Money and Happiness don't necessarily equate.

You know the happiest times in my life were the times I spent with my dad's mom, she didn't have two dimes to rub together her entire life, but there was love, warmth, acceptance and happiness to be found under her roof.  My dad's father died when he was just 8 years old, and he being the middle child of a large family, he felt the death probably more seriously than all of his other siblings. Because the 4 older ones were already on their own, and the 4 younger ones didn't understand what was happening.  But, my grandmother, did her best with what she had, and always smiled even when times had to be extremely tough for her.  Undoubtedly she was the glue that held our family together, she made sure that she spent time with all the grandchildren and great grandchildren while she was alive.  I remember that the family always spent time at her house. Her youngest son and his 3 children lived with her, as well as my cousin Eric, whose mother, committed suicide when he was just 18 months old.

I was seven when we moved away, and even though we moved from Pennsylvania to Texas, my parents did go home to visit often.  When I was in the sixth grade, my parents went on a year long vacation and my younger brother and I were sent to live with my mother's mom who lived fairly close by my other grandmother, and I would spend every weekend that I could with my dad's mom. She was born in 1895 and had lot's of stories to tell about how things had changed during her life.  My dad's mother was the first to realize I was different and told me long ago that I was special and that I had a gift of joy and love to share with the world, that I should not let my parents or anyone deter me from sharing my gifts.

I joined the Navy right out of high school, and after boot camp and A school, I was transferred to the U.S.S. Wisconsin (BB-64) the last of the Great Battleships. We spent a great deal of time in the shipyards getting her ready for recommissioning. Some of the time we were in Pascagoula, MS and the other part of the time we were in the Naval Shipyard in Philadelphia.  It was then that I spent every weekend visiting my grandparents, splitting the time between both of them, and my mother's sister at the same time.  It was during these visits that I began to notice how different one side of my family was compared to the other side.  See, my parents fought all the time, were physically and mentally abusive compared to what parents are today. My parents had moved away to follow their dreams, and in a sense made it.  Back then my father was making good money about 50 to 60k a year, and my mother's family had always had money.

Now, to understand the contrast between the two sides of my family you have to understand that there was love, a sense of family and togetherness on my father's side that wasn't found on my mother's side.  My dad's mom pulled the family together, kept them together, and spent time with her children and grandchildren.  Even though she lived and supported a bigger family of 6 or more on her widows pension, she was always surrounded by family and love.  My mom's side of the family there were never any real close ties or bonds, my mother and her sister were close, but there was 17 years difference between my mother and her brother, where there were only 2 years difference between her and her sister.  My mom's parents bickered and often fought, yet there was a gulf separating them.  It didn't matter how successful my parents were or my aunt was there just didn't seem to be the same kind of love and warmth that was shown on my dad's side of the family.

Now, I do believe that my mom's parents love each other and their family, it was just shown differently, my mother came from a much different place than my father did.  There wasn't any want or real need on my mother's side of the family, my mom's mother never had to work, and had every comfort of life.  She did struggle with being a mother and a grandmother, and I believe that it came from being married at such a young age.  My grandfather served in the Navy during World War II and built upon his career when he got out.  Made lots of money and kept the family well insulated from the world around him. He was a remarkable man, full of energy and continued to work until his death at 80 years of age.  He never slowed down, and was frugal with his money.  When he passed away he left a great deal behind. Which caused a lot of strife between my mother and her brother who were the only ones left in my mother's family.  My grandmother had passed away in the late 80's and my aunt had died in a car accident 2 years before my grandmother.

Of course there is more to the story which helped me to come to a better understanding of life and the correlation between happiness and money.  To look into this a bit further, I would like to talk to you about my own family life, and how it comparatively contrasted my aunt's life.  See my mother and father, had made their money by working hard, my mother going to medical school and studying to be a nurse and then other things, my father worked his way up in the electronics field.  There marriage was never happy, there were constant fights and struggles, and they ended up marrying and divorcing each other 3 separate times.  Neither one could see that this was unhealthy for them, and damaging to both of them.  My aunt's life on the other hand, she had worked herself to a position high up in the insurance industry, she actually put her career before anything else, and got married later in life.  She was an executive Vice President of a large insurance firm when she met her husband who was in the toy industry.  Both of them had money when they met and married, yet over time their relationship was fraught with problems just like my parents. Now keep in mind that I had spent a great deal of time with my family the 2 years I was stationed in Philadelphia, and I got to know my aunt and uncle very well, as well as spent time with both grandmothers and my grandfather.  My aunt and uncle's way of dealing with issues was to pour money into the problem to try and make it go away. Maybe they did this hoping that by some chance the issue would just take care of itself while they focused on other things. Unfortunately, that never happened, I know that my aunt had hoped that she would be able to reconcile the differences between herself and her husband, but never got the chance because she was killed by a drunk driver.  My mother's parents never seemed to talk about anything, when my grandmother complained, my grandfather, went to work and brought in more money and also through money at the situation.

In the end all I can say is this, my parents couldn't make it work, by throwing dollars over fist at the issues that faced them, my aunt and uncle nor my grandmother or father ever did it that way either.  My parents today are not together, and have moved on with their lives apart.  An appropriate solution and they both seem so much happier.  Everybody else is dead and gone now on my mother's side, except for her and her brother, and they don't talk at all because of the money that was left by my grandfather.  This caused a rift between the two of them that even 15 years later has never been repaired.  My grandfather had decided in his will that my uncle had inherited all he was going to get while my grandfather was alive and left everything to my mother, which my uncle thought was unfair. I won't go into the details, but it was an ugly battle and my mother came out the winner in the end.

But the point I am trying to make by telling you all of this, is that money doesn't always make a family or even a person happier, it does make it easier to life and life comfortably, but it doesn't essentially mean that they have a perfect life, that there aren't problems, and certainly doesn't mean they are happy.  Yet, in contrast there seems to be a bond on my father's side of the family where struggling and need brought the family closer, there was happiness and laughter, acceptance and companionship to be found.  As I told you my dad's mother struggled to take care for her family on a widow's pension, that was meager by any sense of the word.  Constantly fraught with bills, and housing situations, they somehow made it through, and through it all there was love and a unity that cannot be explained.  I envy that side of the family really because no matter what the situation they faced it together, and overcame the obstacles and kept holding on together.

My dad's mother never swore, and as far back as I can remember looked old, but she had a fierceness about her and a driving force that made her the perfect matriarch.  She protected us all and stood up to anyone that she thought was a threat to her or the family.  One of the kids down the street that was friends with my cousin Eric, got in some sort of trouble and my grandmother chased him away, for whatever reason, and his father came down and threatened her. I was there! He had an axe handle in his hands and kept telling her that if she ever chased his son away with a broom again he would be back. Her words to him were firm and she held out her bony arm and said here, you think your man enough, break it!  You know what, he looked at her with amazement in his eyes, and turned speechless and left.  That is how strong she was, undeterred and not afraid of anything.

When I would come over as a child she would stand up for me. She knew how my parents were and she would hug me and kiss me and tell me that everything would be alright, and I knew without a doubt that she loved me and if by chance I got into some kind of trouble and my Uncle Jim was angry, Jim her youngest that lived with her till she died, she would tell him I got enough abuse and beatings at home and would keep him from punishing me.  I think about her often, and I wonder how she did it. How she kept the family together, showed love to everyone, never let anyone know the financial stress and pressure she had to have felt.  How every year she always sent $5.00 for every birthday, knowing that she couldn't spare it.  How much love must she have had to weather all those storms of life, being on her own for so long and raising her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  In my own life I have never seen so much love and dedication.  No matter how much money I have made in my life have I ever been able to experience that sort of happiness and love again.

Up until late 2008 I was making well over 100k a year, had 2 homes, at least 2 cars, 2 dogs, a cat and a solid relationship.  But like my parents before me, my relationship was full of fights and arguments, most stemming from bills and money.  It couldn't last, there wasn't the kind of peace and love in it like there was in my grandmother's world.  So, as I look back and ponder the question does money equal happiness? I would have to answer that it does not. That the issues remain the same whether you have money or not, that the secret to all of this is contentment, happiness and joy.  I now understand that if you aren't content with what you have at every moment of your life and give joy and thanks for what you have. There is no possible way that you can ever be happy.  It takes an deep understanding to see the achievements you have made and to be thankful for them.  To appreciate the people that are with you and help you to achieve them.  I want you to be blessed. I want you to be able to feel the love and joy in every moment of your life.  I want you to cherish the things that you have and be thankful for what you have achieved.  Above all else I want you to love yourself and your family. Money does make the world go round, but it doesn't buy you happiness or peace of mind. Only you can do that and it comes from within yourself.  It is not something you can chase down, achieve, or even buy.  So take a moment and be thankful for what you have and who you are with.  Love and cherish them, hug them and tell them daily how much you care for them. Life is short and before you know it, it might be too late and they are gone before you have a chance to tell them how much you love them.

I miss all my grandparents, I understand them better now, and didn't when I was younger. If I knew what I know now, I would have loved better, cherished more, and told them how much they inspired me.  But they are gone now, and it took me so long to realize what was right in front of my face the entire time.

As always my hopes and dreams are with you,

Uncle B

If we are such an enlightened society, why is there so much hatred and intolerance today?

This topic is an easy one! You see I have seen first hand and have experienced the hatred, bigotry and intolerance that society and religion have towards individuals that are different.  People who don't fit into the accepted social norm constantly find themselves the subject of ridicule, persecution, and hated.  It starts early and is promoted and fostered in the United States through the public school systems.  Some of us try to hide through-out our school years, we long to get to college where things will be different, we yearn to go up and be an adult so we don't have to feel ashamed, lonely, ridiculed and other ridiculous notions.  Some of us persevere through this and somehow pull through, others conform and fall into sync with the pressure of their peers.  Then again if you are me you make the best out of the situation and you reach out of your personal shell and start making friends and changing perceptions.

I was fortunate when I moved to Florida, my parents moved to a small town near Orlando, called Winter Park which is a small town about 5 miles outside of downtown Orlando, it is a place that is well known for old money, big houses, huge golf courses and country clubs.  Just, to give you a little more background and some insight to who I am and where I came from I will give you a brief history of myself and then go into how I made it through and where these nasty society norms came from and how they are perpetuated in today's society.  I was born in a small town outside of Philadelphia, my father came from a nominal background where his mother raised him and 8 other siblings on a widows pension.  My mother on the other hand came from a more privileged background whose parents saved, invested and had money.  Mom came from a smaller family where  her and her sister were 15 years older than their little brother who is actually only 7 years older than myself.   Okay now that you know these simple facts, my father got a job in the electronics field selling different types of computerized equipment and when I was 7 years old we left this small town and moved to Beaumont Texas.  Now back then Beaumont wasn't the town that it is today, it was a very small town 45 minutes away from Houston and seemed so far removed from society it was just like living in Pennsylvania, however today it is a huge developed community that is now considered part of Houston.  We were only there for 2 years when my father was transferred to Baton Rouge Louisiana, being the capital of Louisiana this was the first major city I lived in. Again we were only there for 2 years before we were moved once again by my fathers work to Orlando Florida where we settled.  But, one of the reasons I was able to adapt and fit in with my changing environments was that I was used to moving around and I was an avid reader and music listener.  In other words I had built myself a shell and was firmly entrenched inside it so when we moved no matter where I was I had my music and my books.  When we bought the house in Winter Park I had met 2 of the kids in the neighborhood that lived really close to me, one lived on the other side of my next door neighbor and the other lived 2 doors down from him.  So by the time school started 3 weeks later, I at least knew 2 people.

Again, as I stated before I was fortunate, and for another reason other than having experience from moving around.  The first day of school the bus driver assigned us seats, she thought this would keep down trouble and instill order on the bus.  In theory, I guess it worked a bit like that, however, it put me sharing a seat with a person who would become my best friend and the most influential person in my life.  His name was John Hope, and he broke me out of my shell turned me from an introvert to an extrovert, I went from being invisible to being one of the most visible and memorable people in both middle school and high school.  John went on to be a stand up comedian and shared his warmth and laughter with the world.  I went on to join the Navy and then on to become a scholar and teacher and specialist in technology and many other things.  My mother once told me that I was the highest educated most unemployable person she knew.  At the time I found this funny, now I realize that maybe she was right in some ways.  But let me just tell you this and then we will move further into what I have to say.  I came from a very large high school, I was considered one of the smart kids, I was labelled a teachers pet, but I also overcame all of this to be one of the most memorable members of the graduating class.  I had big chunky glasses and hair that had a mind of its own and strange. Yet, I knew everyone and everyone knew me. I had friends that were popular both and accepted but I also had friends in every other circle and click in the school.  I had become a social butterfly and that would remain part of my nature my entire life.  I was part of every group, accepted by the jocks, the cheerleaders, the nerds, the socially unacceptable and the punkers, the bad boys and every other group.  Believe it or not I was liked and remembered by each and everyone and believe it or not you will find almost everyone in my graduating class in my friends list on Facebook.

But, what has all of this to do with hatred and intolerance in today's society?  Well, I wanted to give you my background and show you that anyone can get past these things and survive peer pressure.  That anyone can make it through the name calling, ridicule and prejudices of peers and society and can use those same things that once made them an outsider and make them an insider accepted and remembered by those they interacted with growing up and through the rest of their lives.  Along my journey I have had the opportunity to study first hand many of the world's religions and experience first hand societies views on these views and sort through them, change perspectives and undo some of the damage they have done to people around me. You see the problem with our society comes from what I term as Organized Religion.  This is any denomination that boasts and claims to practice Christianity.  Now, do not get me wrong I was raised in the Church and I understand and believe the tenants that were instilled in me from childhood, but I have seen firsthand the flaws, and by having the experience while I was in the Navy to learn and view other religions of the world I was able to sort out and piece together my own eclectic view of Spirituality and embark on my own path toward enlightenment.

See, it is my firm believe that religion is man's attempt to reach God and to explain those things that they do not understand and cannot quantify by science.  They label it divine or attribute aspect of it toward a religious significance.  However, true Christianity or Spiritualism is God's attempt to reach man.  However, Christianity and organized religion somehow got off the path as preached and specified by Jesus himself.  Jesus preached acceptance and love, to honor and obey and to be fishers of men.  However, the church itself maintains and tries to enforce the 10 commandments, they cling to the old testament and miss the entire message of what Jesus was trying to tell the world.  Now, there is a reason why the churches and those of what I call organize religion cling and stick with the past and the old testament and it is plain to anyone who dares to remove their blinders and look with an open mind at the hierarchy and structure of the church today.  The old testament tells us about the casting out from the garden of eden, the subsequent enslavement of the people of Isreal and Moses dramatic leading of his people out of bondage from Egypt and delivering them to the gates of the promised land.  It also tells us where the 10 commandments came from and where they were delivered to Moses.  But for those of us who opened our eyes and see what had come about we begin to see why the commandments were necessary and how they molded and continue to influence and shape society at large today.  You see Moses had 12 tribes that were following him as they fled the pharoah and his armies, they were fractious groups and tended toward squabbling and when Moses's back was turned easily reverted to idol worship and turning away from God.  Therefore, the 10 Commandments were given to Moses to govern and rule the people, the early chapters of the Bible such as Exodus and Leviticus and Lamentations talks about the penalties and consequences of breaking these commandments and other religious views as dictated by the Levi's or the High Priests of the time.

So by telling you all of this what am I trying to tell you, every war that has been fought has been fought over the desire for an object, place, thing or difference, and cloaked under the guise of religion.  But the truth of the matter, is that religion was developed and perfected as a means to control the masses, to accumulate wealth and essentially to force society into a habit for living under the commandments and the fear of what happened to society if these commandment were broken.  This is known as salvation through the Law.  But, in the New Testament it was foretold that the covenant of the law or the covenant of Moses would be broken and salvation would be granted to us by Grace through the belief in Jesus.  Jesus like I said had a much more basic and humanistic message that spoke of love and acceptance.  Preaching to the common man and reaching out to the lost and disheartened.  So why has the church not clung to that teaching, why do they cling to the old testament and the rigid structure of the past? Why are there denominations, why do Preachers and evangelist today speak out against those that don't believe as they do? Why do they preach and teach that if you think and believe different from their views and that of their doctrine that you are going to perish and not make it to Heaven?  It is because if they let go of the old testament and embrace the tenants and teachings of Jesus, then they loose control of the masses, their coffers and collection plates would be less and they couldn't force and influence the tides of change and societal whims.  So what is all of this saying?  It is pointing out that today organized religion has become as corrupt and damaged as it once was in Jesus time, remember that Jesus spoke out against the Church leaders of the times the Sadducees and the Pharisees.  He cast out the money lenders in the temple and markets.  He dared to change the tenants of the day and speak out against the establishment.  He called each of us to do the same. He demanded and we go out and show love, acceptance, tolerance, obedience and compassion to one another and our fellow man.

Yet, here we are 2000 years later, and wars are still being fought, hatred, bigotry and intolerance are still prevalent in a society that is supposed to embrace and accept difference. Our nation was founded on the belief that each individual should have the right to choose and the freedom of choice to believe and follow the religion of their choice.  Our forefathers, had the foresight and vision to actually inscribe these things in our founding document the Constitution but look at where we are at.  Have we come any further in the 2000 years since Christ to where we are today?  Not really! Honestly, if you view organized religion with an open mind you will see what I am saying and can understand that change needs to take place or we are doomed to continue in the same vein as we have for centuries, there will still be greed, war, hatred intolerance and bigotry, there will always be outcasts and societal norms that are influenced and dictated by the church upon the populace,  Unfortunately, our forefathers saw that this trend was happening and had the vision to see that  inherent danger and tried to ensure that the church wouldn't dictate politics and influence the government.  Unfortunately, the separation of church and state which is supposed to be guaranteed and society protected by its inscription in the Constitution has successfully been circumvented and subsequently rendered effective by the advent of lobbying in our government. Ultra-conservatives and right-wing political group and fundamentalist church spend millions of dollars to influence and dictate legislature in our government today.  These laws, that are passed, the teachings that the church espouses all play into what becomes know as societal norms and dictates what is acceptable and what is not.

Why I have written all of this and what I want you to walk away from reading this with is the concept and the seed that individualism is good, acceptance is key, leadership is needed and it okay to march to the beat of your own drum.  I want you to live your life as you feel inclined too.  I want you to live outside of what society decides is the norm.  If you can achieve this you will be free from the guilt and remorse that is inflicted by society, church and our own inner beliefs. You will no longer be concerned with how others see you and what they think about you. You will become a leader, you will be a positive influence on others around you and will continue to touch and bless those lives that you come in contact with.  Even, if you don't believe in the Bible or the teaching of Christ, if you believe in another religion or creed.  If you embrace love, kindness, acceptance, tolerance, understanding, you will find that compassion for your fellow man, and society and the world will become a much better place.

So in summary, why is there so much hatred and intolerance in our enlightened society? Is simply this Religion...man's attempt to reach God and the institution that it built up and created,  Where is the solution in the true belief in the essential teachings of what I will call Spirituality or true Christianity...which is God's attempt to reach man and bridge the gap created by Original Sin as written in the old testament.  Jesus's teaching of love, acceptance and so forth are the true answer to enduring peace, freedom, and world where differences are celebrated and embraced instead of ridiculed and discriminated against.  If only we all could learn the simplest of these things you would see greater advancement in all things because the things which make us different are also the things that when brought together lead to development, creation, and invention.  Please release your belief on the old and embrace the new and celebrate living through the joy of love and compassion.  Add a sprinkle of laughter into the mix and you will see that pain, illness, will quickly dissolve and your consciousness and mind will be free from constraints and the world will become your oyster and the blessings of the Spirit will be bestowed upon you.  Or better yet they will become more evident in your daily life and walk.  Each of us are blessed continually and when we open our eyes and take the blinders of prejudice off we cannot see them or properly receive them.

As always I look for your comments and your thoughts on this and any other subject.  I want to hear from you and hope that you will join my blog as a follower.  It is easy to do, just click on the +1 button on the right hand side just under my profile to join and be a follower.  You can also write to me at bryanzepp@gmail.com and visit me on Facebook www.facebook.com/bryan_zepp2

All my hopes and dreams,

Uncle B