", doing something to help others might actually get your mind off the issue that you are seeking closure for. Now it will not answer the questions you might have or assuage all of your feelings that you are experiencing, but it will bring you some relief. You may not be able to make it right with the person you have wronged but you can make it up to someone, and by doing that you are paying it forward, and if everyone did that the world would be a kinder and lighter place. There would be less fighting and more understanding and friendships. I for one have friends that I have known my whole life, and I take those friendships very seriously. Now I can't say that there haven't been arguments and misunderstandings. That we haven't fought and stopped talking at times for awhile, but what I can say is that no matter what the issue or the problem we eventually always come back together and work it out. If everyone did that, don't you think there would be less pain and animosity in the world.
Every time I meet a new person I enter into that relationship and cultivate it for longevity. I am not interested in just meeting you and making your acquaintance, I am interested in being a life long friend. Someone you can count on and trust. But I am also hoping to make the world a better place, and I think that by cultivating friendships and understanding how people are will go a long way toward making the world a brighter and safer and better place. My definition of friend is that I accept you as you are. I take you at face value, and I truly embrace your uniqueness and your differences and accept all of you. I can't like you and not accept you I am just not built that way. I know that the human heart has the greatest capacity for unconditional love and acceptance. It also has the greatest capacity to forgive, but once wounded it doesn't forget the pain. It can move on get past it and work through the issue, but it doesn't forget the pain or the hurt that has been done to it. As a matter of fact I was discussing this with a new friend just last night. See, I know that the human heart has the greatest capacity to love, and when it loves it loves hard, it is possible to love countless people. You love and care about your parents, your siblings and others that you have had relationships with in the past. The love you have for your family is unconditional love, no matter what they do, they are your family and you care about them and will try your best to put them first, it goes the same with your friends. Unconditional means total and uncompromising acceptance, willingness to overlook or accept and embrace their flaws as well as their virtues.
The reason why I am bringing this up is that it is the heart that allows us to move on and find closure in actions, words and deeds. They don't necessarily have to be from the person that hurt you or you were hurt by. The heart is amazing in it's ability to forgive, move on, and find closure. It also finds inspiration in the smallest things and can make you happy even in the midst of your darkest hour. With that in mind I honestly believe that by helping others that are in need might be just what you need to assuage your feelings of remorse and regret, as long as you are of pure intention and not looking for anything back in return. Trust me when I tell you the feelings of joy and satisfaction will overpower and replace the feelings of regret and remorse you were feeling. You can take a sense of pride that you are in a small way doing your part in making the world a better and safer place to live in. That you are creating an atmosphere of love, tolerance and acceptance that will continue to perpetuate through the many lives that you touch. I have told you over and over again that the you never know where a casual encounter will take you, how your reaching out you hand in friendship and caring to another, might take them. How a simple act of kindness may be all that is standing between a person and suicide. Life has a funny way of taking our efforts and making them so much more than what they started out as. Think of your act of kindness as a pebble falling into a lake, the ripples that is caused by that pebble start out small and expand the further out it travels. One simple act can affect so many more people than you ever realize.
Just remember the advice that my grandfather gave me. A man doesn't leave his mark on the world by how many possessions he has or how much money he makes, but by how many lives he touches and how many people remember him after he is gone. It is my hope that out of the thousands of people who I have helped and lives I have touched will remember me for the kindness and love that I have for them, and remember that someone once helped them when they needed it and will do the same for someone else. I have been told by several people recently that they find inspiration in me just by the way I live and how I handle dealing with all the issues and problems that I have. That statement alone proves to me that even the least deed that we do can have far reaching affects, we never know who is watching us and getting inspiration from our daily life. How many others are changed and helped by the example that demonstrate in your daily life.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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