What I mean by this is you tell me something that you want me to believe you need to have performed some kind of action to support the deed that you are telling me about. It is so easy for us to lie to ourselves and even easier to lie to one another. Take it a different way, you tell me exactly what you think I want to hear and I am suppose to believe you on the basis of your statement. However, how can I believe what you are telling me when I know you. I have been around you and I know your actions and reactions to certain situations. As a friend we learn each others habits, tricks and faces, and when someone tries to get over on you, The first thing that comes to mind is it's all a lie.
The phrase keeps coming to mind "Actions speak louder than words" and that is a universal truth. The Bible even states that God helps those that helps themselves. In order for us to show our sincerity we have to be able to show actionable proof that we did something, that we accomplished something and that we aren't just full of bull. I know it is so easy to fall into a pattern of telling others what we think they want to hear, but we are just fooling ourselves, the other person knows we are full of it and that we didn't do what we are claiming.
It is so important more now than ever to be true to yourself. By this I mean you have to be brutally honest with yourself. You have to practice every day speaking the truth and only the truth. If you can master that then you are on the right track. Your deeds and your words will reflect one another and you become a person of integrity. See integrity is something that is so important today, money is scarce, jobs are hard to find and we are all struggling in some way or another. If you are a person of integrity you live as you preach. You are a man or woman of your word. Nothing can persuade you from that path. It is important for others to know that they can trust and count on you and that is the other part of integrity.
So let me break this down to you. Integrity is practicing what we preach, being 100 percent honest with ourselves and others, as well as being someone that another person can count on and trust in. There are too many people out there that are living in half truths and lies and they are expecting the rest of the world to believe them and the lies that they are selling. These are the people that you need to avoid and keep out of your life. You are here to make a change. To be better than you were and are, and in order to do this you must remain positive, faithful and truthful. The old adage is 100 percent dead on when they say " The Truth Shall Set You Free ". Try it I am sure you are going to get used to it.
That's right I believe that each and everyone of us needs to work on this issue. That we need to train ourselves and make ourselves be truthful not only to others but to ourselves as well. It is the nature of a man to tell a lie than to risk hurting another's feelings. I know this to be true because I catch myself at this all the time and I have to remember. That I would rather someone be 100 percent honest to my face and give me 15 minutes of pain, than for me to find out the truth from someone else the truth, because my pain is going to be so much worse having to find out the truth from another source. My trust will be broken with you and once trust is broken it is so hard to build back.
What am I trying to ell you in this entry? Exactly what I said at the beginning words are just words. Words can be used for communication, they can be used to build someone or something up, they can be used to hurt, maim or injure another. But, words are just that without any action behind them. As I have told you before, the worst wounds that another can inflict are wounds caused by words. Words that are spoken in anger, haste, or to tear down or degrade another person are words that cause wounds that will never heal. Trust will be lost, hope, faith, and even self-confidence can be ultimately destroyed by the words another inflicts upon you.
Yet, I have been saying that words without action are just words and that is true. However, using words to wound are words in action, you are openly telling someone something about another, or you are taking something that was given to you in trust and throwing back at the person who entrusted you and that is both deed and action combined. Why am I telling you this? Is this something that is important? I believe it is! Unintentionally I believe that someone has maligned my character, said stuff about me to get others to think about me a certain way. Now they know that they are lying but again they are trying to please another so they say hurtful and untruthful things.
An example of this recently came into my life through a bitter conversation with another person. This person claimed that because of my illness and surgeries that my anus was sown shut and that I couldn't have sex that way, Now I know that this was said to hurt me and make me feel bad about myself, but here is the rub. I don't have to respond or acknowledge that attack because I know and understand the truth of the situation. However, for arguments sake I will clarify my situation. In the past I have had a bowel resection this is where a part of the intestine is removed the two remaining parts are then fused back together. This causes a stricture or a narrowing of the walls, Over time this narrowing becomes harder to relax and open because of scare tissue. So the truth of the matter is this I can have sex that way. But in order to relax those muscles sufficiently takes time and effort. It is not impossible at all. So you see where I am going with this? The attack on me was unfounded and was not grounded in truth, so I didn't get angry at the situation, but I knew where the faulty information came from immediately and it saddened me that they had to lie about me to make themselves feel better about themselves.
When ever someone comes at you with words, take a few minutes before responding and actually think about your response, you will find that if you do this, it will unbalance the conversation and it will allow you to reveal the truth and your actions and words will demonstrate union where the other person will not be able substantiate what they have said.
Be careful with words, especially around children. Words are powerful and can do great things or cause great harm. Always remember that if you are true to yourself and honest with yourself you will be the same with everyone else.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
-Uncle B
Showing posts with label angst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angst. Show all posts
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Ever Hear Somebody Say "I'm Grown"?
Today I have been talking about things that the younger crowd are saying. Such as "Keeping it Real", "Real Talk", "Keep it 100" and other things. But there is one that I hear a lot of people saying it, the unfortunate problem is if you are saying it, then it probably is an inaccurate statement. If you have to run around and tell someone that "I am grown dammit" then guess what you have done something that proves you aren't. Most people say things when they are confronted and they don't want to accept the blame, or are on the defensive. You telling me to mind my own business because you are grown, just proves to me that you aren't, that you are acting immature and aren't even willing to discuss whatever it is that is going on. I have been dealing with youth and slang for as long as I can remember. My nephew is 21 years old, as a matter of fact just turned it last month, he started living with me and being around me all the time when he was about 13 to 15 somewhere in there. Basically I raised him and tried to bring him up the best way that I knew how. Yes, I went through all the teen angst and rebellion, not to mention all the usual slang terminology that we are discussing today. I also raised a dear friend of mine's grandson after she passed away in 2008, he just happened to be my nephew Kodi's best friend named Bobby. Now for you that haven't put it all together, Bobby is the same Bobby that has been mentioned in some of my blog entries. He is an ex. Yes I dated him, he was 18 when we started started dating each other. Which was kind of awkward me trying to be a parent and boyfriend at the same time. Honestly, didn't turn out well.
Anyhow, back on the topic of "I'm Grown". I have come to understand and realize that anytime someone is throwing it about, means that they are in an uncomfortable position, they feel challenged and are on the defensive. Probably because you are questioning them on why they did something, or why they were acting a certain way, or doing something that you didn't quite understand. Anyone or more of these reasons could be why. Something has caused you to call them on their behavior and they are feeling vulnerable and threatened, have locked down in a defensive stance and you are probably not going to get anywhere further with them in this discussion. You are going to have to regroup yourself and try a different tactic if you really want to discuss with them the matter, because once they have locked down with I'm grown, trust me you aren't going to get any further with them.
What I want my younger readers to understand, if you really and truly are grown, you will never have to throw that out there. Your actions are going to prove to us that you are grown, and that you can handle yourself with dignity and maturity and being grown has nothing to do with it. So why do you feel you need to point out to someone that you feel you are grown and can handle whatever the situation is? Because, clearly you can't and it is obvious to those of us that are trying to help you and offer advice. Shutting down and locking out those that care about you is self-defeating and limits your ability to utilize their experience and advice to your advantage. Further, if you think you are grown and a man or woman and can handle yourself accordingly then why are we having a discussion in the first place? See your actions or behavior have brought to a point that has us worried and we are trying to help you, do the right thing by you and protect you. Trust me when I tell you everyone of us needs another person out there looking out for us, helping us or protecting us, because life is harsh, unfair and can beat you down to a breaking point. When someone is reaching out to you with compassion and concern, it is in your best favor to accept it graciously and move on.
Now, Bobby and Kodi were constantly getting into drugs and experimenting with things and drinking and partying all night, and it wasn't till both of them suffered an overdose of drugs that they understood my concern, and why I was so hard on them, and after them to cut down, be careful, to think first, etc. Bobby went into seizures and fits of unconsciousness and had to be taken away by ambulance that is how bad it had gotten. We had fought just that afternoon about his drug usage and what could happen and he told me to Fuck off he was grown and knew what he was doing. Do you know that after they pumped his stomach and gave him fluids I got a call from him, telling me how sorry and stupid he had been. That he had acted out and rebelled because he thought that he was impressing me and others by acting like he was grown. He learned a lesson but the hard way. Kodi had it a bit easier, he was sick as a dog, and ended up having to go to the hospital but didn't do near as much as Bobby had and didn't have to go through the stomach pumping and fluid flushing procedure, but both of them that night learned that just because you say it to yourself and others, doesn't actually make it so.
As we grow and mature we go through rites of passage, these are milestones that signify the departure from childhood into adulthood. You can probably look at it this way, they are the terrifying and traumatic events that transform a child into an adult, and yes that transformation and metamorphosis is usually terrifying, scary and traumatic to those going through them. Adolescence and the changes the body is going through as well as all the things your mind has to go through can be a daunting experience, and we know that it is life changing, because once a child enters puberty or adolescence they come out on the other side an adult. You can't rush these changes, you have to experience them, live through them, and learn from them. Life is all about growing up, maturing, reaching a higher level of understanding and consciousness, but it is also about being reborn, transformed and molded by our experiences and the lessons we learn along the way. Remember that I keep telling you that it is the journey that makes the person not the places they stop, because we are constantly growing and traveling, it is the path that we take that mold us and shape us into the people we are today. The places we stop and rest are way points or rest stops along in a never ending journey, they are not what defines us.
So please stop telling us you are grown, you can handle it, instead show us. Prove to us that you are an adult and a man and that you can handle the challenges life throws at you with integrity, honor and maturity, and when you do, I promise you we will stop trying to help you and protect you as much. I can't tell you that we are going to totally stop, that we are not going to keep worrying about you, or offering advice, or help along the way, we are human and we care about you. We don't want you to forget that we are there for you and are your support network, that we have had experiences you haven't yet and can possibly offer you an alternative you haven't even considered. So be patient with us as we are with you.
Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, it only gets harder from here. Enjoy being taken care of and looked after by your parents and your family. You have no idea of what bills really are or what responsibilities come with growing up. Enjoy your youth and childhood while you can, try not to be so hard on your parents and those that are trying to care for you. They just want to protect you and keep you from making the same mistakes they made, they want to save you from the pain that they went through and endured on their rite of passage. Listen to what advice they have to offer, you might be surprised at how well most of it is going to work out in your favor and will make your life so much easier. Try to be a little more open and honest with yourself and your parents, because it will make growing up that much easier for you.
If nothing else please don't tell us you're grown when clearly we can see that you aren't. Remember you won't have to tell me I will be able to see it. Because you demonstrate it in your words, thoughts, actions and reactions to each and every situation. You will be amazed at how perceptive parents and loved ones can be. They might even know you have reached adulthood before you have.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
Anyhow, back on the topic of "I'm Grown". I have come to understand and realize that anytime someone is throwing it about, means that they are in an uncomfortable position, they feel challenged and are on the defensive. Probably because you are questioning them on why they did something, or why they were acting a certain way, or doing something that you didn't quite understand. Anyone or more of these reasons could be why. Something has caused you to call them on their behavior and they are feeling vulnerable and threatened, have locked down in a defensive stance and you are probably not going to get anywhere further with them in this discussion. You are going to have to regroup yourself and try a different tactic if you really want to discuss with them the matter, because once they have locked down with I'm grown, trust me you aren't going to get any further with them.
What I want my younger readers to understand, if you really and truly are grown, you will never have to throw that out there. Your actions are going to prove to us that you are grown, and that you can handle yourself with dignity and maturity and being grown has nothing to do with it. So why do you feel you need to point out to someone that you feel you are grown and can handle whatever the situation is? Because, clearly you can't and it is obvious to those of us that are trying to help you and offer advice. Shutting down and locking out those that care about you is self-defeating and limits your ability to utilize their experience and advice to your advantage. Further, if you think you are grown and a man or woman and can handle yourself accordingly then why are we having a discussion in the first place? See your actions or behavior have brought to a point that has us worried and we are trying to help you, do the right thing by you and protect you. Trust me when I tell you everyone of us needs another person out there looking out for us, helping us or protecting us, because life is harsh, unfair and can beat you down to a breaking point. When someone is reaching out to you with compassion and concern, it is in your best favor to accept it graciously and move on.
Now, Bobby and Kodi were constantly getting into drugs and experimenting with things and drinking and partying all night, and it wasn't till both of them suffered an overdose of drugs that they understood my concern, and why I was so hard on them, and after them to cut down, be careful, to think first, etc. Bobby went into seizures and fits of unconsciousness and had to be taken away by ambulance that is how bad it had gotten. We had fought just that afternoon about his drug usage and what could happen and he told me to Fuck off he was grown and knew what he was doing. Do you know that after they pumped his stomach and gave him fluids I got a call from him, telling me how sorry and stupid he had been. That he had acted out and rebelled because he thought that he was impressing me and others by acting like he was grown. He learned a lesson but the hard way. Kodi had it a bit easier, he was sick as a dog, and ended up having to go to the hospital but didn't do near as much as Bobby had and didn't have to go through the stomach pumping and fluid flushing procedure, but both of them that night learned that just because you say it to yourself and others, doesn't actually make it so.
As we grow and mature we go through rites of passage, these are milestones that signify the departure from childhood into adulthood. You can probably look at it this way, they are the terrifying and traumatic events that transform a child into an adult, and yes that transformation and metamorphosis is usually terrifying, scary and traumatic to those going through them. Adolescence and the changes the body is going through as well as all the things your mind has to go through can be a daunting experience, and we know that it is life changing, because once a child enters puberty or adolescence they come out on the other side an adult. You can't rush these changes, you have to experience them, live through them, and learn from them. Life is all about growing up, maturing, reaching a higher level of understanding and consciousness, but it is also about being reborn, transformed and molded by our experiences and the lessons we learn along the way. Remember that I keep telling you that it is the journey that makes the person not the places they stop, because we are constantly growing and traveling, it is the path that we take that mold us and shape us into the people we are today. The places we stop and rest are way points or rest stops along in a never ending journey, they are not what defines us.
So please stop telling us you are grown, you can handle it, instead show us. Prove to us that you are an adult and a man and that you can handle the challenges life throws at you with integrity, honor and maturity, and when you do, I promise you we will stop trying to help you and protect you as much. I can't tell you that we are going to totally stop, that we are not going to keep worrying about you, or offering advice, or help along the way, we are human and we care about you. We don't want you to forget that we are there for you and are your support network, that we have had experiences you haven't yet and can possibly offer you an alternative you haven't even considered. So be patient with us as we are with you.
Don't be in such a hurry to grow up, it only gets harder from here. Enjoy being taken care of and looked after by your parents and your family. You have no idea of what bills really are or what responsibilities come with growing up. Enjoy your youth and childhood while you can, try not to be so hard on your parents and those that are trying to care for you. They just want to protect you and keep you from making the same mistakes they made, they want to save you from the pain that they went through and endured on their rite of passage. Listen to what advice they have to offer, you might be surprised at how well most of it is going to work out in your favor and will make your life so much easier. Try to be a little more open and honest with yourself and your parents, because it will make growing up that much easier for you.
If nothing else please don't tell us you're grown when clearly we can see that you aren't. Remember you won't have to tell me I will be able to see it. Because you demonstrate it in your words, thoughts, actions and reactions to each and every situation. You will be amazed at how perceptive parents and loved ones can be. They might even know you have reached adulthood before you have.
As always my hopes and dreams are with you,
Uncle B
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